Need advice on unmotivated college student.

[disneysnowflake]

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[Mouse House Mama]

Cut off the money supply. Stop paying for his apartment etc.

 

[disneysnowflake]

Since I cosigned the lease, I have no choice but to pay the apartment. I'll never cosign again, that's for sure.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Stop paying his way!!!

He's clearly showed that he is not deserving of your help! You stop wasting YOUR hard earned money, and let him find out how hard it is to make a buck, and how NICE it was to get it for FREE!

It's called tough love, and your son needs some.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Make him pay his own way up front and reimburse him for tuition, books, etc only for the classes he passes with a C or better. If he is not ready to handle college yet tell him to quit while he is ahead and get a fulltime job and you will still reimburse if he decides he is ready any time in the next 5 years (or however long you want to leave it open).

 

[AKL_Megs]

Since I cosigned the lease, I have no choice but to pay the apartment. I'll never cosign again, that's for sure.

Then you stop paying for THESE things...

We pay for school, books ... transportation, food...

 

[disneysnowflake]

Stop paying his way!!!

He's clearly showed that he is not deserving of your help! You stop wasting YOUR hard earned money, and let him find out how hard it is to make a buck, and how NICE it was to get it for FREE!

It's called tough love, and your son needs some.

I agree. I think my son is looking for a reason to quit college, but doesn't want to just quit on his own. He'd rather use the "my mean parents won't help me, so I had to quit" excuse.

 

[puffkin]

I wouldn't pay for anything. If he wants to stay in school, then he needs to take the initiative to get a job, get student loans etc.

As for the apartment, I would sublet it. At least then you won't be out the money on that until your lease is up. There is always someone looking for an apartment. Even if you lose a little money by maybe charging less rent than what you are paying, at least you won't be throwing it away at DS.

DS needs tough love quick. It won't get any better on its own. Trust me!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree. I think my son is looking for a reason to quit college, but doesn't want to just quit on his own. He'd rather use the "my mean parents won't help me, so I had to quit" excuse.

If you go the reimbursement route he does not have that excuse He'll be forced to take responsibility for his own actions.

 

[disneysnowflake]

Make him pay his own way up front and reimburse him for tuition, books, etc only for the classes he passes with a C or better. If he is not ready to handle college yet tell him to quit while he is ahead and get a fulltime job and you will still reimburse if he decides he is ready any time in the next 5 years (or however long you want to leave it open).

I like that idea. I may sound stupid, but I really didn't know what to do. We saved for years to college and want him to succeed. It's a shame he doesn't want to get an education when so many others would love that opportunity.

I think DH and I are going to have a long, long talk tonight.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Well, I find that if I was at risk for losing money for not meeting expectations, my act got in gear real quick.

I'd give him one more semester and if he doesn't meet a minimum # of class hours AND whatever you declare that should be a minimum GPA (3.0 ?), then it is time to cut the purse strings.

We hope to pay for our kids' college, but they don't get to be "unmotivated" on our dime.

FWIW--I got a 2.65 my first semester and was at risk for losing my scholarship. I needed a 4.0 to keep it. I almost made it, but had 2 A's dual enrollment classes that kept me above the minimum 3.2 required.

My parents did not have the means nor the desire to bail me out of the situaton. I had to bust it out myself and succeeded. I then never put myself at risk of losing that scholarship the rest of my college career, b/c obtaining a degree was very important to me.

Set some parameters and be willing to act on them for your student. IF he can't get motivated, then maybe college isn't the right choice for him for now.

 

[AKL_Megs]

And just to add FWIW, when I was 20, my parents only paid for school... I managed to pay for my books, food, and car... I also paid rent! I had a crappy job, went to school, did my homework, and then socilaized when everything else was done.

Your son seems to be living the life of Riley! 20 isn't 18... I am assuming he SHOULD be graduating next year? He should be much more mature and self motivated by now. Sounds like he doesn't want to be there, so stop wasting your retirement money!

 

[blissventure]

You do have options. It's probably time to break the lease. Sonny can't pay without your help... Get the details from the landlord what the penalty is, and pay it. It will be far less than wasting your money until next August.
As far as all the other multiple issues, you might find some support and help in counseling. You have a long road ahead of you starting to establish boundaries with this young man. Good luck to you.

 

[mjkacmom]

I messed up my first semester (2.4! - got it up to a 3.3 by graduation, but I worked hard). I also dropped some classes. My parents just told me they'd pay for 4 years - anything else was up to me, so if ended up taking me 5 years, I'd pay the extra year. I ended up having to take classes over the summer (and drive the hour each way). I didn't want to have to pay for the extra year!

 

[shirleyb]

Since I see you're in State College, assuming he has transportation, I saw a Help Wanted sign at Big Lots.

 

[LukenDC]

Even though your son claims that he is not depressed, it might be worth his while to make an appointment with a doctor. People who float aimlessly through life are often depressed and he needs to get to the root of his lack of motivation. I also find it odd that a young man in college would choose to go home every weekend.

Good luck!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I like that idea. I may sound stupid, but I really didn't know what to do. We saved for years to college and want him to succeed. It's a shame he doesn't want to get an education when so many others would love that opportunity.

I think DH and I are going to have a long, long talk tonight.

I don't think you sound stupid at all Frustrated and confused and at your wit's end YES (you must be a parentwe all have those days), stupid HECK NO

You are smart--you are going to figure out a solution, you are learning from your mistsakes (co signing the loan) and you are going to get on the same page as your husband and present a unified front. All smart parenting to me

 

[disneysnowflake]

You do have options. It's probably time to break the lease. Sonny can't pay without your help... Get the details from the landlord what the penalty is, and pay it. It will be far less than wasting your money until next August.
As far as all the other multiple issues, you might find some support and help in counseling. You have a long road ahead of you starting to establish boundaries with this young man. Good luck to you.

I am going to call the apartment company and find out. I'm not sure where DS will live though. I don't think his moving back here is going to work out. This really stinks.

 

[Christine]

I know that we are not geared to think this way but some kids are not college material. That says NOTHING about their intelligence. Some people just aren't cut out for college, period. They don't like it, they don't do well, they aren't wired that way.

Fortunately, you have a son and there are many trades out there that males can go to when they don't *fit* with college. I would give him another semester to clean up his act and get moving (barring any other issues) and then tell him he's out to move onto something else.

 

[disneysnowflake]

Even though your son claims that he is not depressed, it might be worth his while to make an appointment with a doctor. People who float aimlessly through life are often depressed and he needs to get to the root of his lack of motivation. I also find it odd that a young man in college would choose to go home every weekend.

Good luck!

That's what I thought. When DS moved out in August, he couldn't wait to "get away from us". He's only been away one Saturday night, and that's the night he moved into his apartment.

Since he's 20, I doubt I can force him to go to the doctor, or even speak with the doctor without DS's okay. I'm pretty sure he just stays up all night chatting online and playing PS3, but I can't be sure since I don't live there with him.