My DS just got diagnosed with Autism...

[zachnsamsmommy]

It is a hard pill to swallow...

My son has had sensory issues for at least 2 yrs, and developmental delays that long as well. I have heard 'autism' and 'ASD' tossed around the past couple of years, and really thought I was prepared. But I wasn't...

Signing my name to sheet after sheet for the school system, of my 'autistic child' qualifying for special ed and preschool services...that was still a shock.

Reality tells me that I should be happy he is getting lots of help early on...spec. ed, PT, OT, and speech until at least kindergarten (probably longer). But my heart is just having a hard time accepting this...

Sorry...just needed to vent...

 

[MinnieFan4ever]

 

[OceanAnnie]

It has to be hard. It's a blow to actually have those words associated with your child, initially. Give yourself time to get used to it. As you stated, early intervention can do wonders. It's a great thing for it to be caught so early.

Be good to yourself. Your son is still wonderful no matter what.

 

[minkydog]

I know how hard it is, especially in the beginning. You kinda go through a grieving process because you know how hard his life will be and how hard your own life will be. My youngest son is profoundly mentally ******** and autistic and even though we know that, it's still hard to hear it sometimes.

But the bright spot in all this is that because your son is diagnosed he can get appropriate education. Without the label, that education would be denied him. With the label he qualifies for many services that he would otherwise not receive. And earlier is better than later.

Be kind to yourselves and allow time to cry and be upset. It's something to be upset about. But you'll adjust. We all do eventually. Your son is still your son, that delightful boy you will always love, no matter what. He is a child first and autistic second.

 

[SDFgirl]

I understand - it's tough how our heads and hearts often tell us different things.

Of course the reality of it is a shock, even if you did see it coming.

Give yourself a few days to be really upset and grieve over it. You just have to allow yourself to have those emotions. I'm betting that in a few days, you'll have a better sense of acceptance - you'll be ready to roll up your sleeves and take this on, in order to get your DS the resources he needs to succeed.

And it sounds like you know this already, but he is SO lucky to have people in his life who helped to detect the autism early and are starting interventions right now!

 

[LuvOrlando]

No advice just lots of

 

[mom2travel]

I can't imagine the range of emotions you are feeling. Think of it as just a label. He will now be able to get the intervention services that will help him.

He is is still the sweet little boy you loved yesterday and will continue to love today and forever

 

[princessmom29]

My cousin is going through this right now with his 4 year old. It is tought, but rest assured in the knowledge that you are getting the information needed to get the best possible help for your son.

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

He may be autistic, but he has many more wonderful labels attached to him:
Sam, son, baby. None of those changed with the diagnosis. It *will* get better.

 

[emdav]

It's been almost 7.5 years since our diagnosis. The best advice I can give you is to educate yourself and advocate for your child. Also, remember that he's still the same great kid that he was before he got a label. If anything, the label of autism makes me appreciate and love my son more.

 

[pilesoflaundry]

Even when you know the answer is coming, it doesn't make it any easier once you hear it's the final answer.

BTDT have the tshirt, it does get easier.

 

[freckles and boo]

I remember the same kick in the gut feeling. It does get better but you need to allow yourself to feel sick and angry about it for a little while. Then the pity party is over, you dust yourself off and you get busy making a plan. It can be very, very confusing. There is a lot of information and misinformation out there. Whatever you do, don't let anyone, including family and friends, underestimate your child's potential. And as others have said, that label doesn't define who your child is.

 

[kirstenb1]

I'm right there with you. Our younger dd was dx'd at 22 mths. That was nearly 3 years ago, and I know I'll remember every detail of that day for the rest of my life. The only advice I can give you, is try not to become CONSUMED with finding therapies/cures etc. I am consumed still, to a large degree. But that is not healthy.

It's important to have other interests. I try to volunteer a lot at our other dd's school. I sign up for committees where I have some knowledge, and something to offer. I teach Sunday School. Go to the gym regularly, get some exercise. It's really important to feel you're successful in other areas of your life, because sometimes you will feel like you're not doing enough for your son.

Try to focus on other family members and don't forget yourself.

 

[Deb in IA]

Having been the one to give the diagnosis countless numbers of times, I know how devastating it can be to hear that.

But with or without the diagnosis, he is still the same kid, with the same strengths that he always had. The diagnosis or label can sometimes be just a way to get him services that will help him achieve his full potential.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, it does feel devastating, at first....
It can be tough.
Allow yourself to feel this and work thru it.

Been There Done That
Hang in there, it will get better, everything will be fine!!!

 

[castleview]

Hang in there. There's a lot of good information on this board alone. Good luck.

 

[minniebeth]

I love everyone's words of wisdom~ to you!

 

[LJC1861]

Early in my career in Human Services ( I am an administrator for 2 group homes serving teens/adults with Autism ) I found this lovely essay written by the Mom of a boy with Downs Syndrome. I think it helps to put things into perspective. Know that what you are feeling is completely normal and understandable. Know that we are here to give support and listen. Hang in there!


Welcome to Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this…

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

The pain of that will never, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

Written by Emily Perl Kingsley

 

[zachnsamsmommy]

OP here...

Thank you for all the warm, supportive, and informative replies. I feel much better about this with each passing hour. I know that the services he is going to receive will do him a world of good. My only remaining concern is the possible 'label' he will have by teachers or administrators that read his IEP and possibly judge him before they ever have/teach him. And I know that scenerio isn't that likely, but I do worry about the 'bad seed' teachers (and hope neither of my kids have a teacher like that).

Now I have to go thru the mountain of paperwork to get him registered with the school system for his 3's Pre-K in the fall.

Thank you again for letting me vent...

 

[RitaZ.]