Need help making a decision on solo or not

[~Tonga Wingo~]

Hi all,

This is my first time posting on the solo board. I (and it seems a lot on here ) LOVE Disney. I have no desire to vacation anywhere else. I always have trouble finding others to go with me which resorted in me funding a trip for my younger sister and I last year (and it was a blast ). This year I wanted to go again and I suggested to my older sister that we take her children. We previously have always had a horrible relationship and things were getting much much better and I thought it would a nice thing for us to do together. However, it is becoming a disaster and now I am dreading the trip. We booked back in December. Afterwards, I started keeping her kids regularly which I had to stop this week because they are becoming quite disrespectful to me. My nephew tells me weekly he hates me. Granted kids will be kids but it starts to anger you especially when my sister does nothing about it. Anyway, the final straw for me was last week. My sister was at my house with the kids and the 7 year old threw a screaming fit. I live in an apartment complex and frankly she can't scream like that. After my sister did nothing, I finally told her she needed to stop. She continued for a few minutes and didn't stop so I politely told her to go stand in the corner until she could because she was going to get me in trouble with my neighbors. This is generally how it is when my sister is not there and I am keeping them so I didn't think anything of it. My sister told my niece in front of me that she didn't have to (which resulted in my niece continuing to be unpleasant). It really angered me that she basically told my niece that she doesn't have to listen to me, an adult, when she is at my house. It would be one thing if she had done something about her behavior, but she didn't. I know this issue is iffy for a lot of people and I don't want to get into a debate on here about disciplining each others kids. However, I am at my wits end. I am thinking of telling my sister that the planned vacation together is off and book myself a solo trip and book her and the kids one by themselves. I feel bad just cancelling the trip because my sister insisted on telling them back in January. So they know they are going to Disney. We had already told the kids they had to earn souvenir money, my sister already planned to pay for gas and I would be paying for meals/hotel/tickets and figure I could give her a Disney gift card to cover dining tips with. The only thing she would really be missing is the extra adult. I planned to book our trips the same week we planned to go so I would be there if an emergency did arise and she needed something. However, I think we'd both have much better trips if we were not together. I also would save quite a but of money booking the trips separately which is surprising, but not really a big deal, just another thing to add to the plus column. Any other suggestions?

 

[TBLaube]

You are more than generous paying for the trip. I recommend going solo. Too often we think that we can have these magical trips with extended family and it fails miserably. Based on what you are saying, your trip is not going to be pleasant with them. Do not subject yourself to it.

 

[PHLtoMCO]

Any chance in having a 1-on-1 convo with your sister about the situation when the kids aren't around? Tell her how you're feeling and that you were really looking forward to the trip, but that you aren't happy with the way the kids have been treating you? I agree, you are more than generous to pay for the whole trip, but maybe something can be quickly salvaged if you talk it out. If going with them was something you were really really looking forward to, it might bum you out to then go alone. I'd probably be upset during a solo trip if knowing it was supposed to be with my sister and her kids. At the same time, if you're shelling out a bunch of money, you deserve to have a great time. I would say to talk it out

 

[annieb727]

I definitely agree with talking to your sister about it without the kiddos present. See if things can be worked out. You are MORE than generous by paying for the trip -- that's SO great of you. I think it's perfectly acceptable to book something on your own. Maybe you can even suggest meeting up for dinner one day or something while you guys are there. It sounds like you would have a better time on your own.

I have to say it was wrong of your sister to undermine your authority like that. While I don't think just anyone should discipline my kids, I expect them to respect adults. And my best friend keeps my kids a lot, and especially when we are at their house, I fully expect them to listen to her when she tells them something.

Please let us know what you decide to do.

 

[~Tonga Wingo~]

Thanks so much! It's nice to have a place to vent my frustrations. My family isn't as disney-obsessed as I am . I haven't talked to my sister about it yet, but here is what I am thinking. Besides just them breaking down in the parks, I see three major issues.

1. Us cooped up for 9 days together in the same lodgings.
2. 9 days is probably too long for her kids. However, I wanted to do 7 days at Disney. We have two travel days, 5 full days and two half days. She agreed because I was paying when I think she knows it's too much.
3. Meal times. We are doing the deluxe plan. My nephew is considered an adult. He will only eat chicken and fries, plain spaghetti, some raw fruit (apples/bananas), raw carrots, hamburgers (certain fast food places), chicken tacos (plain chicken with lettuce in a plain tortilla), pancakes, bacon and mushroom or cheese pizza. My sister doesn't make him eat anything he doesn't like. My nephew is 12 and uses this to get what he wants and won't try anything. When we booked, she stated this would not be a problem and he would have to find something off the adult plan and eat it. However, I know when we go this won't be the case. I explained to her what I am paying per day and that I do not want to see it wasted. I've priced it out and for the meals we want to do, it still makes sense to do the dining plan.

