MAY 4: How to make myself accountable. I have been posting on WISH when things are going well, and avoiding the site altogether when things aren't going well. I am losing ground in my weight battle. I need to put the brakes on and redirect myself.
My background: For the first 2 1/2 decades of my life, I was tall and skinny. Everyone always told me I needed to gain weight. I never looked like I weighed as much as I did. After I got married, I gained about 30 pounds. I joined weight watchers and got within 5 pounds of my goal weight very easily. Then I found out I was pregnant. I barely looked pregnant until the last 2 1/2 months, but when I gained, I GAINED. I weighed in at 218 when I went into the hospital. I was doing great and was down to 190 at my 6 weeks check-in. Then reality hit. I went back to work at a very demanding and stressful job, DH was in school traveling 2 1/2 hours each day, and I had a newborn. My office was next to a fast food place, which was SO convenient, and the combo was the best value. I had no time to exercise and no time to breathe (it seemed). The pounds piled on. I would diet, and lose a little; think I could do it on my own, put the pounds back on. I would find a program, follow it religiously, then massively blow it with binges. My health began to be affected--my family has suffered from heart disease, cancer and diabetes--I should be more careful with my body and my life. Finally in May of 2003, at a high weight of 245, I decided to start Atkins. I loved it. I wasn't hungry. I was able to eat out relatively easily. It helped that DH began Atkins at the same time. By July, I was thrilled to be down to 217. We went on a cruise, and gave ourselves permission to be off-program. Since that time, I have struggled to get back on Atkins. I'll do it for a while, then stop. I've binged until I am back up to 228. My back, legs and knees ache. I have no energy. I have headaches. I just don't feel well.
Here's the deal. For my health, I need to lose weight. It isn't just a matter of wanting to look good in clothes, or be a size 12. (although I would like that too) This is my life!! I want to be around to see my DD grow up and have kids. I want to be able to play with DD, and her children. I want to be able to walk up stairs without gasping for breath. I want to be relatively pain free. I want to walk with the WISHers next year in the half-marathon. I want to stop being surprised by my image in the mirror (I still think of myself as slim, so I am always surprised by my reflection). I never want someone to ask me again "when are you due". I'm tired of my thighs rubbing together and chaffing. Very few of the people I work with know me as anything but "fat". I'm tired of being OBESE!!! there I said it!!
Now that I've said it, what can I do to achieve it:
1. Exercise. I've already cleared exercise with my DR. The route in my neighborhood is level and safe. I can walk at the Y if it is raining. I am a Curves member--let's actually use that membership.
2. Drink water. We have a cooler at the office, we buy bottled water, we have a filter at home. I like water when I think about drinking it. Water is not a problem.
3. Do 2 weeks of induction on Atkins. I did it in May of 2003, and I can do it now.
4. Use the support of these boards and of this journal. I know that most everyone here has experienced what I am/have experienced. Get involved in some challenges.
That's it for now.
My background: For the first 2 1/2 decades of my life, I was tall and skinny. Everyone always told me I needed to gain weight. I never looked like I weighed as much as I did. After I got married, I gained about 30 pounds. I joined weight watchers and got within 5 pounds of my goal weight very easily. Then I found out I was pregnant. I barely looked pregnant until the last 2 1/2 months, but when I gained, I GAINED. I weighed in at 218 when I went into the hospital. I was doing great and was down to 190 at my 6 weeks check-in. Then reality hit. I went back to work at a very demanding and stressful job, DH was in school traveling 2 1/2 hours each day, and I had a newborn. My office was next to a fast food place, which was SO convenient, and the combo was the best value. I had no time to exercise and no time to breathe (it seemed). The pounds piled on. I would diet, and lose a little; think I could do it on my own, put the pounds back on. I would find a program, follow it religiously, then massively blow it with binges. My health began to be affected--my family has suffered from heart disease, cancer and diabetes--I should be more careful with my body and my life. Finally in May of 2003, at a high weight of 245, I decided to start Atkins. I loved it. I wasn't hungry. I was able to eat out relatively easily. It helped that DH began Atkins at the same time. By July, I was thrilled to be down to 217. We went on a cruise, and gave ourselves permission to be off-program. Since that time, I have struggled to get back on Atkins. I'll do it for a while, then stop. I've binged until I am back up to 228. My back, legs and knees ache. I have no energy. I have headaches. I just don't feel well.
Here's the deal. For my health, I need to lose weight. It isn't just a matter of wanting to look good in clothes, or be a size 12. (although I would like that too) This is my life!! I want to be around to see my DD grow up and have kids. I want to be able to play with DD, and her children. I want to be able to walk up stairs without gasping for breath. I want to be relatively pain free. I want to walk with the WISHers next year in the half-marathon. I want to stop being surprised by my image in the mirror (I still think of myself as slim, so I am always surprised by my reflection). I never want someone to ask me again "when are you due". I'm tired of my thighs rubbing together and chaffing. Very few of the people I work with know me as anything but "fat". I'm tired of being OBESE!!! there I said it!!
Now that I've said it, what can I do to achieve it:
1. Exercise. I've already cleared exercise with my DR. The route in my neighborhood is level and safe. I can walk at the Y if it is raining. I am a Curves member--let's actually use that membership.
2. Drink water. We have a cooler at the office, we buy bottled water, we have a filter at home. I like water when I think about drinking it. Water is not a problem.
3. Do 2 weeks of induction on Atkins. I did it in May of 2003, and I can do it now.
4. Use the support of these boards and of this journal. I know that most everyone here has experienced what I am/have experienced. Get involved in some challenges.
That's it for now.
Hi and welcome. You will do great. Sounds like a very good plan you have. Visit often, it helps. 
Drink drink drink your water. I really helps!
.
You should be very proud of you!
