My son got called to the Principal's Office..

[walkdmc]

Yes, i totally agree my son should not have cursed!!!

I just want to find out why my son was called to his office - what did the mother say happened..

I wouldn't care what that mother said since it doesn't seem relevant.

 

[honeydiane1953]

Retired teacher here- along with a retired principal-- If the principal was concerned with your childs behavior he would contact you. It seems as though he just wanted to get the facts from your son - also wanted to be able to tell the meddling mom it had been taken care of. Don't worry!

There it is from someone who knows!

 

[TosaTrio]

The whole situation has been blown totally out of proportion by the two girls moms. Your MIDDLE SCHOOL child was questioned about it and was told he was NOT in trouble. The girl's mom didn't need to call the school to tattle on your child, and I don't see any reason the school needed to call you about it. It sounds like there is a problem in the school in general with parents micromanaging. In middle school, it is time to cut the strings and not need to know about every word said to the kids at school. It sounds like your son handled it in a mature manner and did the right thing. I owuld be proud of him for handling it himself and stay out of it.

agree

 

[bumbershoot]

You've made that distinction a couple of times and it really confuses me. I have attended several schools and worked several jobs and at none of them would it have mattered who the words were directed at. They just aren't to be used in a 'professional' environment (and as a student school is his 'job.')

Since the OP put in 5 asterices, it seems to me the boy used the B word.

Your company really wouldn't react differently if someone mumbled that word to themselves, versus *calling* someone that word?

I'd react differently to a self-mumble vs thinking someone was calling me that....



Seems the principal believes him, and that is so great! Lucky. Not all principals believe kids, in my experience.

 

[MineMail]

Most middle schools don't allow cursing and many have it in their school handbook. In the end, it doesn't matter *what* curse he uttered, it was overheard and reported. She found it offensive and possible directed at her, which he should take note of - if it comes out of his mouth, anyone could hear it, and it's rude to offend others intentionally. If it's against the school policy, that throws another issue on the pile.

I don't necessarily think the other parent overreacted. The DS asked the girl a question, then cursed when he found out she did better than him on the test. I'm sure she thought the foul language was being directed at her, which is even more unacceptable. For all you know, his cursing isn't a one-time thing (it rarely is) and she's been the audience sitting next to him all semester long. Maybe the other mother called to get her DD's seat changed so she wouldn't have to be subjected to his audible complaints any more.

As for the AP calling you, if he's not rushing, he probably doesn't think it was a serious offense. Although, he might have wanted to talk to the teachers to resolve the conflict and perhaps assign a punishment. In any case, no news is good news - if he was getting detention or suspension, you would have already been called.

 

[crisi]

Retired teacher here- along with a retired principal-- If the principal was concerned with your childs behavior he would contact you. It seems as though he just wanted to get the facts from your son - also wanted to be able to tell the meddling mom it had been taken care of. Don't worry!

I've been called for this several times. Sometimes its "well, we have a zero tolerance policy - so we have to call them to the office." Sometimes its "we need to let the other parent know we did something" and saying 'we called him down to the office and called his Mom' is about the least that makes the other parent happy.

 

[kamik86]

I wouldn't be worried about not getting a call yet.

If I was the principal I would think I would have alot of kids to deal with and parents to call. So the one that really didn't do anything and I just had to be placating some mom would be bottom of the barrel priority.

Someone who actually did something wrong probably needed to be dealt with and took up the rest of the principals day.

 

[mrsklamc]

Your company really wouldn't react differently if someone mumbled that word to themselves, versus *calling* someone that word?

Nope. Nor would the 5 or 6 other companies I've worked for...On a first offense, there's not a "you were offensive and owe them an apology," vs. "you were extremely offensive and owe them an apology" distinction.

 

[fakereadhed]

If it were my 11yo kid and he swore in class, not getting called about it would be the least of his/my concern! My kids know if they are in trouble at school, they have their parents to worry about more than the punishment at school.

 

[mjkacmom]

If ds8 didn't have a twin sister, I would never know about his trips to the principal's office! Okay, there was one time, involving half of a scissor, and he had to eat lunch there. I can't imagine a 6th grader telling her mom about a slipped curse word, and having that mom call the school, and having the principal call the child into the office! Seriously, not on my radar.

 

[girli565]

Wow, that girls mom overreacted. I'm a teacher of emotionally handicapped students who curse and act out all the time and are not called into the principals office for it.

give the principal a chance to call, he probably just wanted to talk with your son to confirm the story, at least your son was truthful, he fessed up and took responsibility for his actions. He didn't get in trouble so just let it go and talk to him about appropriate language in school. No biggie!

 

[ccgirl]

If it were my 11yo kid and he swore in class, not getting called about it would be the least of his/my concern! My kids know if they are in trouble at school, they have their parents to worry about more than the punishment at school.

Yes, this. Personally, I wouldn't care who the word was directed at. THat word is not typically a word that is used when we are disappointed at something. The correct context would be more in line with calling the girl next to him that got the better grade that word. I get it wasn't something he would typically do but we all fall off the path every now and then.

 

[bbarba]

I like to throw my opinions around and others that I don's have, but that I may think of:

1--I second that if it was an issue you would have been called. Just like in many homes, the first offense is given a "free" pass--Don't do it again and we won't think about it again. It is when it is a recurring issue, you will be called.

