My wife's family does not want me at Thanksgiving

[questioner]

My wife's family has asked her to come to Boise on Thanksgiving but have asked her to not bring me. Her Mother said, "Can't your husband get together with his parents, we just want to see you."

My relationship with my wife's family has always been cold. No one has ever told me that they disliked me and no one has told me off but the relationship is chilly. They basically ignore me and do not reply when I speak to them. Considering we just see each other once or twice a year, I basically just ignore their coldness.

My wife was told by her parents that they really do not like me. What should we do?

 

[DawnCt1]

Your wife should stay home and tell her parents why.

 

[RobinMarie]

Have fun at your family's gathering, assuming you are welcome there!

 

[ziggystardust]

If I was your wife I wouldn't go unless they changed that invitation. (and even then it would be weird)

 

[Breezy_Carol]

You are a couple now and her parents need to realize that. (How long have you been married?) I'd say neither of you should go until they change their song.

 

[mickeyboat]

Your wife should stay home and tell her parents why.

I agree.

Denae

 

[Lyn5]

Your wife should stay home and tell her parents why.

 

[questioner]

Married for 15 years. Wife thinks the best approach is for her to spend one Holiday with her family on her own. I would go to my family (who like me!) on that date. My wife can not force her family to like me, can she?

 

[ADisneygirl]

If I were your wife I wouldn't go.

Why are her parents so against you? Must be some reason, even an unreasonable one. Did they have someone else in mind for their daughter when you came along? Did you do something to anger them? Or is it that no one would be good enough?

Whatever the reason, she should not go.

 

[mickeyboat]

Married for 15 years. Wife thinks the best approach is for her to spend one Holiday with her family on my own. I would go to my family (who like me!) on that date. My wife can not force her family to like me, can she?

No, she cannot force her family to like you. But she can force them to show you some respect, and to respect the relationship she has with you.

Denae

 

[barkley]

i have make mention that this could work to your benefit-this will provide forever a validation for NOT interacting with them.

i am guessing you don't have children yet-is their expectation that you will just "poof-disappear" when they want to visit their grandchildren?

 

[Castlebound]

She can't force them to like you but she can expect for them to be respectful of the relationship that the two of you have. I would tell them that the two of you plan to spend the holiday together with or without her family.

 

[Microcell]

She can't force them to like you but she can expect for them to be respectful of the relationship that the two of you have. I would tell them that the two of you plan to spend the holiday together with or without her family.

Yep! I have definitely not felt really wanted my DH's family, but they have never refused to invite me. You are married, and her place is with you.

 

[CathrynRose]

Your wife should stay home and tell her parents why.

2nd this - It stinks, but Im a firm believer - once youre married, thats your family and if your "old" family cant accept that, thats too bad - for them!

 

[Lyn5]

Married for 15 years. Wife thinks the best approach is for her to spend one Holiday with her family on her own. I would go to my family (who like me!) on that date. My wife can not force her family to like me, can she?

No, she cannot force them, but they should accept you as her husband (unless you did something awful or are abusive...I am hoping not). I choose my DH despite my mother and now she just adores him...took a little while. There were/are times when I don't get along with family, but we always visit and suck it up and act like adults...soon enough whatever it was might not be forgiven or forgotton, but left in the past. I especially try since DH and I have kids and despite the adult's problems, I feel kids should not be in the middle and should love grandparents, aunts, etc. If I had let old problems linger, I wouldn't have the wonderful relationships I have now with my family and my in-laws. Hopefully your in-laws can see what a horrible situation they have greated and your family can move on to enjoy celebrations together.

 

[MsDisney23]

To you and your wife,she must just feel terrible! I would not go at all, I am sure your wife will stay home with you and you guys can then celebrate a nice Thanksgiving!

 

[Pam]

Quite frankly, if you sit and ask a whole bunch of questions like you do here, I wouldn't want you at my Thanskgiving gathering either!

 

[questioner]

No kids involved. No big event that turned them against me just completely different personalities. It is amazing that there is such a large group of people that I share so little in common with.

Ever met someone who just turned you off? But could not really say why? Well that is what I think about her family and what they think about me. Bad Karma!

 

[Alicnwondrln]

Your wife should stay home and tell her parents why.

i agree with dawn

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Your wife should stay home and tell her parents why.

I totally agree!