My DD8 wakes up every single night - what to do?

[Irin997]

Sometime around the beginning of February, my daughter started waking up in the middle of the night, almost every single night - sometimes several times a night. There is nothing particularly wrong with her, she just comes into my room, wakes me up, asks to sleep with me, I say no, and I take her back to bed. At it's worst, it was 3x's per night. It has improved slightly to the impact of 1-2x's per night. Lately, she is waking up around 11-12 and then again at 3-4. I consistently do the same thing. Tell her no she cannot sleep with me and either a) take her back to her room or b) tell her to go back to her room on her own (it's not far from me, trust me, our doors are about 4 feet away from each other).

I'm at my wits end. Prior to this episode, if she started waking up in the middle of the night, I would religiously take her back to bed for a few nights and it would stop. But this has now been ongoing for almost 3 months and I don't know why. Originally I thought it might be anxiety due to standardized testing in mid-March, but that is done and over with.

To help, I got her a nightlight, which she previously did not sleep with. She also has a digital clock to tell her what time it is and that if it is before 6am, she needs to go back to sleep. These improved things slightly, but not much.

Ironically enough when my boyfriend sleeps over (we've been together 4 years) she sleeps through the night.

Does anyone have any ideas? I'm sick of being woken up every night. TIA!

 

[bigbabyblues]

Is there a chance she might be worried about you for some reason? Were you sick or anything? That's the only thing I can think of, she doesn't need to check on you if DBF is there?

 

[Irin997]

Is there a chance she might be worried about you for some reason? Were you sick or anything? That's the only thing I can think of, she doesn't need to check on you if DBF is there?

Nope, and nothing has changed in the past few months either. It's totally weird and out of character for her. She has always been a very good sleeper.

 

[taylor3297]

My 7 year old has been like that for several years. We have tried putting back in her bed everytime but it never changed. After 6 months of doing this we just let her climb into bed with us. The pediatrician said my dd probably was having trouble putting herself back to sleep and don't worry. One day she will manage to do it on her own.

 

[dispor]

Just out of curiosity... is her bed up against the wall? Believe it or not, after I moved my daughters' beds with a side up against the wall instead of centered in the room, they both slept better.

Hey, it's worth a shot!

 

[PiperPizzaz]

Ironically enough when my boyfriend sleeps over (we've been together 4 years) she sleeps through the night.

This is the most telling part to me. I am sure she still wakes up she knows she can't go bother you for no reason when he is there so she goes back to sleep. I don't know how to help I am sorry. She needs to get her body trained back to sleeping through the night. Maybe you could come up with a little routine for her to do when she wakes up. Like leave a glass of water by her bed and when she wakes up she can sit up take a drink and lay back down. If she doesn't get out of her bed she will fall asleep a lot faster and hopefully eventually she won't wake up all the time anymore.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

I did that when I was little. Instead of sleeping in my own bed, I would crawl into my mom's bed. I stated when I was 8 and all the sudden in the end of 4th grade, I just stopped, idk why I stopped all the sudden but I did.

 

[LuvBaloo]

I agree with PiperPizzaz, that the key thing is she doesn't do it when your DBF is there. Have you asked her why she only comes in when you're alone? Is she not waking up when he's there, or is she waking up, and knows she can't join you, so just rolls over and goes back to sleep.

My DD went through a phase of waking up and coming to bug me in the night, and I don't mind if its a nightmare or something is wrong, but just to come in every night is horrible. Like you I made sure she had a digital clock so she could see it was time to be awake. After a few nights of nothing wrong, her just wanting to come and cuddle, I ended up talking to her in the daytime and telling her it wasn't fair to keep waking me up, I need a good sleep just like she does. And then at bedtime, I told her that I would get mad if she woke me up again without a good reason. It worked.

She will still wake me up if she's scared or not feeling well, which is fine and how it should be. Does your DD have a special stuffed toy or something she sleeps with? My DD has her own favourite and sometimes when she's had a bad day or is having trouble falling asleep she wants to have my childhood stuffed toy with her. Maybe having something of yours would help your DD

 

[xxliz28xx]

I did that when I was little. Instead of sleeping in my own bed, I would crawl into my mom's bed. I stated when I was 8 and all the sudden in the end of 4th grade, I just stopped, idk why I stopped all the sudden but I did.

Me too!

 

[Irin997]

Just out of curiosity... is her bed up against the wall? Believe it or not, after I moved my daughters' beds with a side up against the wall instead of centered in the room, they both slept better.

