Need Advice on Guests/Family Members

[disneycrazed139]

If anyone can say if something like this has ever come up for you and how you handled it, I'd appreciate it.

I thought for our first trip it would be really nice to have my sister and her kids come, along with my husband and his child from a previous relationship.

My sister knew we were all going and now suddenly, after buying her plane tickets, is giving me all kinds of grief. She wants to go to certain parks, certain restaurants, and have her certain itinerary and wants to make sure that I accompany her and that I am not off doing "what he wants to do" etc. (or what I want to do for that matter). Of course, this makes me very uncomfortable and puts me in somewhat of a bind. I am very close with my sister but am totally floored by her behavior.

Has anyone else regretted inviting family or friends because of conflicts among them and between what you want your itineraries to be? How to you handle pleasing everyone? I want to have a good trip and am a little concerned that between the two of them--my husband and my sister, that <font color=red>I</font> won't get to do anything <font color=red>I</font> want to do.

In many ways, I'm sorry for the invitation. I think it's teribble that she is taking her invitation to join us like this. I would be very happy if someone invited me and don't think there would be much room for complaining.

How have you all handled situations like this? I am really surprised by it. It's not what I expected at all. So much for generosity and borrowing points to share with everyone.

I'm sure it will all work out in the end but right now I am a little disheartened and would love to hear from experienced vacationers how they've handled such situations.

Thanks.

 

[floridafam]

We haven't encountered this. Sorry things are turning out to be stressful.

You need to talk with her right away and tell her that you are going to do the things you want to do and she can plan things she wants to do.

You should still be able to enjoy time together. It is better if you tell her now than let it ruin your vacation. Thins often work out better when groups don't spend every minute of their time together.

I'm sure she will understand. Maybe the both of you could sit down and plan the things you want to do together.

Good luck.

 

[flexsmom]

I'm going to be herding 16 wild cats.....oh, I mean, loved and cherished family members.....in December, and I understand where you're coming from. Fortunately, I don't have anyone insisting on being the dictator of the group, and our solution to satisfy everyone has been to plan three events for all of us - two dinners and one MVMCP - and then to let people do as they please the rest of the time. I've found that some smaller groups are naturally congregating to do similar parks at the same time. I'll let you know how it turns out. But, I agree that you've got to say something sooner rather than later. It sounds as if there are deeper issues here between your sister and your DH, though! Good luck!

 

[DisneyKraZy]

We have also invited my sister, her family, our best friends and their daugther to join our family of 4 to stay in an OKW GV in just a few short weeks.....I have recently started to panic alittle because 12 people together for 6 days is a lot of time together. In hopes of avoiding the situtation you are in right now, I am having 2 pre-disney get togethers for everyone to toss out ideas and decide on what things will be done together as a whole group and what will be done as individual families. The one thing I am going to stress is that at any given point, no matter what is planned, if someone decides to do something else that it is ok and no one is going to be mad or get their feelings hurt.

Now, having been there many times before and having our OWN itinerary, I'm find myself wanting to plan for everyone...I'm trying hard to resist this but it's just disney in my blood

Anyway, I think you should definitely talk with your sister right away...I'm sure you can both find a happy middle ground.

Melissa

 

[kem330]

Families are so complicated, aren't they? You have made a wonderful gesture to your sister and I think there should be a gentle way to communicate to her how you feel. Something like you really want to enjoy the time together, but you can not always please everyone in a group- compromise is essential. You can not be expected to toally ignore your husband. Come up with some suggestion of something special you can do with her that she wants to do and then plan some things that you want as well. Maybe she's just insecure and feels like a third wheel when your hubby is around?

 

[Chuck S]

Has your sister ever been to the world? If not, I'd recommend taking part of the first day and doing a quick hop to each park to let them feel the "lay of the land". Then, if you have enough days at WDW, spend one day doing what your sister wants to do, and the rest of the time let sis and her kids go on their own, maybe meeting for lunch or dinner. Maybe your husband could watch the kids while they swim one evening and you could spend some quality time with your sister at DtD?

 

[disneycrazed139]

Everyone in my family is a really strong personality and that, I think, is the real problem. I have tried having the conversation with her that we will do some things together and not others. She has been to Disney numerous times (probably as many as I have, if not more) so knows where to go and what is available. Part of the problem is that our kids are different ages. For example, she has little girls that are into MK and princess breakfasts, while my boy is into MGM, WHTBAM, RnR, etc. My husband's son is a whole different story. He's afraid of most rides and has to be coaxed into a lot of things. On the other hand, my husband is a daredevil and I am just about the easiest person to please.

The other problem is that my sister and husband, although they get along "fine," wouldn't choose each other as friends.

I appreciate all this advice. Maybe we should have a sit-down discussion about everything rather than just seeing what pans out.

 

[rsschneck]

I had made an invitation for my family of 13 to do WDW together this summer. Well, my oldest sister and her family backed out because her DH is a jerk! and their kids are too young for WDW 3 and 4 (which I think is perfect for WDW, but I am just the aunt). Then my parents backed out because DAD didn't want to hang out with Mickey Mouse (whatever). So, that left my middle sister and her family! Yikes! I wouldn't pick her as a friend, but I love her because she is my sister.

