My brother is a deadbeat dad.

[ALittleDisneyFan]

As far as I know.. no drugs. He is drinking now.. but I don't know how much of that is going on. I'm 40 min away. The mental health issue popped into my mind today.. I do know it runs in the family!

I can take my SIL and told her I would take her there Monday. I sent her the website for her county and what information she needs.

I have helped from the beginning with the baby as much as possible. I have purchased their carseat, clothes, given them a baby carrier, gave my DD's infant clothes to SIL, and have bought diapers, formula, food, etc. I try to help as much as possible. I ADORE my niece- love her.. will always make sure she has what she needs.

My bro packed up a year ago and he and the wife moved across country.. he cheated, they split.. and when he moved back home I realized what an anger issue he has.. Because of it.. visits to my moms house are very limited.. I don't want my DD to be around that.. I don't even want to be around it.

 

[daisax]

Also, if your mother is providing room and board for mother and baby by proxy, I can't see where there is any expectation that the girl get a check from your brother.

The Queen could move her into Buckingham Palace until the kid is 18 and he would still owe that baby child support.

 

[surfergirl602]

This part really jumped out at me. Please for all that is holy.....DO NOT LET YOUR BROTHER BE WITH THIS BABY UNSUPERVISED. He was angry because a baby was fussy. I would not like to think where that could lead to, if he was to really snap.

this jumped out at me too. Where do people think shaken baby syndrome comes from??? He can hurt the baby, and you already stated he doesn't even want or like the child....

 

[Robinrs]

If it's your parents' house, I don't really think there's anything YOU can do. Your parents can choose to kick him out, but that has to be their call.

Exactly.

Everyone is expecting her to make her parents do something that is out of her control.... No one can MAKE anyone do something.

 

[HonnyDipp]

There's nothing you can do. The law will take care of it. The courts will take his drivers license garnish his wages and even lock him up. He will learn the hard way.

 

[ALittleDisneyFan]

What happened to cause him to want a divorce and resent her and the baby so much?

Also, if your mother is providing room and board for mother and baby by proxy, I can't see where there is any expectation that the girl get a check from your brother.

I get that he is acting like a jerk. I wonder what happened. They were getting along great and then WHAT?

If this is to be resolved long term, the underlying issues need to be identified and addressed. Taking him to court (right now) won't accomplish that.

The mom doesn't have a job. She just moved here 2 wks ago. Either way, the baby needs formula, diapers, baby food.. and he refuses to give her money for it. It's a very mucky situation.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

The mom doesn't have a job. She just moved here 2 wks ago. Either way, the baby needs formula, diapers, baby food.. and he refuses to give her money for it. It's a very mucky situation.

And you have no idea why he suddenly hates her?

 

[LuvOrlando]

sadly there is nothing you can do about him, I'd bet money he has a new girlfriend and just wants her gone.

all you CAN do is be supportive of your niece's Mom so she can be the best Mom she can be.

 

[hereyago]

How many women and babies does she plan to have move in with her after he moves on from this one?

And I agree that he shouldn't be alone with the baby. We just had a local guy throw his 7 week old baby down at the sidewalk because he was angry at the mother. When she screamed "you killed him!" he yelled back "I hope you both die." Fortunately, there were witnesses and help arrived soon, but the baby may or may not live.

My thoughts immediately went to that loser when you described your brother's recent behavior.

There are sisters that DD12 has known, gone to the same schools,etc. The grandmother is a huge enabler: the son has 4 girls, pretty much all close in age, i know that there are at least 2 moms that helped with the baby making process, and 1 of the moms lives there as well. So 4 girls-1 is in preschool the olest are in middle school, the son-who likes to induldge in certain "smoking and snorting" activities and went to jail for sometime a couple years ago.all together 8 people in the house. no way.

I hope that baby survives and doesn't have any major problems from what that crazy guy did.

 

[ALittleDisneyFan]

And you have no idea why he suddenly hates her?

She is no peach by any means! Their relationship was doomed from the start and while we tried to tell him he did not want to listen. You would think he would listen to 2 sisters that have both made the same mistake..

I tell them both logically how I see it. They are both immature and young (22 & 23) .. and need to start prioritizing the baby.. both parties are guilty of this.

 

[hereyago]

The Queen could move her into Buckingham Palace until the kid is 18 and he would still owe that baby child support.

