need a little advice re:DD6 ~ small update pg 2

[cepmom]

sorry ~ this is a bit long. I am at a loss with DD6. Last week she started having anxiety about being away from me. On Wednesday, I dropped her off at dance like always, said goodbye and left the studio. This is her 4th year of dance so nothing new. I was half way out of the parking lot when she came running out after me. I almost died. It was dark out and the studio is on a horrible busy road. I brought her back int he studio and sat with her until the teacher could convince her to come inside.

Last Saturday, I had the girls with me at a craft fair I was working at. A friend of mine was at the fair with her DD's. SHe offers to take my DD's home with her to play instead of being bored at the craft fair. My friend goes off with all 4 girls and is shopping at the tables on her way out. Next thing I know my DD6 is running towards me crying. She left my friend half way across the school and didn't tell anyone. My friend is freaking out because she thinks she lost my DD. I try to get her to go with my friend, but she is obviously torn about going anywhere, so I keep her with me. Once I started walking away from my friend's car she throws the biggest tantrum I have ever seen. Kicking, screaming, crying....it was horrible. She finally calms down and I take her back into the fair with me while DD9 goes off with my friend.

Yesterday, I drop her and DD9 off at school. I have been dropping them off together at the crossing guard right at the school entrance since September. DD9 walks DD6 to her line. It has never been a problem until yesterday. DD9 tells me she walked DD6 to her line and she went on to her own line as always. I get a call from a another friend of mine that she found DD6 at the sidewalk where I drop her off crying. She apparantly left her line to come back and find me. I had already left to go to work. My friend walked her to the school and got her to the class safely. The teacher called me later on to let me know what happened, but I was a work and didn't get the message until I got out of work.

Last night I had a big talk about the danger of walking away to find me by herself. She said she would not do it again. I let her pick a special piece of my jewelry she could wear to school to "keep me close" when she felt sad. We talked baout how it was only a short time we would be away from each other and I would pick her up after school (usually my neighbor does the afternoon pick up)

Today I walk her to the line myself. She did seem anxious before school, but I told her I would pick her up and gave her tons of hugs and kisses. She went in okay, but as I was walking away she came running out of the building after me crying. I walk her to the office and tried to calm her down. The principal had to take her crying from me and take her to the class room.

I am a wreck. I just don't know what to do about this. She only tells me that "I just want you" I have asked if someone at school is bothering her, if she's scared about something etc. She can not pinpoint why she is all of a sudden afraid to be away from me. Any advice???

 

[tw1nsmom]

Hugs to you and your DD. I don't really have any answers, I have my own DD6 that I'm dealiong with. We're not going through the issues to the extent that you are, but lately DD will not stay in a room alone. We have a very small house and if she's drawing at the dining room table and I go into the kitchen, she follows me. If she has to go to the bathroom or get something out of her room she makes her brother or someone else go with her. She'll cry and have a fit if I try to make her do something by herself.

So far this has just been happeining at home. I wonder if it's common for girls this age to have a lot of fears?

 

[Maleficent13]

I don't have any advice, but I do think *something* has happened...even something as simple as perhaps her hearing a story about a mother leaving or disappearing or even dying...maybe on TV or from another friend. I would try asking her leading questions and see if you get anywhere. for you and her.

 

[Hedy]

Could it be Panda Syndrome?

 

[debster812]

We went through something like this with DS, when he was just a bit younger than your DD. Know what it ended up being? He was positively FREAKED out by an Easter Bunny at the Mall (who wouldn't be afraid of a 7' Rabbit?). Anyway, it scared him so much, he was terrified at the fact that this giant rabbit was going to come into the house. He got very very clingy for a while.

It took us about a month to figure it out, because he also could not really pinpoint exactly what the problem was.

Good Luck--it's SO hard when you know there's something up, but you can't get to the bottom of it.

