Need advice/info re: sad family situation & cruising

[heidica]

Ok, here is the situation. My Grandmother has been sick for several months now, and things are not looking good. We leave in just under 4 weeks to our trip to WDW and then 7 day cruise. We will be gone a total of 13 days. I am worried and stressing about what we will do if she passes away while we are gone. Has anyone ever been on a cruise and have a death in the family and need to get back to the U.S.? I did buy the travel insurance offered by DCL but I'm not sure if it will cover the cost of leaving the cruise ship before the cruise is over and flying home. I'm also stressed about all the money tied up in this trip and what will happen if we have to cut it short.

Also, we live in Washington state and my Grandmother lives in Wisconsin. So if we did cut our trip short, we would have to figure a way to Wisconsin and then back to Washington. I have talked to my Father a little about this and he felt I should just stay on our trip because "you have to live your life too." But if I decide that I will not cut the trip short then I feel like I should ask my family not to try and contact us if she does pass away. If I already have decided not to leave then I don't want to be upset for the remaining of the trip knowing my Grandmother has died. If there is nothing I can do about it during the cruise than I would rather know once we got back.

But then the guilt of not going to funeral and being with family. Uugghh!! I am so stressed about the whole situation and don't know what to do. I realize that I have just have to take it one day at a time, but the "planner" in me wants to at least have thought something through, in case it does happen, I will have an idea of what to do.

Has this ever happened to any of you? I guess I need some opinions from people who are not my family & DISers are great having ideas.

 

[Michelle]

Heidi, I am so sorry to hear your grandmother is ill.

You need to check with DCL to see if the death of a family member is a covered expense in their policy. I know it is with the policy I have, but I'm not sure about DCL's coverage. Perhaps knowing for sure on this will help you make your decision about what to do should she die during your trip.

I wish I has some words of wisdom for you, I know it's a tough decision. I hope everything works out for you.

 

[FOJMO]

I can relate somewhat to your situation. My brother (48) found out he had colon cancer this past March. My husband and I act in community theatre and we auditioned for a play (State Fair) that was due to begin rehearsals in July with an opening date of 9/5.

When we went to visit my brother in July (he lived in MD and we live in FL), he was going downhill. He had been undergoing chemo and was not doing well at all. The July trip was to help him "get ready" to pass and do paperwork like his will, etc.

With rehearsals well underway for the play, and my husband and I having the leads, it was constantly on our minds about when "it" would happen. Now, mind you, we did not have money involved, but just the fact that if he passed away during the time of the play, we could not leave and go to MD to clean out his whole house (he lived alone with his teenage daughter), and ultimately, PA to where he would be laid to rest. My mother, who also lives in FL, asked me what we planned to do if that happened. My mother, along with her generation, seems to think that when someone dies, you HAVE to be there the very next day! People do have jobs, school, vacations, etc. that you need to attend to.

After much soul-searching, I decided that we had to live our life and go on as usual and deal with whatever situation came up. It was somewhat less complicated, however, due to the fact that my brother had chosen to be cremated so, when it came right down to it, the scheduling of the services in PA was a little flexible.

As it turned out, my brother passed away one week before we opened. It was extremely hard, but both my husband and I flew to MD (with our director's blessing), cleaned out his whole house, had him cremated, drove to PA, arranged the whole service, had his memorial service, and returned to FL 4 days before our opening. The whole cast was extremely understanding and, in a way, I was almost glad to get back to the play to occupy my mind from the stress of the last few months.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that you need to live your life as normally as possible and go on your cruise. You have a lot invested in it and you have no idea when, or if, something will happen with your dear grandmother. If she happens to pass away while you are away, perhaps if her arrangements are able to be a little flexible so that you can attend when you return, it would be beneficial. Do you know who would be doing the arrangements? Maybe you can speak to them, and ask them to keep you in mind if it happens while your away.

Since you father seems to understand your situation, I would go ahead and ask him to not have anyone contact you (if something happens) until you return, so that your trip will be enjoyable.

One last suggestion -- try not to feel guilty. I've learned that the hard way. My father said that if anyone said anything about the arrangements for my brother's service being planned around our play (if that's when it would have happened), he would "deal with them." I was so proud that he said that!

I think your grandmother would want you to have a good time and not worry about anything.

I will pray for you and keep you in my thoughts. It is a very difficult decision, but ultimately I know you will do what's best for your family.

VAL

 

[Towncrier]

You should read twhipple's post of a couple of days ago. It might give you some insights into your situation.

