Need advice - I'm so torn! (sorry long)

[SDFgirl]

I'm facing a situation that I'm very torn about - was wondering if anyone had any advice or experience with this.

I'm a teacher, and I really love it. Through my employer, I'm allowed to take an (unpaid) two year leave of absence for child-rearing. Currently, I'm taking this school year off to raise my daughter. We are expecting another baby in June.

The plan (between DH and I) was for me to take two years off and return to work after that. (My contract states that I still have a job somewhere in the district). I really enjoy staying home with my DD, but I always planned to return to teaching. This year I was surprised to find myself missing being in the classroom, but at the same time was also quite happy to be at home.

Soooooo...a few months ago I broached the subject with DH of returning to work after just this one year. Primarily because I miss teaching, but also because I miss the money...

DH says we can afford for me to take the whole two years off, but of course the money would be nice and would allow us to accomplish some of our financial goals sooner (bigger house, pay off student loan debt, etc.) We are managing on one salary, but things are tight. Basically he has left the choice up to me! I am so grateful to have such a supportive husband...but very, very torn about making this decision.

I love teaching, I enjoy having the extra money...but I love being home too! And now with a new baby on the way, I think I would really cherish that extra year...I dunno.

If you've made it this far, thanks. Has anyone had any experience with this - being torn about going back to work? What did you do? I just don't know how to make this decision.

 

[McDISer]

Hmm,
Figure out what child care is going to cost.
If it is going to run $20,000 a year, I am almost betting that is half your salary?
Will it be worth it.
That first year goes so fast, especially having a 2nd baby.
If you have the option, stay home for now.

 

[SnowWhite607]

I was a teacher who stayed home to care for DD. After one year, I decided to stay another year, and then it turned into 2 and 3....anyway I stayed home with her till she went to kindergarten and I will never regret that time. IMO, you may regret missing things that the kids do and say when they are little. You will never regret staying home and sharing tha time with them.

 

[DisneyKT]

Have you thought about private tutoring. That could help you out money wise. I am not working right now. It is not worth it with the price of daycare.
When my DS goes to school I will go back to work hopefully. Best of Luck.

 

[SnowWhite607]

And I am not married to a high wage earner either. DH is a teacher so you can imagine a family of 3 trying to survive on one teachers salary (you and I both know that teachers are not bringing in the big bucks, LOL!) but it was ALL worth it and I have since gone back to teaching.

Teaching will always be an option but your babies are only little once.

Tutoring - great idea! I know they have high stakes testing also that you could get shorter tutoring assignments for.

 

[Loverly]

Have you thought about private tutoring. That could help you out money wise. .

My retired Schoolteacher friend tutors High Schhol students at math & makes $50 an hour-PER student! She only does it two afternoons a week.

 

[yoopermom]

Stay home, please. I went back to teaching when DS was 6 weeks, and it is the one big decision I will always regret (did it for the insurance, but...). I honestly had to see a psychiatrist for over a year for postpartum depression, which I don't think would EVER have happened if I would have stayed home. You might be a "little" bored after being home a year with the first one, but think how much more work two are going to be than one, you're going to be glad to be home! My aunt used to always say, "Having a second kid isn't like having two, it's like having three or four". You have YEARS to work, and if your school has this generous of a policy, I'd use it, really!!

Let us know what you decide...
Terri

 

[luvsJack]

Sounds to me like you really need to do some soul searching and figure out what is best for you and your needs. There are some great moms out there that are just not cut-out to be SAHMs. And there are some great moms who are. And well adjusted kids from both kinds of moms.

Its great that you have the opportunity to stay home with your kids and its easy for everyone else to say "stay home", but you are the one that has to live with the decision everyday. I couldn't even tell you what choice I would make. Maybe making a pro vs con list of going back to work will help show you the decision you need to make.

As for the financial reasons to choose, I would suggest figuring out exactly what it will cost you to go back to work. Every thing from the clothes you may have to buy, gas, to child care; everything. You may find that you won't be making as much income as you think.

 

[SDFgirl]

OP here. Thank you to everyone for your advice!

