my son can be obnoxious with characters...

[SpringSprite]

Wow nothing but kind people here! I thought I had posted in the" Disney for families" forum, not the " Disney for perfect families, whose children obey the first time, every time, no questions asked" forum. If your kids are as easily parented as they must be to be so quickly judgemental, consider yourself blessed

 

[bigbabyblues]

When my youngest son was 3, he swatted Goofy's nose at Chef Mickey's. Not hard, more like a heavy tap, but not right, either. The handler scolded him the same time DH did, and I was mortified. It wasn't something I had ever thought about, because he had never done it before. We both apologized to Goofy, and he gave DS a pat on the head. We reminded him that we don't hit, and told him if hurt the characters, he can't visit with them. Thankfully, he didn't do it again.

 

[SpringSprite]

When my youngest son was 3, he swatted Goofy's nose at Chef Mickey's. Not hard, more like a heavy tap, but not right, either. The handler scolded him the same time DH did, and I was mortified. It wasn't something I had ever thought about, because he had never done it before. We both apologized to Goofy, and he gave DS a pat on the head. We reminded him that we don't hit, and told him if hurt the characters, he can't visit with them. Thankfully, he didn't do it again.

Thank you SO much for sharing

 

[SEA333]

Wow nothing but kind people here! I thought I had posted in the" Disney for families" forum, not the " Disney for perfect families, whose children obey the first time, every time, no questions asked" forum. If your kids are as easily parented as they must be to be so quickly judgemental, consider yourself blessed

Oh, OP....parenting is a long, long road. Nobody's kids are perfect, and most people do not claim theirs are. Me, for one, when I say that my kids have never been allowed to poke or pull on anyone, I mean that they have never been taught that it is OK because I have never even questioned my decision to NOT let them. Does that make sense?

Kids are going to try things, say things, do things to push limits. They are not going to listen the first time, and they are maybe not even going to listen the second time. That's OK.

What you have described is behavior that you "kind of" think is OK, that you "kind of" let slide sometimes, and you are making excuses for it (he's five...he's silly...he's a class clown...he's not RAMMING people...etc.), so you have to be letting your child know that you are OK with it somehow, or else I don't think he would even know to think to do it. I don't think it has ever occurred to my kids to go up and pull on or poke anyone becuase that is just something that was NEVER ok in their lives. Do they do other things that are physically obnoxious? Ehhh...to be honest, my kids really don't because they are fairly calm most of the time. But they certainly do things that other people do not like or care for, especially my oldest who would argue with a rock as long as the rock stayed put. They also make a mess and don't clean it up, and my 7 year old seriously hurts himself Every Single Time I Tell Him To Get Ready For Bed. Completely obnoxious and annoying to me! We actually had to make a rule "You are not allowed to be hurt at bedtime" because of this. True story!!! And, jsut so she is not left out, my 9 year old DD has the most annoying and embarrassing habit of saying exactly what she is thinking at the most inopportune times!

You described a behavior that your child does in public that you are concerned enough about to ask on a public forum, but that you personally do not think is so bad....unless other people think it's bad behavior, where you then would be humiliated because you are sensitive to what people think of your child's behavior. So, here's the lesson: If you even *think* a behavior could be a problem later on, don't let it become a habit in the first place. That advice was given to me when my 13 year old was a baby, and I have remembered it and used it in countless parenting scenarios, from letting him sleep in our bed to homework habits to how they talk to people and how they act around them.

No judgement here, OP....I have a teenager. Trust me....once you have a teen, all room for judgement is off!

 

[SpringSprite]

Thank you SEA333, for your thoughtful reply. I don't believe that we've ever thought the type of behavior I've described is ok, but I understand what you are saying and agree that it does appear that way. I'm sure defending myself here is kinda pointless, but I was having more of a visceral, momma bear type "my kid isn't that bad" reaction to other people's suggestions that he is...because he's a generally sweet boy with some serious behavior problems right now. And I know I'm the one that gave that impression to begin with... So how can I blame out? I AM going to chew on the points you've made, it's a viewpoint I haven't considered.

Where we are at in this season of life is, since I can't get a control on our child's behavior despite vigilant parenting, parent / teacher conferences, doctors' appointments, time outs, consequences, turning the lock around on his bedroom door and ignoring hours of tantrumy pounding and screaming like a 2 year old, to keep my sanity I have to pick my battles. We would prefer he not poke people, but are also very grateful he isn't hitting them given the battles we are fighting. I don't want my kid to poke Mickey in Disney....I also don't want a well meaning parent to come up to us and reprimand us, because then, yes, it is easier to just not see characters. That's why I wanted to know what the reaction is, and to see if anyone could share a similar fear or experience.

