My son's going to get it....

[nkjzmom]

The boys in his 5th grade class have been playing this hopping game where they catch someone's foot with their toe and make the person "hop"...sometimes resulting in them falling. (I remember doing this too...) They've all been warned not to do it. The principal just called me and told me she had DS in her office because he tripped a classmate yesterday making the child fall and scrape his arms. He will be spending the afternoon with her doing his schoolwork.

I am feeling two emotions.....anger that he would do that after being told not to (and after just having his arm broken by someone being too rough with him) and embarrassment because this child is our ped. son. I think they are decent friends and DS was just being a dumb 11 year old.

So DH says we should take all games, radio, movies, computer etc away for a few weeks. I say we should find some service for him to do for someone...for this child....or for my elderly grandpa....I want him to LEARN not just be punished. I go to see our Dr. in a few weeks for our 2 year old's checkup...I was thinking about bringing DS along and having him apologize face to face to him along with writing and apologizing face to face to the boy.

I can imagine my son thinking he's being cool or funny and then seeing what resulted from his stupidity and feeling really bad instantly. According to teachers, etc. he's very thoughtful and kind at school. I would normally believe this except that he didn't mention this to me at all last night...knowing he would be finding out his punishment today! So I'm left wondering what to do!

Give me some ideas to really teach him about his actions....I'm all out....

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

When I was your DS' age, we playing the scratching game, where you scratched somone else's hand until it bled or they "chickened out." Yeah, real smart, huh? Everyone who was a scratcher or scratchee (can't remember which I was), had to spend the afternoon with the principal and write a 500 word essay. I'm pretty sure my parents grounded me from the phone and TV (no computers at the time), but I had already learned my lesson. My principal was one SCARY dude. I never wanted to spend an afternoon with him again.

If your son is a good kid, I would say grounding your son from TV and computer would be enough. Make sure he apologizes to the boy tomorrow and call it a lesson learned. As for the ped, I'm sure he'll realize it was boys being boys.

 

[horseshowmom]

If your son is a good kid, I would say grounding your son from TV and computer would be enough. Make sure he apologizes to the boy tomorrow and call it a lesson learned. As for the ped, I'm sure he'll realize it was boys being boys.

 

[sha_lyn]

The school is punishing him for something he did at school. Why would you ground him from many things for weeks, when he is already being punished by the school? It doesn't sound as if he is a "repeat offender" that needs excessive punishment. The school punished him, why don't you just talk to him and perhaps explain to him what repercussions there will be if he does it again.

 

[FreshTressa]

I don't think I'd ground him. Punishments don't usually work as well as real life consequences...like apologizing in person to the Dr.

I think making him do that on top of the school's punishment would be fine.

 

[castleview]

I don't think apologizing to the Dr. is necessary - he's not the one your DS tripped. I like the school punishment, apologizing to the boy, and everything else you want to do at home. I didn't get into much trouble at school because when I did, I was in MORE trouble when I got home. Since he didn't listen to his parents, he deserved to be in trouble at home also. Get 'em!

 

[stinkerbelle]

The school is punishing him for something he did at school. Why would you ground him from many things for weeks, when he is already being punished by the school? It doesn't sound as if he is a "repeat offender" that needs excessive punishment. The school punished him, why don't you just talk to him and perhaps explain to him what repercussions there will be if he does it again.

Because it teaches morals, IMO.
Family morals.

By punishing the child at home as well, it sends a message that the behaviour is not tolerated in ANY situation.

I always knew, whatever "punishment" I would get at school...was NOTHING compared to the consquences at home.

Case in point - I got a speeding ticket when I was 16. The "state" punished me with a fine...my parents punished me by taking my car away for 2 weeks. Lesson learned.

To the OP...I think a nice, face to face, apology would be fine...like - drive over to the kids house, make him go ring the doorbell and apologize to the kid.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I have a question. What is a "ped" son?

 

[nkjzmom]

Get 'em!

Thanks for the thoughts. You know, it is hard to separate yourself as a parent from your kids. I'm really fighting hard to get past MY embarrassment and realizing this was a stupid kid thing my son did and not a reflection of bad parenting...I guess I'm just mortified that my son is sitting in the principal's office right now. I don't think any of my principal's ever knew I existed!!! I did everything possible to keep a low profile and draw little to NO attention to myself whatsoever through school!

I like the apologizing to his friend in person. Maybe we could take a little somethin' over for him too. Some cool bandaids....to break the ice.

DS is a good student and a great kid. He knows better...MUCH better and though the school is punishing him he will also have consequences to suffer through from us as well.

Still gotta love him.

 

[nkjzmom]

I have a question. What is a "ped" son?

Sorry....Pediatrician's son

 

[RUDisney]

I got a note from DS's teacher last Friday saying that he has been misbehaving and it gave one example. We had him pull 3 penalties out of our penalty box (yay! I don't have to clean up after dinner for a week!) but I also explained to him that there could be ramifications to his actions that his Dad and I would have to pay, too. I explained to him that sometimes, you might do something intentional, or by accident that results in the parents of the other child suing us. He understands that depending on the "crime" we could lose a lot because of one moment that he is just being a kid and not thinking. We gave him the example of the Columbine parents. Whether they knew what their sons were up to or not, the parents of the killers lives were ruined the day that their sons took the guns to school. How could they even face anyone in the community after that, let alone be sued for negligence by the parents of the students who were hurt or killed?

