Need help please, convincing DH to be more positive...

[brandylouwho]

My hubby isn't that bad (usually) but he often reminds me that a lot of people he knows take vacations without their kids! (Up until this month I had left my 4 year old a total of 2 nights in her life & I have never left the 14 mo old overnight yet--not that I don't want a break, but I have one to really leave them with for a week while I run off to have fun). Heck, I would LOVE to have an hour or two to just lay out by the pool when I am at WDW, but I cannot do that as I have to watch the kids (ensure they don't drown!)

I think asking his input on where to go was a great idea. You might also consider going some place that has babysitting services (we went to a Beaches Resort in Jamaica & utilized their kids club for an hour here & an hour there). So you can can a nice meal/a little romance.

I guess having kids means not having alot of "me" time. But it shouldn't mean you never get to go anywhere either. It may mean thatyou need to rethink where to go & how long to go for. Maybe long weekends, within driving distance of home are more managable while the kids are young?

Good luck!

 

[TheLittleRoo]

Good point about the resorts that offer child care. I know Disney offers it too, but not for the under 4 set...

We are considering staying at Club Med in St. Lucie, FL instead of staying at WDW during free dining this year. It's a hard decision! I really believe this is the last year for free dining that includes table service, so that's making me lean towards Disney. But... Club Med has the upper hand of free dining, since every meal, alcoholic beverage, snack and room service 24 hrs a day are free during your stay! And they have kids' clubs that are both complimentary and fun. And they have tennis lessons, golf lessons, watercraft, etc. that should keep everyone busy. I have heard nothing but rave reviews from people who've been.

If we went to Club Med, we could make a day trip to Magic Kingdom since we'll have a car. It's something to consider that might give you both a little bit of what you're looking for? WDW for the kids, and adult time alone while the kids are in the kid's clubs...

Oh, and they're having a special now for $678 per adult and $333 per child age 2-3, under 2 is free but child care is for a fee. Maybe $1600 for your family + drinks and dining?!?

 

[PEANUT1]

I agree..go away alone for a short trip. If he is relaxed and happy from that, he may be more open to a kid trip. Let's face it, little kids are hard to travel with but the rewards far outweigh the struggle.

My hubby is the total oppostite. He sees no problems travelling with our kids. In fact, we have been to disney 2x and Vermont, Jersey shore all in the last 8 months. We are also doing a train ride to disney with the kids in January..(a little nervous about this one but dh thinks it will be great)

We are doing a solo trip in 70 days to BWV.....I am totally psyched!!

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

I have a coworker just like your dh. Her boys are 3 and 1 and she says travelling anywhere more than just the beach (1 hr. away) is just too much work with little ones and that's it's just not worth it. She thinks I was extremely adventurous taking ds#1 to WDW at age 3 while I was 27 wks. pregnant with ds#2. We went again when ds#2 was only 18 mos. He did end up missing quite a lot of naps and wouldn't sleep in the stroller. He was bleary-eyed by 10 am. Same coworker admitted that different family members question why hasn't she taken her kids to WDW yet. (The ones who question her all have a bit older children like 5 and 7.) She does take the older one to Sesame Place.
Honestly, when I look back now that my boys are 11 and 8, I think I was a little crazy as it is soooo much less "work" and more fun these days. At the time I felt like just b/c we have kids doesn't mean we should just stay home all the time.

We didn't cruise till my youngest was 4 and I am glad we waited. I thought that was still a bit young. I'm not into putting my kids into babysitting services since I work FT and the whole point of going on a family vacay is to have fun with the kids. We did see plenty with babies/toddlers on our Disney cruise and it was even a 7 night cruise. I guess it works for some families.

Maybe your dh has having a hard time adjusting that vacay with very little ones just isn't the same as pre-parenthood vacationing. Maybe he feels that vacay is all about relaxing so why bother spending all that money and still not be able to relax?
Talk to him and maybe work out some compromise.

Good luck!

ETA: Just now remembering this same coworker also won't take her kids grocery shopping or to a restaurant b/c "it's just too stressful." Either her or her dh stays home w/ kids while the other one goes out.

 

[bangzoom6877]

Thanks everyone for all the great ideas and support!