I'll admit to taking offense at the instantaneous "why don't you try parenting" comments, just as I'm none too pleased with the "why don't you try shutting that kid up" looks I get when he's screaming his lungs out in public. We're parenting our butts off as well as we know how, to no (seeming) avail. But hey, public forums, right? It's frustrating when you've tried all that you can and it doesn't seem to be working.

We've considered not taking him to Disney this fall because of what we are dealing with. And given our not knowing how he'll behave, despite his being taught the best way we know how, if we DO end up going, I think we'll just skip the meet and greets. If you see me on line and he's throwing a full out fit, believe me, I'm not enjoying it either.

Anyway, bowing out now.

 

[travelinggnomes]

OP, I think you have done a great job at being gracious in this conversation. Parenting is hard...really hard! My husband is a pastor, and BOY I can't tell you how many times my kids have flat out embarrassed me in church! I probably sat OUT of services with my 1st daughter more than IN services. Fit throwing was her favorite past time. My son was our goof ball...and my youngest DD is just a royal princess. The older 2 have really blossomed out of their struggles, and offer me hope that with persistence, my 3 year old will one day stop acting like she is the center of the universe. lol

That said, here is some great advice: Remember that raising kids is not about teaching them to be perfect or even to please you. (Or not embarrass you!) It is about training them to be the best person that they can be. SO, if your sweet boy struggles with certain situations, I would say that it would be best to refrain from putting him into those situations until he can control himself better. (Within reason...somethings just can't be helped!) You want to help him feel that he has succeeded. That might mean that you have to sit out of meet and greets, but it also might mean that you can discuss this and practice it over the next few months...and he will do FANTASTIC!

Sounds like you are really struggling with mommyhood right now...and I just wanna tell you that you are not alone...anyone who has had kids...has had struggles! Trust me. I was a kindergarten teacher, and I have seen my fair share of the weary look in the eyes of many mothers. Sending you virtual hugs and hope!

 

[SpringSprite]

OP, I think you have done a great job at being gracious in this conversation. Parenting is hard...really hard! My husband is a pastor, and BOY I can't tell you how many times my kids have flat out embarrassed me in church! I probably sat OUT of services with my 1st daughter more than IN services. Fit throwing was her favorite past time. My son was our goof ball...and my youngest DD is just a royal princess. The older 2 have really blossomed out of their struggles, and offer me hope that with persistence, my 3 year old will one day stop acting like she is the center of the universe. lol

That said, here is some great advice: Remember that raising kids is not about teaching them to be perfect or even to please you. (Or not embarrass you!) It is about training them to be the best person that they can be. SO, if your sweet boy struggles with certain situations, I would say that it would be best to refrain from putting him into those situations until he can control himself better. (Within reason...somethings just can't be helped!) You want to help him feel that he has succeeded. That might mean that you have to sit out of meet and greets, but it also might mean that you can discuss this and practice it over the next few months...and he will do FANTASTIC!

Sounds like you are really struggling with mommyhood right now...and I just wanna tell you that you are not alone...anyone who has had kids...has had struggles! Trust me. I was a kindergarten teacher, and I have seen my fair share of the weary look in the eyes of many mothers. Sending you virtual hugs and hope!

Can't thank you enough for the advice, encouragement and hope - I really needed it

 

[StirlingSilver83]

I would tend to think the characters are trained to handle anything because disney is so diverse in the guests there. I mean the autistic children tend to be like that but to the extreme and if u try and stop it they totally have melt downs. I mean I would try and not let your son poke them but if he did I don't think the characters would be offended

 

[travelinggnomes]

Can't thank you enough for the advice, encouragement and hope - I really needed it

You are VERY welcome.

 

[JillyBean1899]

If you re-read my post you'll not see the word "hit" anywhere, but rather "poke in stomach" and "pull on costume". Like poked a kid in the belly as a joke? Pulled on someone's shirt to get their attention?

Don't forget, the "stomach" on a costumed character may not correlate to the "stomach" on the human inside ... it may be a rather sensitive body part. And a harmless "pull on costume" can go poorly because those things are top heavy and those shoes aren't exactly agility friendly, and if the character isn't prepared for it, he/she may fall over. Yeah, those are extremes, but I've seen them happen.

