My 18yo ds doesn't want to go to his HS Graduation

[okeydokey]

She says she was TORTURED daily.

That is very dramatic and scary.


She was BEAT UP leaving the Graduation ceremony? Sorry -it just seems unbelievable.

How awful of you to decide whether her experiences are believable or not.

 

[Serena]

Wow, I haven't gone thru all 7 pages, not sure what all advice you've received.

Can you ask him to do it, for you? I would really be hurt if my daughter didn't. But, if he's adament, do like one of the first posters suggested, get his picture made and then go do something special.... ?

Good Luck!

So far the consensus is that unless it is very important to her, to let her son skip it. And she has almost decided on a trip to chicago to celebrate instead.

 

[ckay87]

I agree with this.

Sorry, but I just never heard of skipping the HS Graduation-a proud milestone for the family and the young person.
No one skips at our school, there is no box to check if you want diploma mailed to you. I just find that option peculiar.-but it seems highly popular on this thread.

Ok, so it's NOT "mandatory" at your school? It's just that you find it "peculiar." There is a difference there.

 

[rie'smom]

Okay, color me confused. I don't know if there are boys' boarding in schools in Louisiana or not, but what are you inferring by asking the question?

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but are you thinking not very nice things about the quality of the Louisiana school system, public and/or private?

Because if you are, it's probably time to quit while you are behind. Or maybe you can come up with yet another group of folks to insult, intentionally or not.

Shows what some private school graduates are like, doesn't it?

but why?
Were you the only person of another race in the school
Why would you be tortured daily??

She says she was TORTURED daily.

That is very dramatic and scary.


She was BEAT UP leaving the Graduation ceremony? Sorry -it just seems unbelievable.

You are unfrickinbelievable. I am seriously hoping that you're just an obnoxious 12 year old playing hooky. If you are an adult, do your alma mater a favor and never publicize that you're an alumnus.

 

[MushyMushy]

Oh no, you misunderstand. The party is for US...not him. No really, it is. I don't know what he has planned, but we are going on a cruise to celebrate US surviving HIS school years. (aren't I mean?)

He'll be studying IT Networking. We have a great vo-tech; it will be good for him. Thanks!

Ahh, I get it now!

See my ticker? That's "our" graduation celebration.

 

[disneybound2010]

Are you KIDDING ME? Why on earth would you ask her that?

It takes nothing for kids to pick a victim in school, and in a lot of cases once that kid becomes a victim, there's no getting out of it! They'll be remembered as that all through school and even for life.

What difference does it make why? It happened, and it wasn't her fault that it did.

Thanks for sticking up for me, Mushy. That was really kind

I wasn't coming on here looking for sympathy or anything of the sort and I reall could care less about whether HighClass believes an iota of what I said. I really don't. I jumped into this thread because while some people feel that while graduation is such an important part of life(and to so many it is, which I think is great!!!) there are reasons that some may not find it a wonderful experience or something that they want to remember forever. I was a little disheartened by the post about it being stupid for someone to not want to walk. I try really hard not to judge anyone's opinions or feelings on anything,but understand that there may be a pretty good reason for why someone does something or feels a certain way.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

So far the consensus is that unless it is very important to her, to let her son skip it. And she has almost decided on a trip to chicago to celebrate instead.

Ok....if they are both happy with the Chicago thing, that's cool. It'd be important to me, but if they can come up with something else, that works Thanks for the brief synopsis!

As far as this "High Class" person.... must be nice to know they went to the only school in the country where people weren't ridiculed and/or beat up on a consistant basis!!

 

[MUFFYCAT]

You are unfrickinbelievable. I am seriously hoping that you're just an obnoxious 12 year old playing hooky. If you are an adult, do your alma mater a favor and never publicize that you're an alumnus.

It's got to be a kid or a troll.

 

[hentob]

I agree with this.


I just find that option peculiar.-but it seems highly popular on this thread.

I find it peculiar that anyone would think graduating high school is that big of a deal

Jeepers--My children BETTER graduate high school

I can see the sentimental angle ("My baby is all grown up....." kind of thing), but I would NEVER force a child to go to the ceremony if they did not want to go.

