My brother-in-law died very unexpectedly this morning - prayers for my sister please.

[C.Ann]

It's about one o'clock in the morning and I just got home from one of the longest days of my life.. My older sister called me at 8:30 this morning and said she was at the hospital with her DH, he was having some breathing problems, and she couldn't reach his brothers so she wanted to know if I would come over and sit with her.. I don't know why - but I just had this very bad feeling and I flew out of here as fast as I could..

She thought he just had pnuemonia or something but by the time I got there the situation was unbelieveable.. They had him hooked to a ventilator, his BP had dropped to 54 over 30, he was struggling horribly, and he had started having seizures.. He coded once and they were able to bring him back and decided to rush him up to the ICU.. I took my sis in one elevator (in a wheelchair - due to health problems of her own) and as we were getting off, they were just bringing him out of the patient elevator. He was having another seizure and at this point they were bagging him.. It was like a bad scene out of ER, with them screaming at people in the hall, "Get out of the way - we're coming through!!" - and they were literally racing down the hall.. We were shown to the "family room" (never a good sign) and shortly later a very nice foreign doctor came in to tell us he had coded again and they were attempting to revieve him.. About 15 minutes later this female doctor came in, walked over to my sister, looked her right in the eye and said - "Well - he's dead.. We did everything we could, we don't know what caused the initial problem, but he's dead.. Do you want a partial or a complete autopsy?"

I wanted to smash her right out through the 3rd floor window!!! How could she be so crass???

Everything is in a shambles right now.. My sister just keeps crying that she "lost her best friend".. I spent all afternoon tearing her house apart trying to find a life insurance policy, his military papers, his retirement papers, etc.. My one brother is in Florida (don't get me going on that - he has NO intentions of coming back for the wake and funeral) and my other brother (10 minutes away) didn't even bother to call - let alone come to the house.. I am SOOOOOOO disappointed in my brothers - I just can't believe they would be so heartless..

Tomorrow I have to take my sister to the funeral home to pick out the coffin and such and I've been trying to make a list of everything I need to help her do.. I have never had to plan an ENTIRE funeral before - let alone try to help her deal with life insurance, his pension, social security, etc.; and I'm terrified I'll miss something important..

If anyone who has been through this could give me a step-by-step list of what needs to be done - and when - I would surely appreciate it.. It appears that I'm all she's got right now and obviously she's not thinking clearly at all..

And of course if you could spare some prayers for her..

How does a man go from being fine yesterday to dead today? There was NO evidence of a heart attack at all so we won't know what happened until we get the autopsy results..

I just can't believe this has happened.. He was the nicest, most loveable man you could imagine.. There will be hundreds of people at his wake and funeral (with no exaggeration whatsoever) and I need to find a way to help her through all of this - plus whatever comes beyond the services..

I'm just so sad right now.. I really loved him and he was the BEST in terms of a brother-in-law and human being..

 

[DocRafiki]

I can't help, just

 

[catsrule]

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your sister, C.Ann. I have no advice, just prayers and and to say how sorry I am about what you and your sister are going through.

 

[6_Time_Momma]

I am so sorry. What a shock. I don't have any advice though. I suspect the funeral director himself will be a great source of help, though.

 

[swea_pea1]

to you C.Ann. You have certainly been through enough recently. My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[KristaTX]

I am so sorry to hear this horrible, sad news. But I am so glad that your sister has you there. I do not have any experience with a situation like this, but I am certain that someone here will be able to help you. I am praying for you and your sister right now.

Krista

 

[TarraLee]

Prayers for your sister, and for you C.Ann as you help her through this time. May God's perfect peace cover both of you tonight and in the weeks ahead.

 

[FreshTressa]

Wow, what a week. My prayers are with you and your sister.

 

[DD2Disney]

I am so sorry to hear for your news. My prayers got out to your sister and your family. I don't have any answers about what you need to be doing. I am sorry. I know we on the Dis (for the most part) can not be much help...but we can listen. Please if you need to talk ....talk.


Tricia

 

[Magix]

C.Ann, 6_Time_Momma is right, the funeral director will be a great help to you. When my mom passed away just recently, the mortuary gave us a list of things we needed to take care of after the service - all the agencies, people, companies, etc that need to be notified. Try not to worry about any of that right now and just work on the funeral and be there for your sister.

