My Dream wedding crushed...some advice please

[irisbud]

Cosi Bella,

Don't give up on your dream or you will regret it later. I was having "problems" with my day as well (nothing like yours though) and my MOH told me to tell the people causing them "Look, this is just one day out of your life and it won't kill you if it's not exactly what you want. This is one of the most important days of my life and if you really care about me you will understand that I want it to be special and perfect for ME."

Also, why don't you get on the Wishbook site, or use the resources on this site and sort of plan some things out and show his brother just how different your weddings will be.

Good luck!

 

[tink774]

At this point, I do not feel as though I should have to continue to "pour my heart out" to them just to "convince" them to "let us" have a wedding there. It should be enough that I want it, for what ever reason it is, and they shouldn't have anything negative to say about it. If we decide to go ahead with this plan, we will not sit down and talk to his brother and wife because that was already done. Now its just a matter of what we want, and if it turns out to be that we want to do a Disney wedding, quite frankly if they don't like it they don't have to come. That's their decision.

I could not agree with you more!

Have you and your DF discussed when you might have your wedding? Maybe by then his family will have come around. But if not, you'll still get to have the wedding of your dreams! I would make it clear to his family that if you don't go ahead and have the wedding that you've wanted for so long, you will regret it. And if they decide not to come because they feel you are "copying" them, they will regret it. Best of luck, and hope that you get to start planning soon!

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

i cant believe how your FBIL is acting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i mean where does he get off telling you "NO"
I understand they wanted everyone to remember their wedding, but its time to move forward & let someone else enjoy it...he needs to get over the "its all about us" syndrome
I thik if this is the wedding you want...then do it!!

whats he gonna say next...."no you cant have kids cause we did it 1st!!" or "No you cant go to that store cause we did it 1st" Its CRAZY talk I tell ya!!!

dont change your plans cause your worried they will get mad...they will get over it..& i bet they would LOVE to go back to wdw!!!

GEEZ...when to DFTWs become so exclusive???

 

[Starr W.]

Tell his brother to GROW UP and stop acting like a child!!!!!!! OH THIS MAKES ME SO MAD. Explain to the "brother" (I put that in quotes because I don't think he's acting like a true brother) that it is YOUR WEDDING and not HIS. He already had one. Then go do WHATEVER YOU WANT and if he doesn't want to come then GOOD. One less person to pay for!!!

I have to agree with 100% with Lindsay on this. One he's acting like a child and not acting like a "real brother".

Gosh if 2 sisters(Caryn and Lindsay) can have DFTW within a short amount of time together and be happy and supportive of each other I have absolutely no clue why 2 brothers can't.

 

[mermaidbride1108]

I'm sorry if these sounds rude, but your BIL is being very Selfish! He didn't come up with the concept of a Disney wedding. He wasn't the very first person to do it in all of history! I know you may feel that you have to respect his wishes because your joining his family, but in the same sentence, You are joining his family and he should be doing the same thing! Making you feel comfortable as well! And also realizing that you are now becoming part of his family and as much as you should be trying to appease them, he should be trying to welcome you in as

I would be very upset with him, I don't see any logical reason why he would not want your wedding there except to be called 'the' Disney fan in the family and in my opinion, that just seems rude. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I would be devastated if someone told me I couldn't have my dream wedding because they already did it first.


I really am hoping you get to have your Disney Wedding! I hope everything works out for you!

 

[lurkyloo]

my MOH told me to tell the people causing them "Look, this is just one day out of your life and it won't kill you if it's not exactly what you want. This is one of the most important days of my life and if you really care about me you will understand that I want it to be special and perfect for ME."

Man, I wish I'd had this argument in my back pocket when my brother complained about our DFTW

 

[topsy]

Let me at him, let me at him!!

I'm so sorry about your FBIL. But I think you've got the right idea already, it's your day and if they don't feel like they want to be a part of it, they don't have to come. Hopefully, when everyone else is planning their trips to your wedding, he will realise that he has been an idiot and should be there supporting you and his brother! He should feel bad, not you!

Another idea, I know this isn't your dream but if you are really feeling like you can't do it at WDW, could you consider Disneyland California? A Disney honeymoon sounds good too!

Personally, I hope you go for your dream and have a magical wedding in WDW!

 

[dalepool]

WOW

Please, Everyone cancel your Disney Weddings.

Cosi Bella's FBIL would surely be offended that any weddings were going to be held after his Disney Wedding.

I would not have asked him for one thing. With that said I might ask him for Help paying for the wedding. It appears to me that A Disney Wedding is actually less money then a traditional Stay at home wedding. ( except for the transportation and hotels.) So lets see about 5K sounds right to make your stay at home wedding the wedding of your dreams as compared to the Wedding you would have had at Disney.

Please remember this for future. NEVER ASK A QUESTION THAT MIGHT HAVE AN ANSWER YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR.