If I walked up to your kid in the park and randomly poked him in the stomach, would you just laugh it off and say I'm joking? I'd be willing to bet most of the parents on this board would *NOT* be happy with that; doing the same thing to *ANY* stranger, no matter the ages involved, is not a polite/nice thing to do.

 

[LaurenPlock]

I just wanna tell you that you are not alone...anyone who has had kids...has had struggles! Trust me.

I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis. Parenting is the most full time, rigorous job I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. It takes consistency and patience, two things I never feel like I have enough of.

Hang in there, OP. I hope you have a great trip with your son!

-- And travelinggnomes, from one pastors wife to another, I'll see you in the back of the sanctuary. I'll be the one wrangling a little blonde 2-year old.

 

[travelinggnomes]

I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis. Parenting is the most full time, rigorous job I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. It takes consistency and patience, two things I never feel like I have enough of.

Hang in there, OP. I hope you have a great trip with your son!

-- And travelinggnomes, from one pastors wife to another, I'll see you in the back of the sanctuary. I'll be the one wrangling a little blonde 2-year old.

Hehehe...Nice to meet you!

 

[Schmeck]

I would tend to think the characters are trained to handle anything because disney is so diverse in the guests there. I mean the autistic children tend to be like that but to the extreme and if u try and stop it they totally have melt downs. I mean I would try and not let your son poke them but if he did I don't think the characters would be offended

Not all children with autism exhibit the behavior you are suggesting - not even 'tend to'. Children without experience in these situations may have a meltdown, but not for the reasons you are suggesting. Children with autism can learn not to poke and tug just as well as children without autism. It's all about the parenting.

 

[njpyro]

So should I not allow him to poke Mickey in the belly or pull on the hem on Donald's pants?

Here's the real problem: Donald doesn't wear pants!
In all seriousness though, don't sweat the small stuff. Most boys that age are out of their minds anyway. Enjoy your vacation and deal with problems as they arise instead of stressing about it ahead of time.

 

[SpringSprite]

Here's the real problem: Donald doesn't wear pants!
In all seriousness though, don't sweat the small stuff. Most boys that age are out of their minds anyway. Enjoy your vacation and deal with problems as they arise instead of stressing about it ahead of time.

Great advice, I do tend to borrow trouble.

 

[3gr8boys]

SpringSprite- my mom used a technique with one of my boys that might be great for you. She would sit down with him and, on a blank piece of paper, write two stories, WITH HIS HELP, about the situation in question. (The stories would be like comic strips.....a series of a few pictures with captions.) One story showed the bad way to handle it. The other story showed the correct way to handle the situation. Having a visual allowed my son to revisit the stories and really see that handling things the correct way resulted in a more positive/fun outcome. Doing this might help you show him the fun ways to interact with characters AND ease some of your worry about would could possibly go wrong. HAVE A GREAT TRIP!!

 

[StirlingSilver83]

Not all children with autism exhibit the behavior you are suggesting - not even 'tend to'. Children without experience in these situations may have a meltdown, but not for the reasons you are suggesting. Children with autism can learn not to poke and tug just as well as children without autism. It's all about the parenting.

I was just saying in some cases not all cases and that I would expect the characters to be trained to handle situations like this. But for kids that are 3 and 4 they really don't understand that their actions can cause problems. Yes you can teach them but it take a long time with consistency but I don't think the OP should worry about offending the characters. As long as she corrects the situation and not laugh it off which I don't think she would do. Age 3 and 4 are in my opinion are at a hard age and anyone with kids would understand where I'm coming from. I don't think anyone on this page has the authority to put down the OP parenting skill.

 

[SEA333]

Thank you SEA333, for your thoughtful reply. I don't believe that we've ever thought the type of behavior I've described is ok, but I understand what you are saying and agree that it does appear that way. I'm sure defending myself here is kinda pointless, but I was having more of a visceral, momma bear type "my kid isn't that bad" reaction to other people's suggestions that he is...because he's a generally sweet boy with some serious behavior problems right now. And I know I'm the one that gave that impression to begin with... So how can I blame out? I AM going to chew on the points you've made, it's a viewpoint I haven't considered.