DH has seemed to be in a much more positive mood the last couple of days, just in general. Sometimes he has these days where he just seems to be in a bad mood all day, and I think I may have caught him in the middle of one of those a few days ago. Perhaps he was just as upset as I was to be home from a 2-week vacation we had booked back in November, but did not want to admit it. He is like that...will be down about something but not mention it, or sometimes not even realixe it himself until afterwards.

I think the problem that both of us have is looking into next year before this year is done! Meaning, mentioning the next vacation, or the "next time we are doing this again" while we are still doing it the first time! We both have a habit of doing that, but in different ways. I am a person who loves to plan our next vacation, and of course being that we have a 3-year-old and a 15-month-old, those are now annual and not two or three times a year of small weekend trips and one big summer vacation. So that has been an adjustment for me. And for him, I think the difference of vacationing without kids compared to how it is now is shocking. The relaxation factor is much less now, but somehow I still feel so much more relaxed when away. Maybe because I do the cooking every night and having someone cook for me is relaxing in itself? Other than that we really share the work around the house and make a great team. He is great at cleaning up clutter and I actually like to do the washing cleaning and scrubbing part. So we blend well together for those things.

I don't know...I think it ticked him off a bit when my mom and sister asked if we would do a cruise with them next summer and we said no. Mom and sis even offered to diaper the baby throughout the entire cruise (which I would NEVER let them do) because we said not until he is out of diapers. They said they really want us to go with them (they normally do one each summer) because they missed us terribly when we were away, and they are going next month on a 1-week cruise without us, so we will miss each other again. Anyway I think he was ticked off because we have both made it clear that we will not do another cruise until both boys are potty trained. The big one is, but of course the little one is still a baby.

I know DH gets excited about our vacations. It just seems that he also gets disappointed with something related to bringing small children on vacation once we are there, and in turn it seems like we are more limited now than ever on what types of vacations to do in the next few years. I also have to learn to take a step back and allow him to pick the location this time, then once he comes up with something he would like to do I can do the planning (he doesn't like to do it and prefers for me to, and I love doing it).

 

[bangzoom6877]

Just a quick update.....

This morning I went food shopping and when I got back, DH informed me that he was already looking into our next car lease (a year and a half away!), and making sure we could fit all our luggage for our vacations because he wants to make sure we can go away on a long trip. I guess he is realizing that the vacation is nice to do...I don't get it...maybe I am right and he was depressed about coming home after building up to this trip for a while.

Seriously though, much better moods the last few days!

 

[Disney_Angel]

As someone who lives just a half an hour from both Dutch Wonderland and Hershey and within a few hours of Sesame place I feel I need to speak up.
Considering how young your children are do you really think it is feasable to expect you kids and DH to travel to all those places in 5 days???

Understanding and knowing your families limitations will lead to a harmonious vacation. It sounds like your plans are overwhelming DH.

*steps off soap box*

We visited Disney in 2005 and it was lovely but stressful....ofcourse it was Christmas time and this was a last minute trip with NO ADRs and a four year old. As crazy as things were we decided to try again in 07'. We got on the DISboards and
read as much information as possible. We loved the trip reports becaise it really helped us plan ours. We were lucky enough to get the free dining plan last September. I had detailed plans of our trip with enough flexibility built in so there was little stress.

Halfway through the second day I sat my hubby down and explained either he can change his attitude or go sit in the room. I explained that this trip was about our daughter and that he needed ro understand that we are following the plan I laid out. Well he did just that for the remaing eleven days.
And I can tell you after he gave up his ability to control everything he had a great time. I swear I could here him humming Zippity-Doo-Dah while looking like he was half skipping with DD. He was liked a changed person! He commented on several ocassions how much fun he was having and how the matching Disney shirts did make it easy to find one another after. He even surprised me and dd with additional matching shirts for this coming trip.

Your never going to change his mind....however you can come to a compromise and help him to alter his own view of the situation. Tring to get your hubby to examine something from your point of view is better then arguing and causing hard feelings.

Good Luck!

BTW

We are thinking about planning a trip for Christmas 09!!!

 

[srwarden1928]

My mother, God rest her soul, always said that kids should be potty trained beginning around their second birthday. Maybe if you potty train like people used to, you can get that done sooner and your DH will be more accepting of the trips. It is alot of work to take kids that young on trips. My parents did it, but some people dont want the extra work on their trip. But if PT is over, I would hope for you that your DH would accept the trips better.