Now get planning the WDW World Wedding. I have said it once will say it again, It is your Day do not settle for less then the dream wedding you can afford.

(Since this was his wedding ---Did he let his Wife have any say? Who paid for his wedding ---do not tell me the wifes parents as this sounds like it was all about him)

 

[Brian Noble]

My fiance casually mentioned that we were thinking about doing our own wedding in Disney, and his mother didn't seem too excited, as his side of the family has been there many times, and has already done a Disney wedding. Her response was "That has already been done. You guys should do something else."

Funny, I missed the part where your fiance asked his mother's opinion. And, while I haven't read the whole thread, I don't see where anyone asked his brother's opinion, either.

The proper response to anyone who suggests that you are doing something "wrong" with your wedding plans is: "Yes, I can see how you'd prefer do that differently. We're really looking forward to the wedding, and we do hope you can come!"

 

[Goldeelox9]

You will regret it so much if you do not have your Disney Wedding. I would not let the "brother" have a say in the wedding? I mean seriously do you need to ask him for permission to wear a white dress? Should you check with him on your selection of bridesmaids? Hopefully you won't pick a flower they once looked at? Seriously!!!

He really needs to grow up and sweetie do not give up your dream because of some spoiled child!

 

[hope1826]

The bottom line is that this is your life. And you and your DF need to create memories of your wedding that you will be able to treasure together for the rest of your life.

I do wish you the best!!!

 

[Starr W.]

Cosi Bella, I am WAY WAY WAY too busy right now to be on this board and although I have been reading all of the threads daily I haven't had any time to update my PJ or anything. But I am making time for this...

I really do not want you to go through what I am going though now. It is not the exact same situation, but the essence is the same. I am a month away from my Disney wedding and when I think about it and the pre-wedding reception (paid for bt the in laws , with a second wedding dress, wedding cake, a jazz trio and the possibility of a surprise forced ceremony with a catholic priest) I get sick to my stomach.

I love my DF wth all of me, but because I was trying to respect his wish to respect his parents "opinions" (which later turned into requests and tearful demands), I am miserable.

I feel like neither wedding nor the pre wedding reception are mine and I keep questioning whether I need to even show up. This inability for others to see that this is NOT about them is even affecting "MY" bridal shower and my desire to go to that.

The bottom line is that this is your life. And you and your DF need to create memories of your wedding that you will be able to treasure together for the rest of your life.

I just reminded my DF of this today, and maybe you should remind your DF... He is marrying YOU! He is NOT marrying his family! Your feelings should matter to him more than theirs in this situation! And if they don't that is NOT ok!

I may delete this post soon.

I do wish you the best!!!

Hope1826, don't delete this post, as I think it will be usefull to the OP and other brides.

I walked out on an engagement because the ex-DF was way more worried about mom, brother and sil.

It was one of those gut feelings, we barely had started planning when I gave the ring back(I think it was about 3 months).

 

[Chilly]

Oh I am so angry on your behalf

I really think you should have a Disney wedding.

Ok now I will be practical what sort of Disney wedding did your FBIL have? If yours is the opposite then whats the problem. I think perhaps you should write him a letter/e-mail (so no one can get angry or interupt etc) and simply say that you have wanted this since you were a child, you will be having a different sort of Disney wedding and not copying his and you were thinking of doing XY and Z, you don't want to copy his as this is the most special day of YOUR life. Tell him if you'd got married first you would never have dreamed of telling him not to do it and that if they'd both got married in church the wedding would have been much more alike.

As a compromise and I really don't think you should have to make one but I know your DF doesn't want to upset his brother how about getting married in Disneyland Calafornia or at Castaway Cay/on the Cruise?

I hope you sort everything out so that everyone is happy but you really don't want to do anything you'll regret later so go for it.

Lots of pixie dust to you

 

[caryndisneydiva]

i am so aggravated for you! how selfish of your fbil. that's just HORRIBLE. i guess they aren't so secure in the fact that their wedding was fabulous because they're scared that your going to out-do them!

DO NOT cancel your dream wedding just because a grown man can't be "man enough" to be happy for his brother. how childish.

i don't know if you've read my pj, but these are "hater blockers" and they're used to block out haters like your fbil. i think that every time you discuss your wedding and he says something bad, pop a pair of them on (literally) and go about your merry way. if he can't be happy for you guys, that's his problem! i use all the time, they're super effective AND it gives you an excuse to have several pairs of chic sunglasses around...they also help hide your eyes when you roll them in reaction to people's abject stupidity.

 

[Lynn5700]

Just want to add my two cents: It's ridiculous that most people think there is one kind of Disney wedding and they are all the same. That's like saying "You can't get married in New York City because your brother got married in New York City and we've been there, done that"!