 

[3princesses+aprince]

My friend just called me and told me to come here and that you had posted about this. My dd is 7 she is in 1st grade. This just started with her on friday. She was very sad at school all day, Monday she was ok, but yesterday, tuesday, she cried all day at school, they told me about it,and I talked to dd, all she said was she missed me, that's what she told her teachers also. She normally takes the bus, I actually had to bring her today, monday and tuesday, she told me the bus was scary and too noisy, but that's not why she's crying at school. I just started a part time job, so i think that might have something to do with it, Has anything changed in your dd's life, even something small? My dd did this same thing last year at school, it lasted for about 3 weeks, then she was fine, at that point nothing in her life had even changed. My dd also gets frustrated very easy, she got help last year for reading and she would just start crying when she got frustrated. My dd is very sensitive, I don't know if this is tied into that or not though. I have no idea how to make things better, but just want to let you know i'm going through the same thing, and i'll be reading your thread too. I'll PM you with my info, maybe we could try to help eachother out.

I just edited to add that she won't sleep in her room she says she's alone in her room.

 

[AprilShowers]

The jewelery idea is a nice one, and we did something similar. When DD was having trouble at school. We took a family photo and put it in a plastic baggie. Then we taped it to the inside of her folder. When she was feeling sad, she could discreetly look inside her folder and it really helped her feel better.

Maybe you could kiss a hankie or something else with lipstick? That way she could take your kiss along with her? She could keep it in her pocket and it could be her little secret?

 

[CEDmom]

Wow, if I didn't know any better I'd think you were talking about my DD who's 7 and in 2nd grade. I'm sorry your DD is going through this but a part of me is relieved that other children have these issues as well, if you know what I mean.

2 weeks ago I was in my DD's class in the morning with some other parents and when we got ready to leave DD started crying and then got hysterical. I took her into the hallway to try to calm her but nothing works. I ended up having to bring her home which is the last thing I wanted to do. When she finally calmed down all she could say was that she wanted me and missed me.

I don't have much advice other than to talk with the school counselor. I was actually thinking of doing this myself. I thought she might have some suggestions on how to deal with this or why it happens.

I do know that prolonged goodbyes make it more difficult for a lot of children. Is there any way your neighbor could do dropoff and you do pickup?

It's funny someone mentioned Panda Syndrome because my DD had that a few years ago. It's cause by the strep bacteria and usually manifests itself as ticks. Our DD was treated with antibiotics and they went away. I think I'll go read about it again because maybe these are symptoms as well.

I hope things calm down for your DD .

 

[KTSMOM]

I have a DD who is 6 and she has been acting differently these days too. We have a two story house and she has to know that either me or my DH is on the same floor as her at all times. Our house is quite small and very open, so I'm not sure why she is afraid of being alone. She also has complained about going to after school at the Y even though every day I pick her up she tells me she has fun. Last night she told me she hated being 6. She is in kindergarten and in a year round school, so I thought a lot of this was due to change, but she's been in school since July (year round starts earlier). Maybe they are going through some stage that starts at 6??
I like the idea of her taking something of yours thats personal to school that she can hold on too, or look at if she needs. My friend told me about a book called The Kissing Hand. It's a great book for those children who are anxious about something new and how the mom deals with the child's anxiety.

 

[mrsv98]

Well, the obvious question: Is there anything different at home? Even something that seems insignificant to you can have a big impact on a child that age. Our DD is 6 1/2 and she will get "worried" about things that wouldn't occur to us. For instance, October was fire safety month and that made DD overly concerned about anything that could cause a fire.

She could also be going through a growth spurt. I have seen this happen when I was teaching. It is as if they are going through so many physical changes that they can't handle anything else.

My advice would be to remain as calm and matter of fact as possible and keep the routines in place. Giving is gives credence to the fear. Of course, if your DD is hysterical you have to do something more drastic. The holiday break is coming up and that should give her a chance to calm down and regroup. Good luck!

 

[cepmom]

thanks everyone for all the replies. I does sort of help to know I am not alone in this.

I just can't seem to figure out what might have caused this sudden change. She is fine at home if we are not in the same room together. Dh took her to a party at McD's on Sunday while I was at work, and he stayed there with her since we did not know the family. He stayed nearby, but not right with the party group and she was fine.

