HUH??? THe judge has done NOTHING. If the judge cared about those kids their would be a guardian ad litem for them and supervised vists to make sure their so called father STOPPED ABUSING THEM!!!
That's not true. The judge (as I stated) may be bias towards DAMM, but he has taken action against DAMM in the past. I've been here since the beginning, and there have been instances where the judge ruled in Mulan's favor because it was clear that Mulan clearly only had the interest of the children at heart.
As far as guardian ad litem, personally, I think it would be great for the children, but as one who has worked with children and courts for a number of years, with Mulan's current state of mind, this situation will not completely work in her favor. Although DAMM has his faults, Mulan has not been without her own faults (are any of us?). The guardian ad litem is there to protect the kids and only the kids.
Excuse me, you are telling me that physical harm is allowed?? What country are you from. The one I live in, it's against the law to physically abuse your child. Yes, you can punish and I have no problems with spanking...he goes beyond that, and it's the judges job to stop that. The child's welfare is more important than the fathers rights.
First I'm from the US, and unfortunately, I live in the real world. In the real world, all sorts of nasty things happen every day. Is it allowed to physically harm your child? No. Does it happen every day? Yes. Does social services and the courts turn their backs on what is going on? It's a matter of perspective. Ask anyone who has ever been a social worker, child advocate, teacher, foster parent or works in the family court system. The bottom line is trying to provide what is best for the child. And as much as you may not like it, at the current time in this country, that is considered for the child and the parent to maintain contact and maintain a parent/child relationship.
When you throw in the fact that BOTH parents have at times not shown the best of judgement, and haven't always acted in SOLELY the best interest of the children, things become even more clouded. And this is what I was telling Mulan. Like it or not, the children are going to have a relationship with DAMM. Frankly, as abhorrent as we find his behavior to be, it hasn't yet reached the level to remove parental rights. Custodial interference and alienation of affection are serious things, and can result in a change of primary custody, and I don't think anyone wants to see that. But it happens every day.
What Mulan has done at times isn't the best..but her heart and soul is in the right place. She is trying her best to protect her children. Her ex has NEVER done anything that's for the best of the children. The judge DOENS"T CARE. THere are hundreds of cases of this judge not caring. People make mistakes, adn Mulan did make one, but hey..she is angry and frustrated and has to jump through hoops she shouldn't have too. She has every right to feel angry and disgusted and upset.
At some point her ex will give up..hopefully the kids wont be seriously physcially hurt by him. Then Mulan will have the task of helping them get through the fact that their father is not around.
And yes, I think the kids would be better off without him as a father. He is abusive, physically and mentally and no child deserves that. I hope he gets tired of the games he is playing sooner rather than later...for their sakes.
Mulan hasn't always done the best thing, and DAMM hasn't always done the best thing. But the bottom line is that they are both the children's parents. To say that DAMM has NEVER done anything for the children is juvenile and most likely patently untrue. In the past 2 years, even Mulan has posted things that DAMM has done with the children that they enjoyed. To totally negate any good in their father is, psychologically to a child, the same as saying half of them has no redeeming value. It has long, unintended consequences.
Frankly, lately DAMM has been acting like the more mature of the two of them. He can't cope with having the children for 5 weeks, and although he probably knew that it was what Mulan preferred, he skipped out and didn't take the children. Horrible for the children, but in the long run, perhaps better than taking them and not being able to cope.
When he thought last weekend (Father's Day) was his, it was an opportunity for Mulan to be the bigger person. She could have said, "Look, it's my week, but since you were supposed to have them for the five week period now anyway, and it's Father's Day, I'll have the kids ready for you." That shows maturity. That shows someone who's putting the kids first. When she went back to court she could have shown how she was the bigger person. Instead it was an opportunity lost.
When DAMM tried to communicate through third parties and the every other week summer visitation was mentioned, it was knocked down as an "all or nothing", since Mulan knew (and he basically admitted) he couldn't handle the 5 weeks. As a parent, it would be PUTTING THE CHILDREN FIRST to agree to the every other week. His stress level will hopefully be lower, the kids will hopefully have a better experience. She would see them every other week and be able to observe how they were doing. There would be more accountability. Now where are we? Back at the point where it's probably going to go back to court. And the judge will probably offer DAMM another opportunity to have the children for 5 weeks this summer. And since Mulan won't/ wouldn't agree to the every other week scenario, He'll probably take the kids for the 5 weeks, foist them off on others part of the time, be unable to cope, and the potential exists for a bad situation for everyone involved. This is NOT in the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN.
For the most part, children are not better off without one of their parents. We hopefully give them coping skills, and they find a way to develop a relationship that works best for them, knowing that there are adults around who are watching out for their best interests. The parent with the higher level of disfunction usually isn't given custody unless the other parent is uncooperative with the courts, and fails to act in what the court deems is the best interest of the CHILDREN.
Under your guidelines children would be removed from all homes where parents were not only physically abusive, but alcoholics, drug addicts, anorexic, have PSTD, OCD or a variety of other mental/emotional issues. That doesn't happen in the US. That's not how our social services system is set up. That is not how our family courts are set up.
And one final note... for those of you who can remember back to the original posts... Mulan did not leave DAMM because he was abusive to her and the children. The relationship disinegrated to the point of divorce at HIS request. He had an affair and stated that he wanted out. At that point, she began to look at their relationship through different eyes, and realized that he had been controlling and manipulating her and that they had been in an unhealthy/abusive relationship. This was probably one of the best things that ever happened for Mulan and the children, but until that point, she hadn't reached the point where she felt that his relationship with the children was so harmful that she needed to seperate them.
It's a learning process, and unfortunately, children are a part of that. Mine were, too, and it was hard and I made some mistakes, too.
YOU do the right things and no one, not DAMM, not the judge, can say anything against you.
county hasn't been moved over to your side yet. Yes, he's a "friend" of DAMM's (actually probably more like a good acquaintance), but the truth is, when DAMM steps well over the line, he has done something about it. 
ITA!! Great post!
