My kids took the "Magic" out of the MK and all the other parks, too!

[can'twait]

They don't come with a manual, you know. *Sigh*

 

[tlbwriter]

Only children are not any better behaved than multiples.

Yeah, but it means you only have to deal with one of them!

(Just kidding... we have an only child due to chance, not choice, and there are both benefits and drawbacks.)

 

[maxiesmom]

I haven't read all of the replys, but the tone of some of them is upsetting. The op had a meltdown! And some of you think this is the time to lecture her on what a bad parent she is? Agreed you should never call your children names, but it doesn't sound like she does it on a daily basis. And I'm sure she felt awful about it. What is wrong with explaing to your children that mommy is human, sometimes she says hurtful things that she doesn't mean, and she loves them and will try to do better? I don't have kids of my own, but I know on my trips to the World with my nieces and nephew that I have had less than stellar moments. But I know that and am determined to do better!

 

[Tissa]

So, I'm just going to go expecting her to be moody the entire time. Then, if she ever actually enjoys something, it will be a special surprise!

That's my plan. If you don't set yourself up for disapointment you can't be disapointed. We plan for these trips and daydream about the perfect time with perfect children and then when we get there reality sets in and it sucks. There will come a time when my boys 7&10 will think doing anything with me will be lame and I'll accept that. I hope they will accept the fact that they can stay with their grandma while I go and be lame by myself

 

[bbump]

In less than a month, we are taking our daughter (9), niece (9) and nephew (8) to the World.... after reading these replies, I am hoping I can somehow prepare myself for some meltdowns. I am thinking about typing up a "behavior contract" (just for fun) stating the rules to follow on vacation and in the parks and what the consequences will be if meltdowns occur (sitting on a bench until anger subsides) This might sound wacky and crazy, but maybe if the kids read it ahead of time and sign and date it, maybe they will feel like they are making a promise ahead of time. I can keep the "contracts" in my backpack incase I need to whip them out as reminders. The kids generally get along good (they have stayed many weekends with us) Hopefully we will be banana dancing during our vacation...but you just never know....

p.s... wish us luck!!!!!

 

[tjmw2727]

In less than a month, we are taking our daughter (9), niece (9) and nephew (8) to the World.... after reading these replies, I am hoping I can somehow prepare myself for some meltdowns. I am thinking about typing up a "behavior contract" (just for fun) stating the rules to follow on vacation and in the parks and what the consequences will be if meltdowns occur (sitting on a bench until anger subsides) This might sound wacky and crazy, but maybe if the kids read it ahead of time and sign and date it, maybe they will feel like they are making a promise ahead of time. I can keep the "contracts" in my backpack incase I need to whip them out as reminders. The kids generally get along good (they have stayed many weekends with us) Hopefully we will be banana dancing during our vacation...but you just never know....

p.s... wish us luck!!!!!

This is a good idea, we do a scaled down version of this. In addition try to involve them in the planning - they are at a great age for it. By helping with the planning my kids have a better idea of the difficulty of mananging time to include everyones needs/wants.

For example if they know how fast pass works then they understand better that they can either ride splash mtn now but they have to wait in a line for 60 minutes or they can get a fp for say 3pm and do other things in the meantime. This for us works better than just telling them we can't ride SpMt until 3pm.

If you can get the WDW guide for kids by kids its a great resource. Have everyone plan a few things they really want to do, do those and everthing else is a bonus.

Remember to keep everyone hydrated and encourage the healthier choices as well as the mickey bars.

TJ

 

[eblack0409]

Kids, no matter what age, will always surprise you! I don't have children yet, but I have a huge family with lots of cousins and my grandparents took all the girl grandkids on a Disney cruise in 2001 (I only got to go to help chaperone) but for the most part the girls were well behaved...with me being the oldest (21 in 2001) and the youngest being 7 at the time, I was put in charge of them, while my grandparents enjoyed themseves. I sat down the ground rules and if they didn't listen, they got stuck in their room for the evening. Luckily I only had to do that once!

I tell my DH that I want 2 kids, because with just 1, he/she would be alone....the more I think back on how my brothers, sister and I acted...I am rethinking the 2 to a possible 1! Sometimes vacations that get kids out of their normal routine can cause overload! I hope you can one day look back and laugh at the experience and make the good times more memorable than the bad!

