Need a mental break right now

[scjo68]

I am very sorry for your loss.

 

[SamSam]

Susan, Big Hugs to you for your loss. Take care of yourself and keep your memories alive.

 

[EDuke98080]

So sorry for you loss.

 

[Susan R]

Thank you everyone. I slept 12 hours last night so hopefully that will help some. He and my mother live in my house so we are a very close family although my dad could be a difficult man to live with sometimes, I love him dearly.

Apparently he had COPD since 2006 but didn't tell us. I think partially he didn't want us bugging him to stop smoking, but I know part of it was so we wouldn't worry about him. He never seemed to have too much trouble breathing. Just climbing stairs which I attributed to someone in their early 70's who was never too active in the first place.

He had a hernia operation on Feb 15 (his birthday...the medical staff in the operating room sang him Happy Birthday ) and they gave him a spinal tap instead of anesthetic. The operation went perfectly and he was able to go home the same day. He said he felt great. Then a few days later he developed what we all thought was a cold. It stuck with him and he started having a hard time catching his breath but wouldn't go to the doctor. Finally on Monday, he asked me to take him to the emergency room of our local health centre because he was having such a hard time breathing and his chest felt really tight.

I brought him in and the Doctors gave him a chest xray and said it looked like he had Pneumonia in both lungs, was severely dehydrated and was in the beginning stages of kidney failure. They told me he would have to be transferred to the main hospital in Halifax for a few days for fluids, antibiotics and rest and he should be able to go home in a few days. Dad told me to go home and get some rest because I had work the next day so I told him I would be in to visit him after work and that my brother would be in to see him in the morning.

I went home and around 12:30am I got a call from a doctor at the hospital asking me to come in because Dad's breathing was much worse. My mother also has health issues and my brother stayed home with her while I went in. When I got there, Dad was on some kind of ventilator and was having such a hard time breathing and was confused. I know he recognized me and was glad I was there. The doctor told me that he had a small heart attack as well. She told me that they had asked him what his wishes were as to recessitation but he was so confused they were not confident he knew what they were talking about. She asked me to make the decision on what they would do if he got worse and had another heart attack or his breathing got worse. That was the scariest decision of my life. To decide if they should give him CPR and shock him or give him a breathing tube if needed. They were worried that because of his age and frail health, it would do more damage by doing CPR and in all of the doctors opinions that I talked to, they said in Dad's case ,there was probably brain damage from lack of oxygen and once he went on the breathing tube he wouldn't be able to come off it.

I still worry that I didn't make the right decision, but I told them that I didn't want Dad to be in pain. I told them not to give CPR but to give him shocks if it would help if he had another heart attack. I also told them I don't believe he would want to have a breathing tube.

Shortly after that, they got more blood tests back that showed he had another heart attack but it wasn't one that would be able to be treated with shocks. By this time, my mother had come with my brother and we talked to 2 more doctors who told us that while they thought there would could be a chance he would wake up, they doubted it. My mother told me that she and my brother would back whatever decision I made. I told the doctors that I didn't want him in pain anymore so they stopped all treatment except for giving him oxygen, pain medication and something to keep him calm so he wouldn't struggle to breathe.

I stayed with him until he passed away on Wednesday night. The nurses and doctors were beyond amazing. They took such good care of him...and me for that matter. Even the little things like shaving Dad each day. It didn't matter that he was unconscious and wouldn't know any better. They knew it would have mattered to him and they new it mattered to us.

So now, it's trying to work through the grieving process and take care of my mother. Kevin is right, keeping busy with the little things is helping. I'm going to his bank today to try and take care of some of that stuff. I just hope I can keep it together. Yesterday was calling family and friends to let them know (my Dad didn't want a funeral or an obit).

But I have learned that I have some pretty amazing friends who have gathered around to make sure we are okay. We have enough casseroles and egg sandwiches to feed an army

And I'm also being reminded of how kind strangers can be. Most of you are strangers to me even though I feel I know you through your posts. You are all helping me cope and that is invaluable to me. Being able to tell you what happened makes me feel a little better. I am so worried that I didn't make the right decision but writing it out and seeing it, I am starting to believe that I did.

So thank you all.

Susan

 

[EPCOT is a verb]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your story may help someone else as they think about end of life decisions.

 

[Quicklabs]

God bless you

 

[JimmyV]

I m so sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing your thoughts. Please don't doubt your decisions for a moment. In times like this, we are guided by a steadier hand. You are very kind to say that this board brings you some sense of relief. May this, your memories and your loved ones comfort you.

 

[Susan R]

I listened to part of the podcast today while doing errands. I was so happy to be able to laugh. Little things that are helping thank goodness.

 

[bluecruiser]

Sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

[MK4ever]

Susan, Sorry for your loss The DIS can be a great distraction from reality and I think has helped many of us through hard times.

 

[Derby4me]

Thank you for sharing. Sounds like you made great decisions and how wonderful to have the support of your family. Prayers of strength for you all.

 

[figment3258]

I am so very sorry for your loss.
I understand the loss of a father. My dad passed when I was 14 and I struggled to find a balance in my life again and I think if I had a place like this to go it would have been easier to find comfort again.

Again I am very sorry for your loss I will pray that you and your family will be comforted and find peace

 

[hapandpam]

I am sorry to hear of your loss. May you get through these trying times and take comfort in your memories.

 

[LionKingRules84]

So very sorry for your loss. Thoughts and good vibes being sent your way to you and your family.

 

[Mickeyflower]

Oh Im so sorry for your loss. I find that The Dis is my happy place many times. May you find comfort and peace in the memories of your father.