My 18yo ds doesn't want to go to his HS Graduation

[Serena]

The graduation is for the parents, not the kids anyway. It's up to you. If it is important to you, ask him to do it. If you don't care, and he doesn't care, then don't make him.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Disney Doll, ITA! Sometimes mother guilt is a good thing!

TC

 

[MUFFYCAT]

20 years later is the high school graduation ceremony a highlight in everyone's life?
To me that thinking of you'll regret it years later is silly. Your son never liked HS, why push him?

I went to mine and hardly remember it. I didn't go to the prom and don't regret it all. It's all an individual decision.

 

[tmarquez]

I don't think it's a big deal if he skips it.

If it's something you want him to do for you...then maybe you could just ask him to walk as a favor to you. Let him know how proud of him you are and that you've been looking forward to seeing your "little boy" graduate.

Congrats to your DS!

 

[luvmy3]

Well, you DO want him to do it for your benefit, since he has told you he doesn't care. Nothing wrong with thoping that occasionally a child will give something back to their parents, BTW.

What would upset me is that my kid was being selfish and self-centered. It's a small price for him to pay to do something for a couple of hours for the people who have loved him and helped him through school, to give them a sense of pride.

Ultimately, I'd let it be his choice. But he'd know full well that I was disappointed. If he's old enough to make these kinds of decisions, he's old enough to know about the ramifications of them...that being hurting and disappointing his parents. I wouldn't protect him from that. I wouldn't harp on it for a year, but he'd know I was disappointed.

And I know mine will not be the popular opinion, BTW.

I don't think any kid that doesn't want to take part in the celebration is being self-centered and selfish, they may just not like all the fan-fare associated with the ceremony. If we are talking about selfishness, a mother who makes their child go because they want them to and makes them feel guilty if they won't is the selfish one. (Not picking on you, just saying you can't call the kid selfish without calling a mom selfish too in that situation)

The graduation is for the parents, not the kids anyway. It's up to you. If it is important to you, ask him to do it. If you don't care, and he doesn't care, then don't make him.

I disagree, there are plenty of kids who really want to take part in their graduation ceremony, and it is definitely for them

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Will you be less proud of him if he does not walk across the stage? I don't get the "momma says do it so she can be proud" line of thinking.

I could never do that to my DS because I would feel like I was being selfish. After all it's their day! IMO you should let him call the shots.... maybe go out of town and have a special day just for your family. That is the kind of thing great memories are made of!!

I went to my HS graduation, but not college. My parents did not care one way or the other, it was my decision.

Good luck to your son!!

 

[piglet50]

i'd let him skip. it seems like his friends won't be there to enjoy the ceremony with him. that was the best part of graduation for me. we were just there to get it over with and head out to the beach for our week long trip without parents!!! he knows that you'll be disappointed that he's not attending the ceremony but don't let your feelings override showing your pride in his accomplishments. a nice dinner at his favorite restaurant or a trip sounds like a good idea. the idea of the picture in his cap and gown is a good one, also.

 

[Serena]

I disagree, there are plenty of kids who really want to take part in their graduation ceremony, and it is definitely for them

Ok, some do. the kids I graduated with would have rather been doing something else rather than sitting in a gown in the heat. I did it because I was the first one on my dad's side to actually graduate highschool.

 

[akhenaten]

Well, you DO want him to do it for your benefit, since he has told you he doesn't care. Nothing wrong with thoping that occasionally a child will give something back to their parents, BTW.

What would upset me is that my kid was being selfish and self-centered. It's a small price for him to pay to do something for a couple of hours for the people who have loved him and helped him through school, to give them a sense of pride.

Ultimately, I'd let it be his choice. But he'd know full well that I was disappointed. If he's old enough to make these kinds of decisions, he's old enough to know about the ramifications of them...that being hurting and disappointing his parents. I wouldn't protect him from that. I wouldn't harp on it for a year, but he'd know I was disappointed.

And I know mine will not be the popular opinion, BTW.

I agree ...he says the other kids are immature...but part of being mature is doing something you might not really want to...for someone that you care about!!!

Its only a few hours..... he can survive that !!!! geesh......
He may be 18 ...but I am sure you support him in many ways.... financially, emotionally etc.... he can do this for you!!!

 

[akhenaten]

Will you be less proud of him if he does not walk across the stage? I don't get the "momma says do it so she can be proud" line of thinking.

I could never do that to my DS because I would feel like I was being selfish. After all it's their day! IMO you should let him call the shots.... maybe go out of town and have a special day just for your family. That is the kind of thing great memories are made of!!

I went to my HS graduation, but not college. My parents did not care one way or the other, it was my decision.

Good luck to your son!!

I don't agree with the "its their day " line.... thats what creates bridzillas...

now we have gradzillas....

There is nothing wrong with Family rights of passage....
family, community are what gets us thru good times and bad....
celebrate all that you can in life with everyone you love ....life is too short!!!

 

[RN4Babies]

I just opened my mail from yesterday, and there's a letter regarding graduation from the HS administration. It basically states that there's a mandatory meeting next week for at least one parent and the graduate to discuss graduation and end-of-the-year activities. Graduation rehearsal is mandatory and will be for two hours on the Friday before graduation.

