Mother's Day... anyone else dread it?

[LuvOrlando]

Uggh, I can't stand this time of year. The period between Mother's Day and Father's day pulls my childhood & general realities about my family tree way closer to my conscious mind than I like it to be. This state of being just isn't good and it seems I am always stepping off a cliff and free-falling into such a sad place, clawing my way back up to normal only to do it all over again. Sometimes a song will set me off, other times a conversation, still others when my own head just flat out betrays me but the worst has got to be when I am out shopping and see a woman my age obviously taking her older Mom out shopping.

Exhausting...

Sorry to be a downer but I just have to let it out. I try not to talk to my DH about this, he just thinks I should be over it by now, he gets mad and/or frustrated he can't 'fix it' so I keep it to myself but I don't get how he expects me to be over it? How do you get over stuff like this? I just don't think people do, they move on and they deal with it in healthy ways but it's always there... like a usually ignored chair off in a corner where you sit from time to time and see the world from a different point of view. I hate this stupid chair.

For the record, I'll be ok, I know this will pass... I'm just not ok right now.

 

[SoScary'09]

So your relationship with your family wasn't the best? Well, I suppose there's always the simple quick phone call or card in the mail if you're really trying to steer clear of them. I for one don't get along with my Dad, but Father's day's not that big of a deal. Just a card in the mail and what's done is done, if I even feel like doing that much.

I came to this thread though because I dread Mother's Day for other reasons. I'm a florist so besides Valentine's Day, Mother's Day is the second worst week of the entire year (plus I don't get paid overtime). It's great to be busy and all, but by the time it's over I'm always ready to kill someoneXD

 

[Buckalew11]

So your mom has passed away? And you miss her so much that this time of year is really hard on you? Is that what you mean?

 

[FireDancer]

It isn't mother's day for me, it is father's day. I have nothing to do with my father any more so it is just a Sunday in June for me. I am not really down about it because I have accepted it but it is always an unpleasant reminder of a past I have moved beyond. Ugh.

 

[Motherofboys]

My DH no longer talks to either of his parents, his relationships with both of them are not good to say the least.

So this time of year is hard on him too, though he doesn't talk about it much. His mom is super controlling and manipulative, they've always had a bad relationship.

His dad is an alcoholic that left when he was little, never had a real relationship with him, only showed up when he thought he could get money off my DH or needed a place to stay - totally disfunctional.

It's hard to see everyone else with happy memories of their childhood, buying cards/flowers, taking their mom/dad out to eat, etc. and know that you never had that experience and you never will. It's really not fair and it hurts.

But what can you do? Just try to get through and focus on making your relationship with your family (your kids/spouse) the best that you can

 

[Robinrs]

It's always good to let it out, especially when our "loved ones" don't want to hear about it anymore.

I dread it with a passion because I miss my Mom like MAD. My dear sweet aunt called me and invited us over (my Mom raised her too and she COOKS just like her) but it's not the same.

After this is over I have to deal with Father's Day... which hurts just as much only it's not advertised one TENTH as much. I remember my Mom laughing about how the aisles are filled in the card shops for Mother's Day but deserted for Father's day. I remember being so PROUD that I had the "bestest" Daddy in the world!

But now both of them are gone and I have to go on.

We all have to eventually.

God bless.

 

[luvmy3]

My dh dreads Mother's Day so I try not to make it a big deal in our house.

 

[shortbun]

So your mom has passed away? And you miss her so much that this time of year is really hard on you? Is that what you mean?

This is exactly how I feel on Mother's Day and Father's Day. Add to that my mother's birthday is May 4th-tomorrow and the date of her death is May 15th. All three days 5 days apart. It's awful and I have an hour scheduled with a social worker each week this month. OP -

 

[minniecarousel]

I'm dreading Mother's Day because it's the first without my Mom. She died on April 1. I have 7 siblings, 6 here in the Bay Area. All of us local ones and our families are going to an Oakland A's game on Saturday. We arrange to get a "box" every year and this year is "family only". It'll be good to be together. On Mother's Day, my sons and their wives are cooking brunch at our house.

