Multiple births due to fertility treatments

[cardaway]

I don't feel like you are playing God, more like playing Dr.
In essence then any medical intervention could be seen as playing God.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I agree that unless you are in this situation, you really can't say exactly what you would do.

My twins were born through the miracle of IVF. I thank God every day for granting me the priveledge of being their mother. I agree with the poster who said that it is God who gives you a child.

I was never in a situation in which I had to decide whether to selectively reduce. However, we were faced with an equally difficult decision when we needed to decide what to do with our leftover embryos, a batch which our own children were originally a part of, frozen and all. After much deep introspection, we decided to give them to another couple of our choosing through a licensed adoption agency that has a frozen embryo adoption program called Snowflakes. The adopting couple had to agree to sending us photos of and letters about any children born to them from our embryos which in fact is why we chose this option. I'm happy to report she is now pregnant and is due soon with a baby that is a full genetic sibling to my children. We are happy for them because they have been trying without success to have a child for many years, this will be their first. They are extremely grateful and recognize this was not an easy decision for us.

Many people have told me that could never do what we've done, but to me it was the right decision even though it was a difficult one. Once again, I had many reasons for choosing this option, and I'm sure most who have never been in that situation would not understand the deep soul searching that went into it. That's ok. But I do believe that unless you're in that situation, you really can't say what you might do.

If anyone would like more information on our experience or the Snowflakes program in general, I would be happy to share our experiences if it could benefit you. Embryo Adoption has been around for a while, but it is not something that too many people have heard about. For those who have embryos in storage, it's nice to know that option is out there if you so choose. Our infertility clinic did not give it to us as an option, I sought it out on my own. However, there is now an Embryo Adoption Awareness Campaign out there so you may be hearing more about it in the future.

Good luck to those on this thread that are trying to start their families via ART.

 

[huey duey & luey]

Linda
What beautiful gift you gave that family

 

[goofygirl]

I see God cited a few times here.

But if God made you infertile in the first place, isn't that God's will?

Interesting that many see using fertility medicine to conceive as "God's gift", yet they do not see the opposite of conception (abortion) as anything to do with God.

I see the available option for abortion and those who provide it as God's gift. I am sure MANY would disagree....

 

[huey duey & luey]

I see God cited a few times here.

But if God made you infertile in the first place, isn't that God's will?

Interesting that many see using fertility medicine to conceive as "God's gift", yet they do not see the opposite of conception (abortion) as anything to do with God.

I see the available option for abortion and those who provide it as God's gift. I am sure MANY would disagree....

So, if God gives you cancer, diabetes, etc... do you not seek medical intervention?

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

As for the people who say they would stop at one and be grateful, I don't think you know that either. FOR ME secondary infertility was much harder then primary infertility (I know many people would disagree and I would never say that to someone I knew who was experiencing the pain of primary infertility, but having been through both that was my experience).

 

[chobie]

I see God cited a few times here.

But if God made you infertile in the first place, isn't that God's will?

Interesting that many see using fertility medicine to conceive as "God's gift", yet they do not see the opposite of conception (abortion) as anything to do with God.

I see the available option for abortion and those who provide it as God's gift. I am sure MANY would disagree....

I agree.

Furthermore, and I fully expect to be flamed for this, but about the "snowflake" children....Though I'm sure it was great for the biological and adoptive parents of said embyros, as a member of society I don't feel this is any great contribution. When we have 100,000's of children rotting in foster care and thousands of special needs babies needing homes, to think that frozen embryos are getting homes over already born not-so-perfect babies and children, well it just makes me sad.

 

[teacherforhi]

So, if God gives you cancer, diabetes, etc... do you not seek medical intervention?

You can DIE from cancer. You can DIE from diabetes. I have yet to hear of a person who died from infertility. Yes, it can cause emotional distress, but it will not kill you.

I personally don't think God wants us to do what amounts to committing suicide by NOT seeking medical treatment for things that can kill us.

 

[robinb]

After much deep introspection, we decided to give them to another couple of our choosing through a licensed adoption agency that has a frozen embryo adoption program called Snowflakes.