In addition, the letter states "Graduation is a formal ceremony. ....there's a dress code: young men will wear dress slacks, dress shoes, socks and a solid color dress shirt under their graduation gown. Ties are preferred but not required."

It also states that the ceremony is strictly voluntary, and that any student who does not wish to participate may pick up his/her diploma in the school office the following Monday.

From the tone of the letter, knowing how the principal is (ugh), and my son's desire to skip it, it looks like we're going to go out for a nice dinner and enjoy ourselves!!

 

[DawnCt1]

DS#2 skipped his college graduation and now DS#4 wants to do the same. DS#4 has been on the Deans and President's List since he has attended his college. He was inducted into the International Historical Honor Society, loved many of his professors, etc. DH told him that he was disappointed in his decision so DS#3 is 'rethinking' it. He will be home from his Ski Resort working adventure at the end of the month, so he has time to decide.

 

[ckay87]

Attending is mandatory at my kid's HS. I never hear of this option to skip

Wait a minute...how on earth is it "mandatory????" What are they going to do to you if you don't go? Arrest you? Keep you another year? Deny you a diploma you spent 13 years earning? With all due respect, I'm doubting this. But maybe I'm overlooking something. Would love to hear.

 

[ajk912]

I don't think any kid that doesn't want to take part in the celebration is being self-centered and selfish, they may just not like all the fan-fare associated with the ceremony. If we are talking about selfishness, a mother who makes their child go because they want them to and makes them feel guilty if they won't is the selfish one. (Not picking on you, just saying you can't call the kid selfish without calling a mom selfish too in that situation)




I disagree, there are plenty of kids who really want to take part in their graduation ceremony, and it is definitely for them

That's what I was thinking, too. I was thinking as well that it speaks volumes that the son is willing to pay his mom back for the cap/gown..he doesn't want her to be out the money. It doesn't sound like he is being selfish, he really does care about his mom but he has valid (to him) reasons for not going. I would probably be bummed if I was the mom, but I wouldn't cause a war over it.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

e ....life is too short!!!

Which is exactly why I would not force him to do it.

Bridezillas (and gradzillas) have many other issues!!! I would consider them to be over the top..... not wanting to skip the whole thing alltogether.

 

[horseshowmom]

I just opened my mail from yesterday, and there's a letter regarding graduation from the HS administration. It basically states that there's a mandatory meeting next week for at least one parent and the graduate to discuss graduation and end-of-the-year activities. Graduation rehearsal is mandatory and will be for two hours on the Friday before graduation.

In addition, the letter states "Graduation is a formal ceremony. ....there's a dress code: young men will wear dress slacks, dress shoes, socks and a solid color dress shirt under their graduation gown. Ties are preferred but not required."

It also states that the ceremony is strictly voluntary, and that any student who does not wish to participate may pick up his/her diploma in the school office the following Monday.

From the tone of the letter, knowing how the principal is (ugh), and my son's desire to skip it, it looks like we're going to go out for a nice dinner and enjoy ourselves!!

I went to mine just because I "was suppposed to". KWIM? I really didn't care anything about it all. I guess it never crossed my mind that I had an option. I did enjoy my college graduation but chose not to walk for my master's.

High school graduation was hot, long, and boring. I can understand why he feels that way, but I'm sorry that you're disappointed. It would be nice if he went just for your sake (and he really should as much as it seems to mean to you). DD was homeschooled and didn't want a party or "ceremony" or anything. She did, however, want a trip to Orlando for a graduation trip!

She'll be graduating with honors from her university next month and will actually have two graduations. The pharmacy school graduation and the general ceremony. She's seriously contemplating skipping the general one because it will be hot, long, and boring! (Must run in the family! )

 

[HighClass]

Wait a minute...how on earth is it "mandatory????" What are they going to do to you if you don't go? .

Private School. The expectations are higher when parents have been shelling out thousands$$ a year for a quality education, I guess.

Today, in public school. it seems parents and kids do what pleases them.

 

[Pigeon]

I see graduation as primarily the accomplishment of the graduate. Of course, family has helped the graduate and supported them along the way, but the family isn't the focus of the event. Therefore, it ought to be up to the graduate, not the family to determine how to mark (or not mark) the occasion.

I would be totally fine with my kids skipping the ceremony. What is important to me is that they graduate. And I'm the Meanest Mother on Earth.

As for whether or not these things are "mandatory," public schools like to present lots of things as mandatory, when in fact, if you opt out, there's not a blessed thing they can do about it. We opt out of all sorts of things.

I attended my high school and college graduations, but not my graduation from grad school. While I liked high school and college, I don't remember the ceremonies with any particular fondness, and if I had it to do over, I would skip them all.

I work at a university and volunteer at commencement most years. Many kids don't go, some go and have fun, and for some it's a total drag. It takes forever, the weather is rarely cooperative, and the speeches are normally deadly dull.

 

[hentob]

Today, in public school. it seems parents and kids do what pleases them.

Yes. Those scummy public schoolers....

Really, graduation is a bore. Yawn.

I am sure the OP's son feels the same way. He just doesn't think it is a big deal.

I would never force him to go.

 

[Metsfan520]

I'd let him skip it, but would plan a small celebration. I think he has valid reasons to not go. Plus he is aware that it cost you some money, and he is willing to pay you.