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=276983

 

[mom2grace]

I had a similar situation when I was 20. My great-grandmother died and her funeral was while I was supposed to be on vacation!
My parents had me take the vacation (I was the only family member who was away), and now, 11 years later, no
one remembers that I wasn't at the funeral.

I think this is a highly personal decision and you must do what feels right for you and your family!

God bless,
Susan

 

[Samsma]

Can't help with logistics, but having lost my grandma also, I can say that as long as she knows you love her, and are with her in spirit, you shouldn't feel bad. Your grandma wouldn't want her loved ones to worry about her and she would want you to go. That's how all good grandmas are. Spend what time you can with her before you go on your trip, then maybe you won't feel so bad if something happens while you are gone. God bless.

 

[peg2001]

I am very sorry to hear about your grandmothers illness and the difficult and stressful situation it has put you in.

I agree with what it sounds like you would LIKE to do, go on your vacation and do not have anyone contact you until you return. It sounds like your father is understanding and this will be much less stressful for you.

You will return refreshed and rested, all the better to lend support to family members, if need be.

I wish you all the best.
Peggy

 

[ASFCurly]

if it would make you feel better a thing to do might be to visit her right before the trip, that way if she doesn't make it you will have just seen her and you won't feel as bad about waiting and not hearing if anything happens on your trip.

 

[4nana]

Heidi ~
Thank you for sharing with us. My heart goes out to you and I feel your pain. You, your family and grandmother are in my prayers. I do not know what advise to give, you have to go with what's in your heart and do what is best for you.

It is so sad and difficult to watch a loved one suffer. I am in the same situation w/my Dad. He is 86, his cancer has returned and he is not doing well. The thought of losing a parent makes me very, very sad. I am trying to spend more time with him and letting him know just how much I do love him, as we never know what tomorrow will bring.

Meanwhile, our cruise has been planned for 2 yrs. Right now, I am taking it one day at a time and putting it in God's hands and keeping the faith. I hope you will be granted the strength and wisdom you need to make the best decison.
May God Bless ^i^

 

[lruggiero]

Heidi,

I definitely understand. I booked my Disney Cruise for November 30th 2002 before I found out that my 41 year old sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I have been stressing for the past year about what will happen. I will tell you that I spoke with my travel agent and she told me that DCL insurance does not cover "pre-existing" conditions so she made me take an independent insurer who would. Apparently, any illness that happened prior to cruising is considered "pre-existing.

Unfortunately for me, I no longer have to worry, my sister, my best friend, passed away on Sept 26th and now I will sit on my balcony and look out into the ocean and pray for her to rest in peace.

I wish you and your family well

 

[4nana]

Oh my, how sad.....thank goodness for 'Puffs'.

When we purchased our travel ins. we went thru DCL ins. first and were also told they do not cover pre-existing illnesses. There are only a very few travel ins. that do. I would suggest you start your search with:
http://www.csatravelprotection.com/csa/jsp/index.jsp

 

[sjm]

heidica,

First let me say I am sorry about you grandmother.

Almost 5 years ago we were booked on a cruise and my mother got very sick. She lived in florida, I lived in NJ and I was the person taking care of her. I flew down to florida to spend what became the last 5 weeks of her life. As soon as I knew that she had less then a month to live, I told DH to call TA and cancel our cruise, which was about 6 weeks away. The insurance co, told my DH that we were not covered unless my mother died at the time we were supposed to be sailing. Of course I kept calling DH, yelliing at him and crying, but it did no good. As it turned out, my mother died two and a half weeks before our cruise. I was exhausted and again cried and yelled, call the @#$% insurance co and cancel the cruise. DH and our TA, who we were friendly with convinced me to go on the cruise. It was the best thing that happened, I was able to relax and get my energy back, before I started to handle the coming years worth of paper work etc.

I think you need to call DCL insurance and find out how they will handle things, if need be. Make sure you are covered if your grandmother dies and you need to cancel the cruise. Also find out what the insurance would cover, if you and/or your family have to cut your cruise short. Once you know how you will be covered, if need be, you will know better where you stand.

We have been on ten cruises and have seen two times where someone had to go home early, because of a death in the family. Both times the cruise line helped them with their new travel arrangments.

I wish you well....let us know how things go.

Sue






Has this ever happened to any of you? I guess I need some opinions from people who are not my family & DISers are great having ideas. [/B][/QUOTE]

 

[MelissaE1]

Heidica,

I am also very sorry to hear about your grandmother.

I think you are on the right track. It is good to have the info about your insurance, etc. so you know what your options are.

