My 9 yr old wants to shave - advice please!

[The Mystery Machine]

How about an electric razor? Dd13 won't even change in front of me at her doctors appointments, never mind letting me near her with a razor.

She has one. My dd would change in front of me and not even care.

My oldest dd however is like your dd.

 

[paintnolish]

DD (8) has a few sport bras. She does need them with certain shirts, like thinner t-shirts. Many girls in her class have them. She has told me she has hairy legs, but I explained to her that seeing leg hair is not the same thing as hairy legs! She hasn't asked to shave, but when she does, it is fine with me. I am a little frightned to let her use an actual razor- she's a bit of a clutz! I will definitely get her an electric one when the times comes!

 

[stashbin]

Actually, my ddalmost9 has a cellphone, but she only calls me or DH with it. She dances at a studio 15 minutes from home 4 nights a week, with several workshops each month. She has no way to get in touch with us, because the owners are the teachers. At some of her classes, she's the youngest, with the oldest being 17. She'll also be walking to and from school next year. I was planning on having them walk this year (my older 2 did), but ds7 still has some impulse control issues, so we'll wait until September, and dd will have her phone.

This sounds like a legitimate reason for a phone. Having a phone just because everyone else does is not a good reason for me...and at this point, my DD wants one because a couple of her friends have one.
Not going to happen! When the need arises for a phone, she will get one.

 

[NHdisneylover]

No reason really, its just that I am afraid that she wont keep up with it and her legs will end up looking like a prickly grown out forest.

She is growing up too fast and I guess I am trying to stop time. I just always hate it when I see little kids with cell phones, bras, etc (things that should be saved for girls who are much older.)

I can see everyone's point though. If it bothers her, I guess I should let her shave.

Any experiences with the Smooth Away pad? I know that would be easy for her to do and there would be no chance of nicks or cuts.

First off: if she does not keep up with her hair and she feels okay about that then so what DD13 shaves all spring and summer but does not bother in the winter. Once it fully rows out it looks pretty much like it did before she started shaving--it is jsut while it is growing out that it looks prickly.

Secondly, while I understand that it is hard seeing your daughter grow up, I believe holding off on most of these things unti la certain age is harmful. Everyone's bodies are different and develop differently and these things have to do with development not age. If your DD were to start her period would you refuse to buy her tampons or pads becuase she was not old enough yet My own DD has been wearing a bra since age 8 because she needed to. At age 8 she really only needed one with thin shirts. Last year when she was still 12 she moved into a C cup I cannot imagine holding off on allowing her to wear a bra jsut becuase she had not yet turned 13 or some other arbitrary number.

Yes I am overprotective.....but thats for another thread. This one is about shaving.

I just see her friends wearing bras (no, they dont need them, they are just for "show" or to be able to say "hey look, I am wearing a bra.") and then I hear how some of her friends in 3rd grade have a cell phone and I just think its a slippery slope. I mean, where does it end? I played with Barbies till I was 11!!

Wow. I really don't understand this kind of judegement. Some parents feel it is appropriate for their kids to have cells. Other parents feel it is appropriate to have their 11 year old sleep with them. So what? Eitehr is simply a pretning choice. Would you be happy if the parents of your DD's friends were talking about how you are on a slippery slope of your DD not being allowed to grow up by having her sleep with you until recently and not lettin her shave or have a cell phone BTW--that is not my opinion--I am jsut showing you how the judgements can go both way and are so unfair.
My kids both have cells. Here in Germany they have no substitute teachers and jsut send kids home early if a teacher is sick. Even without that wrench thrown into plans the kids are taking trains and trams for an hour total each way to et to/from school every day. I feel the cell is a safety item. However, even in the USA they had them. DD has a lot of anxiety ans she handeled new situations MUCH better just knowing her cell was in her poacket and she COULD call me even though I can only think of one time she actually did. DS used hir primarily as an MP3 player and to cal lus when the dance or theatre rehearsal schedules changed.

 

[SnowWhite607]

well actually I think if she started her period, I would allow her to use pads, but to me, thats a whole different thing than shaving. Pads/tampons would kind of be a necessity, right? To me, that really doesnt compare with shaving.

I asked her last night if she wanted to get rid of the hair when it got warmer so she could wear shorts and skorts to school. She was kind of apprehensive about it, which I did not see coming at all. I thought she would be all excited that I said it was okay. Then she asked about her arms and I said we could try bleaching them as someone here suggested. She still wasnt sure.

She is scared of the razor and says that Nair has "chemicals" that she doesnt want to use. Its almost like now that I say its okay, she doesnt really think its that much of an issue anymore.

She was also mortified that I posted that she is hairy on a message board (her words)....even though I dont really know any of you IRL and neither does she.

 

[NHdisneylover]

well actually I think if she started her period, I would allow her to use pads, but to me, thats a whole different thing than shaving. Pads/tampons would kind of be a necessity, right? To me, that really doesnt compare with shaving.

