Need help w/death of pet book

[JJ&JSMOM]

Sorry for this morbid topic but I knew I would find some help here on the disboards. Today our beautiful 9 year old Newfoundland was diagnosed w/Degenerative Myelopathy - a disease of the spinal cord. The immune systems attacks the nerves of the spine and causes the animal to eventually lose control of their hind legs/and bodily functions. It is progressive and there is no cure. Vet thinks hes in mid to late stages.

I am hoping we have a lot more time w/Baxter then I'm reading in the information I found on the internet. But - I try to be prepared and I have 3 kids ages 1, 4 & 7 that love this dog. Our kids haven't experienced loss of a loved one. I'm sitting here next to Baxter apologizing to him that I'm writing this post - hes not gone and I'm already asking for a book to explain his death to my kids.

We've had 9 years w/Baxter (thats old for a Newf - usually live 7-10 yrs) and feel very honored to have this time w/him. I would appreciate any advice regarding a book that maybe you folks have used yourself to explain and help kids deal w/the loss of their pet. Thanks so much in advance.

Joanne

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

Awwww... I don't have any advice for you, but I wanted to say how sorry I was.

We did lose a Beagle to cancer, but my children were older and better able to understand the circumstances surrounding it.

I'm sure Baxter knows how much you love him.

 

[Colinsmom]

I'm so sorry!! We lost a Golden Retriever last year, and a chocolate Lab this year. DS1 was 2.75yo when the Golden died and almost 4 when the Lab died. He's been amazingly resilient about it; I think that your younger two will do just fine. The 7yo may have a harder time. Which book you like depends on your beliefs. We believe that dogs go to dog heaven, so we read a book called Dog Heaven. I've heard good things about Mr. Rogers' book about pet death, too.

I wish Baxter more happy, painless days. Spoil him to death, break all the rules, let him live it up. And take lots of pictures. Trust me, you'll be glad that you did.

 

[MeggyScumEsquire]

Sorry to hear about Baxter
Our library has a section for children dealing with serious issues such as illness or death in the family, divorce or sickness themselves. I'm pretty sure they had similar ones for illness/death of a pet. I'm sure if you asked a librarian they could help you find a couple.

 

[swillis]

I am so very sorry to hear about your dog's illness. I work in a veterinary hospital, and I see families struggle with this every single day.

One of the things that I have learned through my many years is that honesty is best. We have quite a few families who make up stories about what happened to their pets, in order to spare their kids the heartbreak of the terrible loss. In my experience, this usually backfires.

The death of a beloved pet is usually a child's first experience with death and how you handle it will likely affect how your children look at death in the future. Everyone has different beliefs about what happens to us when we die, and many of us think this also applies to our pets.

So whatever your family beliefs are, I would urge you to speak frankly with your kids about that when talking about your pet's illness, and his eventual passing. Many veterinarians, and veterinary technicians have extensive experience in speaking with children about terminal illnesses. If you think this may help your kids, I would urge you to have them ask the veterinary staff whatever questions that you might not feel confortable answering. (the medical stuff)

When the time does come for your dog, (and unfortunately most do not pass peacefully in their sleep, as much as we would all love that to happen) some familes want to be present, and be with their pet during euthanasia. Some families want to say their goodbyes at home, and remember his last moments surrounded by love, in his familar environment. And still some families will come into the clinic, and step out of the room while the procedure is performed, and then come back into the room once their pet has passed away.

One of the nicest things I have seen families do in memory of their pet is to plant a flowering bush or tree.

I don't know if this helps you or not. You're probably not even thinking about this stuff yet. I just wanted you to know what I have experienced.

Again, I am truely sorry. I do honestly hope that you will be conforted by the memories you have of your dog, and the unconditional love that he has given you.

 

[krismom]

Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant

 

[Hannathy]

I second the Dog Heaven book. It is a great book! even though it is about a sad subject it always makes me smile.

 

[flying_babyb]

These are the ones we reccomend to parents at our daycare center. I have personally read I will always love you and even your youngest will get it. It also covers the little boy moving on from his doggy death and I believe in hte end he gets another dog.

When a Pet Dies (Paperback) by Fred Rogers

I'll Always Love You (Paperback)
by Hans Wilhelm
PreSchool-Grade 2 In this gentle, moving story, Elfie, a dachshund, and her special boy progress happily through life together. When she is young, Elfie is full of pep and pranks; but as her master grows taller and taller, Elfie grows fatter and slower. One morning Elfie does not wake up. The family grieves and buries her, and the boy refuses a new puppy. He is not yet ready for another pet; but when he is, he will tell that one, as he told Elsie every night, "I'll always love you.".

