My son's punishment

[Marseeya]

I thought I'd give an update on my son's punishment and his behavior so far. I have to say that I'm pretty pleased with how it's going (knock on wood).

Here's what his punishment is in a nutshell: It's a 4 phase punishment. For a week, he was grounded to his room with no privileges. If, at any point he misbehaved, he would go right back to day one. After that week, he's grounded to the house with full house privileges. Any misbehavior gets him back to day one of phase 1! This phase can be as long or short as he wants. He has to clean the house. I know that doesn't sound like much, but our house is a disaster -- with me being in grad school and so overwhelmed with everything in my life, our house is pretty bad. He's been doing a little bit at a time, and I told him I'd help him once I get through finals week, so he can do it all by himself and get out of punishment quicker or he can wait for me. So far, he's been waiting without complaining.

Phase 3 is two weeks of having friends over. He's been so secretive about his social life and that has to come to a BIG end before he can go out again. Phase 4 is limited freedom with early curfews and NO sleepovers (he won't be allowed sleepovers for a very, very long time unless it's here at the house).

DH and I were very happy with this punishment because it keeps him motivated to do better. He's had a very good attitude about it.

Also, I've been monitoring his logs since he got his house privileges back and his GF is being extremely immature about it. She goes on and on about how I'm punishing her and how awful I am, and can't he do something like sneak out, etc. He basically tells her, "Well, I lied to my parents and I have to be punished. That's just the way it is." I think he's being very mature about it. She's also been whining to him about how she doesn't want to meet me and doesn't want to come to our house. I'm hoping that her nonsense pushes him away. On my end, I'm coming off as perfectly reasonable about the GF, telling him that I'm looking forward to meeting her and that it's going to go very smoothly. All the while hoping she just goes away. Oh, and in the logs when he told her I'd be student teaching at their school, she said I was stalking her.

Anyway, I know I'm rambling at this point, but I just wanted to update on what's going on here.

 

[DVCLiz]

Oh, that sounds great - I'm glad it's going so well for you!! Is there anything more dramatic than a teenage girl with a boyfriend? She sounds like bad news - hope he gets enough of that attitude soon and makes another choice. My daughter has a friend who is hot and heavy with a new boyfriend. I hardly see the girl anymore - even though she's at my house as much as she ever was. She's always in another room whispering in the phone....

 

[Marseeya]

Oh, that sounds great - I'm glad it's going so well for you!! Is there anything more dramatic than a teenage girl with a boyfriend? She sounds like bad news - hope he gets enough of that attitude soon and makes another choice. My daughter has a friend who is hot and heavy with a new boyfriend. I hardly see the girl anymore - even though she's at my house as much as she ever was. She's always in another room whispering in the phone....

It's so hard for girls that age, especially when the boys start to come between friendships.

What amuses me is, I wonder if the GF even knows that this phase of the punishment would be shorter if DS would only get his butt to work instead of sitting around? Personally, I'm in no big hurry to get him started because I think he needs to be home thinking about what he's done. But it's just funny.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I was just thinking about you the other day. Thanks for the update

Have you met his girlfriend's parents? Talking to them may not be a bad idea.

 

[LukenDC]

I think that it's great that you have found a way to meet your son's friends. That will help you to better monitor the types of people he associates with.

 

[kdibattista]

That's great!!! Thoughts and prayers for continued success

 

[Evil Queen]

Good plan, and glad he's being mature about it.

I already have one grown child and a 10 year old to go. I hope I do as well with the 2nd as I did the 1st. Parenting is never an easy task. So glad to see parents who care enough to set rules and make the kid's stick to them.

Way to go-I'll be cheering you guys on!!

 

[mickeyfan2]

So you got the closer student teaching job.

 

[minkydog]

I think your plans look great. With increased privilege comes greater responsibility.

I imagine the GF will take care of herself. DS just got rid of a very clingy GF and like you, I just smiled and tried to like her. He eventually saw what a nut she was and broke it off. I have never said one mean word(to him) about her.

I hope your son comes around. Maybe he's dragging his feet so he won't have to meet up with the GF

 

[Marseeya]

So you got the closer student teaching job.

Yes, and I was so happy! I'll be on the same holiday schedule as the kids, plus I won't have to drive 60 miles round trip.

 

[Marseeya]

Good plan, and glad he's being mature about it.

I already have one grown child and a 10 year old to go. I hope I do as well with the 2nd as I did the 1st. Parenting is never an easy task. So glad to see parents who care enough to set rules and make the kid's stick to them.

Way to go-I'll be cheering you guys on!!

It's so hard sticking to the rules, isn't it? I was talking to a friend about that and her DD's friend was grounded, but she gave her parents such a hard time about it that they let her go early. Yikes! I can't imagine that. My DS used to try stunts like that, but he's learned over the years that if he complains too much (I'll tolerate a little), then he'll just be grounded longer.

 

[Evil Queen]

It's so hard sticking to the rules, isn't it? I was talking to a friend about that and her DD's friend was grounded, but she gave her parents such a hard time about it that they let her go early. Yikes! I can't imagine that. My DS used to try stunts like that, but he's learned over the years that if he complains too much (I'll tolerate a little), then he'll just be grounded longer.

Yes!! I remember when oldest son was younger, I use to think to myself "His punishment has become my punishment", but it had to be done.

I have on RARE occasions (depending on what they have done,etc) shaved a day here or there for good behavior and if where they wanted to go, surrounded a special event (friend's birthday parties, weekend band trips,etc), but they have to work really hard at that. I never tell them up front that I may consider this option, because it usually involved more "begging" from them to be let off earlier, and because I do it so rarely,that they don't even realize it.

 

[ducklite]

You go girl!

Sounds like he's finally starting to see the light.

Anne

 

[Maleficent13]

Oh, and in the logs when he told her I'd be student teaching at their school, she said I was stalking her.

omg, the DRAAAAAA-MA.

 

[Marseeya]

omg, the DRAAAAAA-MA.

Oh, I know! She was ranting and raving about how he didn't understand, and that I'd be grading her papers. Oh the horrors!

I know after she meets me it's going to set her mind at ease, but I'm getting just a little bit of enjoyment out of making her squirm with not knowing what to expect.

 

[Sandy V.]

Thanks so much for the update, Marseeya. I was wondering how you and your DH had handled it. Sounds like you two did a great job of sticking together and coming up with an appropriate punishment.

The girlfriend sounds like a major parental pain in the butt. It would be a VERY long time before I'd let those two out of my sight! Hopefully your son will eventually see what a self-absorbed little drama queen she really is.

 

[disneymom3]

Glad to hear the update and I have to say I am totally impressed with your punishment system. I am coming to you for advice when my kids get older. I love how you have the different phases and he can move up as he makes progess. That is inspired!

And I bet you are right and the GF is going to show him what a twit she is.