This seemed to help him understand why he has to think in the big picture when he's doing things. While his infraction was spinning a girl's scrunchie on his finger before it flew off and hit another boy in the arm, evidently upsetting the other boy greatly, it doesn't compare to him killing his classmates. It DID get the point across that sometimes although we think things are innocent, others may have their feelings hurt.

Hopefully, it sank in... we'll see how things go. Honestly, I don't think his teacher this year knows how to handle the class as well as some other teachers, and I think that is part of the problem. I won't admit that to my DS, and I will take his word for it whenever he sends a note home. I know my DS can be rambunctious, but he's a good kid. I'll have a better understanding next year when he has a different teacher especially if he either turns into a "saint" or a bigger "sinner."

 

[cats7494]

I agree with Stinkerbelle!! Builds character and morals!
Our DD11 has only been in trouble at school one time and we certainly did have consequences at home! She knows that she will receive a worse punishment at home - because we do not tolerate unacceptable behavior at school. That was 4 years ago and she has not been in any trouble at school since.

I have no problem with you grounding him and apologizing to the boy & to the parent...I honestly think it is a great idea! (I would probably only ground him for one week though - since it does not sound like he is gets into trouble too often.)

Good luck mom! Stick with it

 

[castleview]

I guess I'm just mortified that my son is sitting in the principal's office right now. .

The best part is that he's sitting there probably freaking out about what you and DH are going to do!

 

[SC Minnie]

I agree with an apology to the boy (the boys have probably already 'made up' by now) and also to the principal and teacher-- they had to take time out of the day to deal with his rough housing. I would also take away the xbox, or computer, or tv whatever would hurt the most through the weekend. A few weeks is a little harsh.

 

[luvdzne]

We had him pull 3 penalties out of our penalty box "

Could you give more details about your penalty box? This sounds like your on to something. Having the DD's pull a penalty out of the penalty box sounds much easier than having to pull one out of my head when I'm mad


OP... I to like the idea of having him appoligize to the other boy.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Could you give more details about your penalty box? This sounds like your on to something. Having the DD's pull a penalty out of the penalty box sounds much easier than having to pull one out of my head when I'm mad

I agree - this is a really cute idea!

I gather it's a box filled with "chores" the kid will have to do for punishment. They pull one (or more) out of the box...so you don't have to pull one out of your bumm. hehehe

Excellent idea though! Does it just include chores or "lose TV/computer/etc... pirveledges"?

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

I like this idea, too. Please tell us more? At what age did you start using it? Is it always out in the open (like a threat)? Once they do a penalty, does it get put back in the box?

 

[Lil_Tink]

When I was your DS' age, we playing the scratching game, where you scratched somone else's hand until it bled or they "chickened out." Yeah, real smart, huh? Everyone who was a scratcher or scratchee (can't remember which I was), had to spend the afternoon with the principal and write a 500 word essay. I'm pretty sure my parents grounded me from the phone and TV (no computers at the time), but I had already learned my lesson. My principal was one SCARY dude. I never wanted to spend an afternoon with him again.

If your son is a good kid, I would say grounding your son from TV and computer would be enough. Make sure he apologizes to the boy tomorrow and call it a lesson learned. As for the ped, I'm sure he'll realize it was boys being boys.

We play slaps..Well we did...You slap eachothers hands to see whos gets redder.


Yes..I think it was just him being a kid..I mean I used to things like that all the time...I think either an apoligy note would be suitable enough.

 

[nkjzmom]

Alright guys....thanks for the laughs...it helped!!

DS is at scouts now so I have a few minutes to write about him...I mentioned waiting to dish out punishment until my friends on the DIS write back and he moaned...."Oh no....you told THEM!!!!!"

He did trip the boy while walking back from Algebra. He didn't think he would fall but when he did DS immediately ran over and helped him. They went to the bathroom together and DS helped him clean up with some wet paper towels and kept saying he was sorry. So it was pretty innocent.

He has been given ISS tomorrow...In school suspension...(which sounds very scary) but the principal assured me that technically it is no big deal and really does not affect him other than doing all of his work with her in her office. She is a fabulous lady so that's fine by me. It doesn't go on his record either. This "game" has been ongoing and DS is the first to get this much trouble but I guess someone has to be the first to let the kids know they're serious.

He will be writing a letter to the boy and doing quite a few extra odd jobs around our house and grandpa's...a little lecturing from his favorite great-grandparent won't hurt!

I love the penalty box idea....I'm making one tonight!!!

 

[RUDisney]

The penalty box was suggested to me by a Mom at a soccer game. We used an old cigar box, because it is sturdy and has a locking lid. It sits on the kitchen counter at all times. We decopaged (sp?) it to make it nicer.

The kids and I sat down and made up penalties. They run the gammit from 'go to bed at 8:00 tonight," to "no TV for the rest of the day," to "vacuum all 3 floors of our house." There are a variety of other punishments in the box, too. The kids helped me make them up and they were far rougher about them than I would have been. Each was figuring that the other would pick the penalties that they came up with.

Now, we also placed 3 mercy cards in the box. One says that if you are truly sorry, you can be forgiven. Another allows them to pay $.50 for forgiveness. This goes into the churches' basket if it is pulled. The final one tells them to go to their room to say 3 prayers for forgiveness. Believe it or not, these mercy cards actually help, too, because they never know when they are going to pull which paper. Now, it isn't always what I want them to pull at that moment, but I've always abided by the penalty because they need to abide by what they say, too.

We have cut misbehaving down tremendously because of the penalty box. The threat of the unknown is far worse than knowing what is going to happen because we, as parents, aren't always creative in punishments in the heat of the moment.

The penalty box has been successful for other friends that I've told about it, too. I hope it works for you!