OP--Your son is wise beyond his years

 

[Serena]

Ok....if they are both happy with the Chicago thing, that's cool. It'd be important to me, but if they can come up with something else, that works Thanks for the brief synopsis!

As far as this "High Class" person.... must be nice to know they went to the only school in the country where people weren't ridiculed and/or beat up on a consistant basis!!

no problem

 

[MovieJunkie]

I would encourage him to go. he would be upset if he missed out but again I wouldn't force him ... you never know he might change his mind on his own?

 

[hentob]

To be honest, I really could not give you an answer as to WHY it happened. We moved to the area right after I started second grade. Could've been I didn't start out with them and was always the outsider. Could've been that I was the poor kid in a school full of well to do kids(this whole area is made up of old families that have been here almost as long as the town) I think the biggest thing was that I was definitely the pushover. I was shy,quiet and didn't stand up for myself EVER. I was always scared that if I did stand up it would be even worse the next time around. There was another girl that pretty much went through the same thing that I did and again it made no sense as to why she was singled out either. She did not walk at graduation. She refused to have anymore to do with the school.

Awful. Just awful

 

[HighClass]

As far as this "High Class" person.... must be nice to know

they went to the only school in the country where people weren't ridiculed and/or beat up on a consistant basis!!

Seriously-every high school in America has kids ridiculed & beaten up on a daily basis? ReallY?

I really must live in paradise.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Or in your own mind.

I too was more than happy to walk away from HS and never look back. I did not attend that graduation, nor any other that I've qualified for.

The gown and mortarboard are not the point people. Graduating HS is NOT a huge matter. It's a basic standard that should be propelling someone to the next level of achievement whether that be work, or additional education.

 

[hentob]

Graduating HS is NOT a huge matter. It's a basic standard that should be propelling someone to the next level of achievement whether that be work, or additional education.

Thankyouverymuch

 

[Disney Doll]

20 years later is the high school graduation ceremony a highlight in everyone's life?
To me that thinking of you'll regret it years later is silly. Your son never liked HS, why push him?

I went to mine and hardly remember it. I didn't go to the prom and don't regret it all. It's all an individual decision.

I will tell you that if you asked my parents, both my and my brother's graduaitons...all of them, high school, nursing school, college...were highlights for them. Perhaps because they were from an era where not everyone got an education, they appreciated the value of it and what it meant to accomplish that.

For that reason alone I would do it...because it would make my parents happy. They worked hard to be good parents to me, it was the least I could do.

 

[Disney Doll]

That's what I was thinking, too. I was thinking as well that it speaks volumes that the son is willing to pay his mom back for the cap/gown..he doesn't want her to be out the money. It doesn't sound like he is being selfish, he really does care about his mom but he has valid (to him) reasons for not going. I would probably be bummed if I was the mom, but I wouldn't cause a war over it.

If you reread my post, I didn't say I'd cause a war over it. But he would know the consequences of his decision...that being that his parents are disaapointed.

18...an "adult"..his decision. All true. The consequences of said decision are his as well.

 

[Deb in IA]

Seriously-every high school in America has kids ridiculed & beaten up on a daily basis? ReallY?

I really must live in paradise.

Yes.

http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/faq/bullying.asp

Bullying Facts and Statistics
Prevalence
Almost 30% of youth in the United States (or over 5.7 million) are estimated to be involved in bullying as either a bully, a target of bullying, or both. In a recent national survey of students in grades 6-10, 13% reported bullying others, 11% reported being the target of bullies, and another 6% said that they bullied others and were bullied themselves.[1]

Male vs. Female
Bullying takes on different forms in male and female youth. While both male and female youth say that others bully them by making fun of the way they look or talk, males are more likely to report being hit, slapped, or pushed. Female youth are more likely than males to report being the targets of rumors and sexual comments.[2] While male youth target both boys and girls, female youth most often bully other girls, using more subtle and indirect forms of aggression than boys. For example, instead of physically harming others, they are more likely to spread gossip or encourage others to reject or exclude another girl.[3]