How would you feel about continuing your cruise if your Grandmother passed away while you were on the ship? I know with my Grandma, who I was very close to, I would have felt that that was what she would have chosen for me. I was unable to make it to my Grandfather's funeral and my family reminded me that going to the funeral really wasn't for him. Funerals are really for those of us left behind. You could still go and support your family after the funeral, which is sometimes needed more than when all the crowds are around.

I like the idea of visiting your Grandma if you can before the cruise. If not, maybe you could write to her or call her more. Then you can feel good about sending extra love her way while she was still there to enjoy it.

All in all, go with what your heart says, what you feel comfortable with and maybe what you think your Grandma would want.

Hope you don't mind a cyber-hug from a relative stranger. I am sending one your way.

Melissa

 

[CamColt]

I dont have much advice for you, but being in a similar situation this summer(with FIL), I can sympathize and wanted to send you loads of Prayers & Pixie Dust!!!!!!
Take care & good luck!!!!!

 

[twhipple]

Heidi,

I know exactly how you feel. 4 weeks before our cruise my father was going downhill. I debated whether or not we should still go. We too went to WDW for a few days before so we were scheduled to be out of town for 10 days. My dad lives in Wisconsin and so do we so I didn't need to worry about traveling somewhere else, but I can tell you it was very hard to decide whether or not to go. The day the cruise left, I called my mom who was crying. Dad was getting worse and probably had to go to the hospital. I asked my mom if I should go on the cruise. Money is a concern, but I didn't even think about the insurance. My insurance was through DCL. Mom told me to go and that my dad would be alive when I returned. Reluctantly I went on the cruise. We had fun, but he was always on my mind, bringing tears to my eyes occasionally. On Monday, I got an e-mail from mom saying dad was home from the hospital but not much better. On Tuesday while in St. Martin, I called home and got the answering machine which said they were at the hospital and I should call there. I was told that he would be going home on Wednesday and that hospice would take over. The doctor gave him 2-3 weeks and mom said that we should stay on the ship and "have fun". I respected her wishes and stayed. On Wednesday just before we left St. Thomas, my sister called and said get home as fast as you can. DCL helped me with securing tickets and getting to the airport. They even helped me pack. We didn't have enough time to get my husband off the ship. He regretted leaving. He said he was deeply affected when he got the news that my father passed away on Thursday. I did not make it home to see him one last time, but I passed along a message to my mother to tell him that I loved him and would understand if he died without me there. He passed away about 8 hours before I got there. I know I couldn't have dealt with the final moments so I am relieved that he accepted the fact that I couldn't get there on time and passed knowing how much I loved him. Hospice had said that if I called they should put the phone to his ear so that I could tell him it was alright. That never happened.

On my way from the airport, I looked in the sky and saw an unusual rainbow. I asked my best friend if she thought that might be my dad trying to tell me it was ok that I didn't make it. She thought so. The next day, both my husband and I saw a rainbow (mine was the same as the day before) and thought the same thought again.

I found out that the insurance will cover my transportation home. The only pre-existing condition clause is regarding you. If you have a pre-existing condition and are forced to leave or cancel your trip when your doctor previously advised that you shouldn't go, you are not covered. Pre-existing conditions of family members does not count. I don't know if I will get back anything for the loss of the cruise time, but I should get back my original airfare from the airline by providing a death certificate.

The only advice I can give you is do what you feel comfortable with and what your family feels comfortable with. If you grandmother hangs on for weeks or months after your cruise, you will be sorry that you put your life on hold. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Tracy

 

[LarryC]

Originally posted by Samsma
.......Your grandma wouldn't want her loved ones to worry about her and she would want you to go. That's how all good grandmas are.....

Nothing I can add to this perfect response.

 

[kidzmom3]

While I certainly would never want you to feel bad, I just thought that I would say in my opinion. In your situation, I would (not saying anyone else has to do what I would do) want to know. And I would go home for the funeral. I loved my grandmother dearly and she died after a long illness. She had long ago forgotten me, but I had never forgotten her. The funeral is a time for the family, not so much the deceased, but sometimes you learn rare and wonderful things about your loved one from their friends. Some women came to my grandmothers wake, that I had never met and the stories they told me will stay with me for the rest of my life. We flew home from St. Thomas on a Royal Caribbean cruise when my grandfather passed. Ins paid for the flights to Miami, then to Boston and we got a cruise credit. Not ideal, but better than nothing. Good luck in your decision. It is a hard one. I would wonder everyday if something had happened and they just hadn't called me yet. So I would be a wreck either way. jmho.