Hey, it's worth a shot!

Thanks - her bed has actually always been up against a wall. Her room is pretty small so for space reasons it must be that way.

This is the most telling part to me. I am sure she still wakes up she knows she can't go bother you for no reason when he is there so she goes back to sleep. I don't know how to help I am sorry. She needs to get her body trained back to sleeping through the night. Maybe you could come up with a little routine for her to do when she wakes up. Like leave a glass of water by her bed and when she wakes up she can sit up take a drink and lay back down. If she doesn't get out of her bed she will fall asleep a lot faster and hopefully eventually she won't wake up all the time anymore.

Part of me thinks that because he is there she knows she won't be able to come sneak into bed with me. I'm a heavy sleeper and there have been times that she has managed to get into bed with me and said that I said yes she could. Of course, I told her point blank that she knew I was asleep!

She actually had an unrelated doctor's appointment this morning and I talked to her ped about it. She said that now that this has been going on for a few months, she is in the habit of just waking up and coming in to bug me instead of closing her eyes and going back to sleep. She suggested eliminating any stimulating activities before bed (which there usually aren't any) and just reminding her to just close her eyes and think of something relaxing when she wakes up in the middle of the night.

I agree with PiperPizzaz, that the key thing is she doesn't do it when your DBF is there. Have you asked her why she only comes in when you're alone? Is she not waking up when he's there, or is she waking up, and knows she can't join you, so just rolls over and goes back to sleep.

My DD went through a phase of waking up and coming to bug me in the night, and I don't mind if its a nightmare or something is wrong, but just to come in every night is horrible. Like you I made sure she had a digital clock so she could see it was time to be awake. After a few nights of nothing wrong, her just wanting to come and cuddle, I ended up talking to her in the daytime and telling her it wasn't fair to keep waking me up, I need a good sleep just like she does. And then at bedtime, I told her that I would get mad if she woke me up again without a good reason. It worked.

She will still wake me up if she's scared or not feeling well, which is fine and how it should be. Does your DD have a special stuffed toy or something she sleeps with? My DD has her own favourite and sometimes when she's had a bad day or is having trouble falling asleep she wants to have my childhood stuffed toy with her. Maybe having something of yours would help your DD

You described perfectly what it is. She is coming in to bug me, plain and simple. Nothing is wrong, she just wants to come in my room and probably hope that I'll let her sleep with me, which I won't. I've tried the angry approach and it doesn't work. I'm just hoping that consistently telling her to go back to bed will eventually work.

She does have a favorite animal that she has slept with since she was a baby. Unfortunately I don't have anything similar to give her.

Any other ideas? I'm hoping she'll eventually grow out of it!

 

[LuvBaloo]

Here's another idea.

If you get up earlier than your DD in the morning, you can try this.

Tell your DD that if she wakes you up at night, you will start waking her up in when you get up in the morning. Tell her, if she is interrupting your sleep for no reason, then you will be interrupting her sleep. This will only work if your DD doesn't want to get up earlier.

Another alternative is to start taking things away from your DD. Tell her is you wake me up for no reason, then I'm taking X away from you. With my DD's, if they are not going to sleep at bedtime, I will start taking away toys from their bedroom. I never start their favourite sleeping toy, I start with something else they like and say its gone until tomorrow, and if I you don't go to sleep then I will come back and take away X next.

One time when my DD was not going to bed well at night, I threatened to have her sleep in the bathtub if she wasn't going to sleep in her bed. I went so far as to take her pillow and stick it in the bathtub. She didn't like that at all, and had a little fit. I told her to calm down and get to sleep or she would be in the bathtub.

Good luck!

 

[shortbun]

My siblings and my parents and I played musical beds for many years. We'd crawl into their bed and they'd go to ours. You never knew who would wake in what bed in the morning. None of us do it today. Unless she's afraid, incentivize her. If she stays in her own bed, she earns 1/2 hour of ... or a prize or someting that's normally off limits to her.
Good luck!

 

[Irin997]

Here's another idea.

If you get up earlier than your DD in the morning, you can try this.

Tell your DD that if she wakes you up at night, you will start waking her up in when you get up in the morning. Tell her, if she is interrupting your sleep for no reason, then you will be interrupting her sleep. This will only work if your DD doesn't want to get up earlier.

