My DH called me this morning. His father died. He was moved to a nursing home last year as his MS had progressed to the point that he couldn't live alone. No one expected him to live past October of 2002. He fooled them and lived for another year.
He has been estranged from his children for 20 years, since he and MIL divorced. He was never a nice man, from what I am told and often took to hitting MIL. When they divorced, my DH was 18/19 yo. MIL refused to allow her children to have any contact with him... this was through control, guilt and manipulation that she was successful for so many years.
Last year, before he was moved to the nursing home, he called our house one day and I got to talk to him for over an hour. He shed some light on what his side of the story was... (I tended to believe more of what he told me than anything the rest have told me over the years.) I talked my DH into cleaning out his father's apartment and he did some bank account restructuring for his father. He never talked to him... he communicated with him through me. After Christmas, the communication stopped.
I feel very badly about the whole situation. I wish that I had listened to my Mom and took the kids to meet their grandfather even though my DH didn't want to see him again.
His mother is playing the role of grieving widow and all of the kids are distraught over the loss of their father.
I am finding it hard to have any compassion for any of them. I begged my DH to make his own opinion, as an adult, of his father. He didn't and now the opportunity is no longer there to make amends.
I would have thought, if anything, everyone would have congregated at our house, since the parents have been divorced for so long. They have all met up at the "widow's" house. I'm not sorry about not having the extra work, but I just think it's wrong to play a role that wasn't true in your life.
I talked to my SIL and she feels the same as I do. When the arrangements are made, a big show is going to be put on. At least both of us can have clear consciences since we have begged our DH's for years to see their dad.
Sorry this is long.... and primarily a vent. I hope no one finds this offensive.... I just needed to express how I feel about the situation. I will be at my DH's side for as long as he wants me to be through this.
He has been estranged from his children for 20 years, since he and MIL divorced. He was never a nice man, from what I am told and often took to hitting MIL. When they divorced, my DH was 18/19 yo. MIL refused to allow her children to have any contact with him... this was through control, guilt and manipulation that she was successful for so many years.
Last year, before he was moved to the nursing home, he called our house one day and I got to talk to him for over an hour. He shed some light on what his side of the story was... (I tended to believe more of what he told me than anything the rest have told me over the years.) I talked my DH into cleaning out his father's apartment and he did some bank account restructuring for his father. He never talked to him... he communicated with him through me. After Christmas, the communication stopped.
I feel very badly about the whole situation. I wish that I had listened to my Mom and took the kids to meet their grandfather even though my DH didn't want to see him again.
His mother is playing the role of grieving widow and all of the kids are distraught over the loss of their father.
I am finding it hard to have any compassion for any of them. I begged my DH to make his own opinion, as an adult, of his father. He didn't and now the opportunity is no longer there to make amends.
I would have thought, if anything, everyone would have congregated at our house, since the parents have been divorced for so long. They have all met up at the "widow's" house. I'm not sorry about not having the extra work, but I just think it's wrong to play a role that wasn't true in your life.
I talked to my SIL and she feels the same as I do. When the arrangements are made, a big show is going to be put on. At least both of us can have clear consciences since we have begged our DH's for years to see their dad.
Sorry this is long.... and primarily a vent. I hope no one finds this offensive.... I just needed to express how I feel about the situation. I will be at my DH's side for as long as he wants me to be through this.
) 
. Remember, blood is thicker than water. 