So I have decided for us to leave as planned, but them only stay for three nights and me stay for the rest. I took what was most important to the kids and put it in and threw everything else out. I'm thinking I can book them a room at Pop or ASM and me a room at POFQ (I've always wanted to stay, but it was too expensive for all of us this time). Right now we are booked in the Art of Animation suite. I also decided that any meal that I think will be an issue I am booking myself somewhere else. Then if my sister orders my nephew a kids meal on the adult plan or he just wastes his food entirely, then I don't have to know about it. I'm going to tell my sister up front not to be surprised if I wander off by myself for a while in the parks. However, I will make a kid-appropriate excuse i.e. Aunt Tonya wants to do some shopping etc.

This is my tentative plan. What do you think? I know it's a lot dining for me. However, I like to eat on vacation and try new places. Where I live, O'Charleys is the best restaurant in town We are going in June and I went this time two years ago and it was OK. I also am an open to close park person. If I'm in an early closing park, I will hop to another and close out a later one so the meals give me my breaks. I'm also going to pay for QS meals oop so I can use my deluxe credits at some better places.

June 14 Travel Day, stay overnight in GA

June 15 Epcot (arrive around 2 PM)/ Dinner at Akershus (Sis) / San Angel (me)

June 16 IOA/DTD / B: 'Ohana (all) / D: Dinner Fultons (all)

June 17 MK / B: Crystal Palace (all) / L: CRT (Sis), Plaza (me) / D: Garden Grill
June 18 QS breakfast for my sis and then they will head to Clearwater Marine Hospital before heading home. Me: full day at Epcot. (Akershus, Le Cellier, Via Napoli)

June 19 Ak/Epcot (EMH) Boma, QS, Teppan Edo or Yachtsman

June 20 DHS Kouzzina, QS, Boatwrights

June 21 (My Bday! ) MK/ CRT/ LTT / Les Chefs

June 22 MK/ Kona for breakfast, Les Chefs for late lunch/early dinner

 

[mahannie]

I think that it sounds like a very wise idea. You get to have family time and alone time. Kudos for planning your alone time after they leave, cause you'll enjoy it all the more once they're gone...

While I couldn't eat all of the table services you have scheduled, I'm liking all of your choices. Enjoy your birthday and make sure you pick up your I'm celebrating my birthday button!

Also, POFQ is a wonderful resort, especially for solo visitors. It's compact and the vibe is definitely more adult than any of the value resorts. It's my fave of the moderate resorts. Again, a good idea for you to be in one spot and your family to be in another, with plans to meet for meals at a mutual spot. The kids will enjoy the theming at one of the values much more than at POFQ anyway.

That being said, I'd still have a chat with your sister minus the kiddos. The lack of respect is an issue that won't go away and your sister needs to understand how it has made you feel and has shaped how this trip has been planned out.

I'd make sure she had the dining plan brochure and be very clear with her that you can and will be taking opportunities to slip away from the group if you decide you want to.

Enjoy your trip!

 

[Disney_Jill]

I am a parent and a teacher and there is NO WAY I would take kids like that to Disney. NONE AT ALL. They have no right to disrespect you like that in your own home (or anywhere, really). A 7 yr old should not be having a screaming fit like that and the 12 yr old needs a reality check. Not to be rude, but apparently your sister lets them rule the roost.
I have 2 boys, one is 20 today and the other is 17, and an almost 9 year old dd and if they spoke to any adult like that, even worse their aunt, there would be major consequences. I would not reward that behavior with a trip to Disney. These kids are old enough for you to sit and have a frank conversation with them about how their behavior and the trip are related. I would not pay for your sister's trip. I think I am beginning to realize why you all had a strained relationship.
I know I sounded harsh but really, you feeling bad is not right. Your sister should feel horrible. I say go on the solo trip and have a great time! Maybe if the kids learn to behave better they can go next year.

 

[Disney_Jill]

BTW, my b-day is June 20th! I want to go to WDW so bad for my birthday. I just may slip a solo trip in there.

 

[~Tonga Wingo~]

Thanks Jill! Unfortunately, my mother likely would not speak to me after that. They are her only grandkids. My sister is a teacher and pulls the psychologically they are fine crap. She thinks pushing food on them will screw them up and basically does let them do what they want. Punishments are an issue, because she lets them work their way out of it. So they could get grounded for a week, but get off after a day because they did a ton of chores. It's always been an issue that I will not likely escape. My mom, their dad and their other aunt let them do what they want so my house is the only one where they encounter rules. I am just thankful that I won't be the one to deal with them when they are teenagers

Next time I know better! I do things solo all the time at home, movies, dinner etc. I don't know why I was so iffy about a solo trip to Disney!

 

[Disney_Jill]

Well, given those facts then I say stick with your plan you listed. Them for 3 days, you for longer and working in your solo time. How sad for the kids, they have no boundaries. I would just die if my 12 yr old told his aunt he hated her, especially on a regular basis. The fact that she is a teacher really baffles me. But I've met all types of parents, so its not that surprising.
I really do like the plan you laid out, its the best of a bad situation. You are doing a nice deed and one day you will reap the fruits of that labor. You're a good sister and aunt.
I wish for lots of pixie dust your way.