 

[sln88]

Just got back on Saturday from 10 days at WDW. We only did the 4 major parks on 4 days plus MNSSHP one evening. We went to Blizzard Beach and Typhoon Lagoon, too. My kids re DD9 and DS6. The were awful! They fought over EVERYTHING all week long....most of it really STUPID stuff like who gets to pull a certain suitcase. They would hit each other and really made our magical trip less than magical. There would be good moments then bad ones all week long. We even had magical things happen to us like being chosen as Grand Marshalls of the Halloween Parade and also being chosen to ride Dinosaur as special guests and then a little behind the scenes tour of it. They tended to focus on what we DIDN'T do!

The last day I broke down in tears, telling my kids are how horrible they were and that they ruined my vacation. I told them they are great individullay but together they are awful. I told them I put alot of work into this vacation and no one even cares how hard I worked at our plans. I told them that I do have feelings even if I'm a "mom". I also said I don't know if we'll ever come back to WDW, if we do they may not be with us, because I can't subject myself to the disappointment I felt all week! (And we are DVC owners!)

What would any of you done? Anyone have similar problems? I need to know I'm not alone!!!!

thanks for posting this op. it makes me realize I am not the only parent who has to deal with this. my children are not always magical. maybe we should start a Dis bad parents board.
I am sorry you had problems on your trip. we leave Fri and I will be praying for the best out of my kids.

 

[jhorras]

and although they are good most of the time, the sibling rivalry can be difficult to deal with and places like WDW I think can although be magical also bring out the worst in almost anyone if the situation is right.

We're going in 17 days and I'm hoping for good behavior (dh and I included) and that we come back having had (at least for the most part) a wonderful trip.

I will try to remember some of the tips that were left here on this thread though in the event I need some help keeping everyone in line. . .

 

[mommaU4]

They don't come with a manual, you know. *Sigh*

They don't? Thank God! I thought I'd lost mine in all the piles of laundry that I never seem to be able to make disappear! I feel much better. Now if I could only find the directions on how to work the DVD player.........

 

[disneyholic family]

Just got back on Saturday from 10 days at WDW. We only did the 4 major parks on 4 days plus MNSSHP one evening. We went to Blizzard Beach and Typhoon Lagoon, too. My kids re DD9 and DS6. The were awful! They fought over EVERYTHING all week long....most of it really STUPID stuff like who gets to pull a certain suitcase. They would hit each other and really made our magical trip less than magical. There would be good moments then bad ones all week long. We even had magical things happen to us like being chosen as Grand Marshalls of the Halloween Parade and also being chosen to ride Dinosaur as special guests and then a little behind the scenes tour of it. They tended to focus on what we DIDN'T do!

The last day I broke down in tears, telling my kids are how horrible they were and that they ruined my vacation. I told them they are great individullay but together they are awful. I told them I put alot of work into this vacation and no one even cares how hard I worked at our plans. I told them that I do have feelings even if I'm a "mom". I also said I don't know if we'll ever come back to WDW, if we do they may not be with us, because I can't subject myself to the disappointment I felt all week! (And we are DVC owners!)

What would any of you done? Anyone have similar problems? I need to know I'm not alone!!!!

first of all, don't be so hard on yourself.....what you described is a very typical family vacation.....the vast majority of people on vacation have experiences like yours....whether at WDW or anywhere else...
and it can be devestating to the person who did all the planning..
and the pre-planning for WDW is so extreme, that the chance of disappointment like yours is very high....
so....as i said, first of all stop being so hard on yourself.....your reaction was quite natural....you worked so very hard in making the "perfect" vacation for your family and it seemed to you as if they didn't appreciate it...
although, i'm willing to bet that if someone were to ask them how they enjoyed their vacation they would surprise you by saying that they enjoyed it very much...and i'm sure they did enjoy it....

now that this happened to you, you can go into your next vacation with your eyes open and understand that nothing is ever perfect....that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it.........you have to learn to just blow off the bad stuff and enjoy the good stuff.....try to ignore the kids when they behave like kids (i.e. try to kill each other)....and perhaps next time around you should tell them before you leave what sort of behavior you're expecting from them...

i really wouldn't write off WDW.....we've been going since 1974, and every time we usually have some family blow up or another....that's what families do....fight...that doesn't mean we don't love each other....that doesn't mean that we're not having a good time....but every now and then, the tension of vacation boils to overflow and we blow up just a bit....but then we apologize and let it go....
my kids are now 21 and 18 and we again had a bit of a spat on our trip in july....that's ok....we still had a great time....and we can't wait to go back....

i guess the trick is to try to relax on the trip as much as possible.....and to say that if you miss something...so what....it's what you do together and not what you don't do that's important..

does any of that make sense?

