My whole world as turned upside down in a week (sorry long post)

[Gaynor]

I was going to post this 'anon' but then thought what the 'eck' you don't know me anyway and I just need to 'talk' so bare with me.

A week last Sunday my husband admitted to seeing someone else. I had a hunch and badgered it out of him.

The last week has been an absolute roller coaster. I've played this scene in my head he tells me what's been going on and I throw him out. End of story and I get on with a new life.

In reality it's been the opposite I don't want him to go, I want to make my marriage work and he's my best friend, we've been together 15 years. I can't believe the strong me has become so weak.

He's still at home deciding what he wants to do, stay and make it work or go. He's very confused about his feelings for me and the other woman and has started seeing a counsellor to talk things through with someone neutral.

I'm getting mad at myself whilst writing this, I can't believe I'm putting up with this situation. But ultimately I love him and want the marriage and family I've had for the past 15 years.

To top it all we go away 5 weeks today and he still wants to go as a family. I want to go for the sake of the girls but don't know how long I could put up this show in front of them.

Oh my heads in bits. I don't know why I've posted but it feels good to write it down.

 

[natalielongstaff]

oh dear Gaynor, what a terrible situation i hope you can make your marriage work for all your sakes xx

 

[Pinky166]

Oh Gaynor, I am so sorry to hear that. I hope things work out for the best. We are all here for you, feel free to vent.

 

[tashasmum]

I think its easy to say/think what we would or wouldn't do in a situation like yours but until it happens you don't really know. Hope you can manage to sort something out between you were everyone is happy.

Have you not thought about going to see a counsellor yourself? It may help you come to a decision.

 

[craigs bride]

maybe going away might put both of your feelings into perspective? hope everything turns out right for you

 

[T16GEM]

So sorry to hear this, it's never easy when you have a hunch and then it turns out to be true. I hope that everything can sort it's self out. we are all here for you if you need to talk or vent.

 

[Cinderella2006]

Sorry to hear that Gaynor. I have been in a similar situation and only you can decide what is best, everyone will have a different view. Its early days, i can imagine your emotions are all over the place!

I wont go into detail but my husband was dishonest and i decided to forgive him but its not so easy to forget! I have no hard evidence that my Husband had an full on affair but even what i witnessed was not nice.
There are still times when i want to check his phone or wonder why he is making such an effort to go out. Its been hard especially when you have children, i felt like a tornado ripped through our family.

As for the holiday, personally i would go but only if i thought things would be amicable. Children would only be more upset if you both were unhappy during the trip.

You mentioned that your husband is going to counseling, thats a good step. Have you thought about marriage guidance? I am no professional but that way you would both be able to air your differences

Whatever you decide i hope in time it will make you and your girls happy, take care xxx

 

[mark&sue]

Gaynor

I have sent you a private message

Take care


susan

 

[thelittlemermaid83]

 

[mandymouse]

So sorry to hear your news Gaynor I hope everything works out for the best hun

 

[scottish mum]

I hope you can both work out what you want and that you are happy. It is easy to think what we would to in this situation but in reality it is completely different.

 

[jen_uk]

Last year my dh and I decided to split up, it was all my idea, he really didn't want to, at first he just moved into the spare room and I have to admit it was easy for me as it felt like I still had him there in the background. Anyway, after a month or so he suddenly moved out and I was so shocked, after a few weeks of him being away I realised how much I loved him and wanted him back. We went to Relate and then got back together. So my advice is ask him to move out, the whole time he is there he is able to dither about his choice and he won't have the real sense of what it will feel like to lose you. If you throw him out it might shock some sense into him, its so easy to think the grass is greener but he will soon realise its not!

Whatever you decide I hope it all works out

 

[Woodyplus3]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. It must be unbearable for you and your family.

I can relate totally to what you are going through as I was in exactly the same position 3years ago, as you are now. I went from strong to weak and would have done anything to keep my family together.

However for me it wasn't to be and after a month my husband decided to leave to be with his other woman. At the time I was devastated (best diet every - went temporarily from a size 14 to a 6!) and it took me at least 18 months before I returned to anything like my old self but I have now moved on and my ex is still a great dad and we are friends again.

I really hope you can work through this with your husband and keep your family together.

Look after yourself. Jill. x

 

[Lizzybear]

I have no advice unfortunately but just wanted to post my support, it's a situation i've seen happen more than once within my family with varying end results and I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do

 

[wils]

I think you've had some good advice already. Take care of yourself.

 

[jjk]

sorry to hear that Gaynor Hope everything works out for you x

 

[Tinks1984]

To find out someone you love and care for so much has been unfaithful to you is a very horrible situation to be in, I've had this done to me a few years ago and it took a long time for me to get past what had happened. Thankfully I'm there now.

I have no advice unfortunately for you Gaynor, as we all deal with situations differently, just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts through this tough and difficult time. As others have said, we'll all listen to anything you wish to vent to us, sometimes is comforting to know others will listen, even though they are outside of your closer circle of friends and family.

Lots of hugs to you hun

 

[PoppyAnna]

Oh Gaynor, what a terrible time you must be going through

You won't be judged by me, whatever you do. I cannot pretend that I know what you're going through but I'd be the same, I wouldn't want my family life to change either. You must feel so torn

I think its easy to say/think what we would or wouldn't do in a situation like yours but until it happens you don't really know. Hope you can manage to sort something out between you were everyone is happy.

/

Very well said, I couldn't agree more, I hope you manage to find a happy solution.

Friends of mine went to Relate counselling and are still together about five years on, she said it was really really helpful.

 

[jockey]

Sending you hope you get sorted

 

[saratogagirl]

I haven't any advice Gaynor, but I am so sorry xx