Another alternative is to start taking things away from your DD. Tell her is you wake me up for no reason, then I'm taking X away from you. With my DD's, if they are not going to sleep at bedtime, I will start taking away toys from their bedroom. I never start their favourite sleeping toy, I start with something else they like and say its gone until tomorrow, and if I you don't go to sleep then I will come back and take away X next.

One time when my DD was not going to bed well at night, I threatened to have her sleep in the bathtub if she wasn't going to sleep in her bed. I went so far as to take her pillow and stick it in the bathtub. She didn't like that at all, and had a little fit. I told her to calm down and get to sleep or she would be in the bathtub.

Good luck!

Haha, that's a good idea. I get up at 5am to work out...and she does NOT want to get up at 5am. She doesn't like getting up at 6am (although she doesn't complain about getting up at 6am on a Sat morning ).

I'll have to think about doing the taking something away and/or earning something. Thanks for the ideas!

 

[MushyMushy]

I don't mean to be the voice of dissent or anything, but what's so bad about letting her crawl into bed with you?

Trust me, they grow out of it.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I don't mean to be the voice of dissent or anything, but what's so bad about letting her crawl into bed with you?

Trust me, they grow out of it.

Some people don't like to have their dogs on the bed, either. There is no reason the OP should have to wait for her daughter to grow out of it if it makes her in any way uncomfortable. DD's, too, can be trained.

 

[Irin997]

I don't mean to be the voice of dissent or anything, but what's so bad about letting her crawl into bed with you?

Trust me, they grow out of it.

I just don't sleep very well with her in my bed...she tends to be right in my face and I prefer a little bit of space when I'm sleeping.

 

[tmarquez]

My DD is 7 and she would do the same thing if I let her (and has). But like you, I need my sleep too and can't when she is in the bed.

I just talked to her and told her the rules were that unless something was wrong (sick, scared, bathroom) she is not to get out of bed in the middle of the night. She wanted to know why...and I told her that too.

She's been fine since. I guess she just needed a boundry and some rules about it. Maybe that will work?

 

[tink1969]

Here's another idea.

If you get up earlier than your DD in the morning, you can try this.

Tell your DD that if she wakes you up at night, you will start waking her up in when you get up in the morning. Tell her, if she is interrupting your sleep for no reason, then you will be interrupting her sleep. This will only work if your DD doesn't want to get up earlier.

Another alternative is to start taking things away from your DD. Tell her is you wake me up for no reason, then I'm taking X away from you. With my DD's, if they are not going to sleep at bedtime, I will start taking away toys from their bedroom. I never start their favourite sleeping toy, I start with something else they like and say its gone until tomorrow, and if I you don't go to sleep then I will come back and take away X next.

One time when my DD was not going to bed well at night, I threatened to have her sleep in the bathtub if she wasn't going to sleep in her bed. I went so far as to take her pillow and stick it in the bathtub. She didn't like that at all, and had a little fit. I told her to calm down and get to sleep or she would be in the bathtub.

Good luck!

That's a little harsh if you ask me. Threatening your child when she is having sleeping problems will only encourage her anxieties. Your child had a fit because you scared her.

OP - yes, this is a phase your daughter is going through. Don't be angry at her for it. Talk to her and see if she is having problems at school, with her friends, bad dreams, etc. She just needs some extra loving right now to get her through it.

 

[MichelleVW]

At 8 years old she is old enough to be told, "you will stay in your own bed, plain and simple" especially if she sleeps in her own room when the BF is over. I'm sorry, but no way would I be woken up every night by an 8 year old.

Unless she was sick or bleeding I would tell her to stay in bed!

 

[lovesmurfs]

She suggested eliminating any stimulating activities before bed (which there usually aren't any) and just reminding her to just close her eyes and think of something relaxing when she wakes up in the middle of the night.

You'd be surprised what's "stimulating". TV and video games are considered stimulating -- from what I understood when DS was having trouble falling asleep, the flashes from shows and commercials, as well as the video games, are meant to keep people watching. If you want to test this out, turn off all lights when the TV is going and just watch the light reflection on the back wall.

I'd do some kind of short term rewards with her -- for example, if she goes Monday through Friday without going to your room, she gets a Slurpee after school (or something similar that you agree on together). Once she re-establishes the habit, you won't need to reinforce any more.

Best wishes. We had similar trouble with both kids -- night frights -- would wake up an hour and a half after falling asleep. It sounds really dumb, but we wound up buying one of the southwestern dream catchers, and we explained what it was and that the bad dreams got caught in the web, etc. The same day we put it in the room, the wakings stopped.