Risk Factors for Bullying Behavior
While many people believe that bullies act tough in order to hide feelings of insecurity and self-loathing, in fact, bullies tend to be confident, with high self-esteem.[4], [5] They are generally physically aggressive, with pro-violence attitudes, and are typically hot-tempered, easily angered, and impulsive, with a low tolerance for frustration. Bullies have a strong need to dominate others and usually have little empathy for their targets. Male bullies are often physically bigger and stronger than their peers.[6] Bullies tend to get in trouble more often, and to dislike and do more poorly in school, than teens who do not bully others. They are also more likely to fight, drink and smoke than their peers.[7]

Children and teens that come from homes where parents provide little emotional support for their children, fail to monitor their activities, or have little involvement in their lives, are at greater risk for engaging in bullying behavior. Parents' discipline styles are also related to bullying behavior: an extremely permissive or excessively harsh approach to discipline can increase the risk of teenage bullying.[8]

Surprisingly, bullies appear to have little difficulty in making friends. Their friends typically share their pro-violence attitudes and problem behaviors (such as drinking and smoking) and may be involved in bullying as well.[9] These friends are often followers that do not initiate bullying, but participate in it.[10]

Risk Factors for Being Targeted by Bullies
Children and youth who are bullied are typically anxious, insecure, and cautious and suffer from low self-esteem, rarely defending themselves or retaliating when confronted by students who bully them.[11] They are often socially isolated and lack social skills.[12] One study found that the most frequent reason cited by youth for persons being bullied is that they "didn't fit in."[13] Males who are bullied tend to be physically weaker than their peers.[14] [15] Long-term Impact on Youth

There appears to be a strong relationship between bullying other students and experiencing later legal and criminal problems as an adult. In one study, 60% of those characterized as bullies in grades 6-9 had at least one criminal conviction by age 24.[16] Chronic bullies seem to maintain their behaviors into adulthood, negatively influencing their ability to develop and maintain positive relationships.[17]

Bullying can lead the children and youth that are the target of bullying to feel tense, anxious, and afraid. It can affect their concentration in school, and can lead them to avoid school in some cases. If bullying continues for some time, it can begin to affect children and youth's self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. It also can increase their social isolation, leading them to become withdrawn and depressed, anxious and insecure. In extreme cases, bullying can be devastating for children and youth, with long-term consequences. Researchers have found that years later, long after the bullying has stopped, adults who were bullied as youth have higher levels of depression and poorer self-esteem than other adults.[18]

Effective Programs
Effective programs have been developed to reduce bullying in schools. Research has found that bullying is most likely to occur in schools where there is a lack of adult supervision during breaks, where teachers and students are indifferent to or accept bullying behavior, and where rules against bullying are not consistently enforced.[19]

While approaches that simply crack down on individual bullies are seldom effective, when there is a school-wide commitment to end bullying, it can be reduced by up to 50%. One approach that has been shown to be effective focuses on changing school and classroom climates by: raising awareness about bullying, increasing teacher and parent involvement and supervision, forming clear rules and strong social norms against bullying, and providing support and protection for all students. This approach involves teachers, principals, students, and everyone associated with the school, including janitors, cafeteria workers, and crossing guards. Adults become aware of the extent of bullying at the school, and they involve themselves in changing the situation, rather than looking the other way. Students pledge not to bully other students, to help students who are bullied, and to make a point to include students who are left out.[20]


