Need advice: binge drinking?

[curiouser]

I'm not quite sure where to ask about this, so I thought I'd ask for advice here.

I'm worried about a close friend of mine. She's in her mid-twenties and she goes out and drinks at the very least three nights a week. On those nights she usually has three+ beers and a few rounds of shots. This is fairly normal for her. She drinks to get a strong buzz, if not drunk. It's not unusual for her to stay home some nights and drink an entire bottle of wine by herself, as well. She doesn't understand when we go out as a group that most of us are just there to have a drink or two and enjoy each others company rather than play "drinking games", do shots, and get generally toasted. We've fought three times in the years we've been friends, and the last two times were when she was drunk.

I hate being around her when she has too much to drink. I just can't handle how she acts. She gets bossy and stubborn when things don't go her way. Plus I worry because she goes out drinking and then drives home. She jokes because some people not close to her have mentioned the word 'alcoholic' and she just says they just don't know her. I don't think she's an alcoholic, but I do fear that she's a binge drinker and I don't know how to talk to her about it.

But maybe I'm just overreacting? Should I just let her be and enjoy her "younger years" or do you think there's really a problem? My BF is ready to cut her off for her behavior and I really don't want to do that...

 

[grimley1968]

I'm sorry to read this. While I certainly enjoyed getting drunk on occasion in my younger days, and still enjoy an occasional beer, the behavior you describe sure sounds like alcoholism to me.

Some time when she's sober, I'd have a talk with her and tell her it makes you uncomfortable. At the very least, she will know how you feel, and it will then be up to her to decide if she prefers her friendships over getting wasted on a regular basis.

To me, you don't sound like you're overreacting at all.

 

[Christine]

Yeah, I think there really is a problem. Mid-20s is a bit too old for weekly behavior like that. We all have, MAYBE, annual episodes like these. Also, "alcoholism" is problem drinking. I think binge drinking falls into that category.

I don't have any advice for what to do. As you probably know, you cannot help her, she can only do it. But the first step is disapproving of the behavior and avoiding situations with her where it happens. If enough people do this to her, she might see that it is no longer the in thing to do.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

That's a tough one. One thing I would address is the drinking and driving. As for her drinking...well I had a few years like that, but then I settled down. I still occassionaly binge drink, but it's few and far between. I'm getting too old to feel the way I do the next day.

Edited to add: my years were around 22-25. I let my hair down AFTER college.

 

[Bob Slydell]

The drinking and driving, along with the binge drinking alone (the whole bottles of wine by herself) are troubling, so those are the types of things I would talk to her about (especially the drinking and driving). The rest of the stuff you mention doesn't sound that unusual. The personality change is normal -- it's just that everyone's personality changes differently, some for the better, some for the worse.

 

[lovemygoofy]

It's hard watching someone you love, self destruct, isn't it?

First, she isn't binge drinking, she is on the border of alcholism if it is to the point that you say it is. Binge drinking is say drinking 2 cases of beer on a Saturday night or every Saturday night. When you have a consisten pattern of drinking, you are past the binge stage. It is common in the 20's to go out and drink and carry on but from what you are describing it could be more.

Right now I'm more concerned about her driving herself home after that many drinks. SOMEONE HAS TO STOP THAT! Even if this means calling the police, she has to learn the hard way before she kills someone including herself. You and your friends need to figure out a way to put a halt to this if possible before doing the extreme of calling the police, which I have done. I also have wrestled a very very drunk friend of mine on the ground to get her keys away. Be proactive in the friendship.

Do you know why she is drinking? Some drink to gain self-esteem when in social situations. Some drink to let loose whatever is bothering them. Sounds like you need to have a real heart to heart with her when she is sober and explain in plain detail what she is like drunk and you want to know why she is drinking so much. And you know if all fails, sometimes you have to watch them self destruct and love them and try to help them when the bottom hits.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I occassionaly had a bottle of wine in the evening by myself. I never NEEDED to drink, I just did. Everyone is different though, so maybe she does have a problem, or maybe she is just going through a phase. If you are close friends then yes I think you two can have a mature conversation. Again, the one issue I would definetly get on her about is the drinking and driving.

Gosh, I sound bad, don't I? I am just trying to make a point, that maybe she doesn't have a problem.

I do know people who have drinking problems, so I can understand your concerns.

 

[curiouser]

You bring up a good point, lovemygoofy.. I don't know why she drinks. I think mostly she thinks that's what equates a good time. But she also does it when she's had a bad day, when she needs to unwind, when its time to celebrate, etc... Every major emotion equates to a trip to the bar.

I also forgot to mention that it seems like its not unusual for her to drink heavily at family occassions. Its also very normal for her parents to have a few mixed drinks everynight before bed. Is this just a family habit that I don't understand?

MissJasmine, your point is why I wonder if I am overreacting. After I graduated and was out on my own I realized how expensive drinking was and cut back! She's spent $1000 on her cc in one month just on bar tabs! eek!!

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Yikes $1000. Hmmm, that might change my thinking a bit. I think a good heart-to-heart is in order. THAT is very concerning to me. I didn't realize HOW much she was really drinking from your description. You might want to read some info from al-anon. http://www.al-anon.org/