My son said WHAT?????

[cruisnfamily]

Got a note home in DS(7)'s binder. The note said "swearing". In speaking to DS about this he didn't even know what swearing was. Asked him if he used bad language at school and he said yes. Asked him what he said...his response "it starts with an f but I don't remember" Calmly tried to find out what word was said. Now...many of you may think I am naive and I'm sure that many 7 yr olds are wise beyond their years but I truly don't believe my son knows the word we're all thinking of. Turns out the kid next to him was "saying silly rhymes and songs" and my son was imitating. Then the one who started it tells the teacher that my son "said the F-word". The teacher questioned ds who finally admitted to "saying the F-word" but when I asked him what the "F-word" was he said "fart". DS is adamant that the word he said was fart and he thought that's what the teacher meant. He has received a "disciplinary refferal" and will be called to the principal to discuss this. Pretty ironic since I called the principal last week to object to a substitute music teacher using the words "stupid" and "idiot" in class don't you think?

Anyway, the kid appears to have confessed to something he didn't do but I am in a quandry....do I just let it go or do I call the principal? I have already talked to the teacher and she is sure he said the actual f-word, not fart because that is what was reported to her by the other child.....Who knows

 

[Beauty]

So shes taking the word of one child over the other? I think my son was about that age when he first said the "F" word...which he had also heard at school. He had no idea whatsoever what it meant and thats why he asked me What "F" meant. Thank goodness he asked me first.......

I do think that a lot of school overreact to things like this. If a child hears a word they don't know or understand then they are going to say it until it is explained to them that it is a bad word and they shouldn't say it.

I would explain to him that the "F" word is a very very bad thing and he is never to say it again......maybe at the meeting with the principle and teacher....but punishment beyond that is ridiculous if you ask me. At this age they are just trying to learn and understand.

 

[cruisnfamily]

Originally posted by Beauty
I would explain to him that the "F" word is a very very bad thing and he is never to say it again......

But that's my point....I don't think he said it in the first place. When he was trying to find out why I was upset, he wanted me to tell him what "the real F-word" was. I told him he didn't need to hear it. He thought "fart" was "the f-word". Or else he is an accomplished liar and I truly know that this little guy isn't a liar, he's pretty innocent and happy go lucky and has no idea what the fuss is about.

 

[Beauty]

Thats why I don't think a punishment from the school is going to help...he won't understand what its all about.

Why is this teacher believing the other child? Thats what I don't understand. How can you take one child's word over the other?? Why is the teacher so sure????

 

[allicat]

I would not let it go! Speak to the principal since you didnt get anywhere with the teacher. If nothing else you can explain to the pnicipal what happened.
The child shouldnt be punished for something he didnt do.Why the teacher would take the word of the other kid without actually hearing it, is a concern to me and you could bring that up with the principal too!

 

[disykat]

I wonder if the teacher realizes that many kids that age consider the word fart the f-word. I'd give the teacher your child's version, since it appears he didn't really give it to her. Hopefully she'll realize it was all a misunderstanding (on your child's part anyway, sounds like the other little guy was out to cause trouble!) and drop it.

 

[mom2boys]

I'd speak up for my son.

P.S. My 7 year old considers the "F" word to be "fat". (He was telling his 15 year old cousin she is fat. I told him he is NEVER to call anyone fat - so ... )

 

[jx3smom]

This happened to my DS in 2nd grade. He had a nasty art teacher and a child told her that he said the f word. He told he teacher that he did say the f word and she found out that he had said fart. It lead to a discussion in class over appropriate words for class and that was the end of it. I did not bother to respond to the art teacher note.

 

[sha_lyn]

reminds me of the time when a kid came running to me saying that DS was saying dirty words. Turns out DS said that Barney was stupid. The kids parents had told him that stupid was a dirty word.

 

[tlgoblue]

This sort of thing has happened to my DS as well. Once, while riding the bus, a neighbor child says to DS, who was 7 at the time, "Can you do this?", and holds up his middle finger! Well, of course, not to be outdone, DS does it and the neighbor immediately goes to the bus driver and says "... just gave me the finger!" I know for a fact he had no idea what he was doing, and it was apparent to the driver as well. I did receive a call from her explaining the situation, and had to explain to a very confused 7 YO why he can't do that. They learn way too young. (If they said he spoke the word, I would be inclined to believe them, knowing that he KNEW what he was doing. As my DD10 says "people use that word like if, and, or but!" It's too bad that we have to play these games, but we do live in a VERY open society. Good luck easing your son through these times.

