Naughty kids...

[quandrea]

One thing that helped when my kids were going through that phase was to simply stop asking them questions.

For example, the soap. You already know she's the one who used it in the sink. So, rather than asking, "Did you use the soap in the sink?" you simply say, "Ah, you used the soap in the sink," and then state the consequence. If she then tries to deny it, you give her the old gimlet eye and refuse to acknowledge her ridiculous attempt at putting one over on you. If necessary, send her to her room and tell her she's welcome to come back when she's ready to apologize for insulting your intelligence.

My husband used to terrify the kids, just by asking, "Do you really think I'm that stupid?"

Cut down on her opportunities to lie, and she'll do it a lot less. Convince her that she's a terrible liar and that you can tell right away, every time she tries to lie to you.

When you ask her a direct question, you're virtually asking her to lie to you. Setting her up to lie and then trying to force her to admit she's lied, will only create power battles, and that's no fun for anyone.

And when you tell her that "the punishment is worse if you lie to me," you're just making it worse.

From her perspective... If she tells the truth, she's in trouble for sure. If she lies, and you believe her, there's no punishment at all. So she's choosing between a guaranteed (if somewhat smaller punishment) or no punishment at all. Every time she lies, she's rolling the dice on a chance that she might get away scott free. Kids are naturally optimistic about that kind of thing, and like any gambler she's going to keep trying for the jackpot "no punishment" over "smaller punishment". So don't ask.

If it helps, the fact that she's trying to lie to you is actually a great sign, developmentally speaking. It means she understands that you have a different perspective of the world, and she's trying to manipulate it to her benefit. Lying and empathy develop hand in hand. Kids who can't lie, frequently can't understand another person's point of view, either. It's not a fun phase, but it's a necessary one.

Thank you so much! I thought I might stop asking her questions. I've assured her that she isn't in trouble about the soap, or insert whatever else here, but still she doesn't answer. I tell her if she answers me her problem will be solved and all will be well but still she stays silent. She doesn't get that I just want her to talk to me honestly. We've never been parents to hand down terrible punishments.

I love how you turn it around to a statement I make rather than a question. I'm going to try it.

I had considered having her talk with our priest about this. She is making her first communion in a couple of weeks and it troubles me that she is lying with some frequency. I think he might help as he is very kind and approachable, but I'm going to try your way first. You've really helped me. Thank you.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Thank you so much! I thought I might stop asking her questions. I've assured her that she isn't in trouble about the soap, or insert whatever else here, but still she doesn't answer. I tell her if she answers me her problem will be solved and all will be well but still she stays silent. She doesn't get that I just want her to talk to me honestly. We've never been parents to hand down terrible punishments.

I love how you turn it around to a statement I make rather than a question. I'm going to try it.

I had considered having her talk with our priest about this. She is making her first communion in a couple of weeks and it troubles me that she is lying with some frequency. I think he might help as he is very kind and approachable, but I'm going to try your way first. You've really helped me. Thank you.

I think they all go through this phase at some point. They like to push boundaries, and at that age they're also realizing that there are consequences for their actions. Once they realize that, they generally want to stay out of trouble no matter the means.

My daughter went through that, but my son wouldn't ever even try to lie, so maybe it's a personality trait or something.

 

[quandrea]

I think they all go through this phase at some point. They like to push boundaries, and at that age they're also realizing that there are consequences for their actions. Once they realize that, they generally want to stay out of trouble no matter the means.

My daughter went through that, but my son wouldn't ever even try to lie, so maybe it's a personality trait or something.

Could be. She is my deep thinker and I think that's the difference. The other two never went through this. All new to me.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Dad?

I'm sure DH would like to take credit for molding DS into the man he has become, but he worked very long hours for me to be able to stay home with him. For that, he gets a lot of credit. When DS became a teenager & my perfect child became "not so perfect", I told DH it was time to step up & help me parent him. It wasn't always easy, but we survived it. Now that he's out of the teen years & in college, he's back to the child I had, before he became a demon child (aka teenager).

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Could be. She is my deep thinker and I think that's the difference. The other two never went through this. All new to me.

Same with my daughter.

 

[Magpie]

Thank you so much! I thought I might stop asking her questions. I've assured her that she isn't in trouble about the soap, or insert whatever else here, but still she doesn't answer. I tell her if she answers me her problem will be solved and all will be well but still she stays silent. She doesn't get that I just want her to talk to me honestly. We've never been parents to hand down terrible punishments.

I love how you turn it around to a statement I make rather than a question. I'm going to try it.

I had considered having her talk with our priest about this. She is making her first communion in a couple of weeks and it troubles me that she is lying with some frequency. I think he might help as he is very kind and approachable, but I'm going to try your way first. You've really helped me. Thank you.

You're welcome!

Part of the reason she's digging in may be about losing face. If she admits she's lied to you, then she's admitting she's a liar, and that's a terrible thing to be. Better to dig in and insist on the reality that she wants - the one in which she's the injured party, the honest heroine of her own tale.

A phrase I often found useful, when the kids were lying to me, was, "I know you wish that was true, but it isn't. What's done is done, and now we've got to deal with it and make it better, if we can."

It was also, I found, a good age to start telling them stories about when I was naughty. I got into a LOT of trouble as a kid, and so I'd often tell them a story about a time I found myself backed into a corner by something awful I did, and then I'd ask, "What would you have told me to do? How should I have handled this?"

We're not Catholic ourselves (Unitarian, actually), but I did use a book with them called, "Sticky Situations: 365 Devotions for Kids and Families" by Betsy Schmitt. What it does is give tiny little short stories about every day moral dilemmas (lying, stealing, breaking something, losing something, cheating, etc), and then gives the kids options A through E of what should the character in the story do, accompanied by a reference to a relevant Bible passage. Now, me, I skipped the Bible passage, and because we were often able to think of an option F that hadn't even been mentioned, I always gave the kids a chance to come up with their own ideas about what the character in the story should do.