 

[marcyinPA]

I tell how lucky they are to go to Disney as often as we do,they still complain about what they get to buy,or see or ride.

Oh, goodness! If I had a dollar for how many times I've used that one with my DS's, 10 and 6! They still fight. This trip was a little more stressful than past trips, because we were a group of 11 (we traveled with good friends of ours). Even though we weren't with them all the time (we met up for 4 meals, but we were on our own the rest of the time), it still wasn't just our family. I've noticed when it's just the 4 of us in Disney, they are better behaved and get along better. But when we go with others, or even if my mom comes along, they are brats!

My DS10 tends to be moody and melancholy, which doesn't help at all. He never makes an attempt to look happy, and that makes me insane! My DS6 is more thankful and thanks me over and over for the trip. Together though, they can really grate on each others nerves, which makes for a stressful trip for mom and dad!

 

[mjkaferle5]

I didn't read all of the posts so I don't know if this was asked..........Did you take mid-day breaks with your kids back at the resort for a nap?

I have boys similiar in age who will do the same things if they are tired and cranky. If they didn't have breaks maybe they needed them.

 

[kangaroodle]

Again I really appreciate all those who emphathize with me! To others, my children are not MONSTERS! They are kind and considerate children---just not always to each other!!!. When we waited 10 minutes to see Stitch and then when our turn came up, the CM asked them to wait while a child in a wheelchair came to see Stitch. Lilo and Stitch must have been with that child for over 5 minutes! NOT ONCE did my children whine or complain. My daughter thought it was neat how much attention Stitch gave the child and felt bad that he was in a wheelchair.. The CM even commented to them how patiently they waited. They behave well in restaurants and are not rude to others. They usually share nicely with others. Each year before Xmas we go through all their stuff and explain to them that we are giving things to others in need. They gave a lot of their stuffed animals for children who lost everything due to Katrina. I am a Brownie leader and we do service projects all the time. I really am NOT A BAD PARENT! This was a VACATION related issue! Probably too much "togetherness"!

After reading a lot of the replys, I am going to chalk it up to be being hot, tired and probably a little dehydrated. We probably should have taken more breaks. We didn't. Can't change that but I can learn from it. I only planned 4 park days but they were sometimes long days. Next time I might break that into 8 shorter days.

I am not ruling out WDW. When I wrote the original post the vacation was too fresh in my mind. The last few days were the worst and that's what was fresh. We are DVC members and go each year. We will go again but MAYBE I'll make a trip w/out them first! I would never trade my 2 kids for an only child. When the kids do get a long (which really is most of the time), it's wonderful. I know they are close and really do care about each other and others as well.

 

[tjmw2727]

FWIW I got the impression that you were frustrated but never did I assume your children were ill behaved. I still believe that you will think back fondly of the vacation and your OP - " a vent " will be a distant memory.

My girls seem to go through phases where they are either best friends or "SO NOT" as my 10 you would say. On a good phase they get along great and on a down phase anything can be a problem. It is easy to discipline/parent on the good phases but the bad ones are the challenge.

Time to start planning the next visit - maybe a quick trip with just dh sans kids? (If you have relatives willing) How about a longer trip with some kids imput and a plan for mom's needs as well as meeting the needs of the rest of the family.

TJ

 

[henrylovespooh]

Just got back and DS4 and DD2 (one month shy of 3) pretty much wrecked our trip. They fought too, especially over who got to push the elevator button and whose seat was whose in the double stroller. DS had to be the leader and no one could walk in front of him. Then DD threw a complete tantrum in the restroom at Le Cellier because I flushed the toilet after she peed. Had to carry her out of there screaming and crying while everyone looked at me - she was wearing her favorite Snow White dress so she was especially attention grabbing. Tantrums are new to me and I wanted to die.

We were planning on going back next December, but now those plans are on hold.

DH tried to explain to our children that not every child gets to go to WDW and they should appreciate what they have and behave. I admired his attempt, but told him that rationalizing with preschoolers is like nailing jello to a tree.