 

[heidica]

Thank you all for your words of kindness and sharing your own personal experiences. Your kindness warms my heart. My Father is making arrangements right now for all of us to go and see her, which will end up being a week before we leave. So I will get to see her before we leave. Also, I plan on calling DCL and find out more details of the travel insurance and what is covered.

It is a difficult situation. Her declining health is not related to a specific disease process just her body is starting to give up, as well as her brain. She is getting physically weaker and has problems with her heart and lungs. Currently her Doctor believes she is stable and could be this way for several more months. But then she could always make a turn for the worse. No one knows. Also, her confusion and dementia has been getting steadly worse. She does not recognize the family any more. So the trip my father is arranging will be more for us, then for her.

I'm still torn on whether I want to know when she has passed while I am gone. If I decide I will find away home and cancel the trip, then of course I want to know right away. However, if I decide to continue the trip, even if I did find out she had passed away, then I'm not sure I want to know. I should add here that I love my Grandmother dearly and she has been wonderful to me, but do to geography and lack of time, during my childhood and life now, I am not very close to my Grandmother. I know she loves all her Grandchildren dearly, but some grandchildren she has been able to spend more time with and be closer to. I have never lived near my Grandmother (or the rest of the family for that matter) because I was a military brat and moved alot. We travelled to visit family as often as we could, but you can only do it so often. I guess I wish I was closer (I'm sure Grandma does too), just circumstances didn't allow it. If I have already decided to not interuppted the trip if she dies, then finding out during the trip would just sadden the trip because it would probably be all I would think and stress about. If I was told when we returned, then I could think and stress about it and not during the cruise when I couldn't do anything about it anyway.

Let me also add, that if this was my parents or siblings, my perspective would be totally different. I would want to know if something had happened to them and I would leave the cruise immediately. For one, they are not sick right now & it would be a total surprise if something happen to them. But also, I am much closer to my parents and siblings. Like I said above, it is not that I don't want to be closer to my Grandma, it is just the way things have worked out, for better or worse. I guess it is partly my relantionship with her that is allowing my brain to question what I would do. If it was my parents or siblings, my brain would definitely not be questioning it.

Again, uugghh!! I don't know what to do. I will just remember it is in God's hands now and let him do his bidding. I will try to know my options and handle it the best I can. Again, thank you all for sharing and your kindness.

 

[snelsonbrown]

My dear one - how well I know your heart as what to do that seems right for you and everyone else - as long as your grandmother has had your love and devotion for regardless how many years, you should know that in your heart, what ever happens, whether you there or not - she is in God's Hands - keep your memories - many years ago or so it seems, my mom battled cancer and she sat down and told me about 6 weeks before she died "honey I don't care if I am dying, if you have the chance to go play bingo DO IT - you have shown me all your life what I have meant to you and if I die without you there, it's ok for I am not alone, I am with God - you have been an awesome daughter" - on Jan 30 of 1979, I did go to bingo (it was my way of coping with a great deal of "stuff" at home) and just when I got home there was a phone call that my mama had passed with a big smile on her face - do I regret not being there - no for my heart would have broke even more and she went just as she wanted - me playing bingo and her alone with her Lord - Sometimes we have to choose our own battles - we have to do what we feel in our hearts is right all the way around. I adored my mama and I still am loss without my mama 24 years later - but my mama was very giving and there wasn't a selfish bone in her body and I know in my heart - she was happy for me for I won that night - See your grandma - have a closure - and if something happens sweetie - you have your comfort of memories and make them all good.
God Bless
Hugsssssss from Florida
Always
Shirley

 

[JenniferIsBored]

A similar thing happened to me on my last vacation. My parents and i went to Universal Studios in Florida, and my grandma's birthday was during our vacation, and we had plans to visit with her and do the birthday thing when we got back. Unfortunetely, she had a severe stroke (Her second) on her birthday parylizing her right side (her left was already paralized) and she was in serious condition and we didnt even know if she would make it through the night. We had a decision to make, fly home right then, drive home the next morning, or finish our vacation. We live in the Chicago area, so the drive would be two days. We left early and drove home. My grandma died a few days after we got home. I did see her, but i felt guilt for not being on her birthday, and after this stroke, she was basically in a coma. You have to live your life, but if a loved one is ill and might die, i reccomend visiting them before you leave, and call at night after you enjoy your day. I regret not seeing my grandma before i left, even tho i had the opportunity. It's like being between a rock and a hard place, situations like this. And i hope no one else has to go through it.