But to me anyway it is a very similar thing--her body is ready for whatever step reardless of age.

I asked her last night if she wanted to get rid of the hair when it got warmer so she could wear shorts and skorts to school. She was kind of apprehensive about it, which I did not see coming at all. I thought she would be all excited that I said it was okay. Then she asked about her arms and I said we could try bleaching them as someone here suggested. She still wasnt sure.

She is scared of the razor and says that Nair has "chemicals" that she doesnt want to use. Its almost like now that I say its okay, she doesnt really think its that much of an issue anymore.

She was also mortified that I posted that she is hairy on a message board (her words)....even though I dont really know any of you IRL and neither does she.

Well, I am not sure I blame her on either count:

Sooooo often kids realize they themselves don't really want to do something once you put the decision in their hands. It is always a guessing game as to what they will do If you truly let her decide this spring she may decide it is not worth facing her fears about the razor and stay hairy--or she may (with time to really think about it and if/when teasing starts up again) decide she does want to shave after all. It is also possible she does not really want to but wants to be able to tell the other kids that she doesn't shave because her mother won't let her--maybe you can let her know if this is the case she CAN still use you to save face and you will back her up
As far as her being mortified, well this is an age that is easily mortified by all things, especially things relating to their bodies. At her age the fact that none of us knows you irl life may make it worse. As in "You told a bunch of strangers I'm hairy?!?!"

 

[Ladygator]

I haven't read all the replies, so I apologize if this has already been said. My daughter is now 10, but at the age of 9 she was kidded by children in her class because of her hairy legs. She was very self-conscious. She currently uses an electric razor, which doesn't get as close as a regular razor but is definitely safer, and she is happy with the results. Whenever her legs start to get hairy she just goes and gets the razor and shaves herself.

 

[SnowWhite607]

But to me anyway it is a very similar thing--her body is ready for whatever step reardless of age.


Well, I am not sure I blame her on either count:

Sooooo often kids realize they themselves don't really want to do something once you put the decision in their hands. It is always a guessing game as to what they will do If you truly let her decide this spring she may decide it is not worth facing her fears about the razor and stay hairy--or she may (with time to really think about it and if/when teasing starts up again) decide she does want to shave after all. It is also possible she does not really want to but wants to be able to tell the other kids that she doesn't shave because her mother won't let her--maybe you can let her know if this is the case she CAN still use you to save face and you will back her up
As far as her being mortified, well this is an age that is easily mortified by all things, especially things relating to their bodies. At her age the fact that none of us knows you irl life may make it worse. As in "You told a bunch of strangers I'm hairy?!?!"

I think with your period, its easier to say that your body is ready. Was she ready to shave when she got the hair cause she was born with it. Should I have been shaving an infant? A 3 year old? A four year old who said "why do I have hair or my legs?" If we're gonna say "her body is ready when she gets hair", then that would be from birth! This is not hair that has come on from puberty.

I think the period is a different thing all together because when God decides you are ready, you get it. She has had hair all her life but has not even mentioned it until now. A period is a developmental thing.......hair that you have had all your life on your legs and arms didnt suddenly "develop".

I can understand the people who say that the right time is when it starts bugging them that they are "different" in some way. But then she told me yesterday that if someone said she had a big nose, she would want plastic surgery.......

 

[Green Tea]

OP, I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. But I WILL NEVER use Nair again. The stuff ate my skin. Show her the razer, tell her it okay to use if she wants to, show her how and then leave it to her. If the supplies are in the bathroom, it can be her decision.

 

[NotUrsula]

She has had hair all her life but has not even mentioned it until now. A period is a developmental thing.......hair that you have had all your life on your legs and arms didnt suddenly "develop".

Generally once puberty begins the hair on arms and legs will thicken and become more noticeable; won't be peach fuzz anymore. However, underarm hair is most definitely a "development" that signals puberty.

Still, the difference is really a psychological one. Is isn't until puberty invades her peer group that body hair normally begins to be seen as a social liability. (Of course, a girl with noticable hair on her upper lip, or a unibrow, will have discovered that much earlier, because societal distaste for either one of those features on a female exists regardless of the person's age.)

I've always felt that if hair of any kind makes a person miserable, then it is easiest to do something about changing it. Refusing to do so (or allow the person to do so) seems to be much ado about nothing. It's hair -- on most folks it grows right back.

 

[SnowWhite607]

Okay so we did the Nair on her legs (knees down) and it worked...sort of. I still had to razor over some of it. She wanted me to do it, as she was very nervous about it. She kept saying "are you okay with doing this for me?" cause I think she was not real comfortable with doing it by herself.

She has arm hair too which she tries to cover up by wearing a jacket. Hello, this is Louisiana. She will probably wear the jacket well into May when it gets to be 90 degrees here during the day. She said a girl at dancing said something about it a few weeks ago. So I got some cream bleach. It did nothing at all and she said it made her arms itch.

So what can I do about the arm hair? Shave? I know people dont shave their arms, do they?? That just seems strange to me.

