Mother's Day... anyone else dread it?

[HsvTeacher]

I dread Mother's Day, because I've been dealing with infertility for almost 10 years. I feel like a total failure as a woman, and Mother's Day is a HUGE reminder. My DH does his best to make the day a good one for me. I also have a wonderful mother, and sometimes I feel guilty about not wanting to celebrate Mother's Day, but she completely understands and respects my feelings.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support towards both me and the other people posting here looking to share their burdens.

 

[DISshopkeeper]

So much pain in this thread.... My heart goes out to all of you...

And that is just part of the reason why I don't like Mother's Day.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Colored my hair, waxed my eyebrows and put on something nice, now I'm ready to face the world. Off to shop-rite hoping I don't come across too many mom-daughter pairs or signs, but if I do I have my sunglasses just in case. Absolutely no car radio, I'm pulling out my old Harry Potter books on CD instead, they can get me through anything.

I want to send out hugs and wishes that today will be a peaceful day to everyone stuck in the same boat I'm in

How does that Winston Churchill quote go again? If you're going through he--, keep going!

Well, off I go!

 

[cm8]

Colored my hair, waxed my eyebrows and put on something nice, now I'm ready to face the world. Off to shop-rite hoping I don't come across too many mom-daughter pairs or signs, but if I do I have my sunglasses just in case. Absolutely no car radio, I'm pulling out my old Harry Potter books on CD instead, they can get me through anything.

I want to send out hugs and wishes that today will be a peaceful day to everyone stuck in the same boat I'm in

How does that Winston Churchill quote go again? If you're going through he--, keep going!

Well, off I go!

 

[LuvOrlando]

Thank you

Today I dragged myself out of the house and pinned a smile to my face. Before i knew it people were smiling back which improved my mood. I decided to put all my hostility into something productive so I caffeinated myself and attacked my lawn where we will be putting in new flower beds, treated the lawn for bugs and then ran some errands.

But now the house is so quiet and still... I will now watch a movie to keep myself distracted. As always the Harry Potter CD's in the car do an exceptional job of keeping my mind from going places I do not want to be.

I can't help but wonder how other people cope and how everyone else is doing? Coping ok I hope, if not you can come back here. My mood is not so foul today so today maybe I can help someone else regain some footing. One day at a time...

 

[amberg@eastlink.ca]

this is my fifth mothers day. they've all been terrible! my own mother ruined my first mothers day(hugely long story!) and last year i had a d and c two days before mothers day for a molar pregnancy and hubby worked both days after the d and c. this year while at the world my grandmother broke her ankle and is in the hospital, and recently developed asperation pnumonia. just keeps getting better.

 

[LuvOrlando]

That sounds awful amberg@eastlink. How is your Grandmother doing with that? Will you be able to see her on Sunday?

 

[LuvOrlando]

It isn't mother's day for me, it is father's day. I have nothing to do with my father any more so it is just a Sunday in June for me. I am not really down about it because I have accepted it but it is always an unpleasant reminder of a past I have moved beyond. Ugh.

I keep hoping to reach the higher ground you are on permanently. Most of the time I'm there but once a year, every year, I slide backwards.

 

[LuvOrlando]

It's always good to let it out, especially when our "loved ones" don't want to hear about it anymore.

I dread it with a passion because I miss my Mom like MAD. My dear sweet aunt called me and invited us over (my Mom raised her too and she COOKS just like her) but it's not the same.

After this is over I have to deal with Father's Day... which hurts just as much only it's not advertised one TENTH as much. I remember my Mom laughing about how the aisles are filled in the card shops for Mother's Day but deserted for Father's day. I remember being so PROUD that I had the "bestest" Daddy in the world!

But now both of them are gone and I have to go on.

We all have to eventually.

God bless.

Sorry for the loss of your parents

My dh dreads Mother's Day so I try not to make it a big deal in our house.

That is good of you. I would love to make it less of a big deal but I don't see how I can do that and not hurt my kids who just want to celebrate me.

