My friend from childbirth class lost her baby

[olena]

How very sad.... My heart goes out to her.

 

[Mishetta]

How very sad for your friend. Please call her. Even just to say "Hi, it's me, & I'm here if you need me for anything."

November of '01 I attended my monthly Ladies Club Church Meeting. At the same table sat a girl who had just lost her baby. (He was born with multiple heart defects ~ which they already knew about...lived for 5 hours & died in his mother's arms.) I had just delivered a beautiful healthy baby boy a month after her tragic loss. At the meeting, all my friends were asking about the baby & wanting to see photos & I was happily telling them all about my newborn, until I looked at "her" face. I was then mortified that I even spoke of my newborn! She was choking back tears, which led us all to do the same. She excused herself & sat at a different table. I went over & apologized & hugged her & explained that I was so sorry for her loss, but as guilty as I felt, I was so excited about the arrival of my little miracle. She said she understood but the wound was so fresh that she just couldn't handle it. Well, it has been over a year now. We do talk about her "Robbie" almost each time we see each other & we cry together too. But she has moved on & knows that her son is in a much better place. He's not suffering & he's waiting to someday be re-united with his loving mother again. They are thinking about trying to have another baby soon too. They currently have a 4 y/o. There is healing but it takes a while. Personally, I don't think it's ever a "full" recovery after such a loss but I'm happy to see that she is healing.

Sorry that was so long.....I just know how you're feeling. Been there ~ November '01. Just let her know that you're there for her. If a card would be more comfy for you, then by all means send one, but just DON'T DO NOTHING! That would really be a tragedy.

God bless her & help her find strength in these coming days.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

My heart goes out to you and your friend Molly and all that are affected by this very painfull loss. You will all be in my prayers.

 

[Disney Doll]

You know, I work with a woman who went through the same thing in September 2002. Unfortunately, whether we like it or not, these type of things are part of life. Of course she will be upset. Of course she will be sad. of course she will be angry. It's not fair. And it never will be. But she needs to be able to express those emotions to people who love her, and accept them for what they are. And yes, she may have a hard time with you and your new baby for a while. And yes, she may very well look at your baby and think "My baby would have been nearly the same age doing nearly the same things" and it may hurt her greatly. But little by little, day by day, the hurt will be put into its place in her life and she will go on. That's what happens with great grief...it gets a "spot" in your heart and it stays there.Once in a while it gets taken out and cried over, then it gets put back.

The bottom line is that she needs to feel her emotions, she needs to grieve it and she needs support to do it.

 

[NHAnn]

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this sad news
WIll keep you, and your friend and her family, in my thoughts.
((HUGS))

 

[AmyA]

This is so sad. Your friend and her family will be in my thoughts.

I also would encourage you to call, email, send a card, anything, if you are up to it. I was a NICU nurse for years, and the parents of the really sick or dying babies always said it helped them so much when the nurses would cry and grieve with them, or let them take out their anger on us and have us not hold it against them.

Again, I'm sorry this happened.

 

[JohnTBap]

I bet she would be happy to hear from you.

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[Robinrs]

Oh, Amy--

As you know I lost my baby three days after his birth. It was 17 years ago and I still hold close to me the people who cared and supported me.

Those who never spoke to me or stayed away, and there were LOTS of them, I had to learn to forgive, but found out who was really my friend.

Even if you don't know what to say, just show up, hug her, let her know that you're praying for her. Everyone reacts differently, take your cues from her eyes and her reactions. If she says she's fine and she holds your hand, stay with her. Right now she needs to know she's loved.

Men and women react differently to losing a child. Women need their women friends to hold them up. Hang in there with her...

God bless you all,

Robinrs