Childcare isn't too big of an issue. A dear family friend has offered to watch both kids. She cared for my DD full-time when I DID go back to work (I worked the first 9 months of DD's life then left to stay home). She's awesome. She only charged me $20 a day for watching my DD, so I can't imagine that she'd charge any more than $40 a day for two kids. That's $800 a month, which is significantly less than one of my bimonthly paychecks.

I've got to admit, my heart is pulling me home. As one poster said, I've got the rest of my life to be a teacher, but only a few short years to be home with these two babies.

I think it would almost be easier if I hated my job, but I don't - I really enjoy it. But, I still think I'm leaning towards taking the extra year at home.

Thanks again for your advice!

 

[Boston Tea Party]

There will always be school kids.

However, YOUR kids are only young for a short time.

I would stay home in a heartbeat.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Tinijocaro]

I stayed home with my four children for 12 years total. DH is also a teacher, so he supported all six of us on one salary for 12 years. It can be done, and those early years can not be brought back.

I highly recommend that if you can, you should stay home.

And I am not married to a high wage earner either. DH is a teacher so you can imagine a family of 3 trying to survive on one teachers salary (you and I both know that teachers are not bringing in the big bucks, LOL!) but it was ALL worth it and I have since gone back to teaching.

Teaching will always be an option but your babies are only little once.

Tutoring - great idea! I know they have high stakes testing also that you could get shorter tutoring assignments for.

 

[Cindy B]

The newly certfied teacher in me says stay home so at least I can find a position somewhere.

(It's hard to find any position nowadays!)

I stayed home with my kids for 6 years. It was worth it at the time because of childcare expenses.

 

[SundancePass]

I agree with the OP who said you must search your own heart and soul and fingure out what's best for you and your family. I am one of the Moms who is not, never has been, nor ever will be a 24-hour-per-day-7-day-per-week mother. While my children are now 31 and 29, my DH is the one who chose to be the SAHD. I always felt guilty about going back to work when both were 6 weeks old until one day when I was discussing it with my daughter after she had graduated from college. She is a TAG teacher and we were talking about the things that parents miss with their kids. I told her I was sorry I missed so many things in their lives - she looked at me like I had bugs on my head and told me I never missed anything, that I was ALWAYS there when she needed me. Ok, guilt trip over.

Do what is best for you and your family. My husband quit and stayed home until after they graduated from college. It is so much better for parents to do the raising on their kids, IMO. We were fortunate to have been able to do what we did and neither of us regret a second of it.

Good luck to you and your family!

 

[Darcy03231]

I worked outside the home when I had my children as financially I didn't have a choice (I was the high wage earner). My ex stayed home with the children until they were 2 & 4 when we got divorced and they went into daycare. If you can afford to stay home while your children are small I encourage you to do it. They are years with your children that go by very quickly and you can never get back.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

I have to speak up for those teachers who chose to stay in the classroom before the other side makes us all feel bad. In my situation, DH had (has) a job which has no health benefits, so I felt impelled to go back rather than rely on god-knows-what to pay for any health crisis--which was fortunate, because before DS got in school DH had a serious illness which generated $100,000 in hospital bills. I don't even know if we would have had DS if I had been staying home, uninsured, with my girls.
Your husband has insurance, so you have that covered. But I have to say that older women coming back into the workplace around here are not finding a lot of openings, unless they teach a high-demand field like math, science, or special ed. They are then limited to subbing.
I understand your wanting to stay home--I took as much time as I could by scheduling my babies in the spring (I was able to get pg right off every time). With DD#1 I took from March 2 through end of August--DD#2 April 11 through end of Aug.--DS June 10 through Nov. 1 (start of 2nd quarter). I would never go back when they were only 6 weeks. But teaching is the absolute best job to have if you have to have one--usually your vacations line up, you get home before they do until they hit high school, and you can all have "snow days' together if you live in a snowy area.
I have 2 friends who are leaving the English department to stay home--but one is married to a high-powered lawyer and one is married to a doctor. But that does not mean 2 openings--around here no one is hiring teachers, and the rest of us may see our classes go back to 30 as they are considering not replacing one or both of these women.
Robin M.

