Need advice for son

[MushyMushy]

I had just posted about 3 weeks ago about my son moving into his first apartment (http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2535933) with a female friend and now I need advice for him. The thing is, I only know some of the details so I'm piecing this together based on the tiny bit he has told me and what his ex-girlfriend has told me (they were together almost 3 years and I trust what she has said).

Things weren't working out with the girl he moved in with. He gave her 30 days to find a new roommate. Apparently, that night when he came home from work, this girl had two men waiting with her and she told him to get out then and there with just the clothes on his back. It's been 3 days and she won't let him back in for his things, not even his clothes. She has also told some of the people he worked with that he beat her. I'm as sure as I can be that it's a lie, but what really confirms it for me is that his ex girlfriend and ex's mother both say it's ludicrous -- he's lived with them for the past year. The ex was pretty bitter over the breakup, so for her and her mom to take his side in this tells me a lot.

I TOLD him that this girl would be drama and trouble. I KNEW that she would. This isn't an "I told you so," but it just breaks my heart that it came true. I know her family from way back and could see it coming a mile away.

Anyway, I'm not supposed to know all of this. All he has told me is that she's not giving him his stuff and that he'll handle it. His ex told me the rest and I've promised not to let on that I know. I'd really like some advice on what he can do about his belongings. I'm not having much luck on google searches, but what I am seeing isn't very hopeful. Seems like it'll be a long process to go to small claims court and by that point, she could have destroyed everything. Oh, and he wasn't on the lease yet, didn't have any bills in his name. I don't know if that'll help or hurt him.

 

[PUZZLDY5]

Have you tried calling your local police department for some advice. They may be able to go with him to retrieve his things. If he can prove that he lived there that is. (Drivers license, piece of mail etc.)

 

[Trish Bessette]

Can he go to the police and see if they will escort him there to get his belongings?

How awful and what right does this witch have not allowing him to get his belongings?

Who is listed on the lease?

 

[Darcy03231]

He needs to go to the police and make arrangements with them to go with him to pick up his stuff. In our area there's a cost involved.

 

[sjs314]

I agree with pp he needs to contact the police and have them escort him to retrieve his belongings ASAP

 

[golfgal]

I agree-call the police-first to prove he didn't beat her-no bruises I hope (self inflicted) and to get his stuff back.

 

[mommasita]

He needs to go to the police and make arrangements with them to go with him to pick up his stuff. In our area there's a cost involved.

I am so sorry. Like you don't have enough right now

I do so agree with this, as he was not listed on the lease. Were any bills in his name?

Good luck, and hope this gets resolved.

 

[luvmy3]

OP, can't he just go when she isn't there? Maybe he could contact the landlord and get him/her to let him in if he no longer has a key.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Sorry this is happening to your son, it sounds just awful. If she is saying he hit her then there really shouldn't be any contact at all. If he does approach her they will get into a fight she'll call police and your son will end up in jail. He either has to go with a police escort who can witness that he isn't abusive (his family and friends won't be enough in court if she decides to press charges even if she's lying) or, and personally I would go with this, he needs to just cut his losses, buy new stuff and consider it a lesson learned... an expensive lesson but probably a necessary one.

 

[Bren's Mom]

Is he on the lease?

If he is, then he absolutely has legal standing to have the landlord let him in. And if they changed the locks and didn't give a copy to the landlord, then she'll be in trouble with him as well.

I hope this gets straightened out soon!

 

[MushyMushy]

He's not on the lease, but the landlord knows he lives there. Because of my son's crazy work schedule, he hasn't been able to meet up with the landlord to sign it. That's what worries me about any rights he might have. I also worry about him entering the apartment alone. I'm just not sure it's a great idea when he's not legally on the lease.

And going to the police is a good idea. I *really* don't want him to have any unsupervised contact with her at this point. If I thought for a minute that he would hit a girl, I'd be first in line to nail his hide to the wall, but I know it's not true. And again, I'm not supposed to know any of this, so it's not like I can offer emotional support other than to give him generalized advice in dealing with her. I wish he'd just open up and tell me. All he's doing now is sleeping on the couch and going to work.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

He NEEDS to call the police and the landlord and get his stuff with them present. It is not just a "good idea", it is a necessary thing to do to cover himself legally. He needs to make time now.

They do that sort of thing all the time.

My sister had to call the police and do that with my brother's GF.

 

[shortbun]

Hard lesson to learn huh? Well, he should check with the police but with no name on the lease and no bills in his name....he doesn't have much going for him. I hope he can find a way to get his stuff. I'm betting the police will not get involved. Hopefully, I'm wrong.

 

[luvmy3]

He's not on the lease, but the landlord knows he lives there. Because of my son's crazy work schedule, he hasn't been able to meet up with the landlord to sign it. That's what worries me about any rights he might have. I also worry about him entering the apartment alone. I'm just not sure it's a great idea when he's not legally on the lease.
And going to the police is a good idea. I *really* don't want him to have any unsupervised contact with her at this point. If I thought for a minute that he would hit a girl, I'd be first in line to nail his hide to the wall, but I know it's not true. And again, I'm not supposed to know any of this, so it's not like I can offer emotional support other than to give him generalized advice in dealing with her. I wish he'd just open up and tell me. All he's doing now is sleeping on the couch and going to work.

Will the police go with him if there has been no prior documentation of a domestic dispute at the residence? I just don't see them taking the time just to go to someone's house so they can get their things unless there is an ungoing case. I guess I see the police getting involved after a crime, not escorting someone because one may be committed. Also, if he isn't on the lease, the police may not be able to let him in. I would call them and see what they have to say about the situation and then go from there. Good luck

 

[bored]

Best advice i can think of:

1) Call police to get stuff back
2) Don't shack up

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Will the police go with him if there has been no prior documentation of a domestic dispute at the residence? I just don't see them taking the time just to go to someone's house so they can get their things unless there is an ungoing case. I guess I see the police getting involved after a crime, not escorting someone because one may be committed. Also, if he isn't on the lease, the police may not be able to let him in. I would call them and see what they have to say about the situation and then go from there. Good luck

Oh yea, it is very common for police to do this at least around here.

 

[luvmy3]

Oh yea, it is very common for police to do this at least around here.

I wasn't sure but if thats the case then I would definitely go that route. Better safe than sorry.

 

[MushyMushy]

Well, he got most of his stuff today! He talked to the landlord and he went with him. He didn't get everything, but at least came home with some of his clothes, his computer and gaming system.

I say he chalks the rest up to lesson learned.

 

[PUZZLDY5]

Well, he got most of his stuff today! He talked to the landlord and he went with him. He didn't get everything, but at least came home with some of his clothes, his computer and gaming system.

I say he chalks the rest up to lesson learned.

Not trying to be nosy but what is left over there. If it's just cell phone chargers and a couple of dishes I'll agree with you and chalk it up as lesson learned but if it has any monetary value he may have to suck it up and go back for round 2.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Well, he got most of his stuff today! He talked to the landlord and he went with him. He didn't get everything, but at least came home with some of his clothes, his computer and gaming system.

I say he chalks the rest up to lesson learned.

Great news!!! Poor guy, what a crappy lesson to learn.