my mom died a week ago

[MMcCarthy]

I am trying to cope with the sudden death of my mother last sunday. she went into the hospital for pneumonia and ended up passing away due to acute respiratory distress syndrome. what is ironic is that my brother in law passed away from the same thing 13 years ago. I am so confused and upset. little things just set me off crying. I have to go back to work tomorrow. we leave for disney on Friday. we had this vacation planned for over 4 months. it is for my daughter's 16th birthday. some of my fondest memories are about my family and disney. I am not sure how I am going to hold up during the vacation. I also am dealing with kidney stones and am not sure how well I am going to travel. so many things are going on right now. I just really want to escape to disney and forget about reality for just a little while. please say a little prayer for my dad. my parents anniversary was this past friday, they would have been married for 48 years. thanks for letting me let some of this out.

 

[poconoboatniks]

M

Your family will be in our prayers. Try to take care of yourself. While at Disney try to remember the happy times your family shared there.

 

[mommasita]

I am so sorry to hear this...I will pray for strength for your whole family, and anything else you need..

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your Mom. It is so difficult when you lose a loved one and I think the hardest for me was the loss of my Mom. It seems everything triggers a memory but most times they are wonderful memories and tug at the heart a bit.

I would escape to WDW and each time one of those memories pops up.. I would think one is for you Mom. There may be tears but right now you need to go and just get away for a bit. Chin up, you can do this, she would want you to do this.....I am sure.

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your mom. I pray you have gentle days ahead of you.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'm sorry about your Mom. Maybe you could do something special in her memory while you're at WDW?

 

[Cinderellafifi]

My heart goes out to you. I just went through the anniversary of my mother's death. It's not easy, but it will get better - after time has passed. Take care of yourself, don't beat yourself, and allow yourself, your dad, and the rest of your family to grieve. You don't know me, but if you need to vent or chat with someone who knows, PM me.

 

[MMcCarthy]

thank you for letting me post and for the support I received. I am sitting here crying at the computer. my DH has been so supportive but I am still crying so much. my DSIS tells me I am being selfish because I am not celebrating my mom being in a better place. I just can't do that yet. I really enjoyed our trip to WDW and wish we could have stayed there. I told my DH that I could convince myself that mom was still alive if we stayed there. DD had a major melt down Saturday. we had moms internment (SP) for the ashes and then went to dad's house and started through some of her things. my DB's girl's just kept laughing at everything and DD couldn't take it after awhile. I finally asked them to chill a bit and stop beign so darn silly. my father also seemed to withdrawal as they were more and more silly. I know things will get better. today was my 2nd day back to work since vacation. I really wish I could take a few more days off and try to get myself together but my boss injured herself, I have no more vacation/sick/comp time, and I really need to keep myself busy. I am going to see my doctor tomorrow about some of this and I also aggravated my back seriously over the weekend. I know so many people are in tougher situations than mine but thanks again for letting me chat.

Missy

 

[onesadduck]

I'm so sorry for your loss . My little sister died a few weeks before a planned Disneyland trip. My family still went on the trip, and had a realxing couple of days. Yes, there were a lot of tears, but it was good to spend time together having fun. Also, I took a very small photo of my little sister and paperclipped it to a remote section of a plant so she's always in the park (at least until they take/took it down- but it's hard to find, not hurting anything, and not visible to park guests). Another person spoke about letting a photo of their recently lost loved one fly from their hands during the fall in Splash Mountain.

Also, dont let anyone, not even your DSIS tell you how to mourn the loss of your mother (or anyone for that matter). Everyone deals with loss in their own way. My little sister was a very fun-loving person, but there are times when it's hard to celebrate and laugh, there are times you just need to cry. It's still very new. At this point it's very dificult to celebrate the good without mourning the bad. I'm sorry you had to go back to work so soon. I could not concentrate at all in school or at work for those first few weeks.

I hope all goes well at work, and with your back. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this loss. Spend time with your father, he needs it a lot right now. I wish there was something more I could add to relieve the pain. PM me anytime you need to talk or rant. This is a great place to let it all out. You've got people pulling for you on the DIS.
Sincerely,
Alisa

 

[Mackey Mouse]

HUgs Missy...

We all grieve differently.....and I have to say the loss of my Mom was the hardest for me. It took me a long time to get to a place where I can talk about her without crying, sure my eyes might fill up but now it is with love and not pain....you will get there. Also, if you feel you need a little support to get there, I would talk to my doctor and ask for a recommendation for someone to talk to. I did have a wonderful supportive family around me, my daughters took it very hard and to this day there is not a day that goes by that one of them does not mention her....she was their Nana and they loved her so. I did have to clean out her apartment and it was the hardest thing I had to do, not much help from my brother and his wife, they just came to get what they could get....one of my Aunts helped me, I was so appreciative of her help. My Dad had been gone over 20 years before my Mom passed so it was devastating. My heart goes out to your Dad, it must be so hard for him right now to lose his beloved wife for all those years, he must feel so lost..