This is exactly how I feel on Mother's Day and Father's Day. Add to that my mother's birthday is May 4th-tomorrow and the date of her death is May 15th. All three days 5 days apart. It's awful and I have an hour scheduled with a social worker each week this month. OP -

I hope the Social Worker can help you work through this hard time. I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner but I hope you got through yesterday ok

I'm dreading Mother's Day because it's the first without my Mom. She died on April 1. I have 7 siblings, 6 here in the Bay Area. All of us local ones and our families are going to an Oakland A's game on Saturday. We arrange to get a "box" every year and this year is "family only". It'll be good to be together. On Mother's Day, my sons and their wives are cooking brunch at our house.

I am always puzzled by families who don't get along. That's such a foreign concept to me. I feel sorry when families don't help one another out. I don't know how I would have gotten through the last 6 weeks of my Mom's life without the help from my brothers, sisters, niece and my kids.

Sorry you lost your Mom recently. I hope being with your family will be comforting for you all.

My DH no longer talks to either of his parents, his relationships with both of them are not good to say the least.

So this time of year is hard on him too, though he doesn't talk about it much. His mom is super controlling and manipulative, they've always had a bad relationship.

His dad is an alcoholic that left when he was little, never had a real relationship with him, only showed up when he thought he could get money off my DH or needed a place to stay - totally disfunctional.

It's hard to see everyone else with happy memories of their childhood, buying cards/flowers, taking their mom/dad out to eat, etc. and know that you never had that experience and you never will. It's really not fair and it hurts.

But what can you do? Just try to get through and focus on making your relationship with your family (your kids/spouse) the best that you can

Sorry your DH has to live with that. It is tragic that we don't get a say what sort of family we are born into. But, you sound wonderfully supportive so at least he has you now. I do try to focus on the good stuff, sometimes it's harder to do than others. This time of year is just one of the hard times.

 

[LuvOrlando]

The first mother's day I celebrated as a Mom was just awful. My MIL insisted that her sons take her to Church and then to brunch. My 4 month old and I were not invited. (Same thing happened to my SIL that year as well and she was a new mom to twins.) It was simply awful. My own Mother lives half way around the world from me and my only living grandma is far too so I don't have an option to see them. After that I had a long talk with dh and I said I never wanted to go through that again. So, now Dh takes MIL out for lunch around Mother's day and the actual day is mine. For several years after she tried to pull the same crap but dh stood up to her. I now enjoy the one day where it is just our little family unit. The kids take great pride in making homemade cards for me and the oldest has started attempting breakfasts. It is a special day for us and we make our own memories. I no longer focus on that awful Mother's day b/c I think of all the special ones my kids help to create. We do the same with father's day too.
* I should also add that dh has brothers, two of which live in town and do not have families of their own, so she has the opportunity to see them that day if she chooses. My own Mother and grandma do not have any family where they live so they spend the day alone and that is very hard for me.

I feel for anyone who has to experience any sort of holiday without a family member they want to be with. I also feel for those who have crappy feelings come up at that time for other reasons. Holidays seem to amp up good and bad feelings at those times of year.

Your first Mother's Day does sound terrible. There was no need for your MIL to deprive you of time with your new family like that but at least your DH realized his mistake and changed his ways. Not all men can do that sort of thing.

It is sad your Mom and Grandma have to spend the day away from you and your family. Do you have a special way of celebrating them from a distance?

It's no longer a happy day for me. My oldest son died 16 yrs ago at age 29 & his brother died 2 yrs ago at 38. Am I still a mother, can one be a mother without children anymore?

My youngest son was on oxygen 24/7 for the last 5 yrs of his life, and couldn't drive anymore. It hurt so much when he wished me Happy Mother's day & then apoligized because he couldn't get me anything even a card. I always told him that his being with me was all the gifts I ever wanted.

I would give anything to have them both with me again.