 

[bangzoom6877]

My mother, God rest her soul, always said that kids should be potty trained beginning around their second birthday. Maybe if you potty train like people used to, you can get that done sooner and your DH will be more accepting of the trips. It is alot of work to take kids that young on trips. My parents did it, but some people dont want the extra work on their trip. But if PT is over, I would hope for you that your DH would accept the trips better.

We began potty training with DS3 around his second birthday. He had no interest in it, and I believe not to force a child to potty train. He showed interest 4 months later when his brother was born. 10 months after that he was fully potty trained during the day, and then 6 weeks later during the night too. I don't believe in forcing children to potty train if they are not ready, and this worked for us. He was 3 yrs. 2 months old when we was potty trained. Worked fine for us, I expected it to come later than that (was hoping for some time this summer, but it happened beginning of March).

That said, I am doing the same with my younger one. What I do know now is that (at least for us) Pull-ups do not work...DS3 just called it a diaper but was able to put it on himself (although he had a much easier time putting on regular underwear by himself). Once we sat in the house and put regular underwear on him he did great because he can feel it and did not like the feeling. Perhaps this will work with DS1 when he turns 2 next year. We plan to try but again, not forcing him if he is not ready.

Furthermore, I also thought the same thing you are saying...that he would change his attitude with a potty-trained child. This was not the case. The man that always used to say, "I'll take him to the bathroom whenever he asks over never having to change a diaper again even at home" was annoyed and rolled his eyes many times that DS3 said he needed the potty. Now DH says how great it will be when they are old enough to go by themselves without an adult! Sometimes it feels like he is wishing our lives away and waiting for them to be older, other times he says how cute and wonderful they are and he loves this stage. I think he just gets annoyed more than he thinks he will. He thought it would be so easy with a kid who is potty trained, but I always used to tell him that it is still a pain when a kid asks to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes when they really don't need to, but you have to take them anyway just in case it is for real. Luckily DS3 does not do this 99% of the time so far, but DH still seems annoyed at times.

I don't know...

As far as AP who asked if I expected my family to do Dutch Wonderland, Hershey and Sesame Place all in 5 days, no I did not expect that. Maybe just staying in Lancaster and doing one day at Hershey and another at Dutch, incorporated into a 5-night stay. I know we would have to stay over a couple of nights more closer to Sesame Place (I know it is about 90 minutes from Lancaster...maybe 60 min.? Regardless I know it is a trip from one to the other). Last summer we did 2 nights in Lancaster with one day at Dutch Wonderland and it was wonderful. That's what made me think of it for next summer. I expected maybe getting there Monday, Dutch Tuesday, low-key day (maybe Kitchen Kettle Village) Wednesday, Hershey Thursday, leave either Friday or Saturday for Langhorne and stay 2 nights, doing one day at Sesame Place. I thought that would be fine.

 

[Reedfamilyrulz]

My family is taking our first family vacation in over four years due to my husband's apprehenson about spending a week similar to our last vacation. We drove from Ohio to Gatlinburg when our youngest was two. My oldest asked "how long until we get there" as soon as we pulled out of the driveway. We had some good moments, but it was a difficult trip. Now that the kids are older, we are trying again and this time we are flying to WDW. I decided that my husband does not have to join us for everything on this trip and can stay by the pool or nap in the room if he feels like it. I am hoping that he will be struck with Disney Magic and really enjoy himself.

 

[Nancy for Disney]

I have to be very honest. I always found vacations when the kids were little exhausting. The only time I was able to relax was when they were napping. It was also harder being in different locations because at least at home I knew things were child proofed. I felt like all I did was run after them.

All of that said, please don't think I didn't enjoy my children when they were little. I truly did, BUT I enjoyed them more at my own home then on outings, vacations, or visits to other homes that were not used to children.

I found you had to be "on alert" at all times just to make sure the little guys were safe, not eating junk off the floor, not reaching things I would have put higher at home, not wandering off where I couldn't see them....

I also want to assure you that traveling with kids does get better as they get older. We just took our youngest, a 14 year old boy, to Disney and had the time of our lives. We were able to truly enjoy and investigate Epcot. Standing in lines was enjoyable as we chatted and joked, and when we got drenched in a downpour while at AK and then got even wetter on the water ride we all laughed. I didn't have sobbing, little children cold and scared. I had a 14 year old who could see the humor in the whole situation.