Forgot to put in my original post that on Monday, my neighbor could not pick her up since her son stayed home from school sick. DD was expecting my neighbor to pick her up though and was in tears, telling her teacher she did not want to go with the neighbor, that she wanted me to pick her up. Luckily I was there to pick up. Right after school I took her to CCD and she would not go there either. I just took her home instead.

There is a little girl that just joined our Brownie troop that lost her mother over the summer in a car accident. I have made sure not to mention anything about it in front of DD, but it's possible that she heard it from another child. I am going to ask her about it today. If so, then it makes perfect sense. If not, then I still don't know what's going on.

My initial reaction is that she just needs to spend more time with me, just her and I, so that is what I plan on doing for now to see if it helps at all.

I can't have my neighbor drive her to school. She does the afternoon pickup because her son is in afternoon Kindergarten. He does not go to school in the morning. My DH leaves pretty early in the morning, otherwise I would have him drive her to school. I am going to see if he can go in late tomorrow, but I think he needs to work in Maine so he'll need to leave pretty early again.

I have to call the pediatrician's about getting the kids in for flu shots, so I will leave a message for the Dr to call me back as well.
I have never heard of Panda Syndrome???

 

[DwarfMaster]

My DD5 has been acting the same way for a couple months now. I just don't understand it . She has stayed with the same sitter every day since birth....now she just stands there sobbing at he window while I drive away. She goes to PreSchool and cries at the window everyday.

I can't figure out why all of a sudden she's acting like this. I'm hoping it's just a phase and she'll grow out of it before she has to go to Kindergarten....Cause at this rate I know she will never get on that bus.

 

[famofsix]

perhaps she could talk with the school pychologist about it They are there to help and if they know she is experiencing anxiety they may have some helpful ideas for you.
Is someone teasing her at school?

 

[cepmom]

perhaps she could talk with the school pychologist about it They are there to help and if they know she is experiencing anxiety they may have some helpful ideas for you.
Is someone teasing her at school?

she says that no one is bothering her. I can't seem to find a common thread except that she just doesn't want to leave me. I am waiting for the teacher to call back, so I'll ask her if there is a school counselor that I can talk to or that can talk to DD.

 

[Goofyluver]

Kids go through issues like this sometimes. Was there maybe something that triggered this that you can think of?? My DS (now 10) went through this and still has some separation anxiety at times. When he was younger, we made a tiny family book of pics that he could keep in his backpack and look at when he was younger. It's the hardest thing not to pick them up and save them from being upset, but you have to sometimes.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

Young children typically go through separation anxiety at several stages in life. We had our sons in daycare from the age of 3.5 months to age 5 for the oldest boy, and even though they knew their teachers as well as they knew us, they still went through it.

I wonder if age 6 or 1st grade is a typical recurrence of this? My DS6 hasn't had quite as strong the reaction you describe, but he does still go through clingy stages.

I think you said you were going to speak with the school counselor, and I think that's a great idea. Not only is this very upsetting for your DD, it's causing her to be unsafe (running off by herself, running out on the street in the dark, etc.), so hopefully you can figure it out and take care of it.

 

[CathrynRose]

I don't have any advice, but I do think *something* has happened...even something as simple as perhaps her hearing a story about a mother leaving or disappearing or even dying...maybe on TV or from another friend. I would try asking her leading questions and see if you get anywhere. for you and her.

I agree - I'd try and get it out of her, figure out her fear and calm them.

It would be one thing if she was ALWAYS like this (i.e. my youngest son) but out of no where, I think it may be just what Maleficent said.

Have a nice long talk with her about WHAT it is, she is scared of.

 

[cepmom]

I agree - I'd try and get it out of her, figure out her fear and calm them.

It would be one thing if she was ALWAYS like this (i.e. my youngest son) but out of no where, I think it may be just what Maleficent said.