Tracy

 

[fantasymagic]

I wouldn't let it go. The teacher didn't actually hear it. I think the referral to the principal was overkill. She could have called you, especially since this was the first time for an "offense". But since the teacher for whatever reason decided it needed to go to the principal, I would meet with the principal and your son and the teacher so all sides get discussed. I think it would be good for your son to have you there. It might be pretty scary for him to be in the principal's office with the teacher, being scolded and he doesn't quite know what it's all about.

And, just being a devil's advocate here, let's suppose he really knows the word that he used; we've told our kids that we will support them (doesn't mean we okay what they do or deny when they've done something wrong) but they need to tell us what really happened so that we won't be caught by surprise in any meetings and know how to handle discussions at meetings.

Good luck to you and DS. Let us know what happens.

 

[RitaZ.]

I have already talked to the teacher and she is sure he said the actual f-word, not fart because that is what was reported to her by the other child.

Why take the word of one student over another, especially when she didn't witness the incident? Based on what you have written, I think this situation could have been handled differently. The "F word" could mean different things to different kids. Some may know what the "F word" stands for and others may think it's any word that begins with F.

Since your DS is getting a "disciplinary referral" for this (I'll keep my opinion to myself on this decision), then it's the perfect opportunity to talk to the principal and share your DS's side of the story. Good luck!

 

[cruisnfamily]

Originally posted by RitaZ.
Why take the word of one student over another, especially when she didn't witness the incident?

In her words she thinks "he is being manipulative and he's smart enough to think of another word that begins with F" . But I really really don't think my son has ever heard this word

Originally posted by RitaZ.
Since your DS is getting a "disciplinary referral" for this (I'll keep my opinion to myself on this decision)

What's your opinion? I really am curious?

 

[damo]

I have a very innocent DS and we don't swear at all at home. He is now 14 but I am positive that by the time he was 7 he had heard the "f" word many, many times at school and knew it was a bad word even though he went to a very good school. I would be very surprised if your son had never heard that word and didn't know it was a bad word. I'm not saying he's lying or being manipulative but that word is very common in the playground.

 

[Kallison]

Tell the teacher and the principal that after further discussion you found out the f-word was fart. Same thing happened to my son in 1st grade, he came home and said he learned the F word and what it meant, plus he told all the other kids in the class what the F word and it's meaning was. Before I could pass out, I said spell it in my ear, he said "You know the thing that Daddy does every day?" F-A-R-T. Fortunately I was good friends with his teacher, she got a real kick out of it.

Let them know and make sure the punishment is appropriate for fart and not the other f word.

 

[RitaZ.]

Sonya~ I sent you a pm.

 

[SonjaB]

Isn't it amazing the discussions you find yourself in when you have children?

 

[disykat]

Does she have some reason to think your son might be trying to manipulate her? If not, what a horrible accusation!

My older son is Mr. Responsible at school and was falsely accused by a student in first grade. The recess aide came down on him hard and sent him to the principal, but fortunately his teacher and the principal understood and listened to (and believed) his version of the story. My younger son is also good, but full of imaginative baloney and might have a harder time getting his side heard.

 

[sha_lyn]

disykat's story reminds me of what happened to DS in first grade. If it had not been for the fact that I was very active in the class and PTA (so I knew the teacher and principal very well)whos knows what would have happened.

The kids were in line in the lunchroom. The kdis behind DS grabbed him, pinning his arms to his sides. In struggling to get free he hit the other boy in the privates. well the school counselor wanted DS to go to thearpy for sexual abusers before he was to be allowed back in school. As soon as the Teacher got word of this she notified the principal. They went straight to the counselor to find out what the heck was going on. She took the other kids version that DS had just turned around and grabbed his crotch. She didn't bother to talk to anyone who witnessed it. Luckily the principal and teacher got the real story from DS's classmates. By the time I was told about what happened it was all over.