My Teenager Daughter is Sad

[jaye614]

and wants to see someone professional to talk to. She won't tell me more than that. Most of the summer she has been working - last summer, she played on a volleyball summer team. I think she gets hurt when her friends don't include her in their plans all the time - she does hang out with them other times and does socialize. She is an only child. I told her today to sign up for music lessons in town-I think it will help for her to be more involved in other things other than work. Any suggestions?

 

[damo]

For a teen to say she would like to talk to someone professional is quite a big deal. I would take her to her family doctor and let the doctor give you some suggestions as to what she needs to do.

 

[Disney Doll]

If she is requesting to speak to a professional, I think you should make arrangement for that. Sometimes teenagers will tell a stranger, or someone they see as an "expert" more than they will tell their own family.

Talk to her docotr, get a recoomendation for a good therapist and let her go. It may only take a few visits.

Keepping her busy and encouraging her to do things is also good, but I strongly believe that if she is requesting to talk to someone, then you should let her.

 

[2bemarried]

I agree. If she's told you that she wants to talk to someone....then please take her! I had a similar situation but it was my mother who needed help. She was very close to suicide and really needed that third party person to talk to. As a family member we can't always be objective to situations, where as a doctor can be. Even if this is just another "teenage moment", you'll feel better knowing that you listened to her and respected her wishes. You'll both be in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck!!

 

[wdwnutze]

Please arrange for her to see someone. If she has requested it, then I would do it as soon as possible.

 

[grinningghost]

Definitely let her speak to a therapist or a doctor. It's possible she may be clinically depressed, and she may need medication to bring her out of her sadness. Hopefully, it is just a "teenage moment", but why take chances? Good luck to you and to her.

 

[JAP]

I am an only child too. {{HUGS}} for you and your DD right now. I agree that since she asked you should take her to see a professional.

I remember feeling lonely and left out at times when I was a teenager as well. Being an only child didn't help either. I really counted on my friends and I in turn took my friendships very seriously. Hopefully she is just going through some hard times friend wise and that her situation will be short term.

It sounds like you are doing the right things to help your DD along.

Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree with taking her to a professional. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[Rajah]

If she's having a problem of some sort that she's embarassed or scared to talk to you about and wants to talk to a professional, you should let her go to a professional. Doctor, therapist, even Priest/Preacher, someone trained to help her. But please don't ignore her request.

 

[Minniespal]

I work as a Counsellor in the UK. I work mostly with young adults. I would strongly recommend that if your DD has asked to speak to a counsellor then you make an appointment for her. Sometimes people need to speak with someone else who is not associated with their family and who can give them time that is only theirs to talk about what is concerning them.

 

[DanceBabe16]

Originally posted by jaye614
Most of the summer she has been working - last summer, she played on a volleyball summer team. I think she gets hurt when her friends don't include her in their plans all the time - she does hang out with them other times and does socialize.

I agree with everyone else - please take her to see someone. As a teenager myself, I know that we can be a little dramatic sometimes but this way, at least you'll know if it's something more than your run-of-the-mill teenage angst.
As for your theory about her being hurt when her friends don't include her, that could very well be the case. I know that when all of my friends go out without me, it causes a serious blow - it makes you think "oh my god, do they still like me? why wouldn't they call me? blah blah blah" and it's actually pretty self-destructing (a lot of times they don't mean anything by it but you tell yourself otherwise).
Sorry for rambling on, but I do hope everything turns out to be OK.

 

[Evil Princess]

Take her. I was clinically depressed when I was a freshman in high school. I saw a therepist, was never put on meds though. After a year or two I got through it alright, but I really needed the counseling and don't know how it would've turned out if I didn't go.

Those years seem so faraway from this point in my life! If your daughter is requesting to speak with someone, I wouldn't take it lightly.

 

[nonnymouse]

We went through exactly the same thing with DD#2. She is 5 years younger than #1 so, in many ways, was doing everything on her own, similar to an only. Extremely smart, pretty, & head strong (grad HS at 16) she faltered in self confidence. She went through some very scary phases including green hair, drugs, piercings, cutting classes, and even a tattoo. Not unheard of but, at ages 15 & 16, definitely not the norm in my family. She broke down crying one day and told me that she needed to talk to someone outside the family. We researched and found someone professional that she spoke with several times. However, this person didn't seem to "get it" (my daughter's words) so we searched some more and ended up with one of our Pastors. He did wonders and now, at 23, DD is happily married, finishing her degree, and working part time for a church as assistant youth director!!! Such a big turn around and such a blessing! I guess this tome is my way of saying, <b>Hang in there, listen to her, and make sure that she is comfortable with whomever you find to counsel her.</b> I wish the best for you and your daughter. God Bless!

 

[mtemm]

I agree that she should get to a therapist as soon as you can make an appointment. And if that therapist isn't a fit for her, keep trying with others until she finds one that is. I have a friend who finally realized she needed to talk to someone when she was a sophomore in college. She went thru the university and the counselor bascially told her to join a sorority and all would be well. Helloooo!!!!

She never went back, and didn't seek other help, until a couple of years later when she checked herself into a hospital and told them she wanted to commit suicide, and if they didn't take her she would. She was finally diagnosed with depression, something kind of obvious now that we look back on it. Thankfully she is a much happier person today, and he life is going well. Took a lot of therapy, including medical intervention.

Good luck!

 

[Kallison]

I was gonna suggest the clergy route also or adults who may be in charge of the Yourth Group if you belong to a church. Sometimes kids just need another adult. My neighbor is in high school and sometimes he'll just call me when he feels his Mom (my friend) is being unreasonable. Often they just need another adult to bounce feelings off of, good luck! Being a teen girl is hard. So much pressure.

 

[Dodie]

I was a high school teacher for a LONG time...

For a teenage girl to:

A. Recognize that she's "sad" (depressed?); and
B. Ask to see someone professional to discuss it...

Is a HUGE thing.

I know that your heart's in the right place by trying to involve her in other things to occupy her, but PLEASE arrange for her to see someone. I agree that your family doctor or clergy would be a good place to start.

 

[zurgswife]

I'm not sure the age of your DD...but from personal experience therapy and even Meds (if the problems are more sever) are a god send to some young adults. If your daughter has asked I'd try to set up something as soon as possible...

 

[Serena]

I agree with everyone else. The fact that she asked for help is a big flag to me. Goodluck and if you don't mind, could you keep us updated?

 

[tc]

I agree with everyone else. If she's asking to talk to someone, make the appointment. Teens don't usually reach out when they're feeling overwhelmed or sad. Since your daughter did reach out, it speaks volumes for the kind of kid she is. She knows there's something going on that's not right, and knows she needs to talk to someone.

I hope she talks it out with someone. I have two daughters. They are now 20 and 22. They both had other adults they talked to when things got crazy for them, and I supported that. There were other teens (my girls friends and kids who went to our church) that would call me when they needed an ear. Please don't feel like you are not a good enough mom. All kids need someone on the outside to talk to.

Keep us posted on how she's doing, k?

 

[zurgswife]

I'm not sure the age of your DD...but from personal experience therapy and even Meds (if the problems are more sever) are a god send to some young adults. If your daughter has asked I'd try to set up something as soon as possible...