One good thing did come out of this. I had suggested to DH that we go to WDW by ourselves for our 10 year anniversary, but he told me there was no way we could go without the kids. At the end of the trip, he said he would now be willing to do it.

 

[marcyinPA]

DH tried to explain to our children that not every child gets to go to WDW and they should appreciate what they have and behave. I admired his attempt, but told him that rationalizing with preschoolers is like nailing jello to a tree.

I like that analogy! I'll have to remember that one!

 

[mommaU4]

I know your kids are not monsters because if what you described them doing makes them monsters....well, then I don't want to think what mine are!

Just like every other parent here, I love my kids to death but they could happily kill each other sometimes! One thing I have noticed is that they can be ready to strangle each other but if someone else, either another child or even DH or myself "comes down hard" on one of them, they rally around each other and defend whoever needs it. That makes me feel great to know that when push comes to shove they've got each other's back. I think most siblings are like that deep down.

Oh and one more thing, I for one, want to hear about it when (not if!) you and your DH plan that romantic get away for two. You deserve it. We'll be waiting.....

 

[MickeyMacks]

As a child development center director I see some wonderful parents and I see some parents who struggle. Either way all of them do some things well and some things not so well. Some are totally frustrated, like the OP, with their children and want to know what they can do to change certain behaviors. Sometimes they listen and sometimes the answer is too difficult for them and they don't. Shelly

I'm no psychologist, just a mom, but what the struggle seems to come down to is these two perspectives: the ones motivated by a sense of entitlement (kids) and the ones motivated by a sense of obligation (parents).
In the posts in this thread, it seems the parents who have had the most success are the ones who were able to surrender their sense of obligation to give their family a "happy family experience at WDW" so that the child could be led to making a decision, with consequences, of whether to continue to behave selfishly and take advantage of the parent's sense of obligation, or to consider what their own obligations may be and so act responsibly.

Whether the child makes the mature decision or the selfish one depends largely on their experience with consequences.

Someone else on this thread said that you must NEVER make a threat you don't intend to act on. This is so true, and my son knows it! The whiny stage didn't last long in our house. I'll leave full grocery carts, a camping trip, expensive outings, long line-ups, etc. to make my point. He learned to use words - not whines - to make a request, and that sometimes no matter how much you want something or how nicely you ask, the answer can still be "No." Still working on the "no questions asked" part about No

I've had my inevitable bad parent moments and some toughlove approaches that others have raised eyebrows at, but I will NOT let my son grow up with the huge liability of a sense of entitlement. There are already too many adults with that affliction (and such a large male proportion! )

Nor do I want him to be ruled by a defeating sense of obligation to family (uh, that would be a lot of us women, it seems )

I want him to know his rights and his responsibilities, be an independent and a caring person. Maybe even a normal, happy one (hey, it could happen ) I know that making sure there are consequences for bad behaviour and bad decisions won't make for happy family moments now, but it's part of my job as a parent. Whether he likes it or not he accepts it, he knows his job is to grow up into the kind of person he wants to be.

Rewards and incentives can be useful in parenting (I'd say WDW is a pretty high-end reward!) but consequences are essential. Sometimes that means acting on a previous warning to your child, sometimes that means leaving the child's unfinished task to remain unfinished so they experience what comes next (ie: toy pieces not picked up may get crushed or vacuumed).

It's hard on us as parents, but unfortunately for our children, some lessons are only learned with loss, disappointment and tears. Don't be afraid of that unpleasant territory - it's all part of the family construction zone.

We may not be "molding young minds" here, but we are helping real live people build themselves.

See the difference?

 

[Arielle22]

We went in 8/03 with dd's 10 and 8 then. We stayed at WL. The first couple of days were very frustrating. So dh and I devised some rules. There was plenty of alternating. Each night they swapped the top bunk, whoever pushed the call button for the elevator the other pushed the button inside the elevator. Then they took turns on rides, sitting with me (For some reason neither wanted to sit with their father) both on rides and at meals.

Even on the plane we split up. Going down and coming home they swapped who they sat with.

When I look back on that trip I remember the arguing. Funny when they talk they only remember the fun.

DH and I go in 19 days for our anniversary. When dd asked me what I was looking forward to I told her "sitting with your dad"!

My dds fight so much that we bought a minivan just so they wouldn't have to sit next to each other. Of course, I have 4 sisters and we still bicker and argue so why should my dd's be any different?