My plans just got stomped on....

[dakcp2001]

We broke the news to the in laws today, that we are thinking of a Disney Wedding. It did not go well. It really, could not have gone any worse. The parents think its ridiculous and refuse to take part, and the siblings all had various reasons as to why they would not want to come or partake.

So it looks as though none of them are willing to come. The parents already have a list of "friends" they wanted us to invite to the at home wedding, and they already had some "ideas" for us including a church etc that we have never been to. We ONLY want immediate family, and we are not at all interested in an at home wedding full of people we do not know, and extended family we do not see or speak to. We do not really go to church at all, and we are not interested in that type of wedding.

I am feeling so defeated, we were so ecxcited about this! Now we have two options, do it and have just my family there with his family hating me forever, or staying here and me hating them for not letting us do what we really want to do. We suggested the at home reception after the wedding, and his mother got really upset.

I think the people we most care about and want there would come, including a few members of his family, but the rest are not going to get over this. I am really feeling hated right now, they def blamed it all on me. I mean can we really do it without his parents? No option seems feasible right now.


Help!

 

[Lizby]

I am SO sorry that DF's family dumped all over your plans! Just remember that it is YOUR wedding, not theirs, so you need to do what will make YOU happy. I have talked to so many married women who say they did their wedding to please someone else and really regret it and wish they could do it over. Maybe once DF's family has time to adjust to the idea, they will come around. I hope you are able to work something out that will make you happy!

 

[OceanGdss]

omg...first off, im SO sorry!!

I would sit down with your DF and REALLY talk it over. My DF and I have had some resistance here or there with family members ( mainly with the whole issue of guest limits ). Honestly, if it were me, I'd still do the DFTW. But you are going to have to talk it over with him. Make sure he REALLY supports you, and that he is willing to stand up to his parents with you, defend you, and let his parents know it is just as much his idea/decision as it is yours. Let us know what happens!!!!

 

[IndyBride]

I'm so sorry that this happened!!! I was very lucky that both sides were very happy about, even elated about a Disney Wedding. Hopefully with time they will see their reactions were a bit over the top. Obviously they have been very excited over the thought of a wedding for you two otherwise they would not already have guest lists and other ideas. Perhaps instead of an at home wedding an at home reception? Something casual to celebrate with those that couldn't come. Or weren't invited! Then they can celebrate with them and you can have your Disney wedding.

One thing I have been told many times is that it's my wedding. Ultimatly you have to do what's right for yourself and your fiance.

 

[MeowGoddes]

Poor thing!
In the end, you and your df need to do what you guys want for the wedding. It is not the parents decision, or family, or friends. You need to go with your heart on this one, and, those who want to participate and witness the joining of your lives forever will have to accept that.

You feel defeated now, but you'll feel even worse if you let others decide what is best for your day.

Lots of girls on here have the big home reception with the small Disney ceremony! It is a great compromise.

Stay strong and go with your heart!

 

[Chedstro]

I am so very sorry! What a predicament. My husband and I just got married at WDW in Feb and fortunately both of our families realized what Disney nuts we both are.

Ok, we are both elderly I'm 62 and he is 59. So our families are all grown up. But what did help my adult kids come was the fact that I paid for the air fare for them and their significant others. Could the travel cost be a factor? I just don't know. Also paid for resort expenses.

My husbands family is only a couple of hours away so that was ok.

You know what I think - fwiw - it is your wedding. And if your future in-laws are that rigid, I would just go ahead and do the wedding your way. There is always time to mend fences in the future. But I do think your compromise of a reception at home later was totally fair.

Again, I am so sorry and hope this can be worked out, such a shame they just can't be happy for you!

 

[newyearsbride]

I'm so so sorry! I know how it is, we got very negative vibes when we told our parents too, and eventually they came around... and I hope that's the case for you too, and if not, just remember it's your wedding, and only what you want is going to make you happy you know?

 

[padisneyfour]

That must have been a terrible experience and I am truly sorry for you. It is very hard but you and Df really do need to come together in spite of family and plan your day the way the two of you want... an at home reception imo would be an acceptable compromise. I wish you the best with your plans. be true to what you and df really want... best wishes

 

[lurkyloo]

We had the same problem, only it was my side of the family who objected. The thing is, like all the others have said, it is you guys' day and you don't want to forever regret giving into pressure or someone else's vision of what your wedding should be.

In the end, my dad had a great time and said he was glad we'd done it. My brother, on the other hand, spent my reception grousing about Disney and telling everyone he couldn't understand why we'd chosen it. (He got mostly blank stares from the other guests...) But who cares? We had fun!

 

[Angela0917]

Aww... I'm sorry to hear that! I just went through the same thing with my side of the family like last month... finally I told my parents this is what we want, this is how it's going to be, and you can be apart of it or not. My mom's kinda getting more excited about it, but my dad on the other hand probably never will... but oh well. You can't please everyone, so you may as well please yourself. After all, it is your day!

 

[dakcp2001]

I really, really appreciate all the support! I just want to cry! It makes me feel better to know some of you had this reaction as well! I guess I am going to have to give it some time and see if they come around, it is over a year away.

I hate feeling guilty for wanting my wedding to be what I imagined. I guess I will have to wait and see bfore I make any decisions.

 

[Beep]

It will (hopefully) be the only time you get married so it should be what YOU want, not everyone else. Easy to say I know, but you will have the memories of the wedding with you forever and it should be memories that you want, not memories of being somewhere with people you don't want there.

