Ok, had to post this, a partial transcript of The Cheese Shop sketch from Monty Python.
MOUSEBENDER (John Cleese):
Good Morning.
WENSLEYDALE (Michael Palin):
Good morning, sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium.
MOUSEBENDER:
Ah, thank you my good man.
WENSLEYDALE:
What can I do for you, sir?
MOUSEBENDER:
Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmond Street just now, skimming through Rogue Herries by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.
WENSLEYDALE:
Peckish, sir?
MOUSEBENDER:
Esurient.
WENSLEYDALE:
Eh?
MOUSEBENDER:
(In a broad Yorkshire accent) Eee I were all hungry, like.
WENSLEYDALE:
Ah, hungry.
MOUSEBENDER:
In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, 'a little fermented curd will do the trick'. So I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles.
WENSLEYDALE:
Come again?
MOUSEBENDER:
I want to buy some cheese.
WENSLEYDALE:
Certainly, sir. What would you like?
MOUSEBENDER:
Well, eh, how about a little Red Leicester?
WENSLEYDALE:
I'm afraid we're fresh out of Red Leicester, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Oh never mind, how are you on Tilsit?
WENSLEYDALE:
I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir. We get it fresh on Monday.
MOUSEBENDER:
Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.
WENSLEYDALE:
Ah. It's been on order, sir, for two weeks. I was expecting it this morning.
MOUSEBENDER:
It's not my lucky day, is it? Er, Bel Paese?
WENSLEYDALE:
Sorry, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Dorset Blue Vinney?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Brie, Roquefort, Pont-l'Évêque, Port Salut, Savoyard, Saint-Paulin, Carre-de-L'Est, Bresse-Bleu, Boursin?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
Gouda?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
WENSLEYDALE:
Finest in the district, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
WENSLEYDALE:
Well, it's so clean, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.
WENSLEYDALE:
You haven't asked me about Limberger, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Is it worth it?
WENSLEYDALE:
Could be.
MOUSEBENDER:
Have you- SHUT THAT BLOODY BOUZOUKI UP!
WENSLEYDALE:
(To dancers) Told you so.
MOUSEBENDER:
Have you got any Limburger?
WENSLEYDALE:
No.
MOUSEBENDER:
That figures. Predictable really, I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
WENSLEYDALE:
Yes, sir?
MOUSEBENDER:
Have you in fact got any cheese here at all?
WENSLEYDALE:
Yes, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Really?
(pause)
WENSLEYDALE:
No. Not really, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
You haven't.
WENSLEYDALE:
No, sir, not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
WENSLEYDALE:
Right-O, sir.
MOUSEBENDER: (Shoots him)
What a senseless waste of human life.