Our 3 kids get along fine (her 2 fight amongst themselves). The four Adults get along fine (Sis and BIL fight amongst themselves). We have vacationed with them before and they bicker way too much for our taste, so needless to say we feel like we got stuck with the four of them. I just did not feel right taking back the invitation that we had extended to my entire family. That would have caused other family gossip.

Anyway, we have agreed to go to a water park and DQ together. The rest of the parks are on our own. They will go to every early opening and stay as late as possible and probably not go back mid-day for a break. I like to sleep late, take a break, relax and enjoy my vacation. Commando days are not for me. So, I told her that her and her family could do as they please and we would meet up sometime during the day (cell phones). We might stay together for a few hours later in the afternoon. I hope all goes well. If not that will be their last DVC trip with us. My home and my vacation that I fully intend on enjoying!

 

[kathleena]

"She wants to go to certain parks, certain restaurants, and have her certain itinerary and wants to make sure that I accompany her and that I am not off doing "what he wants to do" etc. (or what I want to do for that matter). Of course, this makes me very uncomfortable and puts me in somewhat of a bind. I am very close with my sister but am totally floored by her behavior."

Hmmmm very sticky indeed. I think I would just come right out and say that - I plan to spend quality time with everyone on this trip - sometimes as a group and sometimes in smaller groups. That would mean some time alone with my husband, or my son or with you and your girls. Why don't you tell me for or five important activities that you would really like to have me along on. That way I can plan on spending that time with you and other times with the rest of my family.

And does she refer to "he" as your son or your DH. Sounds like she has a problem with someone.

 

[jaysue]

Have the discussion before you get to WDW - sounds like you have two distinct groups - whilst I am usually a fan of compromise it sounds like compromise here is her way or no way.

I would say let her take her immediate family and you take yours or alternate park days or mornings/evenings - she picks than you pick etc......

Good luck

I invited my sister for 05 vacation and already booked her separate accomodations at SSR whilst we go to VB

thanks
jaysue

 

[disneycrazed139]

No, she doesn't really have a problem with anyone although she is referring to DH not DS. She just likes to do WHAT she wants to do WHEN she wants to do it. Well, so does everybody. I love my sister dearly but she has always had somewhat of a me-centered streak in her. We are obvioulsy going to have to haev a discussion about it. I appreciate all this input on how to approach it.

 

[Dean]

I'd agree, have the talk. Set up rules ahead of time. At least if she gets upset, it'll be before the trip and not during it. And you won't be argueing on the trip, hopefully.

More specifically, tell her your concerns and what your family plans on doing. Give her some group time and take some personal time. Our rules are simple and we tell everyone this ahead of time.

• You don't wait on us and we don't wait on you
• Everyone pays their part.
• Usually each family is responsible for a meal.
• There will be alcoholic beverages.
• And the most important one - if these are not OK, DON'T GO!!!

 

[mommytobug]

We are new DVC members and I have thoguht about a family trip and worried about these very things!! My mom has already "mentioned" to my b and sil and said that If we go everyone would do as they wanted. OHHHH How I worry about these things. The other thing is that we really enjoy being alone on vacation. And we enjoy lounging and waking up late....when we head tot he park we see a lot of people returnig to rest.......anyway....did not mean to take your spot with my own worries but I would really STRESS that everyone does their own thing. OR ELSE No matter how many times you go to Disney you do nto want your $ and time wasted by worry!! I think my way to solce this problem is to give my neice and nephew points for Christmas and Mom and Dad can make their reser any time they choose!! GOOD LUCK with your decision!!

 

[LIFERBABE]

Last year we had a large group of family. I call it tough love touring. You have to be firm so that everyone will enjoy their time.

Dont let anyone change your vacationing style. Although your DS is family, think of you, Dh and 2 Ds's as a unit.

Have your own transportation.
Even with Disney Transp. if you drive your pov to the park, the group will naturally want to ride with you.

Plan a few meals together and a couple of PS's in the parks. If they show they show. I agree with Dean. Wait for no one! LOl

Drive your own vehicles and dont swap kids. This will keep your unit flexible and mobile. There were many times we said we were going one place and in the span of getting in the vehicle, changed our minds and went somewhere else. That's what vacation is, doing what you want when you want.

It's wonderful that we are able to take family, and even with these rules we still spent plenty of time together (happier times) and kept conflict at bay.

At the end of our trip everyone had a wonderful time and commented on how great we got along. I did apologize if I came across as harsh, but they all agreed that things went alot smoother and they were not hurt at all.

Good Luck and definitely have that talk!

 

[rocketriter]

I agree that a spouse and children are the central family unit. It sounds like you agree as well, but your sister doesn't.

Start, of course, with a town meeting where everybody gets to talk about what "ground rules" they would like. A lot of differences can be aired that way and it sometimes happens that when people discover how many others in the group have a different agenda than their own, they grow more reasonable.

