Need advice for potty training a boy!

[belle and woody fans]

Help! My son turned three Dec. 6th. He loves to wear underwear, but has accidents all of the time! I have to send him to preschool in pullups and whenever we go out. He hates being dirty (yes, he's a boy). I am not sure what to do. I give him stickers when he goes, but in order for him to go potty, I have to pick him up and carry him to the bathroom. My daughter, at 22 months, just took her diaper off and decided to go. I am not sure what else to do. It's also tough to get into a routine because I am finishing up college (full time). His day care/preschool said that they will work with whatever I want to do, but I know he will need to be changed 10 times per day. What should I do? Also, when should he learn to stand up and pee? Thanks in advance for ANY advice!

 

[perdidochas]

Help! My son turned three Dec. 6th. He loves to wear underwear, but has accidents all of the time! I have to send him to preschool in pullups and whenever we go out. He hates being dirty (yes, he's a boy). I am not sure what to do. I give him stickers when he goes, but in order for him to go potty, I have to pick him up and carry him to the bathroom. My daughter, at 22 months, just took her diaper off and decided to go. I am not sure what else to do. It's also tough to get into a routine because I am finishing up college (full time). His day care/preschool said that they will work with whatever I want to do, but I know he will need to be changed 10 times per day. What should I do? Also, when should he learn to stand up and pee? Thanks in advance for ANY advice!

Well, I really can't give good advice, since we potty trained our boys when my wife was a SAHM. In terms of standing up and peeing, he needs to watch your husband at least once.

 

[jodifla]

Help! My son turned three Dec. 6th. He loves to wear underwear, but has accidents all of the time! I have to send him to preschool in pullups and whenever we go out. He hates being dirty (yes, he's a boy). I am not sure what to do. I give him stickers when he goes, but in order for him to go potty, I have to pick him up and carry him to the bathroom. My daughter, at 22 months, just took her diaper off and decided to go. I am not sure what else to do. It's also tough to get into a routine because I am finishing up college (full time). His day care/preschool said that they will work with whatever I want to do, but I know he will need to be changed 10 times per day. What should I do? Also, when should he learn to stand up and pee? Thanks in advance for ANY advice!

This is a tough time! But you'll get through it. I think you need to figure out what motivates your son. My DS didn't want to stop what he was doing to go to the potty.

So, I told him: We you have an accident, ALL THE FUN STOPS! I made sure that going and cleaning up, changing clothes, wiping the floor, etc. took as much time as possible. It made him furious, but once he realized it was a lot quicker just to stop and go potty in the first place, he trained within a week.

 

[beccalines]

Good luck!

With my first son, we let him get Toy Story undies (his fav. at the time), and told him if he could stay dry, he could wear them. He started out in underwear and if he peed, he had to put on a pull up. That really worked for him.

Our daughter was simple. She just did it.

Our other son....Well, he turned 3 in Sept. and I have tried everything to get him potty trained and have had no luck.

I wish the best for you!

 

[Hannathy]

Don't ask us, ask your son at three he should be able to tell you why he isn't using the potty. And get rid of the pull ups. He should be uncomfortable! I know I am going to get flamed but after a certain age I think they need to know we are disappointed that the didn't use the potty, not punished but a simple statement that you are disappointed they didn't go. He should also have to change his underwear himself and clean up if needed. Stop carrying him, but remind him. I also doubt he will need to be changed that often, but as others have said when he figures out how yucky it feels and how much time he loses changing and cleaning etc he'll start using the potty. And being in daycare he'll start not liking being the only kid who has to stop playing and change.

 

[CampbellScot]

Don't ask us, ask your son at three he should be able to tell you why he isn't using the potty. And get rid of the pull ups. He should be uncomfortable! I know I am going to get flamed but after a certain age I think they need to know we are disappointed that the didn't use the potty, not punished but a simple statement that you are disappointed they didn't go. He should also have to change his underwear himself and clean up if needed. Stop carrying him, but remind him. I also doubt he will need to be changed that often, but as others have said when he figures out how yucky it feels and how much time he loses changing and cleaning etc he'll start using the potty. And being in daycare he'll start not liking being the only kid who has to stop playing and change.

I agree with this 100%!!

