Need advice about leaving teenager home during vacation

[SandraC]

Hi All ~ dd15 doesn't love vacationing with us anymore, so we are starting to prepare ourselves to leave her home....and have friends and family check in on her.

She is coming to Florida with us in March....but I think that's the last trip with us for her.

I need your advice about leaving teenagers home. She is a GREAT kid....very responsible.

Please share your stories about leaving your teens home.

Blessings, Sandra

 

[Ham Ham]

 

[LSmith]

So true. Left our ds(17) home a couple of years ago. Found the pictures of the party on Facebook while we were still in Florida. Thanks for reminding me.

BTW This is a kid who NEVER partied, was home every night, never went anywhere on weekends, worked a part time job after school and got decent grades. They just can't help themselves.

 

[mcvixen]

And in some small defense of the teenagers out there... sometimes it's the situation itself.

Your parents go away. You tell some friends (because what, it's a secret or something?). They tell some more. It goes viral through the school.

Next thing you know, it's 9 pm, and there's a knock on the door..... and standing on the doorstep, booze and other illegal accessories in hand, are some casual acquaintances, the coolest kids in the school, looking for a place to party. What, is your child going to say, "No, buzz off, I'm going to be studying tonight?" ??

Not. likely.

Not at the risk of completely *ruining* their social standing in their school!

So I wouldn't assume anything bad about your DD, but I wouldn't trust the other kids at her school as far as I could throw 'em.

Then again, it can be a pretty effective life lesson, when it's Sunday morning after a party, the place is trashed and you have to frantically get a wall panel replaced (because some drunken idiot crashed into it), and none of your so-called friends will help pay for it.... Our nephew tried calling us on just such an occasion. Gave my DH a good laugh......

 

[laura001]

LOL!!!

That is so funny and true!!!

We have left our 3 children at home before while vacationing. The first time was the time of the BIG party!!! DS even roped off our living room and put all breakables away...........DUH, that was his mistake! I could tell immediately something was up because I know exactly where everything sits and he didn't get it quite right. It took about a week of us being at home before he finally caved and told us

After that experience, we, or I, threaten them within an inch of their lives Actually, we made a rule that none of the kids can have any more than one friend in the house at a time, NO exceptions. I guess just reminding them that no matter what they do I am going to figure it out helps too!

I will let you know what happens in May when we get home from our 2 1/2 week vacation and all 3 of them are at home without us.

 

[DearDaisyinDurham]

Sandra,
First, loved your vacation pictures on Facebook! So fun, thanks for sharing!

You have a wonderful family. Just my two cents about your daughter at home alone (having kids that are adults now) -
Is there a friend she can stay w/ - or family - for at least part of the time? You just never know - you can have the most responsible kid in the world - but what if something went wrong? You need to have a comfort level while you're away, that she's fine. It's ultimately that gut feeling you have to go with, you're clearly wonderful parents.
Hugs,
Daisy
xoxoxo

 

[CanadianImagineer]

Make the "check-ins" random so that she has to be on her best behaviour no matter what time of day.

 

[Joann]

I am a kid whos parents would go away to Hawaii for 2 weeks leaving me home at the age of 16. I NEVER had a party ever and my friends knew that they were gone. I would only have 1 or two of my friends over and thats it. Our next door neighbour would call or come by and check on me every now and then. I think if your daughter is mature enough she would know who she can trust and tell that she is alone if they are a good friend (s) then they would not tell anyone if she asked them not to. You could always try mini long weekends away and leave her home and see how it goes even tell her your going for longer then you really are and see what happens. If you stay close enough you could always drive by and peek on the house. Try a stay mabey in Toronto or do a Stage West weekend or something to see if you can trust her and her friends. You also could have a nieghbour watch and if they see anything up they can call you and u can go check in. Just a few suggestions to mabey make you feel more comfertable doing the real one away !
Joann

 

[grover]

wouldn't you feel more comfortable having her stay with family or friends..or having someone come and stay with her?

i think there is alot that can happen besides a out of control party..she could get sick, something could happen at the house, at school, a accident etc

 

[tpettie]

So true. Left our ds(17) home a couple of years ago. Found the pictures of the party on Facebook while we were still in Florida. Thanks for reminding me.

BTW This is a kid who NEVER partied, was home every night, never went anywhere on weekends, worked a part time job after school and got decent grades. They just can't help themselves.

You just made me very greatful to be old and that there was not internet and home computers when my "resposible" sister and I were home while our parents went to work worked for a weekend out of town. Yickes We still have to listen to the broken table story each Christmas Sorry MOM

 

[Disney Ontario]

Hi. I remember years ago, my parents leaving us at home.its always a memory because TV Dinners and my grandparents came over to stay.How far away are any relatives?
We feel lucky that even ourDD16 & DD20 is excited to go to Disney in March.Our DD16 just told us that she still doesn't like to be home alone at night here.