Oh my, that is so heartbreaking. As sad as I am about the family I came from I can't imagine the pain of losing a child who I adore, never-mind both. Yes, of course you are still a mother. I don't know what your beliefs are but I tend to think the people we love stay with us as a gentle presence until it's our time to join them

What I can't stand is that my in-laws EXPECT us to do something for them (even if it's just a card) each year. Yes, they are happy with a card, but it's all the calls and hints that we get that those days are coming us (mainly from my FIL) that bug the crap out of me.

My FIL is my husbnad's step-father. He and my MIL were married 12 years ago. I've been in the family longer than he has. Anyway he always LETS US KNOW short of a threat that we better AT LEAST send MIL a card. My husband has been a VERY good son his entire life and would NEVER forget to do something for his mother. But EVERY year we are treated as though we are 2 and reminded "Mother's Day is coming soon......."

My husband also has a step-mother. OMG the jealousy that erupts even at Christmas if we dare do soemthign for her or buy her a present, we also never hear the end of that.

Then this Father's Day is going to be really hard on my husband as my other FIL (yes I had two) died unexpectedly from pancratic cancer in April. He felt sick in January, got really bad and was int he hospital for three weeks in Feb/March, started chemo, and then went downhill and passed away at the beginning of April. Needless to say, with FIL#2's antics/reminders/hints, it will be very difficult for him this year. A few years ago hubster's step-father counted the amount of presents that gusbter was giving him vs his father. He got ticked off that husbter's father received one more. Yes, FIL#2 is petty an childish.

And then there is me. My father passed away when I was 21, so for a number of years now I have gone without having a dad to celebrate. My dad was great, I was Daddy's little girl, and my dad and I got along well. My father's death was unexpected (he passed away while my mom and I were out running errands and my brother found him passed out on the living room floor). I don't dwell and not having my dad, to me it's like he's gone on a trip, but FIL#2 really needs to learn to put things into persepctive.

One year we made the mistake of buying small gifts, the next year he ranted about not getting anything. Three years ago, we got everybody in the family digital picture frames (their was a joint gift) and he ranted about how my husband should have AT LEAST bought his mother something just from him (her son).

We can never win.

I'm not even going to go into the fact that they get to have more time with my daughter than my mom does....that's a whole 'nother thread (they both live an equal distance away from us). My mom is coming to Disney with us for part of our trip....and the jealously has already started from FIL#2.

WOW, that sounds like a total pain. It's terrible that some people choose to go through life stirring you know what when it's so easy to just be pleasant. I hope you and your family will be able to find a way to have a nice day in spite of these people's antics.

My mother has been out of my life for many years now, mostly by her choosing. We never got along so I think it's for the best.

I feel for those of you who are saddened by this day. I feel that way when Father's Day comes around.

I'm sorry you are estranged from both parents too. It's a very hard place to be, and one I am not happy to share. I wish I had words of advice but I don't, if I did I'd follow them myself

Color me confused.

Was it my post about not understanding how families don't get along? I apologize if you thought I was saying that you weren't making the effort to get along. I meant that I feel for people who don't have blood relatives who care deeply for them. Memories of a horrible childhood must be very painful. I sure don't want to add to your pain.

Hang in there.

OK - just saw your edited post. I'd like to offer a hug and still say "hang in there".

Thank you for coming around.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I know I am way behind with responding and I guess most people would just forget about a thread after a few days, but considering how I feel I won't risk leaving anyone out there feeling un-heard.

I don't dread Mother's Day, but I don't really look forward to it either. My kids usually do send a card and call me, which is nice and I appreciate it. But it's not really a big day for me or anything like that.

My mom has been deceased for many years, but I do get a little something for my step-mom for Mother's Day. She's not exactly someone who I like to spend all day or even all afternoon with, but I remember her on mother's day, her birthday, and other times throughout the year, out of respect for my Dad (and he is passed away too).

I hope the day will bring you something enjoyable.

I am prepping for a colonoscopy, so no I am not looking forward to Mother's Day this year.

