My FMIL is the DEVIL

[ImMarcik]

Hi Marcie!

The problem is that it really hurts my DF and I want this to be the most joyful day of his life with all the support from his family and friends. I'm sure it will be painful to see I've got a pile of people in my corner and all he has is his dad

HI Yes, you know he will feel sad. You just gotta love him and be there for him.

 

[sajetto]

Those who anger you control you. Do not give her that control. If you do, she will retain that control (and this IS a HUGE power-play) and you will be angry and miserable forever.

This one is good, and I'll do everything I can to remember this. Its so hard not to be really ticked though.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

How horrible to do that to her DS and DIL. Hang in there, don't let her ruin your wedding and be there for your DH.

 

[momrek06]

Ya, Sajetto...she will probably show up wearing your underwear/bras...isn't that what she took the last time you talked about your future MIL....she was getting into your boxes and put your VS's in her drawer.

Read into this BIG TIME...she is soooo hoping you and DH (2B) will call and "offer" to pay for everything...how about her BF, can't he help her pay for the trip to the wedding?

What will happen, is in a weak moment as it gets closer to the ceremony and someone somewhere realizes DH(2B)'s, DM, cannot make it due to finances..someone will somehow come through and once again your future MIL will SPONGE off of someone else.

You know what, ignore this request right now...move on to other stages of planning the wedding....the bottomline:

IF SHE REALLY WANTS TO BE THERE, SHE WILL BE!!! IF SHE REALLY LOVES HER SON, SHE WILL BE THERE.

You two are too busy to start in worrying about everyone's transportation to YOUR wedding. And as I recall, future MIL is ONLY 50yo. She is VERY capable of getting to and from WITHOUT any difficulty...(once again, IF, she really really wants to be there, SHE will find a way)!

oh, one more thing...let the answering machine get the calls for awhile..no more need to discuss THIS ISSUE with her for now!

 

[SC Minnie]

I went to a wedding last year and they didn't seat guests based on who's side they were on. Bride guests sat on the typical groom side and vise versa. Where ever you wanted to sit or needed filling in. This may help you even out the church if you are worried about your husbands feeling regarding not seeing many people on 'his side' of the church.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The problem is that it really hurts my DF and I want this to be the most joyful day of his life with all the support from his family and friends. I'm sure it will be painful to see I've got a pile of people in my corner and all he has is his dad

Believe me, if he wants to marry you, and build a life with you, it WILL be the happiest day in his life!!!

I have a question. Why will he only have his dad there? Does he have a small family? Family lives far away? etc.?

Bottom line is, it DOES NOT MATTER how many people are there from each side!!!! It DOES NOT MATTER if it "might look bad to your side".

Who cares!
Let it go!!!

Plan your special day. Share your happiness with those who genuinely want to share your joy. You cannot control everyone else... Don't even try!!!

I know at hard it is hard to not be angry. But, once you come to terms with these truths... it is so freeing!!

 

[sajetto]

I have a question. Why will he only have his dad there? Does he have a small family? Family lives far away? etc.?

He will only have his dad and step mom because we are having a Disney Intimate wedding that only allows us 18 people and all others on his side, according to his mother, have declined.

 

[sameyeyam]

Don't worry about MIL. You WILL get the last word and get even. Remember you will probably have the joy of helping to pick her nursing home.

 

[Wishing on a star]

oh, one more thing...let the answering machine get the calls for awhile..no more need to discuss THIS ISSUE with her for now!

BEST advice yet!!!!

Completely disengage!!!

You made your plans...
You sent your invitations and related info...

You are now done with it!!!

 

[sajetto]

Don't worry about MIL. You WILL get the last word and get even. Remember you will probably have the joy of helping to pick her nursing home.

One can only hope

 

[willis37862]

I recently read an old saying... Those who anger you control you. Do not give her that control. If you do, she will retain that control (and this IS a HUGE power-play) and you will be angry and miserable forever.

That is the best advice I have heard in a long time!! So true. When I can control my anger with my in-laws I feel like I have more control of things. Sometimes it takes a lot of praying and sometimes it takes several Corona's to keep my cool.

 

[UnderTheMistletoe]

Don't worry about MIL. You WILL get the last word and get even. Remember you will probably have the joy of helping to pick her nursing home.

Babe- she's got a point here..... ROACH MOTEL! Although that might be waht's she's accustomed to anyhow. Oh well.

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

OP: I'm so sorry to hear that! That is just wrong and horrible...

 

[Wishing on a star]

He will only have his dad and step mom because we are having a Disney Intimate wedding that only allows us 18 people and all others on his side, according to his mother, have declined.

Why in the name of God have you listened to his mother?
You sent the invites, right... everyone is completely capable of making their own RSVP.

I like the idea of a small wedding.
Ours was very small, and it was in a BIG church!!!
What mattered was that we were all there together, with them seated surrounding me and DH at the alter, because we shared in each others joy!!!

But, having said that, if this is a 'Destination' wedding that involves a lot of travel and expense, then that should be taken into consideration.

 

[sajetto]

Babe- she's got a point here..... ROACH MOTEL! Although that might be waht's she's accustomed to anyhow. Oh well.

A Roach Motel would be the best choice

She's not one of the rednecks. Remeber, she stole my things because she was used to living in high style until the guy she cheated on my DF's dad with and married decided to divorce her and run of with a beautifu Latina girl that is only 27 years old!

 

[sajetto]

But, having said that, if this is a 'Destination' wedding that involves a lot of travel and expense, then that should be taken into consideration.

This is true, but she was all over coming to our wedding until she stole my stuff, I got ticked, haven't talked to her in 2 months, and then she blew all of her money traveling with her bum of a BF

 

[momrek06]

Those who anger you control you.

That just simply is an AWESOME statement!!!

Man, I love the DIS BOARDS . What I have learned on here in the
short time I have been reading/posting is just so fabulous!!

CLASSIC!!!

 

[Chicago526]

I agree with those that think MIL is hoping you (or someone else) will offer to pay her way, after all, you just CAN'T have the wedding without her, right?

W R O N G!

Obviously, you future DH will have to agree, but just tell her "Oh, we'll so miss having you at the wedding. We'll be sure to stop by and show you pictures when we get back from the honeymoon and tell you all about it." No matter how much she whines, cries, carries on, and makes a nusence of herself, just keep up that same reply. If she flat out asks that you pay for her, tell her your so sorry, but it's not not in the budget. Make sure your DF is 100% on board for this, though. Once she gets the idea pounded into the her little pea brain that she either has to pay her own way or not go, believe me, she'll "miraculosly" find the money and be able to attend. Most likely at the last minute to get the most attention "bang" for her buck. She'll figure out a way to attend, because she won't be able to resist being there and not getting all the attention she "deserves" as Mother Of The Groom. In fact, she'll most likely try to steal some (most? all?) of the attention from you, DF, and your own parents if she possiblely can.

I'm sure this is hard on your DF, but he needs to come to terms with her behavior sooner rather than later, I can't imagine her actions are going to improve over time, in fact I bet it will get worse!

Good luck, and congrats on the wedding!

 

[Beth76]

Sounds like the type of person you don't need at your wedding.

 

[Cass]

This is really going to only make her look worse to my side of the family. Obviously she doesn't care if she hurts her son

Son should be cheering