Where we are at in this season of life is, since I can't get a control on our child's behavior despite vigilant parenting, parent / teacher conferences, doctors' appointments, time outs, consequences, turning the lock around on his bedroom door and ignoring hours of tantrumy pounding and screaming like a 2 year old, to keep my sanity I have to pick my battles. We would prefer he not poke people, but are also very grateful he isn't hitting them given the battles we are fighting. I don't want my kid to poke Mickey in Disney....I also don't want a well meaning parent to come up to us and reprimand us, because then, yes, it is easier to just not see characters. That's why I wanted to know what the reaction is, and to see if anyone could share a similar fear or experience.

I'll admit to taking offense at the instantaneous "why don't you try parenting" comments, just as I'm none too pleased with the "why don't you try shutting that kid up" looks I get when he's screaming his lungs out in public. We're parenting our butts off as well as we know how, to no (seeming) avail. But hey, public forums, right? It's frustrating when you've tried all that you can and it doesn't seem to be working.

We've considered not taking him to Disney this fall because of what we are dealing with. And given our not knowing how he'll behave, despite his being taught the best way we know how, if we DO end up going, I think we'll just skip the meet and greets. If you see me on line and he's throwing a full out fit, believe me, I'm not enjoying it either.

Anyway, bowing out now.

I understand! And once one phase is over, another begins, right??

We are just getting into the teen/tween years in my house, and I already have had a million less-than-perfect parenting moments and have made a million mistakes where I go to bed and cry at the end of the night because I can't seem to get control over this parenting thing. If only our kids would do exactly what we say when we say it, right??!! LOL

Just keep being consistent...but also try new things if you think something isn't working. My 3 kids are so different that whereas lecturing and arguing with the oldest seems to invigorate him and gets him to understand, doing the same with my DD will just cause her to shut down and become uncomprehending. With her, I have to be much more gentle and it only takes one sentence - "E, do not do that" - for her to "get it". The youngest will punish himself at the first sign of trouble, so I find my self saying "And if you go to your room, you will stay there the rest of the night!" LOL, because his self-imposed punishment is really a cop-out to the issue at hand. So, I have had to play around with my parenting methods to see what works best for each kid. However, the BASE of my philosophy has always been the same: we have three things we work toward that never change - Respect, Integrity, and Kindness. We figure if we focus on these three things as the end-lesson to every situation, the kids will learn to make decisions based on these values and will hopefully (mostly) make the right choices. We started this when they were very, very young and they can all tell you what these three values mean.

So, in your case, keeping his hands to himself would fall under kindness - kindness to the character and others around him. Listening to his teachers would fall under respect, as would doing what mom and dad say. At your son's age, we defined integrity to our kids as "doing the right thing even when nobody is looking" and gave examples like taking a cookie when mom doesn't know, or putting a piece of candy in their pocket when nobody is watching.

Also, it sounds like your son is in preschool? Will he go to kindergarten next year/ I have noticed that many 4- year olds have a hard time keeping their hands to themselves, but by the time they go to K in a regular school setting, peer pressure and education from the teachers/school helps to ingrain appropriate behavior much more effectively than preschool (I taught preschool and latchkey/summer camp for many years and there was a HUGE difference between PreK and K students)

I apologize for getting on my soapbox and offereing unsolicited parenting advice...I tend to get carried away as this is my very favorite subject as well as my major in college You know your child best and will work through this. I have always loved 4/5-year olds because they are still at that age where they believe that mom and dad know everything LOL, and they are still really looking to us as role-models. This is the perfect time in your son's life for you to take back control and continue to raise your sweet little boy. Don't give up...you CAN do this!!!

(with a lot of bumps along the way....)

 

[laughinplace199]

Thank you SEA333, for your thoughtful reply. I don't believe that we've ever thought the type of behavior I've described is ok, but I understand what you are saying and agree that it does appear that way. I'm sure defending myself here is kinda pointless, but I was having more of a visceral, momma bear type "my kid isn't that bad" reaction to other people's suggestions that he is...because he's a generally sweet boy with some serious behavior problems right now. And I know I'm the one that gave that impression to begin with... So how can I blame out? I AM going to chew on the points you've made, it's a viewpoint I haven't considered.

Where we are at in this season of life is, since I can't get a control on our child's behavior despite vigilant parenting, parent / teacher conferences, doctors' appointments, time outs, consequences, turning the lock around on his bedroom door and ignoring hours of tantrumy pounding and screaming like a 2 year old, to keep my sanity I have to pick my battles. We would prefer he not poke people, but are also very grateful he isn't hitting them given the battles we are fighting. I don't want my kid to poke Mickey in Disney....I also don't want a well meaning parent to come up to us and reprimand us, because then, yes, it is easier to just not see characters. That's why I wanted to know what the reaction is, and to see if anyone could share a similar fear or experience.