 

[JJ&JSMOM]

Thanks for all your advice and kind words. I knew I could count on you folks. I will defintely check out the books suggested and try to go to the library or have my DH check it out. I don't do well talking about this yet.

swillis: I've been present with all my animals when we've had to put them to sleep. I just think think its the least I can do after all the love and memories they have given me - to be with them in their time of need. But thats me - I know for some its too much!

I will be sure to take lots of pictures. Trust me we already have a bunch but I need some pictures with just Baxter and me. Baxter is really a dream come true for me - since I was 8 years old I wanted a Newfie and when I turned 29 I finally got him. Baxter is a true kid magnet - all the kids in our neighborhood just love him from toddlers to teens. He still goes to the bus stop every morning and he seems to be doing fine. Newfies are wonderful animals - their strength and character are unbelievable. Sorry as I go on and on.

Thanks again I will check out these books at amazon.com and also the library. Thanks for the wishes for Baxter.

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

I also recommend The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst. Barney is actually a cat, but the book helped DD's when our lab had to be put to sleep. We have loaned the book to other friends with ill dogs and they have said it helped their children.

Our vet recommended that the girls see our dog after he died to understand he was gone. They said their goodbyes, then left the room with DH while I stayed with Shadow. Everyone came back in after he died to see him one last time.

It is such a hard time for everyone. Best wishes for your family, and I'm sorry about Baxter!

 

[kaysmommie]

Sorry your Baxter is sick. Losing a dog/ family member is the worst. I have no clue on whcih books but am reading this to see which any recommend becuase we have a 13 yo Shih Tzu. Actually she is blind and deaf and got out the other day and we went all over the neighborhood looking for her, luckily we found her on a neighbors front step looking slightly confused. DS2 left the garage door open . I love newfies BTW they are the cutest and best family dogs.

 

[NotUrsula]

I'm a librarian. Our top recommendation is always the aforementioned "The tenth good thing about Barney." It has become a classic now.

Allen Co. Indiana's Public Library has put up a list on their website; it's a pretty good one. http://www.acpl.lib.in.us/children/death_pet.html

I'm sorry about your dog. While it is always hard to have to put down a pet, I've found that it is harder still to watch them suffer.

 

[horseshowmom]

swillis: I've been present with all my animals when we've had to put them to sleep. I just think think its the least I can do after all the love and memories they have given me - to be with them in their time of need. But thats me - I know for some its too much!

I just want to share my condolences and best wishes with you as you enter your last months with your beloved pet.

Our beagle mix was diagnosed last December with liver disease. She made it a year - up until this past Sunday. We knew that day it was time. I had considered it the day before, but she was much worse on Sunday.

We also stay with them and are blessed to have a wonderful vet who genuinely has compassion for both the pet and the owners. He came out to our truck, so she didn't have to go into the office (which she always hated).

It's so hard when the time comes, but it helps knowing that you've done the best for them that you can.

 

[JJ&JSMOM]

Our beagle mix was diagnosed last December with liver disease. She made it a year - up until this past Sunday. We knew that day it was time. I had considered it the day before, but she was much worse on Sunday.

We also stay with them and are blessed to have a wonderful vet who genuinely has compassion for both the pet and the owners. He came out to our truck, so she didn't have to go into the office (which she always hated).

It's so hard when the time comes, but it helps knowing that you've done the best for them that you can.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is one of the hardest things I've had to do but the alternative is just not acceptable. I could not stand to see the suffering. Baxter loves our vet but hates the slippery floors in the office so our vet always gives Baxter his exams outside. Thanks for your words of encouragement.

 

[JJ&JSMOM]

Sorry your Baxter is sick. Losing a dog/ family member is the worst. I have no clue on whcih books but am reading this to see which any recommend becuase we have a 13 yo Shih Tzu. Actually she is blind and deaf and got out the other day and we went all over the neighborhood looking for her, luckily we found her on a neighbors front step looking slightly confused. DS2 left the garage door open . I love newfies BTW they are the cutest and best family dogs.

I'm glad you found her - she must have been scared. I've researched the books recommended by the other posters and they all are on amazon. com and perhaps at the library. Good luck to you and your family.