Wish I knew what else to say. I'm sorry for the loss you and your sister are feeling. How sad.

 

[epcotfan]

I'm so sorry My sincere condolences.

 

[mommytotwo]

I'm sorry for what had happened.

You will need to give the funeral home information for your bil's obituary, so when you go there tomorrow, have that information avaliable along with money to pay for all of their services. You may be able to just pay a deposit.

You will need to obtain copies of his death certificate so that you can send it to the different agencies such as his insurance company, and banks or companies he has life insurance with, social security...it's always better to have extras just in case someone may need it to prove that he is not there so that your sister is able to get the benefits from that company.

You will need to prepare your bil's clothing of which he will wear for the funeral and you will give that to the director of the funeral home, and if there is anything else that you will like to put in there with him-maybe something sentimental that your brother enjoyed, ask the funeral home director at that time regarding it.

You will need to order the flowers from the florist, talk to the mininster, reverend...if you will be having it at a church or ask them to officate the funeral.

If you will have refreshments or a meal after the service is over, you will need to get those items ready or cater it from a restaurant.

You will also want to put together a history of the decest. Saying when he was born his parents names, what school he had attended, his family info, what he enjoyed doing....

My prayers and symathy to your sister and your family.

 

[Pin Wizard]

I'm so sorry, C.Ann. Hugs to your sister and you! She's soooooooooo fortunate to have you, and you're an angel!! That's a pretty good list above. Definitely keep looking for any policies, and contact those compnanies as soon as you find them as well as Social Security office. Of course, they'll be looking for death certificates which the funeral home will be able to give her after the autopsy is done. Also, contact the monument company within a few days. She'll need to decide what type of marker...military, etc. She's sooooooooooooooo lucky to have you to help. I had my brother-in-law and his wife the first few days until the burial was done, but had the rest on my own. Not an easy thing. Bless you!!

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

Originally posted by mommytotwo


You will need to obtain copies of his death certificate so that you can send it to the different agencies such as his insurance company, and banks or companies he has life insurance with, social security...it's always better to have extras just in case someone may need it to prove that he is not there so that your sister is able to get the benefits from that company.


You will also want to put together a history of the decest. Saying when he was born his parents names, what school he had attended, his family info, what he enjoyed doing....

I'm soooooo sorry for your great loss. Things can get so tiring and confusing when you're dealing with this kind of emotional rollercoaster.

I echo the need for copies of his death cert......and not just 2 or 3. In 10 months time, my mother has needed a dozen copies, seems someone needs one every time you turn around. It's MUCH cheaper and easier to get them right now than it will be to order a few extra later.....so if you are able to do so, OVER order how many you THINK you need. The funeral home will help you with that when you are making the rest of the arrangements.

Again, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. As far as your brothers go, maybe they just don't know how to deal with it. Some folks really don't handle death well at all.

Good luck today, and try to keep rested and fed. It's easy to get sick from exhaustion and lack of nourishment. *hugs*

 

[Robinrs]

Sorry for your loss, C.Ann...

Hang in there for your sister, she needs you.

God bless,

Robinrs

 

[DoeWDW]

C. Ann, I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. My condolences to your sister and all who loved this dear man.

I will keep your sister, you and all involved in my prayers, and I'm sending a gentle your way.

 

[kozmo]

I will pray for all of you ,things like this are such a shock.

 

[cinmell]

I'm so sorry.

 

[Esmerelda]

Oh C. Ann, I'm so sorry for this terrible tragedy that has hit your sister and family. Death is NEVER easy. Working in an emergency room I have witnessed death from as little as a 4 month old to 23 up to the 90's...and its never easy. Hopefully an autopsy will help show what went wrong. It could have been an aneurysm or a pulmonary embolism which if not caught in time....can hit fast and hard. Both of those can creep up on a person in a matter of hours...and in a matter of minutes can mean the difference in stable to critical. I hope you have an answer soon as to what went wrong.

I ditto the funeral home sentiment. They should be able to direct you on what all you will need to do. I know its not an easy thing to go thru. I hope that god will help your family get thru this. I know your brother in law is not in pain now....he is in the greatest of care.

As for the ER doctor....yep, I would have decked her also. I have never heard an ER physician speak to a family in that manner regarding a death....how cruel.

healing hugs....
Esmerelda

 

[TLinden16]

Sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers are with your sister, your family, and you during this difficult time.

Karen