My Son......& the party he wants to go to.....

[hildasmuriel]

Although my son is 16 he is in Year 13, so some of his classmates have started turning 18.

He came home from school tonight and said he wanted to go to a friend's 18th birthday party tomorrow night. I said it was quite late notice, and he said that he and 2 other friends hadn't been invited up until now. It seems the birthday boy's dad said they couldn't come as he doesn't want white people there. Now he has said okay, 3 of them can come.

My son is pleased and wants to go but I am really unhappy about this. If the boys will only be there on sufferance it could make for a pretty edgy atmosphere. Also, if the dad feels like this - could there be others in the family who have equally strong feelings - or worse?

 

[Snowy-girls]

I am completley disgusted at that Dad's remarks.I personally would'nt allow him to go,not after that,just in case something did happen.But everyone has a difference of opinion,so maybe let him go+if anything kicks off so to speak then leave straight away,phone you etc..Let us know what happens,and if he does go-i hope all is well.x.

 

[natalielongstaff]

Im sorry but no way would my ds be going !!

 

[Pinky166]

If it was me then I wouldn't let him go.

 

[Nubbedy]

Have to say, if it were my DS I would not be happy about him going. As you say, based on the Dad's comments, I would worry about whether there were underlying racial issues with other family members. On the other hand, your son has told about the Dad's views, so seems to be very honest with you, and quite sensible. Maybe it would be ok for him to go, providing he promises to leave / call you if anything should happen. If the boys are friends, why should some silly racial comments spoil it? Sorry, not exactly been any help!

Sara.

 

[Cyrano]

Sadly some parents are still in the dark ages. Looks like the son has stated he wants his friends to be there. I'd therefore be please that the next generation have some understanding and would let my DS go to his friends party
Realise this is a difficult one to call and only you and your DS can agree what is best to do

 

[mandymouse]

As a mum to a 15 and 17 year old, I can completely understand where your worries are. My youngest DD recently went to a 16th birthday party. I didn't know the birthday kid, it was held in a really rough area and the club was the pits, but I did allow her to go under the understanding that if she felt uncomfortable or anything kicked off she was to ring us straight away, and we also arranged to pick her up early. My stomach was in knots all evening and I was so glad to go and pick her up, but we felt we had to show her some trust and in the end she had a great time

 

[T16GEM]

What an awful thing for the father to say, I don't think that I would let DS go, mainly as I wouldn't want him to be associating with people with thise views.

 

[CustardTart]

My DS is 15 and comes out with some challenging last-minute requests too! My knee-jerk reaction is to shout "NO!" from the rooftops but I just usually explain my concerns and we compromise - sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.

Your DS has been upfront with you about the reasoning for the late invite so if he doesn't feel uncomfortable partying (given the attitude of the father) then I think I'd let him go, but pre-arrange a pick-up and get him to call/text you during the evening or if anything feels wrong. It's a tough one so good luck with whatever you decide....

 

[stubb]

hi
I would let him go but tell him he must not switch his mobile off and arrange a set time when you can pick him up. If he did not go that could lead to problems as well. It is such a difficult age!

 

[hildasmuriel]

Thanks for all your opinions. It has helped me to chew this thing over.

My son is used to being in a minority - in his school most children are Asian, so he won't worry about being the odd one out. He adores Asian food, loves to dance to Bhangra and has picked up a few words in Punjabi and Urdu. As Cyrano says, the next generation seem more tolerant.

My husband says he has met the mum a few times when the boys used to go to the park to play cricket, and she seems really nice.

My son said it was a formal 'do' and he needed to wear a suit and tie - it is in a local restaurant/party venue.

Sooooooo, all things considered, we agreed to let him go, with the proviso (as suggested ) that his mobile is on at all times and he leaves and phones us if he is AT ALL uncomfortable. My husband will be picking him up later.

Not easy, bring up kids, is it?

 

[Snowy-girls]

Well i hope he has a great time+there is no 'trouble'.Please let us know how he gets on.x.

 

[mandymouse]

Not easy, bring up kids, is it?

LOL, tell me about it

I hope he has a great time tonight, it sounds like a well organised party

 

[CustardTart]

...Not easy, bring up kids, is it?

Nope! Hope all goes well and your son has a great time...

 

[jns]

hope things are going good at the party
times like this I get lots of house work done

 

[Ware Bears]

Hope it all goes well and that he is having a lovely evening.

 

[hildasmuriel]

He's just phoned for Dad to come and get him and said they've had a great night. Great big PHEWWWWWW from me.
Thanks again for all the advice.

 

[BRobson]

He's just phoned for Dad to come and get him and said they've had a great night. Great big PHEWWWWWW from me.
Thanks again for all the advice.

Glad he has had a good night

 

[shellbell]

I'm really pleased that your son had a good night! Maybe the boys father now, will realise how silly he was being.

 

[mandymouse]

He's just phoned for Dad to come and get him and said they've had a great night. Great big PHEWWWWWW from me.
Thanks again for all the advice.

I'm so pleased that he enjoyed himself