Need advice....un-happy family members

[LAH]

Hello everyone,

I'm having a hard time with something. My Prince and I are marrying in Disney in April. For the past month family members on both sides have stated that they can not afford to come. I completely understand this but in the process they are starting to make me feel guilty about having it so far away. This is starting to "bring me down". I've always wanted a Disney wedding and my husband to be said we can have it anyway I WANT.

So, for all of you who had family members "upset" because you had a Disney wedding and they couldnt attend, how did you handle it.

Thanks,

Lori

 

[D&R love Disney]

We through a big party 6 weeks after our Disney wedding. It was a wonderful event and I wore my dress for everyone to see.

 

[hmgolden]

We made the decision early on that we were going to have a wedding for us. And for us that meant having the wedding in Disney. From the begining we had a lot of naysayers who refused to come. While that was upsetting, we went forward with the wedding that would make us happy. In the end we had a fabulous time, and while some of the naysayers were missed, I wouldn't have changed my day for the world. And now they are the ones wishing they had made the extra effort to come.

Good luck with your planning. Try not to let the family issuses get you down. Easier said than done for sure!

 

[Tinkerboo]

Hi Lori

I'm getting married next year and my situation is similar to yours - I really want a Disney wedding and my fiance doesn't mind what we do, so we are going for it.

We are in the UK so it's quite a big thing to ask people to take at least a week off work, fly all the way over and pay for their own accommodation but I'm sticking to my point that it is our wedding and even if no-one came we would still go and do it in WDW - having family there will just be a bonus!

It's mainly his family that have voiced concerns so far, but I think maybe that's just because they think I've bullied it into him (I haven't, I swear!). I've just received a load of info re prices and such from the Fairy Tale Wedding department so I'm going to do lots of research and put together an information pack for everyone so that they all feel fully updated.

The only other potential problem is that my little cousins will be in school at the time, but it's for their parents to decide whether to come and bring them or not - I'm not changing my date (and therefore price of flights, hotels etc) just to suit other people!

As 'D&R love Disney' suggests, we are also planning a massive reception when we get back for everyone who stayed in the UK - family, friends and work colleagues alike, which has the bonuses that a) I will be tanned and glowing, b) all the photos/video will be ready to show off and c) I can wear my dress and feel like a princess again!!

Hope this helps - as I think most people would say - it's your day, do it your way! If people care about you then they'll understand. And if not, then when they see your smiley face on all your pictures they will definitely understand!

Best wishes

Toyah

 

[MrsTink04]

A wedding in ONE DAY and it is YOUR DAY!!! You cannot do it over...so do want you want. My DH and I got married in Disney almost a year ago (And are returning for our first anniversary!!). A lot of my family and friends could not come and were not too happy about it. However, they love me and realized that it was the only wedding I would ever have. We had a party afterwards and showed the pictures/video, so it was cool. With all of that said, I would not trade my Disney Wedding experience for anything!!! It was the greatest day of my life. They took care of EVERYTHING and it was practically a stress-free day!!!

Good Luck!!!

 

[LAH]

Thanks everyone for your replies! You've all helped a great deal! I'm going to mention to everyone (who's upset) that we will have something when we return and hopefully that will "calm" them all down. I just wanted them all to understand that this is MY DAY so it should be the way I WANT IT. (I'm also trying not to sound selfish at the same time).

Thanks again!

Lori

 

[cycyk]

You need to remember the wedding in for YOU!! I am having an Intimate wedding in Oct. and only inviting immediate family...needless to say the rest of our HUGE family is upset. But this is what WE wanted.

We will be having a party once we come home, but its our day and that is what i keep telling myself.

If they want to fork over the expenses and of having a huge extravagant wediing then they should have some say, otherwise your weddding day is for you and your husband to celebrate each other.

Dont let it get you down. Its ok to be selfish sometimes.

brooke

 

[JoD]

We had some family and friends who said the same thing but we decided this is what we wanted and we would have to accept the fact that not everyone would show but as the wedding date got closer more and more people decided they didn't want to miss this once in a lifetime event. We invited 138 people from New York and PA and we had 100 attend, I was very happy with that and the ones who didn't are so upset now after seeing our wedding pictures and video.

 

[Amberle3]

We're not getting married at WDW but in Vegas, and everyone attending is going to have to travel. I know that some of my family members aren't able to make it, and I understand that.

We're having a BBQ after the wedding, and we'll make sure that anyone who couldn't make it to the wedding is invited. I didn't want to make it a "party" that people felt they were expected to dress up for or bring presents to, so I figured a BBQ was more casual.

 

[wildernessbride52105]

we are having the same problem with fi's family.
his mom refuses to go, yet we had the wedding booked exactly a year in advance.
she doesn't even want to hear about all the details of the wedding.
his brothers and sister aren't coming either.
he will have no one from his family there.
fi is being a great guy about it.
all he cares about is that the woman he is marrying will be there(he's so sweet!)
we are having my parents, my two sisters, our son, one set of my grandparents, and two of my parents neighbors.
if his family wants to be that way he said fine.

we are having a big reception 4th of july weekend.
hopefully his family will be ther for that! (although his mom was supposed to be in the delivery room when we were having our son and she wasnt there because something came up!)

