Need a little wedding advice. **Update Post 42**

[Tazicket]

We have a good friend getting married in a few weeks. They announced that they'd be getting married about a week ago and said the wedding would be the last Saturday in June. Well, they changed it to the last Wednesday in June and I just found out last night. Our families are very close and I would very much like to go to be there for him and his parents (they're like another set of parents to me).

Here's the problem. The couple has decided they will be married in a house close to the bride's family and about 2 or 3 hours away for everybody on the Groom's side. It's also on a Wednesday which further complicates things. It's in the middle of the work week, DH is a music minister and I play in a Church orchestra- so we both have commitments. It's going to be in the early evening, so we'd have to leave work early, drive 2 or 3 hours to get there, spend a couple hours with them and then drive another 2 or 3 hours back home (which would put us back home close to midnight). So, if we go, we'd have to take a half day off work on Wednesday and either a full or half day off work on Thursday b/c of the drive and getting back so late. That Wednesday is also my birthday.

I really want to be there for them, but I'm not sure what to do (they don't seem to be overly concerned regarding anybody from the Groom's side being able to attend the wedding).

What would you do?

 

[Evil Genius]

A Wednesday night? I wouldn't go, I'd send a lovely gift and my regrets. It kind of stinks that the groom isn't speaking up.

 

[mickeyboat]

I don't think you should feel obligated to go. It is quite an imposition on you. But if it were me, and I could swing it, I would probably go. Consider it an adventure!

Denae

 

[mytwotinks]

I'd probably go if I was close to the family. I hate missing important events like that. It seems like as we start to get too busy to go to things, we start to drift apart. I don't really care much about my birthday, so that wouldn't be a big deal to me. We could always celebrate my birthday on the weekend. I think if you can get the time off, you should go. Just because the groom isn't beggin doesn't mean that he won't be sad if the wedding comes and no one is sitting on his side.

 

[alldiz]

If it is a really good friend....which I think you stated....

I would go.....yes it is an inconvenience......but they
are probably trying to save money with the wed night....
I'm sure they will really appreciate seeing the effort
you made getting there...
Kerri

 

[Tazicket]

It's not a money issue for them. It's that they want to be married in this house and they want to be married soon. If they don't get married that night, they'd have to wait for a couple of months b/c the guy is going out of town.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Since you describe them as "another set of parents", I would absolutely put myself out there and go.

Yes, it is annoying how they are doing it but annoying is not enough of a reason to skip something of value to you. It will bug you forever that you did not go.

 

[LiteBrite]

Since it's someone that you're so close to, I would rearrange my schedule (assuming it's possible to do so) and go. For anybody else, no way.

It will be a pain for you, but in the long run I think you'll be glad you were there for your friend.

 

[salmoneous]

I don't see the issue at all. If it really is a good friend, you go. If not, send a card and wish them well.

 

[Chicago526]

Wow, tough choice! If there is anyway to swing it, I say go, but if you just can't make it work, send a super nice gift and try not to feel bad about it.

 

[Beth76]

(they don't seem to be overly concerned regarding anybody from the Groom's side being able to attend the wedding).

That's what it seems like to me. It seems like they are going out of their way to make it difficult for people to attend. Who gets married on a Wednesday? No I wouldn't attend, but I would send a gift.

 

[stargrazer]

To see a good friend get married, I would drive a few hours each way.

I have a friend that is getting married in Texas next month - two days drive away for everyone involved except ONE person - and I had to decline. Two/three hours I can handle, two days is another story!

 

[Hannathy]

I would go for a good friend. I know it is an inconvenience but are we supposed to only be friends when it is convenient? Isn't that the definition of a good friend?,being there when not good friends don't find it easy.

My second thought is Gee you sound young and your worried about going to work one day after being up till midnight? It really isn't that late. And come on a 2 hr drive isn't that far, people in NYC and Jersey commute everyday 1 1/2 hrs. My DH had an 1hr and 20 min. commute each way daily. So asking you to drive 1 time 2 hrs isn't asking a lot.

Yep I would go.

 

[luv2nascar]

regrets only. I would not attend a wed wedding 2-3 hrs away.

 

[Andy B]

A Wednesday night? I wouldn't go, I'd send a lovely gift and my regrets. It kind of stinks that the groom isn't speaking up.

I think that is a bit harsh. In the Uk the tradition is that the wedding goes to the Brides home, also although we have been told that things have changed there was no formal invite before and we do not know the circumstances which have prompted the change. Also iif the groom spoke up then the brides family and friends would have to make the journey.

Also why does getting back at 11-12pm mean you need the next day off?

As to the question asked, It's really up to you and it's not something I would consider asking about on a website let alone making a poll of it. Wedding Guest Idol?

 

[Tazicket]

Yes, I am young. I also have a medical condition that makes it difficult to function if I don't get enough rest (hence the need to take off all or part of the next day, if we go).

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I'd go for a good friend. Missing a few hours work for a wedding would be no biggie for me. Also, I'm often up till midnight or 1:00 am just doing things at home. So I'd just go to work the next day, maybe a little tired, but not enough to take a day or a few more hours off. (edit: oh, sorry, I was posting at the same time you mentioned your medical condition. That makes it harder, but for a really good friend, I'd probably still take the extra time off and go. I had a friend take a week off work and come to my wedding all the way from England to California.)

Although it seems a little odd to get married on a Wednesday, they also planned it last minute. I would think at this point, they'd have a hard time finding any location and officiant available the last Saturday of June, much less the ones they really want. I'd give them a break on that one.

 

[Bob Slydell]

It's a personal decision you have to make, obviously, but if it was me and I was close friends with the couple, I would do what I could to make it.

 

[Tazicket]

I think that is a bit harsh. In the Uk the tradition is that the wedding goes to the Brides home, also although we have been told that things have changed there was no formal invite before and we do not know the circumstances which have prompted the change. Also iif the groom spoke up then the brides family and friends would have to make the journey.

Also why does getting back at 11-12pm mean you need the next day off?

As to the question asked, It's really up to you and it's not something I would consider asking about on a website let alone making a poll of it. Wedding Guest Idol?

Thank you for sharing your opinion

 

[Marion]

For a good friend and a once in a lifetime event... absolutely! So what if it's a little inconvenient, it's one night. I think you'd regret it if you didn't go