If this fails, however, you'll have to stop trying to get your sister to agree. It sounds like she sometimes tries to control you by granting or withholding her agreement. But in this case, her agreement doesn't matter. You and your husband, for example, may choose to have a "date" one night. Invite your sister to stay with the kid. If she refuses, get a baby-sitter. But don't keep arguing with her trying to get her to agree to your having a date, because she'll keep refusing and you'll go round and round. In the end, just politely tell her, stick to your guns, and try to ignore her grousing. If she can't get over it, that's her problem and not yours.

 

[dianeschlicht]

We have gone to WDW many times with guests, both family and friends. Some have been easier than others, but we like to set ground rules before even leaving. Our most diverse group was a group of 12 about 5 years ago. In October, this same group of 12 will be joining us in a GV again. Our rules are that we sit down each evening and each group says what they want to do most in the next day's itinerant parks. Then we plan to all meet at specific things that we want to all be together for. These are things like Festival of the Lion King, Space Mountain, Honey I shrunk the audience etc. etc. The rest of the time people go off in small groups and meet up at the designated time and place. It worked great! We didn't even waste much time waiting for folks. We planned specific restaurants that people in the party wanted to try. We didn't hit them all, but we got the special ones that everyone wanted. We even cooked in for one meal a day, and each family groupe was responsible for one meal during the trip.

Some groups that have been with us have been a little TOO inclusive and felt we had to spend all our time together until we said we needed to spend some seperate time to ourselves a bit. With other groups, we rarely spent a lot of time together. It just depends on the people. One thing that is difficult for you this trip, is that it is your FIRST DVC trip. After you have been members for a few years and get used to the non-commando style of touring, because you go so often, it wont bother you so much to be flexible with guests. It might have been a mistake to make the invitation for your first trip.

LOL! Tell you sister if she can compromise with you on some trip things, that maybe you will invite her again in a few years!

 

[gopherit]

When we go, we invariably bring family. I am the one with the obsessive planning disorder, so naturally I become the Tour Guide. Things I do to "keep the peace" and make the vacation a good one for all:

Each person needs to state the 3 things they reallllllly want out of this trip, for example. Last trip, I really wanted to see Fantasmic, wanted to eat at Whispering Canyon, and wanted to have a "mommy-daughter" day at the parks without dh and our 2 boys groaning about "princess-yuck". Anything else I got along the way was gravy! Same goes for each member of our 12-person party, right down to the 2 two-year olds! Prioritizing and stating your main objectives upfront insures that everyone can relax a bit inbetween -- everyone's needs will be covered in due time!

Point 2 -- make time to split paths! The day I spent with just my dd was WONDERFUL! Later that night it was just me and my two teen nieces at MK for E-ride. Another day dh and I took our trio pool-hopping to BWV while BIL and SIL took their son back to MK for the day. Time apart gives you something fun to discuss when you all come back together! I schedule what I call "do nothing days" into our itenerary (or what my dh jokingly calls, "Deliberately Scheduled Moments of Spontanaeity!") On these days, groups can readily split and do what they want to do!

Point 3: Get all of the details like this worked out BEFORE you go!

Many folks take vacations to get AWAY from family... we're just nuts enough to always bring ours along! Thus far, it's been great. Best of luck to ya...

 

[crisi]

Wow, even my four year old has figured out the world doesn't revolve around her, that sometimes Mommy has to spend time with her Dad or her brother, and that sometimes we don't ride Mickey's Philharmagic because its her brother's turn to pick a ride.

Maybe your sister would like a "sister's trip" -- which might be a great idea, but not something you are going to have with spouses and children in tow. Perhaps she just needs a dose of reality.

As to restaurant suggestions and such, I am fond of the "turns" idea. Each person gets to choose one night. Doesn't really work for us - my kids are too little, our guests say "whatever you want" so its left to DH and I - he ususually picks a few and I fill in the holes (he might let me fill in more holes, my picks are often his favorites). When we've traveled with others, we schedule "together time" and "apart time." It depends on the group - with my mother in law the day we went to Blizzard Beach was definately apart time (they went to Epcot), with my sister and her husband, Typhoon Lagoon was a definate together day.

 

[riopooh]

Dizcrazed - You are living my nightmare!! I'm im charge of planning a trip in Feb05 for 15. It all started in March as a discussion while my mom was in surgery and my dad, sis & I were waiting. Then this Sat night at Mom's b-day party - I was late because of DS baseball game - and as we're eating cake, they turned to me and asked "How are the plans going!!" I was thrilled but when I got home - my husand's reponse was - I'm not spending a week with your family!! (You think it would soften the blow that Dad offered to pay for the accomodations!!) He just wanted our first DVC vacation to be us! Luckily I have ten months to figure this out!!

 

[disneycrazed139]

this has gone from bad to worse. I just talked to my DH about this and he is getting very stressed out and doesn't really understand the issues or have interest in discussing. He says it's supposed to be a vacation and this is making it very unpleasant. No kidding. For me, too. Thanks.
Yikes. If my sister hadn't already bought her plane ticket, I would just be cancelling the whole thing.