 

[c&m]

My former neighbours were big on weekend getaways, leaving their teenaged daughter and teenaged son at home alone. They would have loud parties, and by 11pm, the drunk teenagers would be so obnoxiously cursing, yelling, and screaming, and the police would show up. The parents would come home and be oblivious to all the action that happened in their home. Sometimes, we'd see them in the yard and comment to them about the "noisy party" and the look of surprise and shock on their faces -- just priceless.

It's wonderful that you trust your daughter. But it's another thing to leave her open to vulnerable situations -- ones that she may unwittingly put herself in and ones that someone may throw her into. Maybe a grown-up friend or relative can take her in or have her sleep over at a girlfriend's home?? If she had a sibling close to her age or older to stay home with her, it'd be better. Good luck!

 

[Tantor]

I would be more concerned about other kids finding out she is home alone. In these days of email, text messaging, facebook etc who knows what can happen. I'm not sure I would leave my DD (she is also a really good kid and responsible ) at that age no matter who was checking in on her. That's just me.

 

[Debbie]

I would be a little concerned because she is by herself. Perhaps a friend could stay with her, or she could stay with a neighbour. That said, we've done it before.

In 2000, my 15 yo son was left home to work while we went to FL. He spent time at his aunt's, but some days on his own, and he loved it. He was cleaning the house before we got 2 km down the road. I know because I came back for my travel mug, and there he was, Windex and cloth in hand. He liked making meals for himself, but I think, for the most part, he slept at his aunt's.

In 2002, we left 3 of them at home-17, 16 and 15-while we took the youngest 2 to Disney. They were going to spend a couple of nights alone, and then someone was coming out to be with them. One aunt called and asked whoever answered the phone (not one of mine) how many were coming to the party that night....6, I think was the answer, and it was DS17's get together. And I know that he paid his 16 yo sister to clean up. There was an issue with the 15 year old, and auntie came to stay. (And they questioned: Don't know why Aunt Susan has to come and stay with us....er...can you say OPP )

Fast forward to 2007. DH and I went to WDW alone, leaving the 13 and 16 yo home. Again, the 16 yo had a job, and needed to be in the house. The 13 yo thinks she is the same age. We talked to the next door neighbour, so I knew that they were being watched. One Auntie now lives fairly close and could be here in 12 minutes. They did well, but the funniest thing....the ex-15 yo above made it home that weekend (2 hour bus ride) to make sure that the girls were okay. He even drove to her work (@ 600 m away) to make sure she got home okay at night. They DO mature!

 

[SandraC]

Thank you everyone!

We have left dd alone for one night many times while camping and once we left her two nights. She loves the alone time. We call often.

Keep the stories coming!

BTW, I was a terrible teenager, parties all the time when folks were away! S

 

[Sillyminny40]

We have left our two 16 yr olds twice with our friend's conservative 20 yr old son. Our guys do not have driver's license yet and we live in country. Our 12ds goes to favorite aunty's house which is just magic for him! I leave some cooked meals and baking at home while ds12 gets to take take out coupons.

We need someone to get groceries, clean, cook, drive boys to sports events. While we trust our kids NEVER trust others.
They find out and party. No matter what. That is the group of kids.

 

[pkitty]

Don't do it !

 

[SplashMom]

Wow, I feel overprotective! I left my daughter alone for the first time a few months back and she is 18. She is a great kid, honours student, etc. but I worry about other things that could happen. I always made her sleep at my parent's home, although she stayed at home all day. I may be too protective but I couldn't enjoy myself if I was worried about her. It's not so much the party thing (although it could certainly happen, lol) but something else like illness or something happening to the house/furnace, etc. If a friend sleeps over with her, it's not so bad. And her father and I were only gone for one night! I'm sure I couldn't leave her alone at 15 though.

 

[maggieb9975]

Hi Sandra....I wouldn't do it......as someone else mentioned, if word gets out the pressure on your DD to let people in is overwhelming. Plus, what if she gets sick, there's a fire etc.....I always assume my girls are mature and good girls..they are almost 17 and I would not leave them alone.....

One of my DD's best friends parents are going away for 2 weeks and leaving their DD alone. The parent has called all her DD's friends parents to let them know of situation so all the parents know there will not be parties at that house and I know now that my DD can't be there unsupervised.....so that is an option...make sure all the friends parents know the scoop...

When I was a kid, age 17 , my parents went to Ireland and left me in charge...YIKES!..My sister age 16 and brother age 13 were supposed to keep me in line but they helped with the cover ups and cleaning house after all the parties.....when my Mom went to do laundry she found beer bottles in the dryer!!!!

AND...when my dad went to have a drink a few weeks later from his bar, he found all those bottles of whiskey were now bottles of tea!!! Man...I was bad.....but not really...I had to come up with a way to refill them after my so called friends drank the booze.....

 

[SandraC]

dd15 was born a 35 year old women. We started leaving her alone at home for one night at a time when she was 14. We were camping 30 minutes from home.

I think she is so ready to grow up and have even more independence. She will come to Florida with us in March and NC in the summer, but the next Florida trip she'll be about 17 and she told us that she doesn't want to do Florida anymore.

Sandra