Need advice--teen & friend

[qtwns]

My DS14 has had this good friend for several years. They play on the same FB team and go to school and church together. They are both popular and friendly young men. This year I have noticed that, though they are still good friends, my DS is always the one initiating get-togethers with this kid. However, the other kid has groups of friends over to his house (who are also DS's friends) and goes places in groups with these kids without including DS. DS is aware of some of this, but does not know the extent to which he has been excluded (I have my ways of knowing some things he doesn't ) I understand kids drift apart and form new friendships and we have been encouraging new friendships for my DS.

My "problem" is this: DS wants to invite this other kid to an all day thing with our family which includes and NFL game (we have told him he can take one friend.) I am trying to encourage him to ask someone, anyone, else other than this one particular friend. I want him to continue to reach out to other kids, and quite frankly I don't want him to be that kid who gets used and ends up hurt. OK...here comes the part where he is a much better person than me...he told his dad that he really wants to invite this kid and that friendship isn't about keeping score on how many times someone reciprocates coming to your house. I've already decided I'm going to let him ask whomever he wants, but do I make him aware of my concerns about him getting hurt and used, or do I let the school of hard knocks teach that lesson for me?

 

[kimblebee]

My advice is to not say anything. If he is smart and aware like you say he is he will figure it out on his own.

 

[okeydokey]

I think a friendship between two 14 year olds may eventually burn itself out as they age. I'm glad you will let your son invite who he wants, he obviously has a good time with this friend. Do encourage him to try to make new friends, but in the end his friendships are up to him.

 

[Wishing on a star]

When is the last time that this other kid has included/invited your son???

Yes, it isn't about keeping score.
And, the other guy has a right to move forward with friendships and situations other than your son.

But, if and when you feel that he no longer wants a friendship with your son, THEN perhaps that is the time to have a heart to heart.

It's not about 'keeping score'

But, if this other kid no longer really considers your son as a friend, then it becomes about trying to hang on to one-sided, unhealthy, relationships.

I could be wrong, but from what you posted, is it possible that your son has been using this one friendship as a crutch??? How are his overall social skills? It almost sounds as if your son might not be the best at reading social relationships???? ( In which case some social guidance, even from a parent, might be warranted.)

Like I said, I could be very wrong...
I am just posting what has come to my mind.
So, just disregard if this is not the case.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You see that the friendship is one sided and your son knows it already.

He has to find his other group/BFF in his own time. I would just let it happen naturally and not push it.

Heck maybe the kid will say "no"? It could happen.

 

[qtwns]

Thanks for the responses. My son is well-liked, popular and is very well socially adjusted, smart and did I mention handsome and a great athlete? ...but he doesn't have a mean-spirited bone in his body--again...a much better person than his old mom! So he doesn't understand that sometimes people play head games. I think I'll just let him do what he wants and stay out of it. I'll be here for him if he needs me. Ah, teenagers...