I still use that book with some of my students for reading comprehension lessons. It's a great little book!

Example:

"Lindsey borrowed a dollar from Elizabeth several weeks ago. Lindsey promised to pay Elizabeth back right away but apparently has forgotten all about it. When Elizabeth sees Lindsey in the lunch line today, she remembers the loan and Lindsey's promise. Elizabeth could use the money to buy that extra piece of pizza. What should Elizabeth do?"

A. Not say anything about the money and figure that if Lindsey pays it back, fine, if not, that's fine too?

B. Nicely remind Lindsey about the dollar?

C. Tell other kids that Lindsey owes her money and won't pay it back?

D. Demand that Lindsey pay back the dollar immediately?

E. Drop big hints about how she could buy that extra pizza if only she had a dollar?"

Now, the reference to Luke 6:34 would seem to imply that the correct answer is A, but personally I prefer B. Or even an option F: "Hey, Lindsey! Buy me a pizza slice and we'll call it even." I have a little seven year old student who seems to be a gangster in training, though - told this story, he punched his fist into his hand and said, "You got to be firm with deadbeats like Lindsey or they'll walk all over you!"

 

[monsterkitty]

My husband used to terrify the kids, just by asking, "Do you really think I'm that stupid?"

I tell my middle school students that when dad asks this question, never say yes. I finish with, "trust me on this."

 

[MamaBelle4]

Cut down on her opportunities to lie, and she'll do it a lot less. Convince her that she's a terrible liar and that you can tell right away, every time she tries to lie to you.

I told my girls their ears turn red when they lie

 

[tcufrog]

The Easter Bunny brought slime last year and there were no problems.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Overheard at Easter Brunch: "Oh goodness, look at the little girl playing in the sand trap. And with her pretty dress on!"
Looking: Cream colored dress? Check. Deely-boppers on head? Check.
Me (face in hands): DH, where the heck is your mom?
Answer: Videotaping the incident. The audio reveals her saying things such as, "You're mom is gonna kill me."

Moral of the story: Don't trust grandma.

She's usually a very good kid. Grandma brings out the worst in her.

 

[luvsJack]

Mine are grown but the grandkids were great when we got together yesterday. Lol.

From the pictures they all sent before heading to church very early and then to their respective gatherings, today not so much.

The 3 year old wasn't her usual sassy posing self and apparently didn't want a picture with her brother at all. Lol.

The other two somehow had dirty faces right after church. One or the other had sneaked in some chocolate in their cute little Easter purses. Lol.

After a long day of fun yesterday and a longer day today, I imagine there was more than one meltdown.

 

[superme80]

Mine were! The day started out great. By the evening they were done. Started drama with each other and the dog. The dog snapped at my oldest, middle son got in trouble for teasing the dog, and youngest got in trouble for using daddy as a spring board. Thank God it is bed time!!!!

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Like a couple of others here, my son is perfect.

Well, actually he is an adult and if he is "naughty," we are in big trouble.

 

[jevs]

Nah, mine are older. I do remember the over excitement of Easter (and Christmas) of days gone....bloody nightmare it was at times. I used to drink a lot more back then

 

[tcufrog]

FYI....

You can get sticky slime out of a dog's fur with apple cider vinegar and a stiff brush or comb.

 

[usnuzuloose]

One thing that helped when my kids were going through that phase was to simply stop asking them questions.

For example, the soap. You already know she's the one who used it in the sink. So, rather than asking, "Did you use the soap in the sink?" you simply say, "Ah, you used the soap in the sink," and then state the consequence. If she then tries to deny it, you give her the old gimlet eye and refuse to acknowledge her ridiculous attempt at putting one over on you. If necessary, send her to her room and tell her she's welcome to come back when she's ready to apologize for insulting your intelligence.

My husband used to terrify the kids, just by asking, "Do you really think I'm that stupid?"

Cut down on her opportunities to lie, and she'll do it a lot less. Convince her that she's a terrible liar and that you can tell right away, every time she tries to lie to you.

When you ask her a direct question, you're virtually asking her to lie to you. Setting her up to lie and then trying to force her to admit she's lied, will only create power battles, and that's no fun for anyone.

And when you tell her that "the punishment is worse if you lie to me," you're just making it worse.

From her perspective... If she tells the truth, she's in trouble for sure. If she lies, and you believe her, there's no punishment at all. So she's choosing between a guaranteed (if somewhat smaller punishment) or no punishment at all. Every time she lies, she's rolling the dice on a chance that she might get away scott free. Kids are naturally optimistic about that kind of thing, and like any gambler she's going to keep trying for the jackpot "no punishment" over "smaller punishment". So don't ask.

If it helps, the fact that she's trying to lie to you is actually a great sign, developmentally speaking. It means she understands that you have a different perspective of the world, and she's trying to manipulate it to her benefit. Lying and empathy develop hand in hand. Kids who can't lie, frequently can't understand another person's point of view, either. It's not a fun phase, but it's a necessary one.

Parents have to be on the same page and back each other. You either want to teach the children and discipline, if not you may have a heavy road coming your way.

 

[Magpie]

Parents have to be on the same page and back each other. You either want to teach the children and discipline, if not you may have a heavy road coming your way.

Having parents on the same page is definitely helpful, if you can manage it.

I think most parents want to teach and discipline their children. Depending on the child and the family dynamics and other factor both within and outside of their control, though, they may be more or less successful at it. Happily for us, most kids survive their parent's mistakes and become reasonable adults, despite everything.