My own thoughts on Potty Training

[Hillbeans]

I know i'm no expert, only just from what I know with my own child and my nieces and nephews, however i'd like to offer some support and some possible ideas to those struggling with potty training. I can (happily) say that my 3 yr 10 month old boy is now fully potty trained after many months of struggle:

1) Don't start too early - we started introducing the concept at around 2 1/4, and now I see that was completely inappropriate for my child. There are some 2 year olds who are more advanced and perhaps are around older brothers or sisters and they see it all the time, however by starting so early, I think I actualy made it worse when it was actually time to do it for real.

2) Realize that sometimes boys and girls train at a different rate, and not to let anyone make you feel bad if your child is not at the point yet.

3) Bribery works, sometimes. We tried to bribe our son with M & M's, lollipops, etc....and that just did not work. After my last visit to the Pediatrician a month ago, I told him we still were not at a point where I could say he was potty trained and he offered me the following advice. Offer a special "toy" which stays in the bathroom on top of the back of the potty which the child can play with while sitting on the potty. If they do go # 2, the child gets to play with the toy, but only for 10 minutes, then it goes back. Also, when they finally do go, make a HUGE deal about it. Usually it only takes a few times of going # 2 on the potty for the child to realize what a big boy/girl they are and how happy it makes you (the parent).

4) Buy lots of sweatpants and underwear a size bigger. They are easy for the child to get up and down, and there are less chances for accidents due to unfriendly potty clothes. Also, when you can, let your child just walk around in underwear, because they'll realize they're not wearing a pull-up.

5). Know you're not alone.

6) Get rid of pull-ups once the child is almost trained, and just get used to the fact you'll have lots of wet underwear. I've been very tempted to just throw on pull-ups while i'm at Target or out shopping, but i've learned that it's my responsibility not to go back and forth from pullups to underwear. It confuses the child and makes it seem that training and taking the child to a public bathroom is worse than "just going in your pull-up". I've been in every bathroom in every store the state, but I just know it's all part of the process.

7) When your child is really ready, they'll do it. My son had been going # 1 on the potty for more than a year. After he grew and matured a year, he was really ready to understand what was actually happening and how he could control himself. I think it's a myth that all kids are trained at 3, or earlier. Some are, but some aren't.


Hugs to all of you going through this!

 

[huckster]

my kids are 27, 19,16 and they all ended up potty trained
... really.. dont fret

 

[Hillbeans]

I know.....however while you're in the "throws" of this, it truly can take over your life and sanity.

And yes, I believe that no child will be walking down the aisle at their wedding in diapers.

 

[huckster]

oh yes i remember the pains of potty training. .i think you ideas are great! i had a bed wetter for many years after potty training , unfortunalty they didnt have pull ups for bigs kids.. best wishes to your quest!

 

[kimwim8]

Good advice....

I'm in the waiting period...waiting for DS3 (and 1 month) to decide that he's ready. He's willing to sit on the potty but has only once done something on it. And it was #2!!! We made a HUGE deal about it and he was very excited, but nothing since. Although, at daycare, he is sitting on the potty more than he used to. So, maybe it's coming.....

 

[Christine]

Hillbeans,
Great advice. I think the biggest problem is the pressure so many parents feel when they see 2 1/2 year olds who are potty trained. They feel they must keep up. I agree wholeheartedly with your "don't start to early" statement. Apparently, *I* was potty trained at 2 1/2 years old. I figured my kids must be just like me. Nope, my DD was fully trained until 3 1/2 and my son was almost 4.

 

[RadioNate]

I'm with you - I didn't even approach the subject until my son was over 3. I'm also a big believer in naked time. After we had introduced the potty and had some success with #1 I just let my son go without pants at home. He had 2 choices, the floor or the potty, I think he only used the floor once. We stayed close to home for about 2 weeks and haven't looked back.

I retired the night time pull up about a month ago. We've had some accidents but I'm not real concerned. My son was 3.5 this past monday.

 

[aimee11621]

My first was the quickest to learn. Eventhough she has a learning disability. I knew she was ready to do potty training when she woke up in the mrning and was dry!