I hope the procedure goes ok. It's not fun but it is an easy way to prevent Cancer so it's worth it.

I am so sorry about your loss. And yes you will always be a Mother.

I'm sorry you feel this way OP. I've lost my Mother 10 years ago. I miss her everyday but she is always with me.

I am so sorry you lost your Mom. It must be so hard to miss someone everyday like that.

I dont necessarily dread it, but I dont like that it's assumed that Mothers Day is all about OUR Mom's - and not really about ME. I am a Mother but that's really sort of not even recognized. My Mom is out of town this year and SIL is planning a cookout for Mothers Day so that she and DH can honor their Mom. That's cool. But when do I get to be the focus of the day? I know this sounds really childish. But every year I make a big deal out of Fathers Day for my DH and I just want the same treatment.

I did tell DH that I would like to go out to Brunch. He said we could go to Brunch (just the 3 of us) and then do his Mom's for dinner. Which is cool but makes for a long day.

It's not childish at all. But if your kids are young they don't have the resources to celebrate you so I'm sure it's not that you are unappreciated. It is a good thing that you told your DH you want a brunch. I hope your day is nice.

I completely understand how you feel. Especially the part about never really getting over it. You learn how to deal with it in a healthy way, but this time of year it just makes it that more difficult. I hate that stupid chair too.

You are not alone . And it will be over in a couple of months, just keep reminding yourself of that. If you want to PM me and just let it all out, feel free. I know exactly where you are coming from.

Thank you for your kind words. It will be over soon and that is a blessing all by itself. I hope you find peace this time of year too

Respectfully I disagree, you can remove the chair in the room. You just have to deal with the consequences of removing it. That is the hard part, imo.

I don't think this is true. Metaphorically speaking, some chairs are rooted and the best we can do is rearrange the rooms they are in, move them out of the spotlight or downsize them. This ugly old chair is in my world for good, it's as small as I can get it and in the most out of the way spot I could find but I don't think it will ever be gone. When I sit in it I see the world through the eyes of the child I once was so unless there is a way to remove memories from my head I'm going to have to live with it.

Let me extend genuine congratulations if you found a way to get your chair out.. not all of us are or will ever be so lucky. Still, maybe you are much older than I am and maybe in time I will have more success... something to hope for is a good thing.

Mother's Day is good for me but Father's day is hard. I really miss my father but I have tried to make new traditions for the day and make the day all about my dh and fil.

I like that idea. I have traditions for other holidays but not Mothers and Fathers Day... I suppose I should give it some thought. Thank you for the spark of an idea

 

[Luvchefmic]

I have posted on this thread before and honestly just can't bring myself to play catch up with the reading.I get so emotional..but I just wanted to send a to everyone here....to the Moms who have lost children, to the children that have lost parents through death or estrangement, as for me I was anticipating a lonely day....no family here in FL....thank God I found a thread for FL residents and I will be meeting new friends and spending time with them Sunday. I will have a difficult time with Fathers Day...he is my dearest best friend and he passed 10 yrs ago this July 9th..I hope I get a blessing to spend those days with new friends. I will have you all in my thoughts and prayers...

Ruthie

 

[gabrismom]

Your first Mother's Day does sound terrible. There was no need for your MIL to deprive you of time with your new family like that but at least your DH realized his mistake and changed his ways. Not all men can do that sort of thing.

It is sad your Mom and Grandma have to spend the day away from you and your family. Do you have a special way of celebrating them from a distance?





It was very crappy, but I am lucky my Dh understands and I don't forget that. As for my mom and Grandma, I call them and have a chat with them on the day. I send my Grandma flowers and she really seems to like that. (She's 94.) As for my mother she lives in Thailand so the time difference poses a challenge but I try and get in touch with her while the kids are awake so she can talk to them too.
My heart goes out to you and all the posters on here who will truly have a really difficult day on Sunday. I cannot imagine what you will go through. I feel so lucky to have found this site. I ofcourse found it because we are going to Disney but this site really is so much more than that. It's a wonderful place to share all types of things. I really hope that being able to share helps some people get through the tough times that life seems to bring.