Also, I wouldn't worry about the standing up and peeing business just yet. My step son makes a terrible mess b/c he just doesn't pay attention...he'd rather sit for now and that is fine with us. Standing up for one thing and sitting for another can be confusing at first. Keep it simple.

Going back and forth from undies to pull ups is confusing. If he is in undies, then that is it. You've made the choice, diapers are gone, big boy underpants are in. At his age he is having accidents probably b/c he doesn't want to stop what he is doing. He is making a choice. This is one of the only things in the world children have complete control of. You are rewarding him by carrying him to the bathroom and pleading with him to go. He is 3. He doesn't have a choice. He needs to go to the potty when you tell him to. I'd start with putting him on the potty every 15 minutes. Explain that since he is having a hard time keeping dry you have to go often to be safe. Once he can start going potty by himself, he can choose when to go. Until then, it's all mommy's choice. If he has an accident I wouldn't rush to change him. I'd let him be uncomfortable for a few minutes...and as someone said previously, all fun stops when pants get wet. Go through a long process of getting him changed and wiped down and have him help clean up, put his wet pants and underwear into the wash. That will make a point really quickly.

There is no reason for people to flame the suggestion that kids be uncomfortable in wet pants for a few minutes. There is nothing wrong with children learning that actions have consequences, especially an action he has complete control of. He is LEARNING...it's a process...not an abuse.

good luck mommy!!!

 

[Tosie]

My sister struggled with trying to potty train her daughter for months. She was really freaking out in late August last year because my niece was supposed to start preschool in a few weeks.

What worked for her was firmly telling her that she was disappointed in her and that she was old enough to use the potty (she was 3 1/2 at the time). Believe me when I say that up to this point my niece KNEW my sister was a pushover when it came to this subject so when my sister changed her tune it was a real eye-opener! There was no yelling, no threatening, no punishment - just that firmness.

This, in conjunction with her preschool teacher's rules ("We use the potty in this class - if you can't use the potty you can't come to school" as that is their rule) worked wonders and my niece was trained in days.

That being said - what works for one won't work for another. Talk to him about what's going on and tell him what you expect of him.

 

[CampbellScot]

I just wanted to add that with kids who are three and up, the potty trainging thing has pretty much become a power struggle. They've got the control and they know it.

You just have be firm and start letting the kids know that they aren't doing anything to be proud of when they wet their pants. It's disappointing.

Once the power struggle is over, they'll give up the ghost and quit messing with you! Bright little stinkers aren't they?

 

[crisi]

patience.

I'll give you a hint though, the last thing you try will work.

 

[perdidochas]

There is no reason for people to flame the suggestion that kids be uncomfortable in wet pants for a few minutes. There is nothing wrong with children learning that actions have consequences, especially an action he has complete control of. He is LEARNING...it's a process...not an abuse.

I agree. Before the advent of disposable diapers, most kids were potty trained earlier than today. Partly, because they started the potty training earlier. Wet cloth diapers are very uncomfortable and hard to clean.

 

[Perditamarie]

I have a couple of questions for you. Is his daycare/school currently working with him to go potty? Does he still need to be changed 10 times a day while they are working with him? Also, does he stay dry overnight and at nap time?

 

[belle and woody fans]

Thanks for the hints. I am a little soft because he had kidney surgery back in October. But, that is no excuse for not going potty, he urinates and has normal range kidney function. You guys are right. I need to be firm about going. He should change himself and since he doesn't like being wet or dirty, I think this may help. I don't feel that being a little wet is child abuse. He is very loved (maybe too spoiled) and it is partly my fault. But, I can't expect him to go potty all of the time if I am confusing him myself by switching between underwear and pullups all of the time. Thanks!

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

There's a thread over on the CB board about 4 and 4 1/2 year olds not being trained (hate that word). I have to say, I've been out of the toddler business for a while now , but the thought of a school-age child's diapers just grosses me out.

One thing I did with my boys to help them "aim" and make it fun - I left a small cup of fruit loops in the bathroom. They would drop a couple in the toilet and "aim". They'd dissolve and flush right down.

We praised when they went and reminded them firmly not to wait so long when they had a ****oo. My sons were always welcome in the bathroom with my dh (show and tell), my daughter was (and still does) pop in and out of the bathroom when I'm in there - so, they understood the way "grown-ups" go.