I am always puzzled by families who don't get along. That's such a foreign concept to me. I feel sorry when families don't help one another out. I don't know how I would have gotten through the last 6 weeks of my Mom's life without the help from my brothers, sisters, niece and my kids.

 

[wvjules]

.

 

[ols386]

I don't dread Mother's Day, but I don't really look forward to it either. My kids usually do send a card and call me, which is nice and I appreciate it. But it's not really a big day for me or anything like that.

My mom has been deceased for many years, but I do get a little something for my step-mom for Mother's Day. She's not exactly someone who I like to spend all day or even all afternoon with, but I remember her on mother's day, her birthday, and other times throughout the year, out of respect for my Dad (and he is passed away too).

 

[Planogirl]

My mother has been out of my life for many years now, mostly by her choosing. We never got along so I think it's for the best.

I feel for those of you who are saddened by this day. I feel that way when Father's Day comes around.

 

[jrmasm]

I'm very much looking forward to Mother's Day. My mom and grandmother are coming to visit for the weekend. I've made reservations for a nice dinner for Saturday night and am fixing a big breakfast for them Sunday morning. Dinner will be 4 generations of us ladies - Granny, mom, me and DD. We will get our picture together and each of us get one of the "Four Generations" photo frames to put it in.

Me too. It's the first year in 11 years that I won't have to spend it at a child's sporting event. That is the HUGEST gift.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am prepping for a colonoscopy, so no I am not looking forward to Mother's Day this year.

 

[LuvOrlando]

What is wrong with some people?

Those of you brimming with joy might want to go and start your own thread. You are not funny, you are not cute, whatever you are could you go be that somewhere else? Like the old Motley Crue song goes "Don't go away mad....."

 

[minniecarousel]

What is wrong with some people?

Color me confused.

Was it my post about not understanding how families don't get along? I apologize if you thought I was saying that you weren't making the effort to get along. I meant that I feel for people who don't have blood relatives who care deeply for them. Memories of a horrible childhood must be very painful. I sure don't want to add to your pain.

Hang in there.

OK - just saw your edited post. I'd like to offer a hug and still say "hang in there".

 

[wvjules]

.

 

[ols386]

What is wrong with some people?

Those of you brimming with joy might want to go and start your own thread. You are not funny, you are not cute, whatever you are could you go be that somewhere else? Like the old Motley Crue song goes "Don't go away mad....."

Huh? What in the world are you talking about? Who's trying to be funny or cute?

 

[eliza61]

Exhausting...

Sorry to be a downer but I just have to let it out. I try not to talk to my DH about this, he just thinks I should be over it by now, he gets mad and/or frustrated he can't 'fix it' so I keep it to myself but I don't get how he expects me to be over it? How do you get over stuff like this? I just don't think people do, they move on and they deal with it in healthy ways but it's always there... like a usually ignored chair off in a corner where you sit from time to time and see the world from a different point of view. I hate this stupid chair.

For the record, I'll be ok, I know this will pass... I'm just not ok right now.

And that's totally allowable. Few thoughts,

• I'm a firm believer that if you live long enough you will experience tragedy. That's not meant to sound flippant, it's to let you know, your feelings are real and justified.
• I also believe in "that which does not kill us makes us stronger". I think you are a lot stronger than you are allowing yourself to be.
• Yes, it will always be there.

Could you try and be a little proactive with the day. You're going to be bombarded with the "Family" message for the next couple of months. Would dh mind if you took some me time? Maybe do some thing mindless for yourself?

 

[jrmasm]

The question was "anyone else dread it?" My answer was no. I didn't realize only "yes" answers were permitted.

If the post had been "I am not looking forward to mothers day, come comiserate with me" then I wouldn't have posted at all. But since a question was asked, I answered.

Exactly. I wasn't trying to be funny or cute. I answered the question from my perspective.