 

[amberg@eastlink.ca]

That sounds awful amberg@eastlink. How is your Grandmother doing with that? Will you be able to see her on Sunday?

thanks for asking. she's doing well. we went through this with her 3 years ago when i was pg with ds. she hates the hospital, and i cant say i blame her this time. she cant go anywhere! for sure, i will be there. i take my kidlets in every 2 weeks at the nursing home to see her, unless someone is sick. i took themin the other nite after a few days of catch up sleep for all of us. she was happy we were there, but didnt want the kids to see her like that. so nto sure if it'll be just me or the whole family.

 

[JCJRSmith]

Mother's Day will be especially difficult this year form my brother and sisters and I. Mom passed away yesterday.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I have posted on this thread before and honestly just can't bring myself to play catch up with the reading.I get so emotional..but I just wanted to send a to everyone here....to the Moms who have lost children, to the children that have lost parents through death or estrangement, as for me I was anticipating a lonely day....no family here in FL....thank God I found a thread for FL residents and I will be meeting new friends and spending time with them Sunday. I will have a difficult time with Fathers Day...he is my dearest best friend and he passed 10 yrs ago this July 9th..I hope I get a blessing to spend those days with new friends. I will have you all in my thoughts and prayers...

Ruthie

Oh, it is wonderful that you won't be alone Sunday and that you found an opportunity to meet some new and wonderful people. Thank you for the thoughts and prayers, those are 2 things I can never get enough of

I am sorry.
My mother left my brother and I so I cannot tell you when the last time I had a mom to celebrate the day with at least 25 years. It sucks to see other people out with their mom or hearing about their moms and my mom just lives in another state choosing not to see or talk to us.
I do have my kids and that is what saves my day
Plus I realized just because I don't celebrate it with my mom dosen't mean I can't with other moms. I send cards to my aunts, cousins and friends

Randi I am sorry. We lost our second son. You will always be a mom.

I am so sorry this happened to you and your brother. You are right that seeing other people enjoy time with their Mom's hurtful.. not that I begrudge them that, it's just sad I to know I don't have it. It is wonderful that you have other family to share these holidays with. Unfortunately for me, standing up for myself meant crossing a line with my entire family which meant I lost absolutely every tie when I walked away. All I have left is one cousin and his wife and my Dh's family, who aren't exactly warm. I asked my MIL if she wanted to come to dinner with us and she said no. Her daughter will be in town and, as usual, we get shoved to the side when that happens. I think this sounds worse than it is, MIL's behavior doesn't really sting all that much because she's ot all that great herself. She leans very heavily on the selfish side so I guess spending as little time with her as possible is a good thing. I guess this whole holiday period just sort of underscores some truths that are uglier than I usually like to think about. I think you are blessed to still have your brother and extended family as a comfort. Wrap yourself up in them & I'll try to do the same with those I do have

Mother's Day makes me sad. My grandparents raised me, and up until 6 years ago, I always went to a mother/daughter dinner with my grandma. It was something she always loved to do. That's where I told her I was pregnant with DS1, and I think she told everyone in the room. She now has Alzheimer's and is in a nursing home, so she obviously can't go.

I know I can visit her, and I probably will, but I hate it. She doesn't speak anymore (has had several mini strokes), most of the time she doesn't even seem to know we're in the room. It breaks my heart to see her, and I know I'll cry for awhile afterwards, but I feel bad if I don't.

This sounds very sad to me. I've never known anyone close that had Alzheimers but from what I read and hear it seems to be very hard on the family. I am sure whatever bit of awareness your Grandmother has very much appreciates that you care so deeply for her even if she can no longer express it. The fact that you were able to depend on her like that is such great blessing and I'm sure deep down she knows how much she means to you.