I am glad that worked out for you. I think Snowflakes provides a great service for people who do not know what to do with their unused embryos. The only problem I have with them is the kinds of criteria that they allow the donors to inist on, including relegious requirements. I don't think they are doing anything illegal, but it rubs me the wrong way.

 

[robinb]

I don't feel this is any great contribution. When we have 100,000's of children rotting in foster care and thousands of special needs babies needing homes, to think that frozen embryos are getting homes over already born not-so-perfect babies and children, well it just makes me sad.

Hmmm ... good point. However, there will always be people who want a baby over a child in foster care. You won't be able to convince them otherwise.

 

[chobie]

Hmmm ... good point. However, there will always be people who want a baby over a child in foster care. You won't be able to convince them otherwise.

I understand that and I don't fault the people who would choose this. I just don't see the as this a good thing for society, just a good thing for individuals involved and not something that should be worthy of admiration on a societal level. JMHO

 

[huey duey & luey]

You can DIE from cancer. You can DIE from diabetes. I have yet to hear of a person who died from infertility. Yes, it can cause emotional distress, but it will not kill you.

I personally don't think God wants us to do what amounts to committing suicide by NOT seeking medical treatment for things that can kill us.

granted, but we also seek treatment for a host of other problems
someone who is an amputee will use a prosthetic
or Lasik surgery or even a face transplant
you will not die from any of these conditions but if medical intervention will make you happier than why shouldn't someone preceede. You can go back to God gave dr's the knowledge..., but it is moot.
The assistance is out there and the fact that someone whould remain childless because of "god's will' is a bunch of baloney.
I mean really we can relate the God's will to almost everything
it was God's will that he got hit by a bus..,
let's be real people use that when it suits them
It wasn't God's will that left me infertile it was a disease, and it wasn't God's will that led me through years of tests and and medicine's and shots, it was mine and my husband's determination and desire for a family.
Yes, I could have gone through adoption, but I wanted to become pregnant call me selfish. I wanted to raise a baby from birth why should I adopt an older child.
Do I believe in selective reduction on a personal level no I don't, do I feel that there should be more monioring done so that higher order multiples do not occur absolutley. But I would NEVER judge someone for how they are able to acheive a family, it is a bit self righteous.

 

[teacherforhi]

granted, but we also seek treatment for a host of other problems
someone who is an amputee will use a prosthetic
or Lasik surgery or even a face transplant
you will not die from any of these conditions but if medical intervention will make you happier than why shouldn't someone preceede. You can go back to God gave dr's the knowledge..., but it is moot.
The assistance is out there and the fact that someone whould remain childless because of "god's will' is a bunch of baloney.
I mean really we can relate the God's will to almost everything
it was God's will that he got hit by a bus..,
let's be real people use that when it suits them
It wasn't God's will that left me infertile it was a disease, and it wasn't God's will that led me through years of tests and and medicine's and shots, it was mine and my husband's determination and desire for a family.
Yes, I could have gone through adoption, but I wanted to become pregnant call me selfish. I wanted to raise a baby from birth why should I adopt an older child.
Do I believe in selective reduction on a personal level no I don't, do I feel that there should be more monioring done so that higher order multiples do not occur absolutley. But I would NEVER judge someone for how they are able to acheive a family, it is a bit self righteous.

I'm not saying I disagree wiht you. I think the point is that a person will use medical intervention to get pregnant and then won't use selective reduction because it's 'God's will' that they are carrying 5 or 6 or 7 children. You can't have it both ways. Either it's YOUR will and this what YOU want or it was God's will and you don't have children.

And for the record, my ovaries were removed due to ovarian cancer at the age of 14, so please don't preach to me. God created disease, just as he created everything.

 

[huey duey & luey]

I'm not saying I disagree wiht you. I think the point is that a person will use medical intervention to get pregnant and then won't use selective reduction because it's 'God's will' that they are carrying 5 or 6 or 7 children. You can't have it both ways. Either it's YOUR will and this what YOU want or it was God's will and you don't have children.