 

[twojo21]

you can't make everyone happy all the time & you cant choose your family. your wedding day is about the two of you & your vows to eachother. we had some family in the beginning question our wdw wedding decision but we've made it clear that we hope our loved one's will join us & if they can't we hope we'll be in their thoughts. his grandma was upset at first because we werent getting married in church we explained our love of god & nature & our dream wedding in wdw outside at the yc gazebo, she understood.
we have also talked with our families about the wedding details & how much this occasion means to us & how we want our wedding at wdw. most are now gungho. we are also sending save the dates in advance with magnets so guests can plan ahead & 3 newsletters so guests no what to expect of our wedding, wdw & expenses. to take off some of the expense we are paying for our 52 guests/22 rooms accomodations for 3 nights at the asm. although this might not be an option for everyone. i think just do what you can for your family to understand, plan/attend & feel part of your day.

i think the reception after the wedding in wdw back home is a great idea for those guests unable to attend/couldnt invite. i'm sure no matter what you do or your family does your wedding will be blessed & just perfect! best of luck!

sorry to hear some family just wont come, but he has a new family now, you.

 

[Fantasia Sam]

This is what really annoys me about families sometimes !! A wedding is about the coming together of two people who love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together, it's about them. Of course we'd all love our close and dear to be there but it's also important that the couple get married in a location that means something to them.

I'm sorry that you are being made to feel guilty but please please don't - there are many ways around it - we were very lucky in that although we planned only 8 months out we still managed to have 40 guests including 12 from the UK, 1 from Brazil, 1 from Holland and 2 from Canada. When we got back to the UK after our honeymoon we also held an evening BBQ reception and Disco for all those that couldn't make it to WDW or simply weren't invited because of budget retraints - I wore my dress again and got to have another cake and I got to use different toasting glasses.

I think if you can go with a more informal reception and make it feel like that is just as important to you and hopefully this will get your guests excited too.

 

[LAH]

THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE! I'm starting to feel a lot better now after hearing from you all.

Lori

 

[fun & fancy free]

Lori, I have not had a Disney Wedding but I did plan a local wedding in January 1996. That was the last time Ct had a major dose of snow. Well, I received just as many negative responses about the time of year. People responded yes and then canc last min. That was okay because that day my florist also didn't show up. I was at first upset and then realized there was nothing I could do about it. Well for those who did attend still talk about my day and the events that made it what it was. I wonder had I had a perfect day in the perfect place would it stand out in their memories or mine for that matter. We are often asked when company comes over to put in our wedding video and we laugh. Of course we don't always watch the whole thing but the flow of conversation is always fun and enthusiastic. So I say do what will make you and your prince happy. By the way I have never been to a disney wedding I would love to go.

 

[popeyeohoh]

I think people are upset because they feel you have chosen Disney over them. Like you really would not go that far away to get married if you wanted everyone there. I think they are just feeling left out. Give them a break. Do what you want. I don't think they should vent their feelings to you, but they don't have to like it either.

 

[totalia]

I'm getting married in New Orleans. Its very expensive (about $2000 CAD per person for plane tickets, costs for hotel and the like).

I only had 6 family members and two friends agree to come to NO because of the cost. I have a large family.

I just dealt with it. I don't know how else to tell you but I decided not to let it get me down. It is very expensive. I'm asking a heck of a thing of them when alot of them just will not be able to afford it.

 

[SnowyPrincesses:)]

Congrats to all!!!!! I think the suggestion of a BBQ or general celebration locally is a great one! Everyone has to remember that the wedding is a magical moment for you. It's understandible that they may be dissappointed at not being able to share it for whatever reason(yes even stubborness) but a celebration of your wedded bliss is perfectly acceptable.
A girl from my work was in a similar dilemma and ended up in essence performing her vows twice once for themselves in a huge ceremony that ment alot to her and her hubby and once at a smaller toned down gathering of friends and family. Everyone was pleased in the end.

 

[RichAyers]

And every time we go back (now with our little ones), we think it is so neat that we got married there. We were married at the YC Gazebo and now own DVC at the BCV...So we basically see where we were married every time we go back to Disney. Get married there, too bad for the rest of the family! You will never regret it! It is 11 years later and it is still the best wedding I was in or attended!!

Rich Ayers

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

The wedding isn't just for the Bride & Groom. It is also for family and friends to witness. A wedding that involved everybody making a trip would seem to big an imposition if i was the one getting married. If i was the guest i would feel guilty at not going because of cost and irritated if they could have had a local wedding but didn't. A big welcome home party WITH wedding cake would appease me though.

 

[heidijot]

You can never please everyone.....this past July my DH and I got married in a simple morning wedding in the garden behind my church and here were some of the responses from friends(?) and family:
July, it's too hot!!
What no DJ???
What no alcohol...just mimosas???
10:00am, that's too early!!!!
What do you mean sundresses shorts and flip flops...it it a wedding or what???
Your doing your own flowers!!!!!
You got your head piece from Ebay!!!!

And the comments went on and on. Bob and I had our perfect Sunday morning wedding, with a breakfast after. Topped off with our hidden Mickey cake. Our kids wore tropical clothing, sundresses for the girls(10.00 fron dots) and the boys wore hawaiian shirts and shorts. We could not have been happier. This was not our first wedding. Benn there, done that and did not have the wedding I wanted. This was. Follow your hearts and enjoy it!!! Then honeymoon in WDW and live happily ever after.

With best wishes,

Heidi