We were very nonchalant about the whole thing. My oldest was fully trained by 2 1/2 - the middle guy by 3 (he took a bit longer - had some serious gross and fine motor skill delays). My daughter just whipped her diaper off and decided to wear panties and that was that. She was just two (drove me nuts because we were driving down to Disney and I didn't want to have to deal with bathroom stops for a newly trained child - but she didn't have one accident the whole time).

Anyway - the more I read about this (being my youngest is 8 - we never used pull-ups) - I think the pull-ups and the disposable diapers are the problem - they keep the kids so dry and comfortable - why bother stopping something fun to go pee?

Heck - that even worked for that crazy astronaut lady, didn't it?!!

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

We praised when they went and reminded them firmly not to wait so long when they had a ****oo.

OMG - too funny. I typed boo boo and it got asterisked because I didn't space in between.

I just found that to be hysterical. I need to get a life!

I wonder if boo boo will get asterisked too!!!

Sorry. Carry on.

 

[Frye7127]

I put pull-ups on my son when he slept at night for a while or when he had to take medicine that made him sleep really hard. As for daytime wear, he did not wear them that long. He ran around naked in the house every afternoon and I got him to potty that way. Poop was a little harder, but he was consistent when he went, so we finally got that down. When he was being a little persnickety and backsliding a bit (really just testing to see what I would do about it), I told him I wasn't going to buy anymore pullups when they were gone that was it. He responded, "that's a problem." He knew what was going on for sure. He was late 2/early 3 at this time.

 

[pperfectmom]

OMG - too funny. I typed boo boo and it got asterisked because I didn't space in between.

I just found that to be hysterical. I need to get a life!

I wonder if boo boo will get asterisked too!!!

Sorry. Carry on.

I find that pretty amusing also!!

 

[crisi]

Thanks for the hints. I am a little soft because he had kidney surgery back in October. But, that is no excuse for not going potty, he urinates and has normal range kidney function. You guys are right. I need to be firm about going. He should change himself and since he doesn't like being wet or dirty, I think this may help. I don't feel that being a little wet is child abuse. He is very loved (maybe too spoiled) and it is partly my fault. But, I can't expect him to go potty all of the time if I am confusing him myself by switching between underwear and pullups all of the time. Thanks!

My own belief is that its a mistake to be firm at just turned three. I took this tact with my daughter and it backfired. It became a huge power struggle and set the tone for more power struggles (she is seven - we are dreading her teenage years). If he gets close to four and he hasn't picked up on it, then you need firm.

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

I had a problem with my son butwe just let him pick out the potty that he liked(a train one from Target.com) and put a sticker chart on his bedroom wall. It sat there for about a month and once in a while he'd use the potty so we'd put a sticker on but if he had an accident he had to remove the sticker and start all over again. I don't use pullups since I think they hinder the process and he didn't like to be wet so one day I told him that the store was out of diapers and all we had were underwear so he'd either have to be very careful or be naked(which he hates) and from that day on no accidents. I don't think kids should be pushed before they're ready though. Some kids are just slower to learn than others and we shouldn't say ALL kids should be potty trained by x years of age.

 

[AllesonWonderland]

We had good luck with sticker charts and a toy basket full of little toys. (Matchbox cars and other small items.) After so many stickers he could pick a prize. I started out with a small amount so he could earn something quickly, then after he got the hang of things it would take more times. Praise, praise, praise worked well. Later on he kind of lost interest in the toys so I wrapped a bunch in giftwrap and had them in the basket. Then he was interested again because he was curious what was in the packages. DS didn't start standing up, and once he started using the 'big potty' we had him sit on it backwards so he wasn't scared to fall in.

I agree with a pp who said the last thing you try will work. Our DD was trained before she was 2, so taking a little longer with DS was a new experience for us. Hope you find some good ideas here!

 

[3boyzmom]

I am also of the "go naked" school of thought. Pull-ups don't really help - as many posters have pointed out. My 3 boys all started using the potty at different times and with different methods - 1 wouldn't use the "little potty". But we always pretty much left it up to them to decide when they were ready. We didn't find it necessary to be "firm." We would introduce the concept and reinforce by showing them the potty and asking if they had to "go." Once they were going we switched to naked to fine tune the process (only at home ).

Of course, nothing works for every family or every child - too bad!