 

[swanmom]

Here's another 'when they are ready' post. We had talked about training with my DD (2 1/2 years at the time) and she just wasn't interested. She just didn't seem like she cared one way or the other.....it's a bad situation when it's so much more important to you than it is to them! One day at day care, when teacher took them for a potty break, she saw that a friend had bright pink Barbie underpants. She asked me if she could have some and I told her that she could but she would have to keep them dry. She agreed and we went right to Target on the way home. She wore them to daycare the next day and never looked back. Other than one or two small timing accidents, she stayed dry.
I still think it's all about internal motivation! There has to be a reason for them to want to do it (and I guess for a three year old Barbie underpants was enough!) And yes, I know I'm lucky that this went so smoothly.....but she's eleven now and making up for it in other ways!

 

[Hillbeans]

Originally posted by swanmom
I still think it's all about internal motivation! There has to be a reason for them to want to do it (and I guess for a three year old Barbie underpants was enough!) And yes, I know I'm lucky that this went so smoothly.....but she's eleven now and making up for it in other ways!

Swanmom, you are so right. Internal motivation is key. My son knew how to "use" the potty at 2.5, but didn't start "asking" to go or saying he's got to go until very recently. That is the big difference.

I know a few just 3 yo girls that have zero interest in PT. I felt a lot of pressure from other parents and daycare. It can be a very stressful time, and i'm so happy i'll not be going down the pampers aisle anymore. I guess i'd had it in my head that he'd be done before he turned 3, and boy was I wrong.

 

[castlegazer]

Hillbeans I am soo happy you finally got past the stress. Its is so wonderful once they get it.

I just want to be a voice of early training, though. We began talking about potty and having him come into the bathroom with us when my son was 18 mos. He began sitting with clothes on on the potty seat a little after that. Over Labor Day week - he was then 2 and 4 mos. - we took a quiet week vacation up to our cottage in Maine. We planned nothing for the week except potty training. We took off diapers, began a system of rewards of M&M's, and spent the week training. By weeks end he could go out to the playground and be accident free for several hours and come back and use the potty. We spent the week putting him on the potty every hour and asking continually and watching for signs.

It took about two more weeks after that to be completely accident free and have him ask to go rather than us asking every hour.

Poops took a different tactic. He was continually having accidents. I broke down and had a bad parent moment and blurted out that he could get a matchbox if he went on the potty (by now he was using the big toilet). He ran right in and went poops on the spot - I didn't have a car to reward him with so the next day I ran out and got some (I probably should have established a little more ground rules on this one as he expects one every time he goes poops and we have now had to go to enforcing a one a day rule that we are slowly weaning out of it entirely as he forgets about it because its so natural for him to go). It has worked like a charm - albeit not the perfect method.

My son is not advanced in any way that I can tell. He is in day care and I have a lot of reference due to that. He showed interest and we encouraged it.

I believe that there is a window of time at about 2 years old and a little before that you should start to train in - be it only talking about it and encouraging the use of a potty chair - because after that, they get pretty set in their ways and know enough to start seeking ways to be independant from what Mommy and Daddy want. Not all children will be ready at this point, but its probably a good idea not to discount it due to age.

 

[mrsgus06]

I am going through a potty nightmare! Logan turned 3 in October, and could care less. I am not trying to rush her, but she goes camping with my parents once a month, and my mom is killing herself to deliver Logan back to me potty trained. All I hear is you have to stay on top of it and not let her slip back. Hello!!!?? I have 5 other ones that seemed to get potty trained at one time or another. The thing that gets me with Logan is she has 3 older sisters that are willing to take her with them, but she is not interested. Number 2, she can speak in complete sentences and tell me in two different languages why she will not go potty ("The seat is too very cold"). Number 3, she will wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me "I have to go potty" . I agree with the original poster, let them go at their own speed.

PS: Logan is camping with them as we speak and Mom called to tell me that not only did she pee, but she also pooped while with her. Go figure

 

[kasar]

DD1 trained herself. We didn't even have any underwear for her yet. I smugly wondered what all the fuss was about. HAH! Number 2 was (and still is) extremely stubborn and would only do it on her own terms. We had to really back off and let her be. Of course, the Cinderella panties that were always on the back of the toilet were a big incentive. I'm all for bribes - they work.