I'll admit to taking offense at the instantaneous "why don't you try parenting" comments, just as I'm none too pleased with the "why don't you try shutting that kid up" looks I get when he's screaming his lungs out in public. We're parenting our butts off as well as we know how, to no (seeming) avail. But hey, public forums, right? It's frustrating when you've tried all that you can and it doesn't seem to be working.
We've considered not taking him to Disney this fall because of what we are dealing with. And given our not knowing how he'll behave, despite his being taught the best way we know how, if we DO end up going, I think we'll just skip the meet and greets. If you see me on line and he's throwing a full out fit, believe me, I'm not enjoying it either.

Anyway, bowing out now.

I'm a mother of three and a preschool teacher. I just wanted to say that, with some kids, it just takes longer. Keep doing what you're doing. Consistency is the key and it will pay off eventually. Some kids are just much more stubborn than others and take longer to finally realize that their negative actions are always going to be met with consequences.

My middle child was good as gold in public but could be horrible at home. It took a long time and millions of time-outs (at least it seemed like millions ) before he finally turned the corner. Now he is a pleasure to be around, even at home.

 

[melissac]

Thank you SEA333, for your thoughtful reply. I don't believe that we've ever thought the type of behavior I've described is ok, but I understand what you are saying and agree that it does appear that way. I'm sure defending myself here is kinda pointless, but I was having more of a visceral, momma bear type "my kid isn't that bad" reaction to other people's suggestions that he is...because he's a generally sweet boy with some serious behavior problems right now. And I know I'm the one that gave that impression to begin with... So how can I blame out? I AM going to chew on the points you've made, it's a viewpoint I haven't considered.

Where we are at in this season of life is, since I can't get a control on our child's behavior despite vigilant parenting, parent / teacher conferences, doctors' appointments, time outs, consequences, turning the lock around on his bedroom door and ignoring hours of tantrumy pounding and screaming like a 2 year old, to keep my sanity I have to pick my battles. We would prefer he not poke people, but are also very grateful he isn't hitting them given the battles we are fighting. I don't want my kid to poke Mickey in Disney....I also don't want a well meaning parent to come up to us and reprimand us, because then, yes, it is easier to just not see characters. That's why I wanted to know what the reaction is, and to see if anyone could share a similar fear or experience.

I'll admit to taking offense at the instantaneous "why don't you try parenting" comments, just as I'm none too pleased with the "why don't you try shutting that kid up" looks I get when he's screaming his lungs out in public. We're parenting our butts off as well as we know how, to no (seeming) avail. But hey, public forums, right? It's frustrating when you've tried all that you can and it doesn't seem to be working.

We've considered not taking him to Disney this fall because of what we are dealing with. And given our not knowing how he'll behave, despite his being taught the best way we know how, if we DO end up going, I think we'll just skip the meet and greets. If you see me on line and he's throwing a full out fit, believe me, I'm not enjoying it either.

Anyway, bowing out now.

I can only tell you that it is hard to make everyone happy and kids are really hard and anyone who says there kids are perfect and never get in trouble or cause problems are blind and any parent who says they have never overreacted at Disney is to perfect for me. I say this because when your kids are in those bad times they also push us to the limits. I'm just throwing this out there because it is a lead into a story about how parents reactions can be humilating and that parent is me so it is not only the kids:
We were at DHS and DS(9 at time) and DD(14 at the time) were bickering and picking and fighting with each other when we where waiting for the parade. I took both there arms, seperated them and moved them away from the parade line to sit at a table and it continued and continued and I slammed my hand down on the table and told them to shut-up a little loud(not my finest moment) and walked away to stand with the others we where with to watch the parade and made them sit there. Well I turn around and there was a lady(not a CM) talking to my kids. After letting them sit there during the parade and calm down I went back to get them and asked what that lady was talking to them about. Well, to my embarrassment she was asking them if they where "OK". I was also a little upset to as I didn't harm or spank or slap them.
Anyway, the morale is parents and child will make mistakes or overreact and life goes on and no one should judge because you just don't know what the situation may be. Now I'm not saying not to intervene if someone is being hurt, I'm just saying don't judge and WDW is not always the happiest place on earth. Somedays there are just hard. LOL