Have a nice long talk with her about WHAT it is, she is scared of.

she has had moments of separation anxiety before, but nothing like this. A week or two during preschool and a couple of days this past summer at cheerleading camp. She can be clingy, but this behavior is extreme. I hope to get to the bottom of this soon...it's so heartbreaking to see her so upset

 

[Fishbone†]

I went through this, only I was 12..... at the time I couldn't exactly tell you why, but I longed for my mom all day. I missed her and needed to talk to her a couple of times during the day. After I had talked to her, I would be alright for awhile. I'm trying to reach into the depths of my memory to remember exactly what I was thinking, but it seems so distant. What I do know though is one of the things that helped was a teacher who stepped up to care about me in a way a parent would - meaning when I was struggling, she might sit with me and let me talk about my mom, my dad, my family. She didn't ridicule or try to talk me out of my feelings - just let me express them. As a result, I connected with her and built a relationship - I really looked up to her - she was so nice to me - in my mind I was special to her. She was my band teacher, but I was free to go find her anytime the feelings came on - at first I went several times, but surprisingly having the option was comforting enough. The key I think with this was though, I did get to see her during the day regularily because she was a teacher, so I could look forward to that period of the day, and I got through the day by doing so.... first I looked forward to her class, then to going home..... it just gave me benchmarks during the day. As a side note, I didn't have many friends - and no good friends, so you might want to see if that's the case with your DD as well.

As I look back now though, I could tell you a couple of things that may have contributed. I was always a mama's girl (and still am by the way), but had never had trouble being at school before - in fact, would try to hide that I was sick so I didn't miss a day. The summer before I had gone to camp, and the first night I was homesick. My 18 year old camp counselor called me a baby in front of the other kids, and basically didn't care. I decided I was going to go home.... I was hurt and homesick. I called my mom and she said my dad would come pick me up. He worked nights, and would drive up after his shift. He was going to be there about 6:00 in the morning. I didn't sleep that night - I packed and waited for him to come. I remember waiting on the steps of our cabin as the sun came up counting the minutes until it was 6:00. And then it was 6:30 and 7:00 and 8:00 and 10:00 and I didn't want to go to lunch because I might miss him...... and this went on until that afternoon when my counselor said "He must have forgotten you." Ridiculous I know, but at 11 years old with the hours passing, I was crushed he hadn't come. The week passed and I was not allowed to call home anymore, and finally it was over and the mom of one of the girls I had come with picked us up and we drove the 3 hours home. I learned years later that a couple of hours after I had talked to my mom and made arrangements for my dad to pick me up, my counselor called her back and said I had settled in, was doing okay and wanted to stay. He hadn't forgotten me at all.

I tell you this only because I think that incident created a subconscious feeling of fear of seperation and resulted in the issues that following school year. But I couldn't have told you that then - I didn't know what it was. Maybe the death of that girl's mom has created that fear. Maybe it's something someone has said, a book or story she's heard. I don't know if this is much help, but my guess is something has happened and it's a fear of losing you or you not coming back to get her... or just plain loneliness. Maybe some patience, and some extra assurance, and a "special friend" at school will help.

Please PM me if you have any other questions - not sure if I can help, but I was her once and I can still remember how real those feelings were.

Sorry so long.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

She seems older than most of the other kids that this has happened to on this thread so I think the normal separation anxiety isn't it--She was separated thru 4 years of dance and she was fine.

I thought "something happened to her" when I was reading it so I agree w/Mal and Cathryn

When I was younger my cousin had been molested by her friends dad and he had threatened to kill my aunt if she told---After that my cousin had to be so far up my aunts butt it wasn't funny--It actually got to the point where my cousin would stand outside the bathroom door while my aunt went.

She never told anyone until she was like 13/14 what had happened and I remember when she did my aunt and uncle didn't really believe it at first because these were people they had known for a long time(they met when my cousin started kindergarten-classmates parents)

She was like this for a year-she refused to go to step dancing classes and failed almost everything and had to stay back. When she finally told was when my parents sat us done for a talk.

I would take a day or two and just spend them with her,she is still young enough to "talk around" her meaning you can give a bunch of different questions that would all have the same answer--try and get her to tell you what is wrong and don't just accept the first thing she tells you especially if it is something you know isn't an issue

I hope you get everything settled and your DD can go back to being the happy bubbly child that she should be!!