I'm a mother's day hater. The solution is to plan something to do that is fun. Last year I bought tickets to a matinee of Rent. Go ao a movie and buy popcorn (or whatever you indulgance is.) Get a banana split. Do something you enjoy.

I know a woman whose husband died on her birthday. Someone gave her great advice that she had to reclaim her birthday as her birthday. Now she goes on a fun trip every year for her birthday.

I do try to do the reclaiming thing and I am generally successful on the actual holiday itself. It's harder to dwell on sad thoughts with my own DH and kids fussing over me and I cheerfully allow myself to be lead away into a happier place by them all. Still, Church is always hard so I generally start the day off with one big cry as I try to shift between 2 conflicting points of view, one as a doting Mother and the other as an unfortunate daughter.

Well, I don't know the answer to my question but I'll comment anyway. If you lost your mom, I'm very sorry. My mom lost her mom back in '77 and says you never get over it.
I lost a bit of my mom when my dad passed on so I feel a big loss even though I still have her.

If you all are just not speaking and the whole idea of Mother's day is painful, I am still sorry and hope that somehow, some way, the relationship might get better. As long as one is still alive there is always some kind of hope. If there's alzheimer's or dementia involved, that is tragic too. There must be some type of hope that deep down in that brain/memory there is some connection that might not come out verbally or whatever.

Whatever the reason for your heartache, I hope the day is better than you think.

I'm a believer in "adopting" others in our lives to celebrate. While I'll miss my dad every single day and esp. on Father's day, I choose to celebrate another man who is a *type of father* in my life. Not a replacement--just someone to celebrate.

My mother did die 2 years ago, but I lost her long before she died... if i ever even had her in the first place... not too sure on that. Before my paternal Grandmother died she told me my Mother never actually wanted to have children but only gave in when my father threatened to leave her if she didn't, so that's how I got here... a sort of gift for someone that should never have been allowed near any kid ever. Pretty awful huh. My story only got worse from that point on but since God put me here there must be a reason for it so that is the part I try to focus on... He is the only parent I need

Mother's Day is hard for me since my mom passed away almost 5 years ago. Our last Mother's Day was spent at WDW, I have a great picture taken of us that day at Epcot on my desk. Now it's hard. People say "Happy Mother's Day", I'm not a mom and my mom is not here to celebrate with. I just say thanks..........otherwise I would cry.

Oh, I am sorry that you lost your Mom and that you have people unintentionally hurt you like this. Because of my own circumstances I personally try to be as sensitive as possible and wish people a general "Happy Holiday if you celebrate, Happy Sunday if you don't." I hope you make it through the day ok.

I lost my mom four years ago. The first mother's day was really really hard. I decided I needed to do something completely different than we had ever done before. We ended up going on what my kids call "an adventure." Basically, we all head out in the car and go off with no destination in mind. That has now become our tradition. I still miss my mom, but it's not the heartbreak of that first year.

Christmas was horrible for me until we started the tradition of going to NYC. Thanksgiving we go to the movies. Mother's Day and Father's Day are spent out of the house and full of as many distractions as I can manage. I like your idea of driving around on an adventure. Maybe we'll give it a try this year, anything is better than sitting quietly.

 

[LuvOrlando]

thanks for asking. she's doing well. we went through this with her 3 years ago when i was pg with ds. she hates the hospital, and i cant say i blame her this time. she cant go anywhere! for sure, i will be there. i take my kidlets in every 2 weeks at the nursing home to see her, unless someone is sick. i took themin the other nite after a few days of catch up sleep for all of us. she was happy we were there, but didnt want the kids to see her like that. so nto sure if it'll be just me or the whole family.

That sounds like time well spent, I am certain your Grandmother loves every minute of it.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Mother's Day will be especially difficult this year form my brother and sisters and I. Mom passed away yesterday.

Oh no, that is such sad news. I am so very sorry for your loss at this time of year. I hope you and your family will be able lean on each other through this difficult time. If you need support I'm here

 

[LuvOrlando]

I also dread Mother's Day, but not for reasons listed here so far.

