My in-laws are coming and visit and I'm not looking forward to it because....

[pilotwife_02]

My in-laws are coming out for a visit this weekend (they live 500 miles away) and as if that normally isn't boring enough, this Sunday is the 2 year anniversary of DH's brother's death (he died from cancer).

This day is obviously going to be a difficult one for DH and I was already trying to decide what to do for DH, but now I'm going to have his parents here and I don't know what to do for them. I already don't know how to deal with them/talk to them when they get all upset when talking about him (we aren't close at all), now I really won't know what to do.

Do I try to plan something for that day to keep their minds off of it a little or will it look like I'm being insensitive? Just consider the day a bust and not try to do anything? Normally when they visit us if I ask them what they want to do they will say "whatever you want", that's just how they are.

What would you do? I want to make this weekend as easy for everyone as I can. I also have two small kids (2 and 3 years old), so sitting inside all weekend is not the best option, LOL.

 

[TEENEE]

That's a tough one. I think your best bet is to ask you dh what he wants. Is there some way you can celebrate your bil's life?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Maybe some private time with your dh and his parents would be better?
Take the kids and get out of their hair for awhile. That is probably what I would do.

I would sit with your dh and talk with him about it. Probably best if he ran the show for his parents visit this go round.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Maybe some private time with your dh and his parents would be better?
Take the kids and get out of their hair for awhile. That is probably what I would do.

I would sit with your dh and talk with him about it. Probably best if he ran the show for his parents visit this go round.

I think this advice is spot on. Let your DH and your ILs be the guide. This will be a rough day. Good luck.

 

[pilotwife_02]

Maybe some private time with your dh and his parents would be better?
Take the kids and get out of their hair for awhile. That is probably what I would do.

That's a wonderful idea. Not sure why I didn't think of that myself.

I'm going to talk to DH when he gets home from his trip tomorrow night and see what he thinks we should do the rest of the weekend. I know sometimes the days leading UP to the anniversary can be really tough too and just as hard as the day of, so I want to see what he wants to do the 3 days before it.

Thanks for the suggestions!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My in-laws are coming out for a visit this weekend (they live 500 miles away) and as if that normally isn't boring enough,

I agree with the private time for your DH and his parents.

 

[cabanafrau]

Ask your DH if he has any suggestions.

If all else fails, ask DH & his folks if there's anything you can do to make this time easier for them. They may not give an answer & may not even have an answer for you, but at least you will have sincerely made the effort.

 

[puffkin]

If your inlaws are anything like my parents, they will want to acknowledge the day, have a few down moments to grieve, and then move on with their visit. My brother died 7 years ago and my parents take HUGE comfort in their grandson and spending time with him. I would hope your inlaws feel the same way about your children.

I would plan something for them to do with your children that day. A visit to the zoo or something like that where they can see the joy of life toddlers posess so beautifully. I would acknowledge BIL's passing in the morning and give them some alone time then. Maybe DH could take them to breakfast alone or something like that to reminisce or you could get the kids out of the house for a little bit.

This is only MHO dealing with my own parents. My brothers death anniversary falls on Easter Sunday this year.

 

[Missy1961]

Maybe some private time with your dh and his parents would be better?
Take the kids and get out of their hair for awhile. That is probably what I would do.

I would sit with your dh and talk with him about it. Probably best if he ran the show for his parents visit this go round.

Exactly what I would do.

 

[pilotwife_02]

Thanks again for all the suggestions! I really appreciate them.

I know that being the our boys will help them, they did right after he died and the funeral. I'm going to let DH ask them if they would like do anything special with just him (I don't want to be the one to ask since I don't them to feel obligated to include me if they want it be just him and them), and let them and DH lead the way and go along for the ride (whether that's taking the kids out for a while so they can be home alone for a while or going out with them if that's what they want). I can't even imagine what they are going through as a parent, so I want to make it as easy as possible for them and don't want them to think they are offending me if they want to be alone.

 

[AmyinKY]

I hope the day goes well for you. Excellent advice so far, see what your husband wants to do.

Congrats on the weight loss too.

 

[pilotwife_02]

I hope the day goes well for you. Excellent advice so far, see what your husband wants to do.

Congrats on the weight loss too.

Thank you!

 

[LunchladyDoris]

My condolences to your husband's family.

 

[Tinijocaro]

If you are considered part of dh's family, cutting out with the kids may seem like you don't care. Only do it with the explanation that you thought they might like some alone time together.