Need help getting my shy Kindergartener to speak in class

[HappyMommy2]

My 5-year-old DS started Kindergarten this year. He loves going to school each day and participates happily in centers, P.E., music, writing time, etc. but when it comes to having to speak out loud in class he clams up and will not participate. He has progressed somewhat in that he will now raise his hand when the teacher (who is a very good teacher BTW) asks the class a question, but if she calls on him he will look down and refuse to answer. We had our first parent/teacher conference this week and the teacher said that she feels that DS's vocabulary and language skills are not up to par, as he usually refuses to speak in class, and that he looks down and drops his last syllables when he does speak. DS has no such issues at home (he talks in a very age-appropriate and comfortable way, looks us in the eye when talking, and demonstrates an extensive vocabulary) but in class he is so shy and self-conscious that he's giving the impression that he is unable to speak well at all. I asked DS why he won't talk to the teacher and answer her questions and he said, "Because she's not you, Mommy, and I'm embarrassed." I need to figure out how to help him open up and be able to speak in class without being self-conscious but I don't know where to start! The teacher recommended a speech and hearing evaluation, which we will be doing (though we had one done a couple of years ago which showed no problems). Beyond that though---HOW do you help a shy child to feel confident? He has so much to share at home; I want him to feel comfortable like that in class too! But I don't want him to feel pressured either. Any help is appreciated.

 

[golfgal]

DD talked non-stop at home to the point we had to set a kitchen timer and tell her she couldn't talk until this went off. She starts school and at parent/teacher conferences her teacher told us that she is too quite in class and needs to speak up more . We were dumbfounded because she never stops talking at home. We simply told her that she needs to answer questions when asked and needs to speak up more in class. She got better over time.

I would "practice" with him by taking him to the store, letting him ask people where things are in the store, ordering for himself at restaurants, etc. If someone asks him a question, don't answer for him, let him answer.

 

[Tinijocaro]

I have a friend whose son was selectively mute (not saying your son is) but this tip might help. Can you tape record him telling his teacher something he wants to tell her about himself or a special interest or his family? Try to get him in a rmabling mode (this will also let the teacher know that he CAN speak well) Have him bring the tape to school (tell teacher about this in advance) and when it's a good time, she can play it back while he is there. This can work especially if the child is embarassed about speaking to people other than close family members. Once he realizes that there is nothing wrong with how he speaks, and that his techer responds normally to what he has said, things should improve. It may take a few times, though. Maybe a before or after school kind of thing. Hope this helps.

Jackie

 

[Tigger&Belle]

My DD was shy in school situations when she was little (she's now a freshman in college and I suspect she is still shy in her classes). Her preschool teacher told me that "she needed a teacher to draw her out of that shyness", like it was a terrible thing. The preschool teacher was a witch, to put it nicely. My DD ended up with a teacher who was a bit shy herself and accepted my DD's shyness. My DD felt at home in the classroom and eventually opened up. Towards the end of the year I got the best comment about my DD--that the teacher had to tell her to quit socializing.

I think it's good to do some role playing with your son. Pretend to be him and let him be the teacher and then switch. Maybe invite a classroom friend over to play.

Try not to make too big a deal out of it, though. He will come around.

 

[mickeyboat]

I think it's good to do some role playing with your son. Pretend to be him and let him be the teacher and then switch.

This is great advice, and I use it with my girls all the time for a variety of situations. While playing the teacher, continue the conversation by asking questions which require simple, one word answers at first, and continue by asking questions which require more complex answers.

Another thing we do at home a lot is play school. Both of my daughters are in Kindergarten, in separate classrooms which for the most part do the same activities. The girls love to teach DH and I the "games" they are doing in school - the other night I think we spent two hours playing the "greeting game." (Although they got irritated with me when instead of shaking hands, I insisted on kissing them all over ) It helps reinforce what they are doing in school and make them more comfortable and excited about participating.

I am sure your child's teacher has seen many cases of shy children, and will work throughout the year in class and with you to make your child more outgoing in class.

Good luck,

Denae

 

[ADisneygirl]

I was a shy kid in school too. I attended Catholic school and the nuns were very strict. I often had the right answers but would never raise my hand to offer them. If called on, I would clam up and the more focus that was put on me about clamming up, the quieter I got! My poor mom was dragged into the rectory for conferences about her quiet kid who won't answer in class all of K through 2nd grade.

I turned out ok. I am a teacher now and I would never single out a student who was shy or quiet and make them feel that they have to talk. The teacher should have times when there are a pair of students or a small group that work together and each take a part in answering something. That might help a shy child. Give him some time.

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

I'm not sure if this will work for you, but my DS was the same way your son is. Karate helped. He loved it in kindergarten and is still passionate about it to this day. If he could write about karate, talk about it, or if it was used in any way in the classroom, he would talk in front of the class.

I'm not saying that you should get your DS to the nearest dojang and sign him up. But if there's an activity that he is especially good at or enjoys, ask the teacher how it might be used to encourage him to participate in classroom discussions more. My DS is now 13 and is no longer the shy, quiet kid that flies under the radar in class. A lot of that change can be attributed to the wonderful teacher he had in first grade who was willing to go the extra mile to bring him out of his shell.

 

[elismom]

He sounds just like my DS
He never talked at all to the teacher the whole time in Jk or SK
He would point to his shoe if the lace was undone and the only thing he would say to her, was to ask to use the bathroom.
All of the concerts he stood closed lip and never a sound came out of his mouth he knew all the songs and sang them at home but never in school.
On his last week of SK he finally spoke to her he brought a frog to school that he had caught at the cottage and for the first time in 2 years stood up and talked to the class about the frog.
DS is now 27 and now works in the film and music industry. He is still a little on the shy side but has done great in his proffesional and personal life.

 

[mudnuri]

Could it be he is afraid of giving the wrong answer? Since he talks to classmates, chatters during gym etc.. it very well could be he is afraid of saying "something stupid" as kids like to put it. Maybe after the evaluation, when everything comes out fine, you could ask the teacher to engage him in conversations during circle time that have no wrong or right answer- like "lets discuss what 2 of us did last night" and have your child be one of them? Just a thought but I know DD8 doesn't like to answer questions for fear she's wrong

Brandy

 

[HappyMommy2]

Thank you all so much for the tips and encouragement! I am going to print this out and look at it with DH and see how we can incorporate some of the ideas into our daily life. The role playing in particular will appeal to DS, I'm sure, and I'll bet it will help a lot! My goal isn't to make DS "not shy" since I don't believe shyness is something that needs to be "cured" when it is just a personality trait and not causing the child undue anxiety or sadness (which it isn't for DS--he is a very happy little guy!) but I do want to help him ease into becoming more fully functional in the classroom setting.
Thanks again!