But here is the catch: they are living in the same house. now if one of the parent is out of the house, that is different. but CS isn't going to be granted because they are in the same house and haven't even filed for divorce.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

She is no peach by any means! Their relationship was doomed from the start and while we tried to tell him he did not want to listen. You would think he would listen to 2 sisters that have both made the same mistake..

I tell them both logically how I see it. They are both immature and young (22 & 23) .. and need to start prioritizing the baby.. both parties are guilty of this.

The only victim here is the baby. Sad. I hope both parents figure out that it is too late for a "do over". Maybe put the child up for adoption?

 

[agnes!]

She is no peach by any means! Their relationship was doomed from the start and while we tried to tell him he did not want to listen. You would think he would listen to 2 sisters that have both made the same mistake..

I tell them both logically how I see it. They are both immature and young (22 & 23) .. and need to start prioritizing the baby.. both parties are guilty of this.

They might indeed immature but they are not young, they are both adults. Old enough to vote, drink, go to war.

agnes!

 

[shortbun]

So, he's living in your parents' house with his ex-wife and their child?

Kick him out of the house.

Yeah, he should be out, right now-immediately and then thrown in jail so he can get straight on what are his legal responsibilities. Tough love. If my brother were pulling anything like this, I'd be supporting his ex and child. I would not bother talking to MY brother. He knows and refuses to do the right thing so he needs to be treated like the low life he is.

 

[ohiomom28]

They haven't filed yet. The divorce stuff came about 6 months ago. It's a long story.

Oh ok. Once the divorce is final, they may even make him pay back child support from the day they separated.

 

[ohiomom28]

duplicate post

 

[robinb]

Oh ok. Once the divorce is final, they may even make him pay back child support from the day they separated.

But they are still married and living in the same house. I don't see how the SIL can legally receive anything from him .

OP, it's a sad, sad situation.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

This part really jumped out at me. Please for all that is holy.....DO NOT LET YOUR BROTHER BE WITH THIS BABY UNSUPERVISED. He was angry because a baby was fussy. I would not like to think where that could lead to, if he was to really snap.

2nd thing. Both you and your mom need to determine which is more impotant to you. A grown (although he isn't acting like it) man or an innocent baby.
You don't say how old either your brother or SIL is. Was she not employed before having the baby? Was this looking for a 2nd job to help pay all the bills since dad won't? You need to determine how much help, you want to give to the SIL, then stick by it. From your post, you and your mom are the only support system you SIL - ex or otherwise - has. For me, that would be telling JR to hit the road. You want to be "The Man", go support yourself. And shut him off from the family - the whole family.

The SIL needs to determine if she really wants your brothers financial help or not. Unless, it can be proven in court, if she takes him there for support, your brother is likely to get visitation. Which leads me back to the point I made first. I would not want this baby around him unsupervised. He got angry be cause she/he was fussy.

I have to agree. In my city (a pretty small city compared to most) we have had 2 separate instances in the last year where a baby died of blunt force trauma by the hands of a man that couldn't handle it when the baby cried or got too fussy. These men were not the kind of me you would think of as low life scumbags ( well they are now) at least one was in the Air Force and the other was just a regular 'joe' as well. Our whole town blamed ONLY the men. Now while the men were the only ones that did the actual murder, both mothers had testified that they had anger issues (the most recent one had actually broke the little girls arm a few months ago).

 

[jobhunter]

And you have no idea why he suddenly hates her?

Maybe you missed this part, right after OP said he's been drinking:

My bro packed up a year ago and he and the wife moved across country.. he cheated, they split.. and when he moved back home I realized what an anger issue he has.. Because of it.. visits to my moms house are very limited.. I don't want my DD to be around that.. I don't even want to be around it.

Her simply not having a job yet in a town she just moved to may be a good reason for him to 'hate' her in your mind but it does not give him the right to be a deadbeat dad. Nor to show anger to a baby.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

So they lived across the country, DBro moves back home, 2 weeks ago the wife moves into the house. And DBro has anger issues suddenly.

IDK about everyone else but if I was the DBro I'd be mad too. He and his wife seperate, he moves home to get away from her, his wife shows up on the doorstep and his mom lets her live in the house.

The wife says they broke up because he cheated then why is he so mad? She may have been the one to cheat and he found out the baby isn't his. Which would more than account for his moving clear across the country to get back home and why he's so peeved his family let her move in and is treating him like the bad guy.

It would also explain why he wants nothing to do with the baby.

I think the OP instead of siding with the wife needs to have a sitdown with her brother. Find out his side of the story and work from there.