Please take care of each other and reach out if you need the help....we are here to help where we can, but we are not professionals....There is help out there to get through these difficult times..

 

[TaraPA]

Like the OPs stated, everyone grieves differently. The girls were probably being silly (although annoying) because they didn't know how to handle their emotions. Some people find inner peace shortly after a death, for some it takes months, even years. Don't fight your grief or sorrow, let it out. Just trust that you WILL eventually come to a place where the thoughts don't make you cry with sadness, but with thoughts of a good memory. Take each day one at a time. Keep yourself busy, but get plenty of rest & eat healthy. You are emotionally & physically drained, you don't want to get another illness on top of all that.

To get your mind off of things for a few mintues why don't you post a short trip report here for us, I'm sure we'd all LOVE to hear about your recent trip! Are you planning to go back to WDW next year? Why not throw yourself into trip planning to distract yourself. I know it's hard. Please post back so we know how you're doing!

 

[NHAnn]

I'm so sorry for your loss

I hope you can go on your trip and find some comfort being with your family and making some memories. As Mackey Mouse said...your mom would want you too. I also agree that your grief is your own, and everyone is different. Doesn't mean people don't care any less or are right or wrong in how they handle themselves. The key is respecting others' right to be who they are and dela with it in their own way. Take care, I will be keeping you in my prayers.

 

[kimis]

I am trying to cope with the sudden death of my mother last sunday. she went into the hospital for pneumonia and ended up passing away due to acute respiratory distress syndrome. what is ironic is that my brother in law passed away from the same thing 13 years ago. I am so confused and upset. little things just set me off crying. I have to go back to work tomorrow. we leave for disney on Friday. we had this vacation planned for over 4 months. it is for my daughter's 16th birthday. some of my fondest memories are about my family and disney. I am not sure how I am going to hold up during the vacation. I also am dealing with kidney stones and am not sure how well I am going to travel. so many things are going on right now. I just really want to escape to disney and forget about reality for just a little while. please say a little prayer for my dad. my parents anniversary was this past friday, they would have been married for 48 years. thanks for letting me let some of this out.

Hello You are in my prayers!
I do know what you are going through!
My mom passed away on Oct 13 2006 and I miss her terribly. We also had a trip planned for WDW that would have happened two months after she was gone. One day I thought she was sleeping so I told my sister we were not going to go. WOW she opened her eyes and said under no circumstances was I to conceal my trip. She wanted us to go on with things as normal as possible. Yes we went and it wasn't the hyper bubbly trip we normally have but it was nice. Mom was right about the fact I would need to go.
I am encouraging you to keep your trip and try to have a fun time. Make new memories.
I will tell you this I still think about my mom almost all day long. Losing my mom was the hardest thing I have ever suffered and I have buried two brothers also. Everything reminds me of her. I still cry. You know what? That is alright. It is okay for you to cry or shout whatever you need. Your mom knows you loved her and I believe she is still with you in your thoughts and actions.
Will holidays, birthdays and vacations get easier in time? I don't know. I do know we will survive because our moms taught us to.
You hang in there and we will be praying for you and your family!!!!!

 

[LuvOrlando]

I am very sorry for your loss.

I hope WDW will help you remember how to smile. The funny thing about smiling is the more often you force one on the easier they come.

 

[safetymom]

Disney is the perfect place to go when you are grieving. It gives you a place to forget about the real world for awhile. No body knows you so if you do have a misty moment who cares?

The days do get softer when you think about your loved one but there will always be moments that remind you of them. Mothers are the glue that hold a family together and it is hard to imagine life without them.

Just remember to take care of yourself while you are trying to take care of others. It's ok if it feels like you are taking two steps back and then only one step forward in dealing with her death. Just take comfort in her memories and keep on living life. You know that she would have wanted that for you.

I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Tigger2]

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom! I know exactly what you are going through. My Mom passed away on June 9th. I miss her so much! My DH & I were on a cruise at the time, and I feel guilty about not being here when she needed me. Now my husband & I are going to Disney to for our 5th anniversary soon, ( trip we have been planning for over a year) & I'm a little nervous about going. I worry about my Dad, he's having a really hard time (they were married to 47+ years.)

I know what you mean about crying so much...I seem to lose it for no apparent reason at really strange times.

Hang in there...and know that lots of people care.