You cannot change your DH. He simply sounds like me and he's not able to relax with little ones when he is away from home. This is the same reason we rented a house on our last Disney trip. Otherwise I am paranoid about OTHER people's unattended children at the pool and I can't relax. Here I am a mother of a 14 year old and a 19 year old and I'm still looking out for the little ones. LOL!!

I am going to have to agree with Jill. I didn't much care for vacations when my kids were younger either. This trip to Disney will be the first one that we have had where we have gone out of state without other family members to help with the kids. Of course one of the reasons we waited was also financial. My kids are now 14,12 & 7. I didn't see the point of taking them until they could ride everything. We didn't even take our kids to Six Flags until they 7 and 10. We left our yougest who was 2 at the time with a childcare provider. I also agree it is very hard to travel with little ones. There is so much more to pack and worry about. It is way more stressful than being at home.

 

[itutorfortravel]

What I remind DH of when we talk about the fact that I am obsessed with vacation planning for our family is that our DD will only be young once. There will come a time (usually in early teens if I remember correctly) that it will no longer be fun to hang out with mom and dad and vacations will not have the same excitement that they once did. I have lots of friends who spend thousands on home improvements (not talking about maintenance) or cars but never go anywhere. Personally, I don't want to look back and wish that I had done more trips with my family. When I exit this world, I doubt I'll say "boy, i'm sure glad i got those custom window treatments throughout my house"...no, i'll be glad i made memories that will stay with my child for the rest of her life.

 

[Miss LD]

DH finds vacations hard and doesn't want to do them. But then waffles, and then we argue.
DS (4) is a difficult child - very high energy and needy - though a really sweet kid. DD is a newborn so naturally needs a lot of stuff.
I'm learning to take it easier and not push so much on vacations. DH is learning he needs to let things go a bit. I'll say vacationing is hard with little ones, but so worth it in the long run.
We just got back from WDW and it was great for us. But, we stayed off site and didn't rest enough.
What we're hoping to do when we go back (in the spring) is stay at a monorail resort so that DH can go back and rest with the baby while DS and I go crazy with rides and stuff.
The one thing we really need is breaks from each other and the kids. So, we trade off. The more trading off we do the happier everyone is.

 

[bzzymom]

DH is a grumpy person generally. He likes going to amusement parks, and so taking the kids to them is fine. We child swap and everybody has a good time. However, he doesn't want to go to WDW as frequently as I would like to go, so the kids and I have traveled with my parents and left DH at home. DH misses the kids, however, he considers it a vacation too.

 

[Rylee]

I read through this thread last night and decided not to post because I'm afraid what I have to say will sound harsh, but since the the thread is still going this morning, here's my 2 cents...

Are you planning to have more children? Seriously, I'm not looking for an answer to that question, but in my family, if we waited until they were all "out of diapers" no one would have gone anywhere... with 5 children, the oldest and youngest spaced 20 years apart, someone was always in diapers, (and in the stage that goes along with diapers.)

I think you and your DH need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart, not about your next vacation destination, but about your expectations/desires/needs...

Is a family vacation important to both of you?

What type of vacation do you want, or can you have with 2 young children?

What are your vacationing styles... seeking quiet relaxation or on the go sight-seeing type?

How far (distance) how long (number of days), how often (yearly) etc.


Both of you may need to compromise and/or you may need to be prepared to wait until the children are older. Or, since it doesn't seem to bother you to travel with young children and it gets to DH from time to time, perhaps you could schedule some free-time for DH into your vacation plans.

More important than vacations, I think you need to talk to DH about his attitude... "eye-rolling" because his 3 year old son needs to be taken to the bathroom is just plain immature.



......................

 

[bangzoom6877]

I read through this thread last night and decided not to post because I'm afraid what I have to say will sound harsh, but since the the thread is still going this morning, here's my 2 cents...

Are you planning to have more children? Seriously, I'm not looking for an answer to that question, but in my family, if we waited until they were all "out of diapers" no one would have gone anywhere... with 5 children, the oldest and youngest spaced 20 years apart, someone was always in diapers, (and in the stage that goes along with diapers.)

I think you and your DH need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart, not about your next vacation destination, but about your expectations/desires/needs...

Is a family vacation important to both of you?

What type of vacation do you want, or can you have with 2 young children?

What are your vacationing styles... seeking quiet relaxation or on the go sight-seeing type?