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Nansel, T.R., Overpeck, M., Pilla, R.S., Ruan, W.J., Simons-Morton, B., & Scheidt, P. (2001). Bullying Behaviors Among US Youth: Prevalence and Association With Psychosocial Adjustment., 285(16), 2094-2100.
Nansel, T.R., Overpeck, M., Pilla, R.S., Ruan, W.J., Simons-Morton, B., & Scheidt, P. (2001). Bullying Behaviors Among US Youth: Prevalence and Association With Psychosocial Adjustment. Journal of the American Medical Association, 285(16), 2094-2100.
Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do. Cambridge, MA: Blackwell Publishers, Inc., p. 19.
Nansel, T.R., Overpeck, M., Pilla, R.S., Ruan, W.J., Simons-Morton, B., & Scheidt, P. (2001). Bullying Behaviors Among US Youth: Prevalence and Association With Psychosocial Adjustment. Journal of the American Medical Association, 285(16), 2094-2100.
Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do. Cambridge, MA: Blackwell Publishers, Inc., p. 34.
Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do. Cambridge, MA: Blackwell Publishers, Inc., pp. 34-43.
Nansel, T.R., Overpeck, M., Pilla, R.S., Ruan, W.J., Simons-Morton, B., & Scheidt, P. (2001). Bullying Behaviors Among US Youth: Prevalence and Association With Psychosocial Adjustment. Journal of the American Medical Association, 285(16), 2094-2100.
Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do. Cambridge, MA: Blackwell Publishers, Inc., pp. 39-43.
Nansel, T.R., Overpeck, M., Pilla, R.S., Ruan, W.J., Simons-Morton, B., & Scheidt, P. (2001). Bullying Behaviors Among US Youth: Prevalence and Association With Psychosocial Adjustment. Journal of the American Medical Association, 285(16), 2094-2100.
Olweus, D. (1978). Aggression in the Schools: Bullies and Whipping Boys. Washington, DC: Hemisphere (Wiley).
Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do. Cambridge, MA: Blackwell Publishers, Inc
Nansel, T.R., Overpeck, M., Pilla, R.S., Ruan, W.J., Simons-Morton, B., & Scheidt, P. (2001). Bullying Behaviors Among US Youth: Prevalence and Association With Psychosocial Adjustment. Journal of the American Medical Association, 285(16), 2094-2100.
Hoover, J.H., Oliver, R., Hazler, R.J. (1992). Bullying: perceptions of adolescent victims in the Midwestern USA. School Psychology International, 13, 5-16.
Batsche, G.M., & Knoff, H.M. (1994). Bullies and their victims: Understanding a pervasive problem in the schools. School Psychology Review, 23(2), 165-174.
Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do. Cambridge, MA: Blackwell, ERIC Document Reproduction Service No. ED384 437.
Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do. Cambridge, MA: Blackwell, ERIC Document Reproduction Service No. ED384 437.
Oliver, R., Hoover, J. H., & Hazler, R. (1994). The perceived roles of bullying in small-town Midwestern schools. Journal of Counseling and Development, 72 (4), 416-419.
Rigby, K. (2001). Health consequences of bullying and its prevention in schools. In J. Juvonen & S. Graham, Eds., Peer Harassment in School: The Plight of the Vulnerable and Victimized. New York: Guilford Press.
Olweus, D., Limber, S., & Mihalic, S. (1999). Blueprints for Violence Prevention, Book Nine: Bullying Prevention Program. Boulder, CO: Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence.
Olweus, D., Limber, S., & Mihalic, S. (1999). Blueprints for Violence Prevention, Book Nine: Bullying Prevention Program. Boulder, CO: Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence.





Be careful, "High Class". Your attitudes of superiority and arrogance, your mocking of educational systems and your stereotyping could be taken as bullying. So, it appears that bullying does indeed exist, right in your school.

 

[blissventure]

I will tell you that if you asked my parents, both my and my brother's graduations...all of them, high school, nursing school, college...were highlights for them. Perhaps because they were from an era where not everyone got an education, they appreciated the value of it and what it meant to accomplish that.

For that reason alone I would do it...because it would make my parents happy. They worked hard to be good parents to me, it was the least I could do.

Loved your post! There is value in teaching young people the importance of appreciation and gratitude. It's lovely when young people intuitively understand this is a special day, and they are OK with the graduation being a shared family event.
On the other hand, these days there seem to be a decent number of precious snowflakes who's sole concern is with their experience, and their wants. It's all about me, me, me.
A couple of hours of the graduates time spent with family doesn't seem like it would be too taxing. It's not about guilt It's about growing up and learning that you aren't the center of the universe.

I do wonder if the don't wanna's also return the gifts/checks they received honoring their accomplishment.

And...sigh...Of course anyone who is abused at school has an entirely different situation. Parents of a young person who has experienced something like this should have intervened ages ago. Would never expect someone who was traumatized in this way go to the graduation.

 

[Serena]

love ya Deb