We don't have kids and I look like I could be someone's mom, so what do you say when someone wishes you a Happy Mother's Day?

I've said thank you. I've said, "Oh, I am not a mom, but thank you." I've said, "I'll let my mom know your thoughts."

No matter what, it just feels so weird to me.


And this year I can't hide. We're going to the race track for Mother's Dinner (taking my mom and my sister who is a mom).

I hope you have a good day with your Mom and sister at the track this year. It sounds like you have come up with some healthy responses to some unintentional barbs, good for you

I don't normally dread mother's day. This year I am. This should have been my first one, but my baby passed away. I'm planning on hiding all day.

Oh this is just heartbreaking. It seems like such a paltry response for such a deep hurt but I am so deeply sorry you lost your child. I wish I knew something else helpful to say, but when there are no words sometimes a is much better. If you need support I'm around.

My mummy died on March 12. I HATE the thought of Mother's Day. I teach grade one, and we're doing all kinds of Mother's Day things and it takes so much just to get through the days. I get to the end of the day and collapse in tears.

This time last year we didn't even know she was sick. I miss my mom so much. I am not okay. I feel empty. I haven't yet worked out how to be me without the guiding light of my mother. She could take the world and piece it together and make it whole. I haven't figured this trick out yet and my world is broken. I don't believe it will always be like this, I do think it will get better eventually, but right now it sure does hurt.

This year I would cheerfully banish Mother's Day from the calendar.

I remember reading your thread when you were struggling with your Mom's illness and loss. I am so very sorry this is causing you so much pain when the old hurts have barely had time to heal

I had to go back and read what happened to you. I am so sorry.

My son died at 3 days old from meconium aspiration. It was 24 years ago... and I still miss him.

Hold onto the memories of your child and know that you ARE a mother. My first Mother's day was hard also, you wouldn't be human if it didn't hurt, but you'll be alright.

Hugs to you....

I am sorry you lost your child Robinrs. 23 years ago or yesterday I don't think something like that ever fades

i don't particularly look forward to it, either. my mother and i don't get along very well, and the thought of having to spend hours with her......

and i can't just send her a card or make a phone call, she'll freak out about that. absoutely not, she has to see me....and then it never ends well. and then her birthday is a week or two later, usually.


You're not alone OP!!

That sounds absolutely miserable. Isn't there something you can try to do to buffer your visit? Bring her to see a movie, take her to lunch, bring over a board game or bring along someone else who can do the talking for you? If you are stuck one on one maybe you can prepare a list of conversation topics to switch to when things go south? If she's persistent it might be of no use but it's my experience that a little bit of gossip can go a long way... just tell her some stories from people here on the DIS, that should keep her going for a while. I wish you luck for Sunday.

Mother's day is a day I dread deeply. Many reasons. To much to tell. I for one do not leave the house or enjoy any of the day. If I could unplug memories I certainly would. to all you ladies that have a difficult time on mother's day you are not alone. Jo

I hear you loud and clear. No need to list things to justify needing a shoulder. Lots of hugs being sent your way.

The first time it happened I understood it--I was with my 18 month old nephew & he looks like me. I was buying him a toy, and he kept asking me when he could open it & I told him "when we get home." Now when it happens, I just smile & say thank you. The cashier has no way of knowing if I have kids or not.

This is a good way to look at it. People don't mean to be insensitive, they are just limited by their own scope of experiences... we all are.

I dread Mother's Day, because I've been dealing with infertility for almost 10 years. I feel like a total failure as a woman, and Mother's Day is a HUGE reminder. My DH does his best to make the day a good one for me. I also have a wonderful mother, and sometimes I feel guilty about not wanting to celebrate Mother's Day, but she completely understands and respects my feelings.

Oh no, I am so sorry you are dealing with this and sorry you feel this way. The words are probably hollow to your ears but I have an entirely different definition of what it is to be a failure as a woman, and you certainly do not fill those shoes.
I sincerely hope you will find some peace