 

[koolaidmoms]

Search your heart and when you make the decision you will be doing the right thing for you and your family whatever you choose. No one knows you and your family better than you.

We all choose different things for different reasons. Some go back to work, some stay home.

I ended up staying home for good. I even toy with homeschooling my kids now, my youngest just started kindergarten. We take it one year at a time and if I need to find work I will but right now things are okay and I can use the time to volunteer in the kids school and take care of my family.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[SDFgirl]

I have to speak up for those teachers who chose to stay in the classroom before the other side makes us all feel bad. In my situation, DH had (has) a job which has no health benefits, so I felt impelled to go back rather than rely on god-knows-what to pay for any health crisis--which was fortunate, because before DS got in school DH had a serious illness which generated $100,000 in hospital bills. I don't even know if we would have had DS if I had been staying home, uninsured, with my girls.
Your husband has insurance, so you have that covered. But I have to say that older women coming back into the workplace around here are not finding a lot of openings, unless they teach a high-demand field like math, science, or special ed. They are then limited to subbing.
I understand your wanting to stay home--I took as much time as I could by scheduling my babies in the spring (I was able to get pg right off every time). With DD#1 I took from March 2 through end of August--DD#2 April 11 through end of Aug.--DS June 10 through Nov. 1 (start of 2nd quarter). I would never go back when they were only 6 weeks. But teaching is the absolute best job to have if you have to have one--usually your vacations line up, you get home before they do until they hit high school, and you can all have "snow days' together if you live in a snowy area.
I have 2 friends who are leaving the English department to stay home--but one is married to a high-powered lawyer and one is married to a doctor. But that does not mean 2 openings--around here no one is hiring teachers, and the rest of us may see our classes go back to 30 as they are considering not replacing one or both of these women.
Robin M.

Robin, thanks for the differing viewpoint. I am lucky in that I still have a job anytime I want it - I still have a contract with the district and am still an employee. I'm just on leave. I was told that all I had to do (even in the middle of the school year) was tell them that I was ready to end my leave and I'd be in the classroom within 2 weeks! This is a HUGE source of comfort for me and DH!

You are smart to plan those babies for spring! I get pregnant easily too, so if there's a third, I'm going to shoot for a April or May baby.

I agree that teaching's a great job for a mom. My mom is a teacher and I loved having her home on breaks/summers. (Although she taught in a more rural district then where I went to school, so she got WAAAY more snow days than me and it always made me sooo mad!! )

Still, I think my heart is telling me to stay home for just ONE more year...then go back to the classroom.

 

[puffkin]

I honestly don't know what I would do in your situation. I took 3 months off with DS and I was definitely ready to go back to work. I was bored out of my mind at home and missed interacting with adults. And that was after only 3 months with 1 kid!

Just an interesting observation. My mom was a SAHM for our first 18 months (I have a twin brother). Then my dad got laid off and my mom had to go to work while my dad stayed home with us for another year. At 2 1/2 my dad went back to work and my mom continued working so we went to daycare. I have so many vivid (good) memories of daycare, but none of staying home with either parent. My mom also arranged her schedule so that we wouldn't need before or after school care during elementary school. I really don't remember any of that either. I mainly remember daycare/school from my child hood.

I guess what I am saying (flame suit on) is do what is best for YOU. It probably won't affect your kids that much one way or the other.

 

[SDFgirl]

I guess what I am saying (flame suit on) is do what is best for YOU. It probably won't affect your kids that much one way or the other.

No flames from me - I agree for the most part. My babysitter loves my DD like a family member. I have no doubt that she gets wonderful care and tons of attention when she's there.

My reasons for wanting to stay home are not that I think they'll get sub-par care somewhere else. I want to stay home with them because I love watching them grow and learn. I love the cuddles and hugs I get from DD. Staying home just lets me slow down a little more and just enjoy them being babies.

 

[nuke]

I think you need to to what you feel is best for your family. Don't feel pressure to stay home because others did that with their families. Only you know what's right for you.