2--This one is not meant accuse/offend anyone but a simple reminder. The school never called so you do not have the whole story. I was an honor student, rarely if ever got in trouble, but did occasionally. When I did, I made sure that the story made me look better than I actually acted. Your son could have changed the word he told you he said, it could have been much louder than he indicated or your son could be in fact telling you the truth.

3--My big question would be why was your child so upset? Was he upset because someone beat him on the test, Did he make simple mistakes that he could have fixed but he rushed, Did he not study hard enough? A great lesson would be to help him fix that part of it, so he does not have to worry about swearing.

4--I swear quite a bit when there are no children around (or mine asleep). My sister and I were not raised that way (I only have heard my father swear twice in my whole life and one was an accident-he meant to say sit), but we both swear alot. That being said--it is an extremely inappropriate thing to do. At the public suburban high school where my wife works, there is a zero tolerance policy, especially when it comes to the "f" word. Simply saying it is either a 1 or 3 day suspension (I forget which length)-no questions asked. Directing it at a teacher--5 days-no questions asked. Schools tend to take swearing seriously, and should.

 

[Minnesota!]

Retired teacher here- along with a retired principal-- If the principal was concerned with your childs behavior he would contact you. It seems as though he just wanted to get the facts from your son - also wanted to be able to tell the meddling mom it had been taken care of. Don't worry!

ditto. nothing for you or your son to be upset about..

 

[ccgirl]

I like to throw my opinions around and others that I don's have, but that I may think of:

1--I second that if it was an issue you would have been called. Just like in many homes, the first offense is given a "free" pass--Don't do it again and we won't think about it again. It is when it is a recurring issue, you will be called.

2--This one is not meant accuse/offend anyone but a simple reminder. The school never called so you do not have the whole story. I was an honor student, rarely if ever got in trouble, but did occasionally. When I did, I made sure that the story made me look better than I actually acted. Your son could have changed the word he told you he said, it could have been much louder than he indicated or your son could be in fact telling you the truth.

3--My big question would be why was your child so upset? Was he upset because someone beat him on the test, Did he make simple mistakes that he could have fixed but he rushed, Did he not study hard enough? A great lesson would be to help him fix that part of it, so he does not have to worry about swearing.

4--I swear quite a bit when there are no children around (or mine asleep). My sister and I were not raised that way (I only have heard my father swear twice in my whole life and one was an accident-he meant to say sit), but we both swear alot. That being said--it is an extremely inappropriate thing to do. At the public suburban high school where my wife works, there is a zero tolerance policy, especially when it comes to the "f" word. Simply saying it is either a 1 or 3 day suspension (I forget which length)-no questions asked. Directing it at a teacher--5 days-no questions asked. Schools tend to take swearing seriously, and should.

Just wanted to say, great post!

 

[momxx5]

Although I would be totally annoyed that the tattling occured and definately bothered that your son was called into the office with out them calling you....especially after they said they would............ALL THAT SAID, I would just let it go.
It seems to be over with and no more attention needs to be drawn to the matter.

Personaly, I would have a chat with your son about accidentaly "slips of the tongue" and more importantly if he feels that this is a more pressing issue or feels uncomfortable in anyway he can ask the administration to call you while he is present in the office or he can tell them simply that he is "not allowed to talk to principal/asst. princ without your knowledge.

This is learned by past experience. My now sophmore had a difficult teacher last year and they were like oil & water. It is well know around the school that she is difficult. DS answered a question, not to her liking, and decided to "write him up". He came home near tears telling me that tomorrow he would be called to the office and probably has ISS (in school suspension). After looking over the code of conduct and checking the steps to handle such procedures, she was lacking in many ways. Being written up is like step 4, after warning, calling parent, parent conference, etc. None of those steps were taken. ALSO knowing my son, and how easily his words can be misunderstood and he'd probably talk himself into more trouble, I told him he was to not talk to asst princ. without my consent and either being there in person or speaker phone.
Short story longer (sorry), he was called to office, told asst princ that I was to be called. Asst. princ put him in "chill out"....fancy word for highschool time out. He only missed that one day of her class only and I was called. I was willing to come right over, set up appt, meet with teacher....whatever they wanted. Asst. Princ. pretty much dismissed the whole thing (knowing that said teacher was already problem to many) and that DS would not be in trouble but he would not be in her class today so they both could have a day off from each other

So please let your son know that you support him, and the rules of the school. So anything can happen once, but more than once becomes a problem. That way he will be more aware of his words and also know how to handle being called to office. It might make him feel prepared in case anything else occurs, especially with Miss Noseybody tattle-tale.

 

[lisaross]

Thanks again everyone!

I was wrong the Dean did actually call me the day this all happened - she left a msg on my cell phone and for some reason i did not see it till the next morning!

She told me what happened and that she can tell my son is a good, respectful boy - after receiving this complaint they had to hear his story - He was not in any trouble - He was definitly wrong for using a curse word in school and he will not again (we are not a cursing family and neither is he..) but he is in middle school and things happen. I just think the girls went a bit too far but its over with and i just hope i don't hear from the dean or anyone again!!!