How far (distance) how long (number of days), how often (yearly) etc.


Both of you may need to compromise and/or you may need to be prepared to wait until the children are older. Or, since it doesn't seem to bother you to travel with young children and it gets to DH from time to time, perhaps you could schedule some free-time for DH into your vacation plans.

More important than vacations, I think you need to talk to DH about his attitude... "eye-rolling" because his 3 year old son needs to be taken to the bathroom is just plain immature.



......................

WHat you said does not sound harsh at all. I can give you an answer to your question though...we are not planning to have any more children. That decision was made permanent last summer when DH went to have a certain surgical procedure done, which we had discussed together constantly for over a year before he had it done (just before we started trying to get pregnant with our little one). He had approached me about it, and we periodically spoke about it in-depth and in great detail. We decided it was the right thing for us and it was done last summer. So, that said, we are stopping at 2 children, meaning that once DS1 is out of diapers we are done with them altogether.

Maybe we do need to sit down at some point and discuss what vacations work well for us at this point in time. I don't think now is the time to do this though. DH does not like to plan that far in advance like I do, and talking about next year's trip when we just got back from this year's will probably not be successful. It would be better if I wait a few months, begin the schoolyear and start working again (we're both teachers), and get a couple of months at least into the schoolyear. Last year we booked Disney in November for a July trip, so I think waiting until that same point would work better.

Today we were talking about the Disney trip. DH had a very positive attitude. I think he is starting to remember all of the good (which there was SOOOO much of!), and less of the stress that went along with it. We ran into a neighbor at the grocery store (DH also works with her at the same school), and she asked about the trip. DH was telling her all these great things, and how good the kids were. And he does feel this way right now apparently...because he said it to me again in private. That's how we got to talking about it again. I said, joking around, "Maybe next time we will go in August when the price goes down a bit" to which he replied, "Hmm...maybe...but we don't want to wish the whole summer away either." I said it doesn't even matter because we're not going back for 3 years anyway, and he actually had a look of disappointment on his face. I was amazed!

So, I think that although he sometimes jumps to conclusions as soon as there is some stress, he did truly enjoy himself. He also keeps telling me that. Says how nice it was there and how much fun it was. Perhaps I am right when I say that maybe he was also depressed to be back from such a nice long vacation. He just is not a person who plans that far into the future, but I am. So I can come home from a nice long vacation, and on the way home I am thinking about the next one! Just the way I am!

 

[WindyCityDisney]

I have to be very honest. I always found vacations when the kids were little exhausting. The only time I was able to relax was when they were napping. It was also harder being in different locations because at least at home I knew things were child proofed. I felt like all I did was run after them.

All of that said, please don't think I didn't enjoy my children when they were little. I truly did, BUT I enjoyed them more at my own home then on outings, vacations, or visits to other homes that were not used to children.

I found you had to be "on alert" at all times just to make sure the little guys were safe, not eating junk off the floor, not reaching things I would have put higher at home, not wandering off where I couldn't see them....

I also want to assure you that traveling with kids does get better as they get older. We just took our youngest, a 14 year old boy, to Disney and had the time of our lives. We were able to truly enjoy and investigate Epcot. Standing in lines was enjoyable as we chatted and joked, and when we got drenched in a downpour while at AK and then got even wetter on the water ride we all laughed. I didn't have sobbing, little children cold and scared. I had a 14 year old who could see the humor in the whole situation.

You cannot change your DH. He simply sounds like me and he's not able to relax with little ones when he is away from home. This is the same reason we rented a house on our last Disney trip. Otherwise I am paranoid about OTHER people's unattended children at the pool and I can't relax. Here I am a mother of a 14 year old and a 19 year old and I'm still looking out for the little ones. LOL!!

I couldn't have stated it better. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my kids and watching them at Disney but seriously, it is a ton of work at the little stage. What about the child care clubs at Disney? That might give you a well-deserved break.

 

[starann]

I think staying onsite is a great idea....it makes it so much less work to go back and forth...go to the parks for a bit, go back to the room for naps, go back to the parks, eat dinner, go back to the room for bed, all without having to load and unload the car. Less work = less stress!

A monorail resort is easier since you dont have to fold up a stroller and therefore the kids can stay put in it. The buses you do have to fold up the stroller, so the kids would have to be taken out, someone holding them while the other holds the stroller, but it is 'doable' as we have done it.