 

[eowensby]

we're on the potty train right now...choo choo!! We bribe and dance and make a huge deal out of pottying. My dd 2 1/2 is fine peeing, but pooping, she's always had a hard time with. She has been taking Dulcolax with Milk of Magnesia for the past couple of weeks...sometimes I flavor it with Vanilla extract and tell her it smells like vanilla icecream. I never refer to it as "medicine" as she thinks of medicine being in the form of suppositories. I try to add it to her chocolate milk in the mornings, but she has noticed the taste difference. So she gets a medicine spoon and then I give her a regular cup of water to drink. She thinks she's so big when she drinks out of the same cups as mommy and daddy. She has tons of character panties waiting on her in the dresser, right now we are doing pullups...which I said I'd never use after teaching preschool for several years. She likes the pullups, especially since they have the princesses on them. We have a potty sticker chart in our kitchen and when she fills up a weeks worth, she gets the reward listed (Mcdonald's, new movie, toy, trip to the disney store, chuck e. cheese, etc...) She loves the chart and the praise for pottying. I feel like we are starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel finally. I will gladly take any suggestions you might have though!! Elizabeth O.

 

[Snoopymom]

So where were you all a year and a half ago when I was potty training my ds when Dr. Phil came out with his theory on how to potty train in ONE day! What a crock!

I agree with #6, Get rid of the pull ups as soon as they're about half way there. If you're worried about accidents, have them play on a washable rug, and car seat covers can easily be washed.

Oh, and ignore the women who say in their cheery sing song voice, "I don't know, both of mine were potty trained by the time they were two" UGH! lol!

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

My DS6 was 4 before he was potty trained. He coulnd't care less about it, so waiting for him to want to do it just wasn't working. (I honestly think that the doctors that say, "wait until HE wants to do it" are doing moms a great disservice.) And with him, there was nothing that would motivate him, a toy he wanted was taped to the bathroom mirror for that wonderful day when he would go by himself...it just wasn't coming...Then my pedicatrician suggested this book, and yes my friends, he was toilet trained in less than a day. With one or two accidents during the next few days, then that was that and we got on with our lives. I wouldn't have believed it could work if I hadn't with my own two eyes. DS4 had just turned 3 when we did it with him...Much easier, no accidents.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...f=sr_1_1/102-7205097-7584107?v=glance&s=books

The "boot camp" style isn't for everyone, but it worked for me. And I don't see any reason to drag this milestone out for weeks, months..etc, when it really can be done in less than a day...And it is stressed in the book that humiliation, punishment, anything negative is out of place in this training method..It is an exhausting day, but well worth not having to revisit the problem again..I think the method that Dr. Phil is using now is similar. This book was written back in the 70's originally intended for teaching handicapped adults to toilet train. It naturally carried on over to training children.

I am not receiving any compensation for endorsing this product.(!)

 

[briannesmom]

I think that I will have to send my MIL and SIL a link so they can read this thread. They are really pushing the potty training issue with my DD. My DD is 15 months my SIL's DD is 17 months. They have been trying to train my niece for almost 2 months already. They put her on the potty every hour or two and make her sit there until she goes. From what I have seen she spends most of that time screaming. My MIL watches my niece 5 days a week and my DD 2 days a week. I told them that I do not want my DD anywhere near a potty chair yet. I don't want to start her too early and have her end up scared of the potty. They also keep telling my niece that good girls use the potty. I don't want my DD to think that she is bad because she doesn't.
It is nice that my DD will have a cousin her age to grow up with but I am so tired of the competition about who learned to do what first.

Vent Over!

Amy

 

[coliebird]

Hillbeans,

Thank you. I have introduced the potty and she has peed in it 3x (she is 28 months). I ask her all the time if she wants to use the potty, 99% of the time she says no. I will not push it. When she is ready, she will go.

I'm glad I am not alone.

 

[JessetheCowgirl]

A friend of mine with 5 kids told me that by the time her 4th came along, the child had to BEG mom to PLEASE let her wear underwear and not diapers. By the time they reached that point (around age 3), there were no accidents.

I'm considering that method with DD who is our 3rd child.

We definitely pushed DS number 1 too soon. He did "get it", but it took several long and frustrating months. Poor baby

 

[eowensby]

I think if I were 2 and Dr. Phil was telling me to go potty, I'd do it!! I will look at the boot camp style book though, thanks for the link. Elizabeth