 

[kidzmom3]

So what can I do about the arm hair? Shave? I know people dont shave their arms, do they?? That just seems strange to me.

yes they do and they also wax it off. Not saying I recommend it, thats up to you, but people do it all the time.

 

[SnowWhite607]

I dont think I would shave it because if she decided against it doing it, her arms would look freaky deaky when it was growing out. Ugh.

My husband went to get a smooth away pad. Maybe that will help some. It just broke my heart to drive up in carpool yesterday and see her sitting with long pants and her jacket on....it was 71 degrees.

 

[kidzmom3]

my opinion on these things is let them try. They might get sick of dealing with it and stop. Maybe it will become a part of their lifetime hygiene ritual. There are so many things in their life they cannot control. If removing hair makes them feel better, then go for it. I don't think that translates into having to allow plastic surgery or inappropriate fashion choices.

 

[NotUrsula]

Talk to your older relatives about ways to bleach the hair on her arms. I remember Cajun friends of mine having their MeMaw's recipe for lemon juice or peroxide bleaching for that. As I recall, it takes a while and requires some exposure to the sun, but the lemon juice version, at least, is otherwise harmless.

This has been a problem for certain ethnic groups for generations -- there are ways.

Can't help you personally on that, though; I'm an Irish strawberry blonde. None of my body hair shows unless you look for it.

 

[SnowWhite607]

Anyone? Arm hair advice??

 

[Sleepy]

Anyone? Arm hair advice??

There are not too many options. You can bleach, shave, wax, trim or laser it off. Waxing and lasering are painful. Bleaching can cause the color to come out funny or can cause irritation. Shaving can cause stubble. You just have to try one you and your daughter feel comfortable with.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Anyone? Arm hair advice??

I don't think that is as main stream and I would lean to just leaving it alone.

When I was in school--the only people i knew that shaved arm hair were the swimmers (yes, guys included)--b/c it reduced the resistance in the water where a fraction of a second can be the difference between winning and losing.

The only other segment I notice that does it is body builders.

To me--just not enough social stigma to warrant messing with it. It is much more visible than the leg and any accidental misses or odd regrowths will be much more noticeable.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think with your period, its easier to say that your body is ready. Was she ready to shave when she got the hair cause she was born with it. Should I have been shaving an infant? A 3 year old? A four year old who said "why do I have hair or my legs?" If we're gonna say "her body is ready when she gets hair", then that would be from birth! This is not hair that has come on from puberty.

I think the period is a different thing all together because when God decides you are ready, you get it. She has had hair all her life but has not even mentioned it until now. A period is a developmental thing.......hair that you have had all your life on your legs and arms didnt suddenly "develop".

I can understand the people who say that the right time is when it starts bugging them that they are "different" in some way. But then she told me yesterday that if someone said she had a big nose, she would want plastic surgery.......

Sorry I seem to have hit a nerve that was not my intention. I guess it is a mute point anyway since you have now decided to let her use nair and shave (which I appluad you for). I just know DD and many of her friends had their hair get darker and heavier at the earliest onset of puberty and it became more noticiable to them and her. From readng your post about your DD wearing long sleeves and pants last summer I surmised that this has been bothering her for a while--even if she did not realize shaving could be a solution to ehr to ask for it before now.

I don't have any advice to give you about arm hair. I know there are people who shave it and those who bleach it. Perhaps once her legs are hairless the kids will notice the hair on her arms less and lay off of her a bit. One can always hope anyway. It might be a good idea to talk to her pediatrician about it and jsut say this is really affecting her self esteem and does s/he have any recomendations. If she persists in wanting to cover her arms maybe you can buy her lots of very light weight long sleeve Ts in light colors to wear. This would be much cooler for her than a jacket.

As far as comparing shaving to a nose job I think that is at least as far off of the mark as hairy legs to getting ones period. Shaving is simple to do and carries little serious risk (one could strech to say a nick could possibly become infected), it is very inexpensive and is the norm for women in our society (meaning you are probably expecting she will do it someday and it is only a matter of when). You can also stop doing it and the hair will grow back out to how it was in a few weeks. A nose job is major surery with real risks, costs a lot of money (not covered by insurance in most cases) is becomming more common but is still far from the norm (I doubt you expect that she and most all of her friends will someday have nose jobs) and does not reverse itself.

 

[babyrich]

Anyone? Arm hair advice??

My niece also shaved her arm hair. It was very dark and she was always hiding it. We told her this is not unusual but she didnt want to hear it.

I find young girls now are very conscious of things that never seemed to bother us as kids. I shaved as a young teen because I thought it was the thing to do and I knew other girls were. If it bothers her that much, just let her shave it or wax it; but like I said before, it can be expensive. Although if you get the arm hair waxed now, she may not have to do it again for a while. As long as you teach her how to use the razor, she will be fine. We have all endured a nick or two.

After all of this can waxing her eyebrows be far behind?????