You could pick two weddings of girls on these boards and compare how different they are. Then take two traditional church + hotel ballroom weddings done on opposite sides of the country and they'd be identical!

If you're really worried about offending his brother and your FSIL, sit down with them and explain what you've told us - that you already had your heart set on a DFTW before you met him, that you're not copying them, etc. It'll be OK!

I so agree!!!!! Do what you want. Sorry you have to go through this

 

[Lynn5700]

Well, I have some more news about our Wedding in Disney. Sadly, it will not happen. His brother is just not comfortable with it. From what he says, it is clear that he feels as though he is the only one allowed to have had that experience, and no one else should take that away from him. It is a real shame, and I am heart broken, as I probably will not have the wedding I've always dreamed of. My fiance now feels weird about planning a Disney wedding against his brothers wishes. It may be that we just need a few days to get over the initial emotions, and he may feel better about it a while. But it also may be that he'll never feel comfortable with it. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place because I know my fiance will do what ever makes me happy if I tell him I really want it, but that comes at a price. If we get married in Disney, it will hurt his brothers feelings and make my fiance uncomfortable. If we dont, I will regret it for the rest of my life. Nothing is definite, but it just doesn't look good for us right now... Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement, and congratulations to everyone who gets to have their dream come true wedding. I will of course, let you all know what we eventually decide to do!

Caryn, that sounds like it was a beautiful wedding! Congrats to you and your sister. It is just nice to see that some people out there care about other peoples feelings! I hope you guys have a wonderful time at your sisters wedding!

UMM ***!!! Seriously,not to sound like a biotch but seriously youd DF's brother is being a freaking baby and acting like a little girl. WAAHHH you can't have a disney wedding cause I did WAAHHH,Give me a break

IS his brother serious??? That is very lame. I say screw him and have YOUR dream wedding.He is acting like a spoild rotten 2 year old,screw that.

 

[Lynn5700]

Oh and tell him to grow the hell up too.

 

[lizziepooh]

How old is this brother? Besides his behavior being childish, it sounds like he wants to control what his brother can and can't do regarding your wedding. Is he like this in other areas? Please keep your eyes open and see how your DF deals with this. If he won't stand up to his brother and put your wishes first, there could be trouble ahead.

In my opinion, most males wouldn't care enough about this to make such an issue. Is there a chance that his wife is behind all this? Good luck. I agree with the others that you need to stand your ground and do what YOU want.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

How old is this brother? Besides his behavior being childish, it sounds like he wants to control what his brother can and can't do regarding your wedding. Is he like this in other areas? Please keep your eyes open and see how your DF deals with this. If he won't stand up to his brother and put your wishes first, there could be trouble ahead.

In my opinion, most males wouldn't care enough about this to make such an issue. Is there a chance that his wife is behind all this? Good luck. I agree with the others that you need to stand your ground and do what YOU want.

I was wondering about the wife, too!

I could understand if he had it at Italy Isola, and didn't want you to pick Italy Isola, but ALL of WDW being off limits is insane. There are sooo many places to have it!! You should have the wedding of your dreams. If you give in now, I don't want you to regret it everytime you look at wedding pictures. Hugs to you. I hate when family isn't supportive!

 

[DisneyLover1234]

I just wanted to give a little different view if I were the brother in the situation. For me, a Disney wedding is a very unique and special event that has been my dream since I was very young and everyone in my family and friends knows that, I'm sure like your fbil. No one that I know would even consider a Disney wedding or even knew you would be able to do something like that until my wedding. Without sounding like a selfish person, I would be upset if on of my good friends also decided to marry at Disney because it is something so unique and unusual to everyone I know and I am known as the one who is getting married at Disney. I can understand how he is feeling, because we are from very far away and a wedding is Disney is not a normal thing, and I understand that many people get married there everyday, but having someone so close to you is a hard thing to accept. (just giving you a different view)

Now, if I were you and I was marrying into a family where DF brother had just got married there, it would not change my dream in anyway. And if DF's brother was marrying a woman who wanted to be married in Disney too, and they came and talked to us about it, I would never ever deny them of their dream no matter how I felt about the situation. That I believe was his selfish part speaking. If this were to happen to me, I would not be able to help feeling the littlest bit upset because the Disney wedding was kinda "my thing", but never would I let anyone know that besides DF, hey we've all got feelings we don't like. I would do my best to help the new couple out with all the lessons I learned and honestly I would be happy just to be going to Disney again.

Just because you are marrying into a family who has already had a Disney wedding, does not mean you need to give up your dream. Many people have the same dreams. I would just give him some time to get over the initial shock and then talk to him again about all the different locations and while you will have the wedding in the same location (Disney), it's going to be a very very different type of wedding. And honestly Disney is HUGE, it's basically like a small town and you are having it in a different chuch and reception hall than he had. He can't ban you from a town. Hope this Helps and Good Luck!