I would go for what you want, stuff the family, and if they don't want to go then it is their loss.

My Mom was disappointed when we said we were getting married at Disney - you know the old 'Mickey Mouse' wedding in more sense than one - but when we showed her pictures of the resorts she was really impressed.

Go with your heart and have the wedding you want to have

 

[cseca]

Sorry dear... Isn't it amazing how people don't understand disney people?

My suggestion would be to try to weigh in your priorities.
Is it your priority to make sure your family attends or to make sure you two have a wedding you want?
I know in the ideal world it'll be both but in this case you know you have to choose.
We choose to do DFTW even with DF's family not coming, we tried everything even agreeing to pay for their hotel and park tix. All they have to pay is flights and food (I am secretly willing to pay for most of their food too while we're there) but still a no go.

My family however, are flying from half way around the world to see us. So we've resigned to the idea that we can't make everybody happy. We'll be happy to have the people who wants to be there for us.

But everyone is different... so good luck making your decision.

 

[dalepool]

My daughter was the maid of honor at her best friends wedding. (Both are 25 and have been BF since age of 5). Well, the future husbands mom was being dramatic at the reherasal dinner making Bride cry and future husband was stuck in the middle. My daughter drove him back to the house. In the time it took to get from restaurant to the house daughter explained to him, "This is her day and it was/is all about her, not his mother. That he needed to do what ever it takes to make the Brides Wedding Day the happiest ever. I have to admit I was very proud of my child -- she wore a dress she was not fond of but the bride had picked it out and that being said my daughter was happy to wear it.

Go with your heart. Have the wedding YOU wish. Have a reception later-- where you can display the wonderful pictures of your special Day.

 

[Goldeelox9]

I am so sorry! I would od what you want, if you don't you will always regret it! I am lucky my family and my DF's family know of my love of Disney and even if they hated the idea of my Cruise wedding they would never ever say it!

 

[Ennazus8810]

My husband and I went through the same thing. We were married in a beautiful outdoor ceremony in Las Vegas, and his father did not agree. I can still remember telling him what our plans were, and him getting up and stomping out of our apartment. After crying for several days that my dream wedding was ruined, my wonderful husband decided that we were going anyways. We had a small, intimate wedding (in Vegas), (my parents were unable to make it, but were happy as long as I was happy) and a reception when we returned home. We invited family, telling them where and when we would be there. His mother (they are divorced), his sister and my aunt and uncle where there. His father still brings it up from time to time, and he is told to shut up (sometimes politely, sometimes not so politely) he had his wedding, this was ours.

My advice, do what is in BOTH of your hearts. I don't regret going away at all, and I never have.

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[Lynn5700]

UGH!!!! I'm soo soo sorry..we all feel your pain.I think every one of us have experienced somebody being negative about our wedding plan's.Trust me,do what feel's right for the both of you and I'm sorry to say this but if they are not helping financially at all then they really have no say to tell you what to do.That was alway's my main thing.

Do what is right for you and your DF trust us!!!!! It is YOUR day,not thier's.
People who act like this are very selfish people.I have one in my family let me tell you.

 

[figmentfan814]

We had a lot of resistance from my DH's family too. The best thing was that she took me aside after the reception and told me that everything was beautiful and she was impressed which was quite amazing considering the grieve she gave us before the wedding. We had a lot of converts once they got down there and saw how fantastic everything was for it.

 

[Lynn5700]

We had a lot of resistance from my DH's family too. The best thing was that she took me aside after the reception and told me that everything was beautiful and she was impressed which was quite amazing considering the grieve she gave us before the wedding. We had a lot of converts once they got down there and saw how fantastic everything was for it.

I think that people assume that because it's disney it's going to be childish.

A lot of bride's on here say how many compliment's they got from thier geust's saying that it was the best wedding they have ever been too.

 

[Kashmir104]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through!!!

I've been meeting resistance along the way with my future in-laws, which started with the mere fact that my fiancé proposed in Disneyland against their wishes. They are so blatantly anti-Disney, we actually hid our Disney World wedding until 1 year away we when had to ask for an invite list for his side (we had booked it practically two years out and had the full support of my family and our friends.) Still, we've continued to have bumps along the way.

After what happened with our engagement, we decided the wedding was going to be what WE wanted. Fixed number of people, no at home reception, no separate California ceremony, that's it! We've stuck to our guns and while his parents have exploded here and there, no matter what we've stayed true to ourselves and what we wanted. After all, it's OUR day!! Even though they haven't been happy and a lot of tears have been shed, DF and I are so happy that we have stuck up for ourselves. As a natural “people pleaser,” that is a HUGE step for me.

I look at it like this... as long as you have friends and family there to support you that is what matters most. If Disney is your dream location, if your fiancé is on board, you have full right to make that dream come true (I see our wedding as the one time for my dream to come true- or an excuse to!) Perhaps you can compromise with his family and have your Disney wedding, but afterward have a small "at home" reception and allow his family to plan it and run it. We attempted that without much luck (the small at home reception idea quickly turned into an Indian party of 400+ by his parents with only 2 of DF’s family attending the Disney Wedding as “representatives,” so we stopped that one with a quickness!!!!)

Feel free to PM me if you need to talk more. I think my PJ goes into LOONG detail of the struggles I've had!! I have no problem lending an ear or helping along the way.

In the end, I hope you will make your day what YOU and your FIANCE want... no matter what that may be. You two are the most important… you can’t have a wedding without the bride and groom (which is so easy to forget with so many family and friend pressures!)