And for the record, my ovaries were removed due to ovarian cancer at the age of 14, so please don't preach to me. God created disease, just as he created everything.

I apologize for sounding preachy
and I completely agree with the fact that you can't use the God's Will interchangedly, I really feel that the whole "God's Will" approach is a cop out. We all have free will and can make our own decisions .
I don't know how much God created disease, I think alot of our current diseases are environmentally based,
I don't feel like people should judge others because they feel like they should seek an alternative route. I give people all the accolades who decide to use the foster system, but this was not an option for me

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Furthermore, and I fully expect to be flamed for this, but about the "snowflake" children....Though I'm sure it was great for the biological and adoptive parents of said embyros, as a member of society I don't feel this is any great contribution. When we have 100,000's of children rotting in foster care and thousands of special needs babies needing homes, to think that frozen embryos are getting homes over already born not-so-perfect babies and children, well it just makes me sad.

You certainly won't get any flames from me. You are entitled to your opinion.

One reason people choose embryo adoption over traditional adoption or fostering, is because when that baby is born to them, it is legally theirs. We've all seen and heard the stories of Baby M and such. My own godchild who is adopted was not legally her parents' for 3 years and only after one heck of a court battle and a lot of heartache. Bottom line, there are lots of things to be considered. I'm not going to debate it with you, but for some people, this is a wonderful option.

The only problem I have with them is the kinds of criteria that they allow the donors to inist on, including relegious requirements.

Some people feel strongly about what kinds of families they want to raise their children. A friend at work was adopted as a baby, and just met up with her birth mother recently. That birth mother had insisted that the child she gave up be raised in a Catholic family, which is how she wound up in her adoptive family's household. Some people may choose a race because they want that child to be raised in a culture similar to their own heritage. These are things that have been done in traditional adoptions for years, nothing new here. My own requirement was that the adopting couple be one who's gone through a difficult period of infertility. When you give make a difficult decison such as this, it becomes important to do it in a way you are comfortable with.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

What beautiful gift you gave that family

Thank you. I didn't expect to get flamed here.

 

[robinb]

Thank you. I didn't expect to get flamed here.

You were flamed?

 

[arminnie]

As someone who will turn 60 in 4 months and who has no interest in being one of those 60+ year old mothers that they put on the cover of the National Enquirer, I don't have a dog in this hunt (as they say in the South).

But I do have a question. If someone does decide to selectively abort - how does the physician go about deciding which ones to terminate? Or do the parents have any say?

Could someone say - just keep the boys (or girls) or one of each? Or does the doctor make some kind of medical evaluation of which might be healthiest? Or does he just reach for the closest one?

I am not trying to be sarcastic here. I have several relatives who have had many unsuccessful attempts plus a couple of friends who have had children with IVF. Any probably know several others who have not chosen to broadcast their successes or failures.

I realize that this is a very sensitive subject, and truly have questions about how they go about this selective reduction.

 

[huey duey & luey]

I never went for a consultation for SR, but from what I know, is there is testing done on the fetuses (health), but I believe that it is usually determined by position (as in the closest baby to the cervix). SR is usually done by about 10- 12 weeks, and you really can't determine the sex of the bab by ultrasound at that point.

 

[chobie]

As someone who will turn 60 in 4 months and who has no interest in being one of those 60+ year old mothers that they put on the cover of the National Enquirer, I don't have a dog in this hunt (as they say in the South).

But I do have a question. If someone does decide to selectively abort - how does the physician go about deciding which ones to terminate? Or do the parents have any say?

Could someone say - just keep the boys (or girls) or one of each? Or does the doctor make some kind of medical evaluation of which might be healthiest? Or does he just reach for the closest one?

I am not trying to be sarcastic here. I have several relatives who have had many unsuccessful attempts plus a couple of friends who have had children with IVF. Any probably know several others who have not chosen to broadcast their successes or failures.

I realize that this is a very sensitive subject, and truly have questions about how they go about this selective reduction.

I'm pretty sure they selectivley reduce to keep the healthiest embryos. It would probably be major ethical violation to selectively reduce for sex and I doubt that would ever occur --in this country anyway.