 

[JJ&JSMOM]

Thanks again for your well wishes and book suggestions. I wanted to reply to each one of you to thank you for sharing your family experiences w/me but unfortunately I'm not that great a typist - it would take me forever. So thanks again to all of you. Baxter thanks you too

 

[vhoffman]

Try this website www.rainbowbridge.com

its a pet loss/grief website and has many suggestions, I don't know if any of them are especially for children, but you could give it a look. I found it helpful when we lost out cat to cancer last year. It has an especially moving poem about the Rainbow Bridge that I read to my children and it seemed to help. To lose a pet is very hard, expecially at this emotional holiday season. My thoughts & prayers are with you at this especially difficult time--

oh, and try to find a Yahoo group for canine loss/grief. I found one for feline loss/grief, it was helpful just to have others to chat with going through the same thing. Go to Yahoo Groups then search for canine loss/grief, I'm sure they have one similar to the feline one. Take care...........

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My kids' kindergarten teacher gave us a copy of Dog Heaven when we lost one of our dogs. She meant it for the kids, but I think it helped me more.

I am hoping we have a lot more time w/Baxter then I'm reading in the information I found on the internet.

I know this isn't what you asked for, but I thought I'd offer it anyway since maybe you hadn't thought of it. My German Shepherd Cody had myelopathy too from arthritis of the spine. It was a shame because he was otherwise very healthy and happy. He slowly he lost his ability to walk. I'd hired a pet sitter who happened to be a physical therapist, and she asked me if we'd ever thought of "wheels" for him. We really hadn't, but I thought it was worth a look. I found this company who built us a set of custom wheels for him (there is a section on their website about degenerative myelopathy). We had them within two weeks of the therapist's suggestion. It was great to see Cody join us for daily walks and even actually run again! Just a thought if it might work for your dog.

 

[JJ&JSMOM]

My kids' kindergarten teacher gave us a copy of Dog Heaven when we lost one of our dogs. She meant it for the kids, but I think it helped me more.


I know this isn't what you asked for, but I thought I'd offer it anyway since maybe you hadn't thought of it. My German Shepherd Cody had myelopathy too from arthritis of the spine. It was a shame because he was otherwise very healthy and happy. He slowly he lost his ability to walk. I'd hired a pet sitter who happened to be a physical therapist, and she asked me if we'd ever thought of "wheels" for him. We really hadn't, but I thought it was worth a look. I found this company who built us a set of custom wheels for him (there is a section on their website about degenerative myelopathy). We had them within two weeks of the therapist's suggestion. It was great to see Cody join us for daily walks and even actually run again! Just a thought if it might work for your dog.

Thank you so much for the information. I saw some information on carts for Baxter but in his 9 years Baxter has been through so much with his hind quarters - 5 surgeries and his front legs have been used twice as hard then a normal dog for a long time. Thats primarily what gets Baxter up and around is his front leg strength for years now - having to make up for a weak hind end. I appreciate the info but I think considering Baxter's age and medical history it wouldn't work for him. 9 years old is old for a Newfie.

But I am happy it worked for Cody - he looks so happy! Its great there are other alternatives! Thanks again!

Joanne

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Cody was 13 1/2 in that picture. In his case, I wasn't looking at age, really, but the fact that he was otherwise in pretty good shape (though believe it or not, many dogs that aren't in great shape do well with the carts, they make them for all types of situations). As it turned out, he only got two months out of the cart before we had to put him to sleep. But that was ok, because he had two great months of mobility, and we have no regrets whatsoever. It's total cost was about $400 as I recall, so it wasn't completely unreasonable. One of the nice things about that company is that when you no longer need the cart, you can consign it on their website (measurements have to be similar) so at least you can get some of your money back. They were wonderful to work with, their love for animals is very evident in their work.

My kids were around your kids' age when this was going on. It turned out to be a great lesson in perserverence and compassion for them. They helped Cody around the house and were proud to hold his leash while he walked in his cart (we also had a puppy at the time but they chose to walk Cody). People would drive by and smile and do this . The principal of their school gave us permission to bring Cody in in his wheels for all the kids to see, figuring it was not unlike a child being in a wheelchair. I think it gave the kids a chance to shine.

I wish you well with Baxter. My DH has wanted a Newfie for years, so it's something we've considered (maybe when we get a bigger house, LOL). It's so difficult when our pets get older or infirm. Best wishes.