Need advice on helping DH deal

[dizzyami]

Hey guys - this is my first time on this particular board - but I plan on spending some more time here.

My DS is almost 4, and while no one will officially diagnose him with anything right now - he doesn't talk - has four words or so - and we are noticing that four seasons of tball later - he doesn't seem to have the motor quickness to be progressing.

Problem is DH really wanted a boy - he looked forward for it forever - and while he won't come straight out and say it - I know by little things he says that he is totally bummed and becoming quite depressed. I know that probably sounds horrible to say - DH is a wonderful guy - he just can't deal with it and gets more frustrated every day.

So - I am looking for advice on how I can help him cope

 

[tink1969]

Sounds to me like your first priority should be to get your son diagnosed. If you have to see ten doctors, then do it. We all want our babies to be perfect. But then....what is perfect? For now, just try to see if you can find out what is going on with your son. Then you will know if there is some sort of professional help he requires. We all love our children unconditionally. There are always bumps along the way.
My DD will be 6 in two weeks. She is seeing a speech pathologist because she is unable to get her words out properly. Apparently her tongue and jaw move around to much when she is talking. But I didn't know that until we sought professional help. Now she sees the pathologist and we have been shown how to help out at home as well. She has improved greatly. So don't give up on your DH. He will find something special that only they can do together!
Take care!

 

[winniethepoohsmom]

When DS15 was 20 months old we started taking him for evals. because we knew something was wrong. We took him to an audioligist to have his hearing tested, then a speech patholigist and a developmental pediatrician. It was a very difficult time making appointments and having to wait months to get in to see each specialists. At about 2-1/2 he started an early intervention program. It's difficult accepting that something may be wrong with your child, it's heart breaking and everyone deals with it in a different way. Hang in there.

 

[dizzyami]

Thanks for the replies. He is in preschool through the school system, they did all the evals and accepted him because he couldn't talk (everything else appeared normal for his age - but hard to tell because he cant talk ). I just started him in speech therapy 2x/week a couple months ago, and while they think it might be apraxia they won't diagnose it. Three pediatricians later they sent me to the school to get help - and they have really done nothing but tell me he will have to repeat kindergarten (which is two years out). I think I will try to see another doctor and get another opinion - thanks for the advice!!!

 

[RNMOM]

Yes, do get another doctor to evaluate him. Perhaps your insurance company could be a good source of referral. I know that sounds weird but they often know which specialist to try first.

I would also like to suggest your DH go to appointments as often as possible. He needs to be able to ask questions himself and to see what kind of help your son is getting. There are so many really good therapies out there and I hope you find what works for him.

Have you thought about counseling? Some therapy groups have parent's meetings and such and it really helps. My son was dx with ADHD ODD and had speech problems. What worked best for us was an Occupational Therapist who had a great group of speech, PT, a psychologist and a psychiatrist who all worked from the same office. They could coordinate care so much better. When we first when to her she was on her own but put this group together over the years and it was great.

He is now 20 and doing fine without meds. We have had our trials in his teen years but he seems to be getting his act together. Keep trying, there is help out there.

 

[sklk'sdad]

Our DD-now 28 has a profound hearing loss. She was our first child and it was hard for both my DW and me. The thing that most helped me to deal with it was to get involved in her treatment. My DW made it her mission to get the proper diagnosis, but I fell into a depression too deep to be of much help. Once we did have that diagnosis, my DW basically just told me that to be DD's daddy meant that I WOULD learn and help DD learn. Funny thing though, was that once we did have that diagnosis, I was able to get completely on board with moving forward. From that point on, DW, DD and I were a team. It's a guy thing, I think. Once we had the information we needed, I was ready to make a plan and do whatever work needed to be done. DD's now 28, married with a baby of her own. She's beautiful and brilliant. I can't believe now that I ever felt the slightest hint of disappointment in this wonderful woman that I am proud to call my daughter.
Your DH will get better. Give him time, but let him know that both you and your DS need him. Involve him in your quest to get that diagnosis.

 

[Earstou]

I knew something was going on with my son when he was 1, but nobody listened to me. Finally at 5, his preschool teacher refused to pass him on the kindergarten unless we "did something" (after I had spent the past school year asking her for advice on what was wrong!). His ped. diagnosed him as adhd due to the teachers input (he had had mine for years!). I finally got his 3rd grade teacher on board and got his iep changed to autistic tendencies, and finally in 7th grade a medical diagnosis of aspergers. So it isn't always easy to figure things out, or to get others to believe mom knows best!
It's been rough with my DH at times, but the two of them got involved in Boy Scouts, which has been the best thing for my son. They did their first overnight back-packing trip in the mountains last summer! I've really seen my son grow through this program, plus they do real "manly" stuff, so the dads get real excited at times!
My DS has also loved cars forever, so this is another area where they can bond. Two weeks ago they had a mechanic come to scouts and we couldn't tear the men away from the open hoods to finish the meeting! It still bothers him that ds isn't athletic, but they find other "guy" things to share.

 

[KirstenB]

Hey guys - this is my first time on this particular board - but I plan on spending some more time here.

My DS is almost 4, and while no one will officially diagnose him with anything right now - he doesn't talk - has four words or so - and we are noticing that four seasons of tball later - he doesn't seem to have the motor quickness to be progressing.

Problem is DH really wanted a boy - he looked forward for it forever - and while he won't come straight out and say it - I know by little things he says that he is totally bummed and becoming quite depressed. I know that probably sounds horrible to say - DH is a wonderful guy - he just can't deal with it and gets more frustrated every day.

So - I am looking for advice on how I can help him cope

Okay, our dd has gross motor delays which have affected her walking and speech. However, her fine motor skills are decent, which is a bit surprising. What caught my attention in your post was your son's t-ball skills. Maybe he and dad would enjoy building models together, or flying a remote control airplane. There's a lot of pressure in team sports, even for young ages. How about something he and dad can do one-on-one?

 

[jodifla]

Thanks for the replies. He is in preschool through the school system, they did all the evals and accepted him because he couldn't talk (everything else appeared normal for his age - but hard to tell because he cant talk ). I just started him in speech therapy 2x/week a couple months ago, and while they think it might be apraxia they won't diagnose it. Three pediatricians later they sent me to the school to get help - and they have really done nothing but tell me he will have to repeat kindergarten (which is two years out). I think I will try to see another doctor and get another opinion - thanks for the advice!!!

There's a latetalker's board on yahoo. Lots and lots of parents who get together to swap stories and tips.